My oldest had a habit of saying inappropriate things. He came running up to us at about five years yelling "mommy mommy theres a midget! Look at the midget!"
One day he was in the parking lot of the grocery store and while my wife was loading the groceries into the car she turned around to find him with his pants around his ankles peeing on a very short bush. He said "but i'm behind it! You said its ok to pee behind a bush!"
My 15 year old niece got a summer job at a day camp in the Litchfield Hills. She was telling me about morning drop off time and said, "I don't get it... none of these moms have jobs. They just wear workout clothes and drive really nice cars."
Hmmm...
Woody (Forum Supportum) said:My 15 year old niece got a summer job at a day camp in the Litchfield Hills. She was telling me about morning drop off time and said, "I don't get it... none of these moms have jobs. They just wear workout clothes and drive really nice cars."
Hmmm...
The early 30's girl i work with was clearly in a foul mood one morning last week and said to me, it all started with that damn vote. If we'd never won, I wouldn't have had to get up and go to work this morning.
The same kid, now almost 40, who asked why the Russian workers didn't know how to speak said recently, regarding the very rich beef ribs I'd made, oh, they were amazing, they ruined my stomach instantly.
For years, we'd drive from LA to San Francisco to be with family for the holidays.
There's a big restaurant / gift store at the halfway point we'd always stop at and I taught my daughters how to get multiple servings of their gourmet cheese & cracker samples by holding a jar of the cheese in their hands while racking up the sample count to give the impression that they were going to make a purchase.
On the last day of school before leaving for the holidays my eight y/o daughter told her entire class how excited I was to be getting my free cheese. 
I had my kids with me one day on Fort Hood. We saw an M88 recovery vehicle, which they immediately dubbed the "tow truck tank". I decided not to argue the "tank" part. Close enough.
What about when I myself was a young Padawan?
My dad had a 1971 Plymouth Roadrunner, bought new in '71, and sometime in 1974 he was feeling the effects of something I later learned was called the gas crisis. I would have been 7yrs old, and asked why he was selling the Roadrunner? (I really liked it). He said he couldn't afford to fill the gas tank anymore.
Taken aback, I said simply "well just fill it halfway then!"
Many moons ago we took son Grant (aged 5) and daughter Grace (aged 2) on a trip in the RV to visit the home of one Elvis Presley. As we pull into the parking lot my son asks "where are we again?"
"Graceland."
He positively wails "Graceland??! But I want to go to Grantland!"
Less fun but a warning for those who might think their kids aren't paying attention.
One morning just after I was told by my about to be ex that she wasn't interested in continuing the marriage (but who also swore up and down that there wasn't anyone else).
Son says over pancakes "we met mommies new friend at the park yesterday."
Guess there was someone else after all 
In reply to wvumtnbkr :
That was very similar to what my daughter said around kindergarten age.
I was diving through town with my two young kids when another driver raced through traffic, cutting us off. I'd been careful to watch my language around the kids, so I called the guy some kid appropriate swear word replacement. From my daughter in the back seat...
"Call him a Berkeley'in daddy! You are supposed to call him a Berkeley'in!"
Apparently my wife may have slipped a time or two.
Picked up my 5 year old daughter from my Ex wife's house last week. When I arrived, my former MIL and a female neighbor were also there. I said "I wasn't expecting a whole house full of ladies!" and my daughter quickly responded "Yeah, and my mom's here too!" Everyone but my Ex found it hilarious.
In the van with the in-laws and their nephew.
MIL and FIL start getting into a little argument about whether or not she remembered to take her cold medication.
MIL: No, Toby, it's supposed to be taken every three hours
FIL: Yes, dear, but you took your first dose at 9
MIL: But I can't take more than 8 doses a day if it's every three hours
Nephew: Yeah, that would make for a really long day.
My 3 year old's going through a phase where she's obsessed with the old Frosty the Snowman movie.
My super religious MIL came over for a visit, and while they were in the living room, asked my 3 year old if she wanted to watch The Star since "It's the story of Jesus"
My 3 year old looked at her, paused, then declared "I don't want Jesus, I want Frosty!"
My niece (and goddaughter) is 1, just learning a few words. At thanksgiving at my house we were trying to get her to say "mama" (which she already knows).
After a few helpful prompts, she pauses, cracks a huge grin and yells, "dadadadadada" and reached out for her dad. Love that kid.
Couple of weeks ago the kid spotted a sign that read, "PARADE AHEAD". Well, there went my plans. We got set up at my office, conveniently located at the tail end of the route, and a nice lady of the young-for-a-grandmother variety made small talk with him while we waited for things to roll our way. She tells him Santa Claus is going to be in the parade, and he replies, dry as a bone and just as serious as you please, "but Santa Claus isn't real."
He's not yet four and a half. Neither his mother nor I have ever had that talk with him. I don't know where he got it, but there's no going back now.
I was not prepared for that.
Me: "...Did you poop again???"
3 year old: " I'M A POOP MACHINE!"
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