Tell me about your wedding ceremony

I've been asked to officiate my first wedding, for one of my best friends next May. Awesome, after 13 years of being ordained, I finally get to marry people. 

I sat down to talk with the bride today about the ceremony and we didn't figure much out. No swearing, no sermon, and she'd like to push for 20 to 30 minutes, and the only really traditional part that needs to be there is "will you take this?". 

That's it though, we have no idea of what to say or do. 

I suggested she write their vows, I also found some samples in my How to officiate a wedding book, so that's a start, but what am I The Officiator, to say or do?

We, myself, bride, groom, have only been to a few weddings, and they have all been Catholic church weddings or court house quickies. Not any outside, mostly formal, non religious ceremony, so no real experience to draw from. 

So what was your ceremony like? Any that you have officiated or been part of will work, but the more "non traditional" the better. 

In reply to RevRico :

I had a friend officiate our daughter’s wedding a year ago, which was also non-religious. They wrote their own vows, but the ceremony format was otherwise pretty typical. One thing my friend does in all his services is offer a moment of silence for anyone who wishes to pray. 

I grew up Catholic and attended many LONG hour plus wedding masses.  

I got married in a small Baptist church and it was a shorter 20-25 minute ceremony.  Couple songs, prayers, Scripture reading then right into the meat of the do you take.......   We used the stock book vows and kept it simple.  

Short, simple, and easy is what I like.  You do need a short message of encouragement.  

After years of living in sin, we decided to tie the knot. I didn't want a big wedding, nor a dress I could only wear one time. We decided to get married at the justice of the peace at a small town not far from where we live. We got there, and a sign on the door said they were renovating and temporarily located in the jail building two blocks down. So we walk down there, with our witness in tow. Turns out we were two dollars short on the marriage fee and needed one more witness. There's a dude getting bailed out that overheard our plight who gave us the two bucks and volunteered to be our witness. The officiator had the ceremony script on an old piece of paper with about a hundred names scribbled in the margins. Our names are now among them, wherever that paper is now, some 17 years later. 

In reply to RevRico :

Have you decided if you will be wearing the look of the young, thin Elvis or the older, fatter, Vegas era Elvis? 

I'd call our wedding semi traditional. No church. No huge bridal parties. We each had our brother stand with us, so my BIL was technically the Maid of Honor which is fun to remind him of. Ceremony/reception in the same big room. She walked down the aisle, the officiant said some things about what marriage means, and how the commitment is special. We're coming up on our 4th anniversary and neither of us could tell you specifics about what the officiant said. We were just focused on each other and it was all over quickly. We did all of the traditional "I do's", but it was pretty short and sweet. The entire ceremony was something like 11 minutes.

I guess my advice for an officiator would be to take what you know about the happy couple and mold your words to suit them. If they're informal, you can be more informal. If they're jokers, then maybe you can throw in an appropriate joke or two (keep it short and light). Talk about how lucky they are to have found one another. Talk about what a marriage means (sickness and health/sacrificing your own desires for one another/etc). Talk about leaning on each other and working through difficult life things. If they're not writing and reading their own vows, the chances are good that nobody will remember the specific things you say a month after the wedding. I'm sure you could find some examples on YouTube to give you an idea of how these things tend to go.

Still waiting to get my two bucks back

Ecm, was it Andy Taylor and Otis Campbell officiating and witnessing respectively?

No, this guy was way skinnier than Otis, and had more tattoos. 

RX Reven, you said it was your wedding gift 

John Welsh said:

In reply to RevRico :

Have you decided if you will be wearing the look of the young, thin Elvis or the older, fatter, Vegas era Elvis? 

 

I can grow some killer mutton chops, the grey does add a nice effect, but in afraid I'd look like dead for a week Elvis. 

These are some good ideas, thank you. I just don't know if I'm supposed to go full on speech, or just a joke some encouraging words and get to the questions. 

I did find out today that this will be a surprise for the parents. Everyone knows me, sort of likes me, the fathers will be fine with it, but one mom is a retired Catholic School teacher who is already upset it's not at a church, and the other is umm, I believe the southern word is "touched". So I still want to try to make a good impression on them.

I did think of getting some practice weddings in first, but someone is already advertising on Craigslist for $50 plus mileage, and I won't put on a suit for $50.

The deed was done by the town manager of Wells, Maine, who had the power to marry people, like a justice of the peace. It was October 10, 1986. It was performed at the town hall in Wells. We actually paid a couple "witnesses" $25 each to be present. They were total strangers. At the time, there was an Ames department store in the plaza next to the town hall, so post marriage, we went there to buy a couple wine glasses for the "evening festivities." But anyone who knows southern Maine in those days might remember the old Cliff House. In those days it was an old turn of the century hotel with a very cool restaurant and lounge. Old, but vintage. We went there for dinner and drinks afterwards in the lounge to see a band called Bosco that played Billy Joel music. Then we went to our hotel a few miles north in Kennebunkport called the Cape Arundel Inn, looking right out at the ocean and at the Bush family compound. (We had the turret room ... the one in the front with the "pointy" roof above). The Cape Arundel was romantic (and still is https://capearundelinn.com/). The entire event was relatively inexpensive, and I wouldn't  do it any differently today.

As a counterpoint, our son got married on Block Island, RI, back in 2007. The reception was at The Spring House. We, as the groom's parents, wanted to contribute to the occasion, and offered to pick up the bar tab, which was $7,500! We paid the bill.

Officiant at ours was a little old lady.  In my wife’s parents garden, bagpipes down the “aisle”

i don’t remember much other than she said a few things about marriage, my uncle read something, and we did vows.  I didn’t prepare and said about 2 lines, she had note cards.  Old lady said a couple more things we did I do’s, then took the Belair and the Chevelle to a big pig roast under a tent in my parents front yard.  To this day we still get “you guys had the best wedding ever” from people 

There have been some great renditions here of the memorable moments. But I have a feeling that we ain't heard anything yet until we hear from Frenchy.

I was 3 weeks out from leaving for Iraq as we were wrapping up our involvement there for the second time.

Wifey and I went down to the San Bernardino court house to get the marriage certificate and were planning on going to Vegas. The guy at the clerk counter asked if we were going to do the ceremony there. 

"Now?"

"10 minutes or so after I finish up with the folks behind you."

Look at wife who shrugs.

"Sold."

Since we didn't bring my witnesses with us, we changed the certificate to a "confidential marriage certificate" had the ceremony and drove home 30 minutes later.

Put ceremony money down on our first house a few months later. Never regretted it.

Bonus round: Our wedding anniversary is on my birthday. So it's pretty hard to forget it.

I was married in a running car. Not sure if my experience is relevant. The pastor talked about a bunch of stuff. I kind of zoned out. 

Ill let you know in less than a month lol

Wife and I had a Japanese Shinto wedding. I have not sure if you used the script from our ceremony it have much meaning for your couple. 

In reply to mazdeuce - Seth :

I guess that explains your soft spot for V6 SN95 Mustangs?

I'll send my wife in here. She does 80-100 weddings a year.

My now wife and I went to a big Southern Baptist church, but we ended up renting space at a small country church because we wanted a small wedding. The officiant was our Sunday school teacher - a bearded, tattooed biker who looked a little out of place wearing a suit and tie. My wife did co-ordinate her dress with the matron of honor, but the best man and I just went with generic gray suits and matching ties. There was a sermon, but it was maybe five minutes.  Afterwards, we went to a Japanese hibachi place for the reception, where we'd reserved a complete room - it still came out way cheaper than a normal wedding venue.

Perhaps the most memorable non-traditional element I've seen in a ceremony was an outdoor wedding in Wisconsin. It was at a house on a lake with a small boat dock. The bride's father brought her to the dock in a canoe.

I presume this is a Christian ceremony - does your denomination have a book of worship or book of prayer that includes a script for a basic wedding ceremony? That would probably make a good starting point - there's usually a place to insert some sort of short sermon or words of encouragement. If your church doesn't have a template like that, the Anglican Book of Common Prayer might be a good resource.

Even though we are no longer married, out wedding/reception setup was pretty ideal for me/us then. 

1. We go to Vegas with just our parents, in July (117 is hot humidity or not) and get married at The Little White Wedding Chapel by a very nice older gentleman. 

2. We go out for a SUPER fancy dinner and drinks afterward, my dad and my mom's boyfriend (now fiance) many beverages were imbibed, a good time and killer hangover was had by all.

3. We wait until it cools off to have our reception at her parents house. 5 acres outside of town, no neighbors closer than about 1/2 mile. 

My dad brought a small PA and DJ'd, we bought a few kegs, her step-dad smoked chicken, ribs, italian sausage, and brisket. One of our culinary friends made us a bunch of cupcakes and the main cake as our gift. We even had some friends bring all their camping gear so they didn't have to worry about making the long drive home. 

8 years, seems like an eternity now.

In reply to RevRico :

Mine was traditional Roman Catholic, because that's what my wife wanted.   I remember exactly two things from the ceremony:  1. I was reading a GRM while waiting for the start, and 2. Holy E36 M3 my bride is beautiful.

from my sister's wedding 18 years earlier, i remember hearing my dad say "It's not too late, babe!" as he lifted my sister's veil.

the most memorable overall for me may just be because it was pretty recent but my buddy Jay and his (now ex-) wife wrote their own vows and addressed some of the challenges they had faced through their courtship and engagement.  job layoff, finishing school, leukemia, etc.  so i think incorporating (1) personal experiences from the couple to be wed, and (2) humor, are essential elements.

We got married at the Loveland Castle in full Ren-fair garb.  Cake was donated by mom-in-law's friend, we bought a case of champagne for the toasting.  Ended up only giving $50 donation for the castle (don't know if they forgot to ask for more later or not because it's way more now).  She spent some $ on fabric and patterns for her outfit, I spent $100 on my cape and put assorted pants/shirt together I already had.  Lent my camera to a friend for the photos.

She walked out with two friends that had introduced us, I came out myself after.  5-10 minute ceremony and we walked back.  Boom, done.  Toast, toss a garter and bouquet, thanks for coming and enjoy the castle!

Someone was making a documentary about the castle and asked if we would let them shoot the ceremony, we said sure why not.  Later the camera guy cornered me and said it took him longer to set up the camera than my whole ceremony.  I said that was the plan.

Mine was a Catholic wedding. I play bluegrass music with the priest. He talked about music. I liked that.

But one of my favorite lines from a wedding--any wedding--was something along the lines of "by entering a marriage, it means that you are taking this person to be your favorite person, for the rest of your lives". I always liked that.

Reading-wise, you can't go wrong with I Corinthians 13:4-8

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails.

Not a "Hallmark Card" definition of love, but pretty incredible if you can live up to it.