"Successful Loser Complex" and Opinions/Critiques on Everything

Find a cognitive behavioral therapist. A good one. Mine's favorite thing to ask was how'd you handle that? How'd it work out? Then why are you still doing it? We build up coping mechanisms over time. We cannot eliminate them over night. It's a long road, but not a dead end. Baby steps my friend. Ask MY wife if she thinks I'm overly critical of what she does.  I am.

STM317 said:

I also like this one:

My post count reflects this mindset.

In reply to drainoil :

Meh. Situational at best.

Pick your battles. Before  you speak ask your self if it really is important that you speak. 

One other lesson. Stop finding faults and instead point out the good that others do. It will make you a better person. But again don’t fall in to the condescending side. Praise is a powerful thing used properly. 

I have found success with three things.

• Write it down.  Instead of immediately speaking up in a meeting, I will write the action item down.  Oftentimes someone else will address the same issue.  Its more about caring that it gets done than how it gets done.  If something never gets addressed then either it wasnt important enough for anyone else to worry about - and if its not important to them, it doesn't matter if its important to you or not.
• Not everyone communicates the same way you do.  Hang out with a bunch of salesmen, the bulk of the successful ones are larger than life, loud bullE36 M3ters who have no problem dealing with immediate and harsh criticism expressed vocally.  They expect it.  Try the same technique with a murder of engineers and you will get absolutely nowhere.  Engineers need written communication, one on one, that sort of stuff.  Instead of surprising an engineer with bad news, I will write it down and send them an email, or sometimes just write it down and delete it.  Again - if it doesnt matter to them, it can't matter to me.
• Take a Dale Carnegie class or 2.  They are a bit of scmoooze and crap, but the core message is very very good and the way its presented is interesting.  The first time I took some classes I thought they were bullE36 M3, but reflecting on them they were real interesting and I learned a ton.  One of those things you don't realize how good they are until they are done.  

Oh snap, it all makes sense now. 

yupididit said:

Oh snap, it all makes sense now. 

I'm not quite sure how to take this response.....you in a lot of posts has been the voice of reason....just sayin'  bro 

In reply to 759NRNG :

It definitely explains his other post. His own words in his self-assessment in this thread, which was 3 years earlier than his post from a few weeks ago. In his other thread I stated that I don't understand why he keeps going back and forth. This explains it! 

What was that movie where the drill sergeant said, "Lighten up Francis" after the kid said," Touch my stuff, I'll kill you". I used to dream of being an only child growing up in a house full of 7 kids.

In reply to VolvoHeretic :

Stripes is the movie you're thinking of. Bill Murray, Harold Ramos, John Candy (plus a few other known actors) were in it. Funny film.

I don't remember reading this original post almost four years ago. It contains some really honest and empathetic responses. Insightful from a bunch of strangers on the internet with a shared interest. Once again I'm proud of the GRM community. We have more in common than not. Respect. 

So pheller - did you ever seek and talk with a therapist??

pheller said:

waiting for SVREX. He's always good at that. 

Damn! (Hahaha!)

What am I supposedly good at?

SV reX said:

pheller said:

waiting for SVREX. He's always good at that. 

Damn! (Hahaha!)

What am I supposedly good at?

Maybe he means the special understanding and empathy that construction superintendents possess?

In reply to OHSCrifle :

Haha!

I'm throwing the next guy off my site who doesn't wear his hard hat!  Basic adulting, gentlemen!

In reply to pheller :

I admire your self-awareness expressed here.  I didn't see the post the first go-round. 
 

I think you should re-read what you wrote 3 years ago. 
 

Have you improved?

In reply to SV reX :

And, have WE improved?

In reply to Robbie (Forum Supporter) :

I have. But I don't worry too much about improving other folks. 

I have not met with a therapist, no. 

I do get treated for ADD which has shown some success. Less with pure "focus" and more with motivation, especially at home. I'm more productive at work and at home. I'm far better at helping around the house. 

I'm slowly learning to let more stuff go and not be so critical. I've learned to be more involved in doing something to resolve the things I critique. As evident by my recent posts, I'm still someone who is curious and empathetic, and wants to get other people thinking about the things I'm thinking about. I want them to be as invested as I am in the topic. When someone shuts me down, I get frustrated. I can't take a simple "won't work" response. "I need to know why it won't work. Why similar solutions won't work. What if we try it this way? Or that way? It's can't be that simple. Something needs fixed, clearly, lets make it work. Arghhhhh!"

I still think, and talk too much. I think as I get older I get more jaded, and just internalize some of this stuff - whether I want to or not. 

I think I use these pointless intellectual pursuits as escapism. When I'm working with my hands, out riding bike, doing projects around the house - I don't think about these pointless things nearly as much. I clear my mind. 

With a new baby in the house and a very active pre-schooler, it's hard to find time away to get into (or out of) my own head. 

yupididit said:

In reply to 759NRNG :

It definitely explains his other post. His own words in his self-assessment in this thread, which was 3 years earlier than his post from a few weeks ago. In his other thread I stated that I don't understand why he keeps going back and forth. This explains it! 

haha...

mayyyyybeee. 

pheller said:

I have not met with a therapist, no. 

I do get treated for ADD which has shown some success. Less with pure "focus" and more with motivation, especially at home. I'm more productive at work and at home. I'm far better at helping around the house. 

I'm slowly learning to let more stuff go and not be so critical. I've learned to be more involved in doing something to resolve the things I critique. As evident by my recent posts, I'm still someone who is curious and empathetic, and wants to get other people thinking about the things I'm thinking about. I want them to be as invested as I am in the topic. When someone shuts me down, I get frustrated. I can't take a simple "won't work" response. "I need to know why it won't work. Why similar solutions won't work. What if we try it this way? Or that way? It's can't be that simple. Something needs fixed, clearly, lets make it work. Arghhhhh!"

I still think, and talk too much. I think as I get older I get more jaded, and just internalize some of this stuff - whether I want to or not. 

I think I use these pointless intellectual pursuits as escapism. When I'm working with my hands, out riding bike, doing projects around the house - I don't think about these pointless things nearly as much. I clear my mind. 

With a new baby in the house and a very active pre-schooler, it's hard to find time away to get into (or out of) my own head. 

That's good. It's unlikely that the 2nd bolded sentence will happen without the 1st. 

In reply to pheller :

Sounds pretty positive. Congrats