Significant Others...hmmmmm

Coming out of a 7 year relationship. Just curious what people think about that whole spiel about finding "the one". Trying to take a rational perspective to this... Please NO PITY posts, I hate that sh%t.

Nice work if you can get it.

The way I figure it, on any given day, you have a 50% chance of gaining a 50% possibility to maybe meet someone that you have a 50% chance with.

If you're lucky, that is.. and how often does that happen?

In other words, the odds are against it.. but it DOES work from time to time, and when it does.. wow!

I think it depends entirely upon where you're at, "the one" five years ago might not even be someone you click with now. Dunno. I'm not even gonna worry about that E36 M3e anymore - I'm concentrating on being happy. if I got a great relationship with myself and someone amazing comes along, they'll make life even better - and not out of needy-ness or loneliness, but because two complete people compliment each other.
Until then ~eh~ I got lots of drawing and driving to do.

^^^ I now realize the ex dumping me (I should have done the dumping but alas) was one of the best things ever. I've now focused on my rallying almost full time. Only thing she was good for was getting me back into school, which I'd thank her for to this day... after saying some other choice words

Keep it coming boys... the rational part of my brain is starting to take over my emotional part.

The one what a laod of crap. Really how is it to get along with somebody else? Yes I have a good relationship but it really boils down to what you can put up with. What you can get away with. And things you just should do. Makin the other person happy durring the hole prosces is a pluse. My wife and I have been together for nine years. We not in "love" with each other eny more but we do love each other.

My wife makes me crazy and I know I'm a royal pain in the arse, but I love her more today than when we met

Eh, fighting the emotional part is hard. Be sure the break is clean and go enjoy some guy time over a few beers. You're allowed to be unhappy after ending a 7-year relationship.

I don't think there's a "the one". That's a spiel sold by overly romantic people. Everyone is different. You'll have a different relationship with every person you meet, and they'll all do different things for you. If you take the effort to look.

There is no one perfect match that will always be exactly what you think you need. But move on, put yourself together and you'll find someone else whose personality compliments yours. They won't be the one but they will be some one.

Remember that people change. See Lesley's comments.

Get yourself back together. Be your own person. Do your own thing. When you're ready, you can find someone else who compliments you.

2 years in and going thru the normal cycles.

Happy for a few weeks, pissed for a few days, think of breaking up, work things out, happy for another few weeks.

Neither of us will break up with each other, but we're always willing to try to make the other happy, even if it means our unhappiness sometimes.

Still have a while till marriage though, and not getting ahead of myself.

We're both realistic, and that's what I love the most about our relationship.

Often, the easiest way to get over a girl is to get under another.

In the course of finding a new one, be sure to try on a few (for size.)

I don't think there's only "one" any more than there is only one car for any of us. However, you should select one as carefully as the proper springs and sway bars for your ride. With proper selection, your woman will reward you with great joy. Pick wrong, and you go ass-first into the tire wall.

I appear to have selected the proper setup. Life is good over here.

like my dad used to say, every "no" gets you one step closer to a "yes". focus on yourself for a while. don't look for "the one". another thing my dad used to say is "she ain't miss right, but she's miss right now. definitely follow jrw1621's advice to try on a few different sizes / styles / colors / etc. you may be surprised how your definition of "the one" can change.

FWIW, i had the same GF from 18 to 25. my wife, who i met when i was 31, looks / acts / works / plays nothing like the old GF.

I think Lesley nailed it on the head. Find and do what makes you happy and figure out what's important to you. When someone comes along to enhances that you'll know it. Don't get hung up on "I've got to have somebody". To be happy with someone else first you have to be happy with yourself. Don't concentrate on finding "the one", have some fun and shop around. Just don't jump too far too fast.

For myself I'm too damn old to be playing games. I don't expect a woman to change who she is to conform to what I want her to be and in return I require the same from them. I've been dating a girl for about 6 months now and when we started to get a little serious we sat down and had a talk. I explained this is who I am, this is what I do, etc, etc etc and she told me the same thing about herself. If an issue comes up we sit down and talk about it. She's the first woman that will actually get her hands greasy helping work on the race car.

Hmmmm.....

My brother was in a relationship with a woman for 12 years, lived together for quite a few of those. She was great, crewed for him at the track, he was Yankees, she was Red Sox, he was Giants, she was Patriots, they enjoyed the same exotic foods and were wonderful to be around. What's the problem? This woman was 99% of everything one could hope for in life. My brother was afraid that once married, he would meet Ms. 100%. After all this time together, she gave him the "where we headed" ultimatum and he bolted.

He wandered aimlessly for a few years, then met up with some ice queen, condescending witch. Once I noted to him that when he visits alone he drinks beer, plays with cars, swears, laughs and shoots soda out his nose. When he's with her it's white wine spritzers, Monet paintings and the wire rim glasses. I said, "This isn't the person I know, not the guy I grew up with".

He says "I know".

How bad is that to be in a relationship where you can't be yourself and you recognize it? What a long life.

Be yourself. The perfect "ONE" is a culmination of 10% of eleven people you already know.

Don't ask how I did it, but I picked one, or she picked me, that tolerates my nonsense, a good cook, always looks nice and is willing to try about anything. After 30 years we still make out spontaneously and she still gets flowers for no reason.

Dan

ddavidv wrote: I don't think there's only "one" any more than there is only one car for any of us. However, you should select one as carefully as the proper springs and sway bars for your ride. With proper selection, your woman will reward you with great joy. Pick wrong, and you go ass-first into the tire wall. I appear to have selected the proper setup. Life is good over here.

LOL! I like your description.

If I might add, this is not the car I would have thought I would be in. I was certain I was a Corvette sort of guy, until I met this blond with an old truck...

lesley has it right...

do right by yourself and something good will pop up and you'll have a better chance of realizing it. It just happens... Searching hard only produces frustration.

I was trying to explain something to my sister the other day.. After 3 years of marriage and 7 or 8 years together... I still think anything I am doing would be more fun with my wife.. Thats the key for me. and I mean ANYTHING

ignorant wrote: I was trying to explain something to my sister the other day.. After 3 years of marriage and 7 or 8 years together... I still think anything I am doing would be more fun with my wife.. Thats the key for me. and I mean ANYTHING

this.

and it does depend on who you are. for some there is no "one". for some there is truly "the one". for some there may be multiple people who are "the one".

when it comes to a relationship, you need two wholes to make a whole. not two halves. get yourself whole and hopefully you'll bump into your, or one of your "ones" sooner rather than later.

bluej wrote: when it comes to a relationship, you need two wholes to make a whole. not two halves. get yourself whole and hopefully you'll bump into your, or one of your "ones" sooner rather than later.

Or you could just find a hole.

i thought it went without saying that usually you just need to do that for a while too

Lesley hit the whole thing dead center. As long as you are 'searching', it's very doubtful you'll find 'the one'. I won't bore you with the story of my meeting with my 'one' but suffice it to say I was NOT looking, quite the opposite in fact.

That whole 'two halves of one' thing is bullpuckey. No two people are exactly alike, we all need our individuality. That means that if you go into a relationship expecting things to be perfect and harmonious forever you are getting ready to receive a monstrous disappointment. Both people need to accept that the other will change as time goes on. Sometimes people can accept that change, sometimes they can't.

For one of the best assessments of human relationships out there, read Ian Fleming's 'A Quantum of Solace'. It's a rather unexpected James Bond story.

I am reading this on my 15th wedding aniversary. The marrage has been the thing I have put the most energy/effort into in my life and is the most rewarding part of my life. I think my wife and I have made it this far for a few key reasons.

First, we were friends who enjoyed each other before anything romantic/intimate happened. She would been a good friend had the relationship not gone this direction.

Second, we realized early on that we couldn't make any assumptions about hidden meanings behind words or actions. She was born and raised outside the states. One of us is always speaking a second language. It forced us to slow down and really listen to each other. It's surprizing how disagreements lose there power to make you unhapppy when you know that you have really been understood.

Third, we have friends, hobies and interests that are separate from each other. She doesn't share my passion for cars and autocrossing, but enjoys the fun and energy that I draw from it. Likewise I don't share the same enthusiam for some of her hobbies, but I like being around the happiness and energy that they give her.

Finally, we wanted it to work. We both came from families where the parents had ugly divorses. Neither of us wanted that again in our lives. We are not perfect. There are things about her that I like to be different. There are things about me that she would like to be different. But we accept these differences and make an effort stay focused on what we like about each other.

I don't know if any of this helps. Nothing is ever guarenteed. People change and love doesn't always last forever. Your happiness is ultimately going to come from inside you. When you find that, your relationships will reflect that.

The key to happiness is finding someone as berkleyed up as you are

(unfortunately, I can't remember who said that, or I'd totally quote it, but it's always rang true for me)

Jensenman wrote: That whole 'two halves of one' thing is bullpuckey. No two people are exactly alike, we all need our individuality. That means that if you go into a relationship expecting things to be perfect and harmonious forever you are getting ready to receive a monstrous disappointment. Both people need to accept that the other will change as time goes on. Sometimes people can accept that change, sometimes they can't.

umm, that's what I was saying. if you aren't happy with who you are, there is no way you're going to make someone else happy. growing and changing don't negate that. you're absolutely right about committing to stick with someone while you both change, though.

anyways, i'm only 25 so i'll shutup now and learn from my elders

IMO, TypeQ hit it closest. This is as I'm approaching the 27 year anniversary with mine (30 years together) and she was #2 for me. The 1st was short lived. We rarely do things together but always come home to each other. Yeah sure there are complaints, isn't there always? None of us are perfect. I think it seems the key to longevity is comfortable with each other, passion is for the moment.

We just celebrated our 20 th anniversary and its all hills and valleys . Working together and being married has been a fun challenge .

My advice would be to get an older women that has cash . Be the stud and look for a cougar . Try the Moose clubs or Elks or eagles find some half way decent looking chick that daddy has just kicked the bucket . Waterfront if possible check and see how big her lawn is to cut << both of them >> and have fun . Old girls with cash make you forget all your problems .