Not a good day - Mom back in the hospital again

Last night I was watching the 1971 movie LeMans. When it first came out my mother took me to the drive in to see it in our big Kingswood Estate wagon. She let me sit in the drivers seat and pretend to be driving one of the 917s.

A few minutes ago the nursing home called. She is going into the hospital again. Now I am worried about her. I went into the bathroom and started throwing up. Again and again. The stress is killing me. Mom. Money. Inflation. Gas prices. Insanity. Things slowing down at work. The endless heat. Too much work to do on the house. And now this. I am too old to do the things I used to do. I can't focus on anything. I just feel broken. I am too old and useless. Life will never be as good as it used to be. No time or money to do fun car things. Hurry up and wait for the next phone call. 

Hang in there man, you got this.  Take a deep breath and just do a little of one thing at a time and the rest will sort itself out.  Also, your huskies need some good scratches.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom.  If you need me to send Teddy over to help with things while you take care of her, he says he'd be happy to go.

A worse day. Mom is on the respirator in the hospital. The doctor says she is dying.

Calling all the relatives.

Hungary Bill (Forum Supporter) said:

Hang in there man, you got this.  Take a deep breath and just do a little of one thing at a time and the rest will sort itself out.  Also, your huskies need some good scratches.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom.  If you need me to send Teddy over to help with things while you take care of her, he says he'd be happy to go.

Thanks man. That dog is just what I needed right now. 

If I remember correctly from last year or so, your Mom has lived a long, happy life. Any way to focus on that vs the end? I know the end sucks, but she had a good run. 

I just went through this with my Father earlier this week when he passed.  Don't focus on who she is now.  Remember her how she always was.

Until then,  hang in there, her suffering will end soon.  

In reply to Steve_Jones :

91 years old is a good run. The hard thing is that everybody else in my family is gone. Dad died years ago and my younger sister a year after that. All their stuff is in my house now. I am the last one left. 

I feel old, and alone.

In reply to Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) :

You're not alone, you've got us. 

In reply to Steve_Jones :

Thanks. To all of you.

There is a framed news article in her nursing home room from where she was nominated for State Teacher of the year. A couple of famous people went through her elementary school class.

Hang in there buddy

I too am at the upper end - one Aunt and a sister older than me and a father in law.  

Priest at my moms funeral told me to grab the skin on your arm.  You're from your mom and will always be part of her.   Rejoice in all those good memories.

The worst part was that she is suffering from dementia. Her brain went before her body did.

So many times she would fall in the nursing home. She would go to the hospital, get an MRI and there would be no damage. It was almost like she was indestructible.

In reply to Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) :

I've been through dementia first with my father-in-law and then with my own mother (and previously her mother.)  Its such a harsh experience.  The worst thing about dementia is that it just wont kill you!  As a family member, your love one is gone and all your left with is the hollow shell.    Yeah, that may seem heartless but it's terms that make me able to understand it.  

Have you reached out to Hospice yet?  I have only the finest things to say about my experiences with Hospice.  They also do a great job of "treating" the whole family.  Hospice would be good for you too.  

Don't wait for the facility to recommend hospice; often they wont.  Feel free to reach out to them yourself.  Hospice will analysis and if they can help, they will.  Everyone I know has said, "I wish we had called Hospice sooner."

In reply to John Welsh :

Not sure if she will make it out of the hospital at this point.

Hey brother, please know you're not alone in this. My mom's liver started failing about 3 years ago. She was already suffering from dementia. I've lost track of how many times we've moved her. It's felt like we've been bouncing from one crisis to the next, it's been unrelenting. After  her most recent hospital visit, the doctor recommended she be moved to hospice care. Like you, I'll be the only remaining member of my family once she passes. Take it one day at a time and make the best decisions you can in the moment.

Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) said:

In reply to John Welsh :

Not sure if she will make it out of the hospital at this point.

Correct.  Hospice will still be helpful in the hospital.  Please,  just call them.  

A quick search for your area leads me to: https://www.mydivinityhospice.com/

A previous thread where I wrote a lot about Hospice

i am in the ER now.

Holding her hand,

Not sure what else I can do,

That's exactly the best thing to do in this situation.  Be there and make sure she's comfortable.

I have to make a decision whether to intubate her or not. The doctor really doesn't want to. He doesn't think she would ever get off the breathing machine again. It would be rough an painful for her.

She is dying. 

In reply to Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) :

I can't make that decision for you, but based on experience, I would not intubate. 

When my F-I-L passed and my wife was sad, I asked my her, "if you had the power to bring him back but only could bring him back to 1 year ago, would you?"  

For him this meant bringing him back to a miserable time.    This might be helpful in deciding if you want to continue her in her current or maybe worse situation.  

There must be a better place!   

I decided not to intubate.

Talking to the hospice people now

In reply to Snowdoggie (Forum Supporter) :

Sorry to hear and hope she's as comfortable as possible.

I'm sorry man.  We're here