paging PilotBraden

Wow - all I can say is that we are all here pulling for you. RIP to your friend.

I'm so sorry you lost your friend and soulmate that she couldn't get past her demon. Glad you're reaching out in some forms and connecting with folks. The wound is fresh. Takes time to recover. We're here

My condolences. Reading this, and seeing the photos of this beautiful woman who was lost to the world due to addiction makes my heart hurt. Thank you for sharing her story with the us.

If it helps keep the photos coming!!! I can tell she was an amazing person from the photos. You can see that the photos are of the same person but such a diversity and yet she looks completely comfortable in a dress or in camo. Very few can pull that off.

Just keep talking when you can we will gladly listen. Like I said in the other thread you have been knocked so far down that you are going to need to learn how to walk before you can fly again. One foot in front of the other my friend. Grieving is a needed part of the healing process. Everything you have said is perfectly normal. Have no guilt about what you are going through. I would worry a lot more if you were not grieving so much. This is a pain like no other and as such it is going to be a process that will take time for it to heal. The scar will always be there but in time you can and will be able to live with it. I know you can do it.

PilotBraden, I am deeply sorry for your loss. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers as you work through this.

Thanks again for the kind words and thoughts. Last night was another sleepless one. Today however has been good for me. A good friend, Mike, from welding school and I went to Jerry's , our welding mentor's estate sale. We talked about Jerry and Carrie, got some cool old welding and fishing gear and enjoyed our time together. Mike and I both agree that we can remember the past but we can't live in it. We also are going to load some of Carrie's ashes in shotgun shells and she is going to get at least one more duck.

Carrie and me at the Foo Fighters show

In Las Vegas for her birthday, November 1

Carrie with her very close friend Bronya at a concert

Carrie with our friend Andrea at a concert

These pictures of her in situ are great, perhaps share some stories with us also? It might help air out your history and also introduce all of us to this neat lady we never got to meet.

In reply to tuna55:

Good idea, I shall do that , when I get a few minutes free

pilotbraden wrote: We also are going to load some of Carrie's ashes in shotgun shells and she is going to get at least one more duck.

Oh. Berk. Yeah.

I love it

pilotbraden wrote:

Ok, I have to ask, what is the story behind this one.

Saying "I'm sorry" in these situations always seems so insignificant but I am AM truly sorry for your loss. As others have noted from your pictures it is obvious that she had a passion for life and that you shared a strong connection. I wish that you may eventually find peace and I hope that you continue to share her stories if it helps the healing.

Two years ago one of my uncles overdosed on heroin, one of the 702 in Philadelphia in 2015. The heroin that killed him and many others, maybe or maybe not known to him, was laced with fentanyl. He battled schizoaffective disorder his whole life and was alone when he died. His body wasn't discovered for 5 days. My Mom, his sister and closest ally, to this day deals with these memories and thinks of things she could have done differently. I hope that time will heal her wounds and eventually yours as well.

In reply to hobiercr:

I suspect tainted dope is what got Carrie, there are many more people that have been killed by it in the area. I have an idea of what your mom has been through. The prescription drug Suboxone should be available over the counter. I have been told by several people that Carrie had been trying to get it but couldn't find it, so she kept using enough heroin to keep withdrawal at bay. So many unnecessary deaths due to prohibition is disgusting . Thanks for your concern.

In reply to hobiercr:

One other thing about Carrie, she loved our Hobie 16. I will have a good story when I have time to type the entire thing.

In reply to pilotbraden:

Wow, and she could sail! I was already intrigued but that puts it over the top for me.

Carrie learned to sail on my Hobie 16. She had never been sailing until we lived together. She was a very strong, athletic woman, 6'0" tall and 145# to 155#. We practiced stepping the mast with the boat on the trailer in the driveway. She mastered it quickly. I was finished teaching by early afternoon that summer, so the first hot windy afternoon that we had we took the boat to Lake Fenton. We had the sails up within 20 minutes of arrival and sailed away. She was apprehensive at first especially when we could get a hull out of the water. After about 10 minutes she is loving it. I did not have the trapeze, but she would hold on to the shroud with her feet on the hull and lean back as far as she could. She did not want to stop, we sailed until the wind started to slacken and the sun was setting.

After that first trip we sailed at least 1 or 2 times per week, we dragged the boat all over the state behind my 1974 F-100. ( she loved the truck too) Late that summer we went to Holloway Reservoir on a hot sticky afternoon. We set sail and as soon as we are as far east from the boat ramp as we could get the sky begins to get dark in the west. Within a few minutes we here thunder and the wind freshens up some more. At this time every powerboat, 80?, rushed for the ramp that can take 6 boats at a time. We can,t get in there and mix with them so we tack between the ramp and the north shore, about 1/2 mile. We put on our life vest and it gets very gusty. Carrie realizes that this is not an ideal situation but she is enjoying the thrill of the moment. I begins to rain very hard, lightning is hitting a hill about a mile north of the lake and the wind really gets going. I tell Carrie that I am going to run in as close to ramp as I can and that when we tack that she needs to go overboard and get to the beach. She gave me a dirty look and said "berkeley you, if you are staying with the boat so am I". So we tack across again and approaching the ramp again I decide to get in as close as possible west of the ramp and heave to. I ask Carrie to take a long line and tie us to a tree on the shore while I drop the sails. We pull this off amazingly well and run to the truck. We get in , strip down to dry off. This is when Carrie assaulted me sexually, the rain is still coming down in buckets and the windows are steamed so we went at it.

I love my thrill seeking, exhibisionist lady. We had more great experiences in our time together than I believe most people have in a lifetime. We were most fortunate to have had each other. I hope to set sail with her again.

Carrie in California visiting friends. I will add captions to the photos that I posted yesterday.

I work in a very nice downtown area and on my way to lunch yesterday passed a young heavily tattooed guy clearly on the nod on the sidewalk. Legs out, back leaning against a brick wall, falling asleep in the open as office workers hurried around him to lunch. My heart broke for him and it made me think of you and your trials with Carrie and heroin. It wouldn't take much for him to go the same way. I wish we would do more as a society to deal with addiction. Friends and family have also lost loved ones to it. Good luck and I hope you can find a beacon of light in your life soon.

In reply to pilotbraden:

This memory brought me many smiles. There is not much of a more potent aphrodisiac then a good NDE on a beach catamaran. Been there and those are the memories that get hard burned into the synapses. I bet you can taste the rain.

Damnit it's dusty in here.

Keep those memories close and celebrate them when they come. Sometimes I'll get a grin or smirk and my wife will ask me "what?" and I'll say "nothing" but what I mean is "nothing to her, but special to me."

I have lost two wives and an so. I knew what was coming in each case. When I read about your loss, I said "WOW". I don't know how I would handle that.

Any way, my heart goes out to you. Time eases things but never forget. I think what you did here will help.

Why do I have tears in my eyes.

Hang in there. Never give up, life moves on.

One other sailing related tale. Carrie always wanted to name the Hobie , Blow Me. We never did that because I have a buddy that used that name for his boat. However, I have decided to name it the Carrie Lynn. I am also going to name the duck hunting boat after one of her favorite sayings. She would call me a silly salamander.

Keep the stories coming if it makes you feel better. I really do enjoy them.

In reply to dean1484:

It makes me feel better too. And thanks to type q for starting this conversation.