Oy. Jury Duty.

I guess I should be thankful, at 57 this is my first time to be called. Federal Courthouse downtown means fighting the State workers for a spot in the 5:00 Grand Prix.

I can't tell you what it is but the Judge says he's going to hold everyone's feet to the fire, move things along and you should be out of here by December 10th.

I hate Christmas shopping.

I'd rather be shopping ....

Did it one about 10-years ago, and after the boredom of the whole selection process, I actually found being on the jury rather intriguing and frightening(lets just say I hope to he'll that I never have to stand before a jury!).

by 26 i had been called 4 times already, didnt get cancelled the worday prior twice, and selected as a juror once. but at the time i had a crappy sales job that i was more than happy to leave for a week for JD. i found the process pretty interesting and took it seriously as i'd want people to take MY case seriously in that eventuality.

of course, at the time i didnt earn enough to feel like i lost either production time or money. and since the case was done by 1-2pm every day i even got to go see a BB King show on a day i was normally supposed to work

petegossett wrote: Did it one about 10-years ago, and after the boredom of the whole selection process, I actually found being on the jury rather intriguing and frightening(lets just say I hope to he'll that I never have to stand before a jury!).

Absolutely!!!!!!!!!

Back in July, I used my get outta JD option and postponed reporting until December 1. Little did I know then that November 30 would be my last day at my current job. I hope the unemployment office doesn't count this as work.

Too many cops in my family. The lawyers kick me out the door. Shame realy cause I think it would be enlightening.

Did mine a couple of years ago. Attempted Murder charge - it was over in 7 days.

Did mine about 9 years ago. Case was about one week long.

Bad guy loured, abducted, and raped a mentally challenged teenage girl. Don't remember all the 13 charges against him, but it wasn't pleasant. He was convicted of all 13 counts and the judge sentenced him to serve them consecutively.

just sit there making a hangmans noose during the jury selection process it will normally get you excused

I doubt the summons came by registered mail.

If it didn't, BURN IT!

They have no proof that you received it, you don't have to go.

I went for selection once and wasted a whole work day which means a whole days pay. They didn't pick me and they couldn't have anyway because I have some opinions about the slimy defence lawyer they had.

Shawn

Served once, had fun. Gotten dismissed twice again because of small kids. Overall, I found it very fascinating, if boring in spots. It was a civil trial as well.

Been called up three times (I'm 48yrs old, so can't quite complain about once every ten years). Dismissed at all three. Only time the bigotry's ever worked in my favor. At the initial swearing in, I ask for the secular alternative..

Defense lawyer: "Mr. Roberts, do you believe in a Supreme Being?"
Me: "No sir, I do not."
Defense lawyer: "Your Honor, this candidate is not suitable."

Taking the rest of the day to see if there's a cool restaurant within walking distance of the courthouse..

rebelgtp wrote: just sit there making a hangmans noose during the jury selection process it will normally get you excused

Civil trial, we have to decide money for P&S.

I was on a jury a couple years ago for about three weeks. I really enjoyed it but I'm kinda odd. It was for a kid that shot and robbed drug dealers. The only down side was having to get a police escort to and from our cars made the older folks nervous. Thar and the defendants 20yr old sister never tried to "tamper with the jury" like the judge warned us might happen.

Here's a little piece I put together after a day of jury duty selection several years back. It's rough...probably about an 80-grit draft...but you'll get the point.

JURY DUTY

Every now and then, something happens that takes me away from thinking about vehicular stuff for more than 30 seconds.

I was summonsed to jury duty in my fine county and asked to report by 8:15 am.

The fun began with the parking garage that I was instructed to park in. To me, it stands to reason that eight-ish in the morning on a Monday might not be the best time to find a parking space. The indirect reassurance in the form letter from the Jury Commission Board that I should park in “Visitor Parking” and bring my ticket to the Court Marshals for validation baited me in to driving around the parking garage for a good 3 minutes. It also stands to reason, to me, that the “visitor parking,” parking that isn’t being paid for on a monthly basis, would likely be the most inconvenient to approach and in the harshest environment…the roof of the parking garage. Well, after following 3 other misguided juror-wannabees all the way to the top of the garage, I found out that my reasoning isn’t always sound. The visitor parking was not, in fact, at the top of the garage. So I proceeded down the ramps of the garage until I surmised that there wasn’t a spot to be had. Funny that there only seemed to be enough visitor parking for about one eighth of the jury pool that had been called that day.

In any case, I parked on the street directly in front of the courthouse and proceeded to put quarters into the meter until it stopped adding time (d’oh!). Upon entering the courthouse and finding my way to the holding pen where I would spend the next hour or so, I learned that if I did receive a parking ticket, I was simply to bring it to a Marshal who would “take care of it for me.” I have to admit…I was a little titillated by the corrupt sound of having my ticket “taken care of.”

I was told that I was “Juror Number Sixty Nine.” What immediately came to mind was the movie “Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure”…and I would continually utter the phrase “Sixty Nine, Dude!” for the remainder of the day anytime I was referred to by my juror number.

I found an informational packet in my seat, which I briefly perused, and learned a couple of minor legal terms from. Over the course of the next hour, or so, I was also told this very same information by a Marshal and then a video. I considered myself the expert on reporting for jury duty at this point. However, my experience was about to be enhanced by the actual jury selection process.

For the uninitiated…Jury selection is a process which gives one occasion to contemplate vegetation maturation observation (watching grass grow) as a new pastime. You see, it is in this process that the Counsel (lawyers) for each party in the case in which the jury is being selected, attempts to defy human nature and find a fair, unbiased, impartial jury. That is, they must select 12-14 of the 75 of us schmucks, who did not want to be present in the first place, to fairly decide the verdict in the case. Good luck, my friends, good luck.

The first question asked by an attorney was to the effect of, “Does anybody find it particularly convenient to be here today?” As it was only the ten o’clock hour, I was still moving a bit slow and missed my chance at an illegitimate, yet sure “out.”

I could have raised my hand and quickly and excitedly professed my lifelong desire, and therefore primary reason to hold a driver’s license, to be selected and serve on a jury. I could have explained how, since becoming a registered voter at the age of 18, I had read the book “Twelve Angry Men” weekly in preparation for this day, and the only reason I had Car Craft Magazine with me today instead of “My Bible” (Twelve Angry Men), was because the book had been brought to the restorer’s shop last week due to its becoming tattered from continual use. I could have explained that such is my desire to be an impartial juror, I had sequestered myself from all current events exposure for a time period inclusive of the current statute of limitations. For good measure, I could have spouted a few of “my favorite lines from the TV show Law and Order.” But alas, I missed that chance.

After that, the lawyer asked if there was anybody there who wished to be excused from jury duty for any particular reason. This was an interesting part of the process because in involved listening to what amounted to “the dog ate my homework” type excuses from many of the jurors. It was pretty apparent which individuals were genuinely concerned about serving, and which were obviously just not happy with the prospect of sitting in uncomfortable chairs for the next 7 days. The excuses ranged from, “I need to work to pay for fines incurred with my latest DWI infraction” to, “I cough a lot.”

At this point, I had fleeting thoughts of telling the court that it was possible that I would have to go in for Kidney Dialysis at some point in the duration of the trial. Of course this would beg the question from the court, “I take it you are experiencing health issues that affect your kidneys?” to which I would respond, “No, but, gee…you just never know.” I thought better of this as it might have landed me with “Contempt of Court” charges.

There was one gentleman who could not hear well enough to understand when the marshal asked him if he would like to utilize the listening device which she held up in front of him. He looked at her and said “I can’t hear you” in a loud voice, typical of an elderly person with hearing loss. Shortly thereafter, the Judge asked if he had been able to hear the questions thus-far this morning. Unfortunately, this juror was not aware that he was being spoken to. After some difficulty conveying the fact to the juror…he was excused and dismissed from jury duty. [As the Court Marshall escorted him out of the room, he again said, “I can’t hear you.”]

I’m fairly certain that the lawyers have studied some sociology and modify their behavior to try to friendly-up to the jurors before the trial. Maybe that’s why there are so many lawyers in politics…I suppose there could be a connection.

In any case, throughout the day, I thought of several unverifiable excuses that I could have used, were my level of audacity high enough this day, to be dismissed from the jury. Here is a smattering of the basic ideas.

Alcoholism or Drug Addiction. I think alcohol would be best as it’s legal and I live within walking distance of the courthouse. I could raise my hand and ask if it was permissible to have a can or bottle of beer in the courtroom. It might go something like this:

Me: “Your honor, it is ok to bring beverages into the courtroom?”
Judge: “Water is ok, but not soda or coffee.” Me: “How about beer. Is that ok?” Judge: “No.” Me: “whiskey, rum…uh…gin?” Judge: “No, alcohol is not allowed in the courthouse or on county property.” Me: “Ok then…see…that might present a problem in my serving as a fair and impartial juror given the fact that I am drunk right now and I’m ready for another beer.” Judge: “Juror number sixty nine, you are excused.”

Narcolepsy. I could have pretended to be asleep at various times during the questioning. If approached by the court, I could have started to altertness and apologized profusely but explain that my life has been severely affected lately by my propensity for nodding off at inappropriate times.

Lust or romantic affair. One implementation of this same basic theme would be to claim that I had been distracted for the better part of the questioning by a member of the counsel, another juror, the court reporter, marshal (it would be good to mention that I had always “had a thing” for a man/woman in uniform), or the judge Himself. The affair part could be addressed when the counsel questioned whether anybody knows anybody else on the juror panel. I could raise my hand and give vague details as to the embarrassing romantic affair I had with juror number 32. Of course juror number 32 will deny such allegations, but that was always like juror number 32. The gender of the subject of such a strategy would not particularly matter. It would be an incredible exercise in humility, however deceptive.

Adverse Reaction to Morbidity. Since the case at hand was one involving death, I felt that a humorous, though questionably effective point would have been to explain that I had known several people who had died. I could have further explained that I was not particularly happy about death, and that the subject of death in general made me feel uncomfortable. “Mr. Lawyer guy, I’ve known some folks who died, and you know what? I don’t really like it much.”

I didn’t have the gumption to actually prove any of these scenarios effective on this particular day. I must use this sentence to disclaim any liability for adversity as a result of anybody but myself who would decide to attempt such tactics in an actual courtroom. Furthermore, if I myself were to try any of these schemes and suffer adverse effects as a result…I’d probably just blame someone else and sue them.

The day wore on and the questions kept coming. Turns out, I’m not as “out there” as I might have thought when it comes to impartiality. I do feel however, that I am a little more honest with myself than the regular person (or at least more honest with the court). When asked if my adverse experience with medical professionals (the case of the day was one about medical malpractice) would affect my ability to “hear the evidence and act as a fair and impartial juror” I answered with a “You bet ya” type answer: “Sorry dude, er, Mr. Lawyer guy, but as much as I’d like to remain fair, I don’t hold a very high opinion of the medical profession or those who chose to be in its care. I don’t think I could force myself to be impartial”. I’m pretty sure that I saw smoke from the pen tips on legal notepads at the counsel table. I think this comment blew my chances of being placed on jury for this trial.

A few more questions and it was time for the Counsel to get together and compare their lists. 45 minutes of hobknobbing with other folks who wanted to not be on this jury ensued. Then the marshal came in and said, “If I call your name, you need to get all your belongings and come into the other room. You’re one of the lucky ones.” This was confusing as I’m sure she meant that if your name was called, you had been selected for the jury. I’ll go out on a limb here and profess that there wasn’t a person in the room that thought of that as “lucky.”

In any case, my name was not called and I was somewhat relieved. The rejects had to remain locked in a room together for another 15 minutes before we were released. Go figure.

There was a ticket on my car, despite the fact that I had left my Summons for Jury Service form letter on my dashboard. I brought it to the Marshal at the front door of the courthouse who mundanely said, ”I’ll give it to Misty.” How anticlimactic was that? “I’ll give it to Misty?” Come on, I’m supposed to slip this thing to you while we exchange a cool handshake and look each other in the eye over our sunglasses. We should speak a little code, like, “Mrs. Paulsen sends her regards,” and each give a quick understanding nod.

Oh well, Maybe I’ll get called in for jury selection tomorrow…I’m on all week.

Wow...how to follow that one up.

My first and only experience was about 5 years ago. I had a one day trial for domestic abuse in the town of about 5,000 people I was living in at the time. No selection process, everyone who showed up served.

It turned out I had worked with the son of the defendant, but the judge decided I looked upstanding enough to remain impartial. In reality, I think they just didn't have anyone to replace me.

The guy's defense amounted to asking the arresting officer "Did you see me hit my wife?" Apparently, he felt if a crime isn't directly witnessed, you can get away with it.

After finding the guy guilty, we start filing out of the courtroom, past the defendant. As I'm walking out, the defendant leans over to me and says "See you at _____" (the place I worked). Real winner, that guy. Anyway, after reporting this threat to the baliff, I was free to go.

The wife beater never did come find me, but I ended up with a much more exciting experience then I had anticipated.

Just tell them you are well educated, schooled in logic and unswayed by emotion... NO lawyer will want you on their jury....

In a jury selection process I was involved in (never got to the point of being asked the question), they asked the others: "Do you think the fact that someone was arrested for a crime makes them more likely to be guilty"?

If it was asked to me I would have some to the effect of: "What, you mean do I think you (the defense attorney) are as likely to have committed this crime as the man that sits their who was arrested for committing it? Of course he is! Unless it is your believe that the police go around randomly arresting people for crimes, that is an absurd question"

I suspect I would not have been in that courtroom very long after that.

Clem- that was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh today.

I made it to a jury about 10 years ago, but the morning of the trial we were told that our services were no longer needed. My neighbor at the time, a lawyer, said that means that they settled.

I was called for jury duty earlier this year, but didn't survive being picked on the final panel. Trial of a teacher in my kids' school district accused of (and ultimately convicted of) unwanted sexual conduct towards a 16 year old female student. Once I was called from the big pool onto the panel in the box to undergo voir dire I honestly answered that I couldn't be objective about this guy as I have a daughter who attends this school, my wife is very active in the PTSA and I had heard quite a bit of inside information about the case. The judge excused me. I probably wouldn't have made it past the preemptory (lawyers' option) strikes anyway since I am a lawyer myself.

Clem, I appreciate your write up, it will come in handy next time I pick a jury.

In reply to David S. Wallens:

Yep, that's correct, and pretty common in both criminal and especially civil cases.

aircooled wrote: Just tell them you are well educated, schooled in logic and unswayed by emotion... NO lawyer will want you on their jury....

NFG. I can say more later, but the Judge is a big guy, well spoken, deep booming voice asked about X, Y and Z.

STOOPID ME! Not knowing what the issue was, I raised my hand hoping to get booted. NFG, that's what they wanted!

The only redeeming factor is the whatever laywer is a boob. Unprepared, walks around in circles looking for paperwork spread over three tables, derails his own train of thought, asks the same question two to fifteen times, tries to introduce things that even I know can't be done without telling the other team....

The booming voice behind the bench lights up and explains Federal Law and rules of evidence to this guy. It's entertaining, it's a binder for those of us tossed into the mix in unfamiliar waters who have to make big decisions about someone's life.

On the flip side we all are given notebooks that will be destroyed when we leave. One woman keeps the time and notes like "I'm gonna stab myself in the eye with this pen is he asks that again!" "The defense guy's shoes squeak" "When the big guy crosses his arms and stares at the clock, he's about to burst."

Funnysad.

Sadfunny.

I hope I don't get closer to the System.

In reply to ClemSparks:

Clem, you know that if you take that police job, you're gonna be around courtrooms a lot, right?

Seriously, dude..great story, and good luck with the job!

I've only been called once. It was a murder/manslaughter trial that the guy was claiming accidental shooting with a shotgun. I was told my services aren't needed after answering a few questions. Seemed they didn't want me that has run military shooting ranges and shot competition or the ex-special forces guy that was there also. He and I was the first to go.

I have only been called once. I was the second one to get questioned and the first question from the defense attorney was "if somebody didn't take the stand in their own defense, would you hold it against them?"

I said I wouldn't hold it against them, but I would question why they didn't. I was asked to elaborate.

I said that if I was arrested for a crime that I didn't commit I would want to tell the world. I would tell the jury, the judge, the DA, hell I would stop random strangers in the hall to say I wasn't guilty. For life of me I couldn't understand why somebody wouldn't want to profess their innocence.

I was dismissed.