Shellshocked turtles end their 115 year old 'marriage'

There's a whole slew of potential jokes in here...

http://www.news.com.au/weird-true-freaky/shellshocked-turtles-end-their-115-year-old-marriage/story-e6frflri-1226390774196

Shellshocked turtles end their 115 year old 'marriage'

A marriage between giant tortoises Bibi and Poldi appears to have ended after 115 years.

NO one could accuse them of not trying to make it work.

After an incredible 115 years together, two giant tortoises at an Austrian zoo have gone their separate ways - refusing to share a cage any longer.

The falling out, which has baffled zoo officials, marks the end of the world's oldest animal "marriage".

"We get the feeling they can't stand the sight of each other any more," Zoo boss Helga Happ said.

Bibi and Poldi have happily rubbed along at the Austrian zoo in Klagenfurt for 36 years, having moved together from Basel zoo in Switzerland.

Both 115 years old, the pair grew up together - and eventually became an item.

Zoo officials are not clear why the tortoises have fallen out but say Bibi, the female, started attacking her partner, biting off part of his shell.

"For no reason that anyone can discover, they seem to have fallen out. They just can't stand each other," Ms Happ said.

Staff at the zoo realised all was not well when Bibi attacked Poldi, biting off a chunk of his shell. She launched further attacks on her partner until he was moved to a different location.

I'm wondering was there a new, younger 80 year old turtle introduced into their compound?

I've heard turtles get the 115 year itch.

Maybe there's a sports car in his future?

Turtles are idiots. I schlepped NINE of the varmints across the road today.

I was driving down a four lane divided when I saw three kind of big (not like the OP's tortoises, but ranging from a little below dinner plate size up to platter sized) ones trying to cross the road. I stopped and moved them across, two in one trip, one in the next.

As I'm returning from the second trip, I see two shells in the median strip that had been hit by cars, and that's when I noticed the crowd of vultures sitting on the lawn of a nearby building.

I see three more live turtles; two at the edge of the road and one already in the first lane. They're of similar sizes and clearly trying the same stunt; I took two more trips to move them across.

When I get all the way back to my side of the road, I see two more dead ones....well, their broken shells, picked clean by vultures. Clearly, lots of big turtles are trying to cross.

I look more carefully, and there are two additional live ones (eight so far). These guys haven't started onto the road yet - they're underwater at the edge of a temporary pond in the ditch at the edge of the road. It is obvious that they're waiting for their chance to cross the road, too. I fished them out and carried them across.

When I got back to my side of the road, again, there was ANOTHER dinner plate sized turtle visible underwater. I grabbed that one - had to kneel in the mud to do it - and took him across the road.

I have no idea what spawned the mass exodus of suicidal chelonians, but it is clear that the vultures had enjoyed the prior attempts, and they were muttering under their breath about my good deeds. If any of you guys saw a fat man running back and forth across the road with turtles today, it might have been me.

I do the same thing Joey. They are about the only animal that I would help cross a busy street though as I love turtles. I have been accused of aiming for squirrels, but it just isn't true. I won't swerve out of their way though.

I do the same for turtles and snakes. The rest are on their own. I only try to miss pets but only if theres no chance of wrecking my car or hurting someone else or me while swerving. Squirrels and other little turds I dont aim for but dont swerve much to miss them.

In reply to JoeyM:

I tried that once. The damn thing snapped at me, then peed on my shoe!

It's the time of year when they go walkabout to lay their eggs. There are a lot of communities building tunnels under new roads for critters like them to cross. When you figger that 1% of the eggs ever reach maturity, and it takes up to 15 years for a female to reach reproductive age... those squashed turtles really take their toll.

Woody wrote: Zoo officials are not clear why the tortoises have fallen out but say Bibi, the female, started attacking her partner, biting off part of his shell.

Bitches be crazy, man.

I'm going with turtle menopause.

Lesley wrote: It's the time of year when they go walkabout to lay their eggs. There are a lot of communities building tunnels under new roads for critters like them to cross. When you figger that 1% of the eggs ever reach maturity, and it takes up to 15 years for a female to reach reproductive age... those squashed turtles really take their toll.

[ tries to think of a way to get the National Wildlife Federation to sponsor his next build ]

115 years is my limit as well, good for her.

Except she was tired of his crap, based on who was doing the biting.

He probably didn't take out the trash.

And thank you Joey, for your turtle schlepping efforts. I have actually stopped traffic on a two lane road to remove turtles from the road.

She told him a million times not to drag home another nonrunning project car.

I had two in the footwell of my car, removing them from a busy highway. They promptly rewarded me by peeing all over it.

Lesley wrote: I had two in the footwell of my car, removing them from a busy highway. They promptly rewarded me by peeing all over it.

did your driving scare them? or were they just that relieved?

Yeah, guess I shouldn't have shown them how I drive my favourite off-ramp

TRoglodyte wrote:

Lesley wrote: I had two in the footwell of my car, removing them from a busy highway. They promptly rewarded me by peeing all over it.

did your driving scare them? or were they just that relieved?

They were so excited that they pee'd themselves thinking of how much faster they were than that hare

Mazdax605 wrote: I do the same thing Joey. They are about the only animal that I would help cross a busy street though as I love turtles. I have been accused of aiming for squirrels, but it just isn't true. I won't swerve out of their way though.

I'll try and swerve for whatever, even squirrels. Ever tried to clean guts out of an FMIC? It isn't fun.

Well... if this is any indication, she probably got sick of 115 years of this E36 M3:

http://www.myspace.com/video/mark/turtle-sex-funny/2798825

I have relocated several snapping turtles who were attempting to lay eggs in my yard.

In the interest of full disclosure I must add that, not fully understanding whether or not they have a strong homing instinct, I relocated them to a lovely, secluded pond on the other side of the highway.

JoeyM wrote: I have no idea what spawned the mass exodus of suicidal chelonians, but it is clear that the vultures had enjoyed the prior attempts, and they were muttering under their breath about my good deeds. If any of you guys saw a fat man running back and forth across the road with turtles today, it might have been me.

I nominate all or part of this for "Say What?"

JoeyM wrote: Turtles are idiots.

this better show up in the mag.

On a related note...

This afternoon as I was driving home, I saw what I thought was a large skunk staggering across the road. As I got closer, I discovered that it was actually a mother and five or six tiny baby skunks all huddled together.

I stopped, but I did not assist.