In reply to captdownshift:
But you're good at it.
In reply to captdownshift:
But you're good at it.
This is one reason I love the board. I can listen without even actually listening.
Actually in all seriousness, forums give a weird and slightly shifted conversation style that allows many different things to happen conversationally. Interesting to consider. /thread derail.
I actually showed this thread to my wife last night. She has been saying a lot of the same stuff you guys have been saying for years. She used to work in a hospital as a tech, and many times had to deal with addicts and people detoxing. She still works in the healthcare field. She was like, "SEE? You're not crazy!"
Thanks again guys. 
In reply to Duke:
Thanks after another rough morning, that means a lot
Appleseed wrote: We're here for you. Even if it's just to listen.
This is very, very important to know!
The honesty from the members on this board never ceases to amaze me.
I think you are dealing with more than one thing, but I don't think she is necessarily a shiny happy person.
I have a very close family member in the grip of a condition known as Histrionic Personality Disorder. Look it up- there is a lot of info online about it.
Based on what I know about this, your family member may very well have an addiction to prescription medications AND HPD.
HPD is really tough, and I hope I am wrong. I am trying to battle it now and it's a bitch- I think I would rather be dealing with a physical addiction.
But it would go a long way toward explaining some of the personality conditions- the need to be center stage, the unpredictable anger, defensiveness, the need to make a show out of everything, lying, manipulation, divide and conquer behaviors, etc. There are a few other symptoms which you didn't mention, but may recognize when you read about it.
I am really sorry you are going through this.
In reply to SVreX:
This is intriguing. I'll have to look more into this.
Oh, and BTW... her son plans on going to school to be a psychiatrist. His reasoning is that he believes that our family is so messed up that someone needs to figure out what's wrong with everyone. She has tried putting him on pills too, thinking he suffers from depression and behavioral issues, and he refuses to take them. In actuality, he's probably the most normal of all of us, and he's been through the wringer! He knows it's going to be a long haul, but he's prepared to make the commitment. Very proud of the kid.
SVreX wrote: Histrionic Personality Disorder. But it would go a long way toward explaining some of the personality conditions- the need to be center stage, the unpredictable anger, defensiveness, the need to make a show out of everything, lying, manipulation, divide and conquer behaviors, etc. There are a few other symptoms which you didn't mention, but may recognize when you read about it.
Isn't this pretty much the definition of being a Shiny Happy Person? Instead of HPD they should call it SHP.
I wouldn't go with Histrionic. Histrionic is, for example, a 40 year old woman with rings on every finger.
I would go with Narcissistic. Look that one up. She'll probably go far in politics.
Duke wrote:SVreX wrote: Histrionic Personality Disorder. But it would go a long way toward explaining some of the personality conditions- the need to be center stage, the unpredictable anger, defensiveness, the need to make a show out of everything, lying, manipulation, divide and conquer behaviors, etc. There are a few other symptoms which you didn't mention, but may recognize when you read about it.Isn't this pretty much the definition of being a Shiny Happy Person? Instead of HPD they should call it SHP.
I understand you are being humorous, and I don't mind laughing a little with you. But it is not very funny when you are dealing with it.
Dr. Hess wrote: I wouldn't go with Histrionic. Histrionic is, for example, a 40 year old woman with rings on every finger. I would go with Narcissistic. Look that one up. She'll probably go far in politics.
They are close.
Narcissists need to know they are better than others. Histrionics need to be assured they are worth something.
I am not offering a diagnosis. I am recommending he look up HPD. If you google "narcissist" you will get a completely different (and mostly worthless) data set.
There is a lot of good info out there for HPD. Narcissist is a common word, which is commonly misused.
It kind of doesn't matter. The point is to consider the very real possibility of a real personality disorder, not just blow her off by calling her a shiny happy person.
In reply to oldtin:
I was thinking the same thing myself, but was trying to recommend a family therapist under the pretense for a reason other than her addiction concerns under the idea that they'd become uncovered during a session and that a mental illness diagnosis would also be made, with borderline being a strong possibility.
I immediately thought Borderline Personality Disorder as well from the initial description. I've dealt with my fair share of patients with it, diagnosed or not, and feel like I can spot them a mile away.
Steer clear is my only suggestion. If it is BPD, they are master manipulators, and you'll never come out of the relationship unscathed.
E36 M3, we got this super whack coworker that fits a lotta disorders posted so far but not nailed it yet. Don't necessarily wanna play web-doc but it's gettin' pretty berkeleyin' close. Wouldn't normally matter but our playground is high pressure steam. 
There's a lotta berkeleyed up people out there, and he is one.
Well, crap. 
Just got off the horn with the family. No one this that this is an issue and they all think that it's all in my head. They say that I am getting ideas from the Internet (never mentioned that I was saying things on here or anywhere else) and that I need to drop this crusade, because she is blood. And since she is blood, I should just accept the way she is and deal with it. Also, they want me to trust them over my wife, because she is not "blood".
They are also 100% backing her in the whole "you don't help your family" thing, based on an incident that happened a couple weeks ago. I had plans, and they expected me to drop said plans to go to their place and help out with something. I had planned to go there first thing in the morning, and at the time, there was no problem. She used this incident to illustrate and manipulate, and now I am the bad guy. I am also the bad guy for keeping my distance, because I haven't spoken to them in a week. They also pointed out that I chose to work on my car, hang out with my dog, etc. Instead of "helping out". While I feel bad for not calling, I have been putting off things I need to do at my own place for weeks now to help them all, because they have been going through a tough time with various stuff lately. I live about an hour away, so going there is not as easy as they think. I have to plan ahead, and it takes all day.
I am at a complete loss as to what to do. I guess it's time to give up trying to help. Like many have said (and I told family this) she needs to want to help herself. They are saying I am unsympathetic to her ailments, and they dropped the "she had Cancer" thing, which she NEVER had. I am done.
F M L.
Thank you all again for your help. I do know some of you guys personally, so you know what I am about. For those who don't, thanks for offering your opinions and insight. It means a lot.
I'm sad to say, but at this point I'd cut her off 100%. They don't seem to realize that you stand up to someone's vices for them at a time when they're unable to, because they're blood. If the efforts aren't appreciated, cut them off but don't assist in the enabling. Her blood is on their hands at this point.
Well, that sucks. Walk away. In a few years, after she has burned them enough, they'll come back around. Although them trying to put your sister (or whatever, you never said,) over your wife is pretty low.
Dr. Hess wrote:SilverFleet wrote: The thing is here is I am having trouble telling if she's an addict or just an shiny happy person. ....Or both. You can't fix her. She has to want to fix herself. Your choices are to walk away or continue to be manipulated by her, which will hurt you and your family, and by your family I mean FAMILY like WIFE, KIDS, dogs, cats, etc. Other family too like parents, but she has been manipulating them for so long, they may not realize it. She will eventually crash and burn. They all do. Some just take longer than others.
sadly Hess is right.. hopefully the crash will not be fatal.
Silverfleet,
Blood is thicker than water, as you've just painfully relearned. It doesn't matter how many years you're around, you're not really family, you've simply married in.
Fight, and you'll just be all muddy and sweaty, and the pig will have had a lot of fun. You pretty much cannot win, so don't waste your time.
Remember, the word No is a complete sentence. Well worth using accordingly at times.
I'm sorry to hear that, Silver.
Sounds like there is some knowledge on the subject of mental illness here. Can someone tell me (in layman's terms) some of the differences between BPD and HPD?
Sorry to hear that, Silver. I still think you're doing the right thing.
I don't buy the whole "blood is thicker than water" crap and never have. I had zero choice about who I'm genetically related to, so why do I have to support them unconditionally? I chose my wife and she chose me. We chose to have kids together. That counts 100x more in my book.
Best of luck to you. Protect yourself and your chosen family, even if that means backing away from the family you were born into by chance.
Duke wrote: I don't buy the whole "blood is thicker than water" crap and never have. I had **zero choice** about who I'm genetically related to, so why do I have to support them unconditionally? I *chose* my wife and she chose me. We chose to have kids together. That counts 100x more in my book.
Divorce her and see if you still get invited over to her parents for Christmas. That's what I mean about blood being thicker than water.
Sorry to hear that. What others have said, distance may be the best thing now. Sad that it might take a crash n burn despite the fore warnings, rebuilding from ground zero is prolly 100X harder than the preemptive approach but who really knows.
Funny how it's the caring people that often get thrown under the bus for having genuine compassion about troubled friends, family or even work place issues ftm. I'm a caring person myself but have learned when you beat your head against the wall the wall always wins. I still care but unless an issue lands on my doorstep I'll probably stay out of it anymore.
Good luck
Addicted or not, she's a massive shiny happy person and you'd be justified to cut off all interaction with her based on her past behavior, IMO. I'm surprised she's getting so much backing from the rest of your family since they've all witnessed this behavior as well.
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