New Carpool Partner

Nicest lady in the world but Oh---My---God does her driving stink.

She’s got a Toyota Corolla with 63,000 miles on it but given the six trips at 85 miles each I’ve had to observe her driving, I can’t imagine how she’s made it that far without totaling her car.

Perhaps she bought it used (I noticed a big fresh biff on her front bumper today BTW) but in either case, I’d think that the DMV would have torn up her license long ago.

Total Mr. Magoo driving posture…leaning way forward with confused, squinting eyes and all choked up on the steering wheel with her hands in the 11:00 and 1:00 O-clock positions.

Zero, I mean zero situational awareness…if it’s not directly in front of her, it doesn’t exist.

Although she’s not aggressive, she routinely maintains less than a car length of separation at freeway speed. Today, three separate people stared in their rearview mirrors wondering what she was doing and eventually got over to let her by (one was a Honda Goldwing…sorry buddy, glad you made it OK).

Even though it’s not complex, she still doesn’t have a clue about the route and will obliviously go bombing past every exchange there is unless given instructions.

I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I’ve got two young daughters and there are a few areas where a crash could be really bad.

Some people have suggested that we (meaning my other partner and I) offer to drive and just have her provide gas money but that seems even more obvious and insulting than just cutting her loose.

Thoughts

EJECT GOOSE! EJECT!

RX Reven' wrote: Some people have suggested that we (meaning my other partner and I) offer to drive and just have her provide gas money but that seems even more obvious and insulting than just cutting her loose. Thoughts

Good idea. From your description it's possible that she doesn't like driving and that is why she wanted in a carpool to begin with.

Wife had a guy like that in her carpool for 20 years. Was afraid of driving on the interstate so he paid each of the drivers some money toward gas every week.

Good news!! With that driving posture and driving style, the air bag will eventually kill her.

Me, I'd get out while the getting is good. Life's too short to be terrified on the way to work.

You're a gentler man than me. One day of that would have had me reaching for the keys. I have way too many control issues to ride with a E36 M3 driver.

Either drive yourself or offer to pilot her fabulous steed. If her feelings are hurt, so sorry but at least your life and some poor bastard on a Goldwing are spared.

Make it about you. Just tell her you are a terrible/uptight passenger and ask her if it would be OK if you drove instead of riding. It might seem a little strange if you don't say the same thing to the other driver, but its probably a softer blow than "you are a horrible driver, can I drive before you kill us all?" Or, if this is a long term proposition, get something cheap like a Saturn SL as your "carpool car", title/insure it in your name, split the cost/maintenance/gas between the three of you and tell her your insurance agent says you have to drive. It will probably save you money and a lot of wear and tear on each of your primary vehicles.

Or you could just show up wearing this and hope she gets the hint:

She's probably just oblivious. One of my former co-workers was terrible, knew it and didn't care. We used to call the front passenger's seat of her car "the death seat". Only time I've ever piled into a car calling "not it" regarding the shotgun seat.

Toyman01 wrote: Good news!! With that driving posture and driving style, the air bag will eventually kill her. Me, I'd get out while the getting is good. Life's too short to be terrified on the way to work.

Yep, I keep instinctively reaching for the Jesus handle but force myself to refrain knowing that if the airbag deploys, I might get my arm broken.

I’ve been waiting for somebody to brake check her and it finally happened this morning…cute 30ish girl in a white forth gen Mustang convertible went two rounds and then gave up and moved over.

HAHAHA, sounds like a fun trip. Wear your helmet next time and maybe she'll get the hint. Or you could be delicate about it and say she looks stressed and ask if she would prefer you drive.

Sit in the backseat.

Sit in the backseat.

Theres a reason I don't car pool. Then again there's a reason people don't ride with me.

Wally wrote: Then again there's a reason people don't ride with me.

... Aren't you a bus driver?

I'd tell her that you get very nervous when you aren't driving, and ask nicely if she'd mind if you drove. (either her car, or yours) Make it about you....not her.

I was in a similar situation years ago. The company I worked for sent out suburbans full of workers each night to canvass neighborhoods. At the end of the night, we'd all pile up into the Burban and drive back to the office. One of the "managers" was a hideously bad driver. (sudden, sharp inputs, distracted, not in control of the vehicle, etc) We nearly crashed once as she had set the cruise control (for the 15 minute ride home) and didn't disengage when a fairly sharp corner came upon us. She slammed on the brakes, sent the Suburban a bit sideways, and luckily didn't crash.

When I returned to the office I told the supervisor I'd be happy to drive every single night if need be......but I would never get into a car with that woman driving again. I also told him if he was wise, he wouldn't allow her to drive either, as he was putting his staff's lives in danger.

I always drove from that point on, and everything worked out ok. She never knew I complained, and no one died.

If she won't relinquish her driving duties.....get out of that car. I'm convinced that 99% of traffic accidents can be avoided by an attentive driver. If she isn't competent, your chances of getting hurt go up substantially.

I drove myself today as I need to pick someone up at the airport on the way home however, I learned two very interesting things as her carpool passenger yesterday.

One…If it drizzles, even for just a moment, you should leave your windshield wipers running for the balance of the trip regardless of its duration. I’m not making this E36 M3 up...drizzle stops, blades run dry, SCREECH-SCREECH-SCREECH…blue sky, birds chirping, none of the ~100 other cars around have their wipers running SCREECH-SCREECH-SCREECH…buddy and I look at each other with our eyes saying “can you F’ing believe this" SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH….ten minutes later, SCREECH, SCREECH, SCREECH, still running.

Two…It is possible to travel around the sun sixty five times without ever hearing of the zipper technique for merging lanes. 18 Wheeler carrying what appeared to be recycled asphalt catches fire (Southbound 23 Freeway in Moorpark CA yesterday if you’d like to look it up) and the CHP closed all but one lane. My driver unsuccessfully attempted to fend people off from merging into her lane (unnecessary wiper usage is a Dingbat marker predators can’t resist) and was literally incensed when they did. My buddy and I couldn’t take it anymore and in chorus we yelled “we’re zippering, let them in!” She looked us over like we were crazy and said, “what’s a zipper?”

Alternatively, you could just man the berkeley up and tell her the truth.

No carpooling...

Ever...

I used to work with a guy, there were two of us in the shop, we lived within 5 minutes drive of each other.

We both agreed that neither of us were able to be a passenger and we did not carpool.

We worked very happily together for 5 years.

Zomby Woof wrote: Alternatively, you could just man the berkeley up and tell her the truth.

I’ve got my manliness level set just where I like it but thanks for your valuable advice.

Kicking her out of the carpool would spare my partner and I but it’d do nothing for her safety or that of the general public so I’m looking for a more robust solution.

RX Reven' wrote: I’ve got my manliness level set just where I like it

Is that you Caitlyn Jenner?

HiTempguy wrote:

RX Reven' wrote: I’ve got my manliness level set just where I like it

Is that you Caitlyn Jenner?

Sadly, she could probably kick my ass with ease so I guess I’d have to consider Caitlyn Jenner level manliness a stretch goal.

RX Reven' wrote:

HiTempguy wrote:

RX Reven' wrote: I’ve got my manliness level set just where I like it

Is that you Caitlyn Jenner?

Sadly, she could probably kick my ass with ease so I guess I’d have to consider Caitlyn Jenner level manliness a stretch goal.

Hahaha, that made me laugh

But seriously, HTFU

WonkoTheSane wrote:

Wally wrote: Then again there's a reason people don't ride with me.

... Aren't you a bus driver?

People loved my bus. I got them where they were going in good time.

The problem I had with carpooling was that I want to get home in a timely manner. I generally make my 80 mile commute in about 90 minutes. I tried commuting with a couple people. One drove a car like he drove a bus. Stays to the right, puttering along, seriously overcautious but at the same time he was not at all smooth. The pedals are on/off switches, and turning the wheel to far too fast. The other guy had a problem with highways and tolls. It's a long ride on local streets through small towns. Some days we were taking over two hours to get home in the middle of the night with no one else on the road.

I move. I don't weave through traffic and I am very smooth but when the road is open I am going to go. The odd thing was the first couple times they both slept but one day they realized we made it home in no time and figured I was driving too fast. They started staying awake and realized I was actually passing other cars and sometimes venturing out into the left lane. We made it about two weeks before we gave up.

RX Reven' wrote:

Zomby Woof wrote: Alternatively, you could just man the berkeley up and tell her the truth.

I’ve got my manliness level set just where I like it but thanks for your valuable advice. Kicking her out of the carpool would spare my partner and I but it’d do nothing for her safety or that of the general public so I’m looking for a more robust solution.

Well, if you can think of a more effective way of accomplishing your goals than what I suggested (I made no mention of kicking her out), then I would certainly like to hear it.

Since it doesn't sound like she is aware what is going on at any point in time you should steal her car and replace it with a used drivers ed car with controls on the right. She will never notice.

Quick Update…

About a month ago, my partner and I sat her down and in the most compassionate tone possible, let her know that she was the single worst driver in automotive history. She said “even worse than Al Unser Jr. during his failed comeback attempt” and we said “we’re afraid so”.

We went on to ask her to continue riding with us and just chip in a little money for gas. To our surprise and delight, she enthusiastically agreed and readily confessed that she knew she was having a lot of trouble.

Anyway, everything was great after that (tons of interesting conversations - really getting to know each other) until the ride home on Wednesday when her phone rang mid trip. Somehow wires got crossed and they were supposed to take care of this before she left, blah, blah, blah. Bottom line, they E36 M3 canned her right there on the phone while in the car with us.

I feel so sorry for her and I just wanted to take a minute to let the hive know what happened.

So her driving wasn't her only problem.....

Too soon?