The stories!

Every damn time I stop somewhere in the Javelin some old cooter has to tell me stories. Most are good or funny, but lately they are getting to be more and more bizarre. Funnily enough, it's they get more bizarre as the story goes along.

The latest?

This old fella was trying to tell me he had a race truck. It wouldn't hook with a 4-link so he swapped in ladder bars. He built a 400 with a 350 crank in it so loose it would spin by hand fully assembled so it would rev to 8500RPM's. It made 900HP to go 10.90's and then 1600HP "on tha bottle" to go 9.90's.

Riiiiiiigggggghhhhht

That's pretty wild. I've never owned a car that old, so I've never had to deal with that kind of thing.

I've always driven stuff that is just old enough that guys younger than me want one because they're looking for a source for a project. Last time my Mk.2 Golf was on the road, I got three folks offering to buy it every week. Weird thing was that when I told them I was the original owner, they wanted to hear my story.

People react funny to old cars. My favorite one I got while driving my (blue) 57 Thunderbird was "My uncle had one just like it, except it was green, and it was a 58 Buick."

Though there was the guy who said he filled the continental kit in his 56 'Bird with concrete, and did wheelies...

I had a gawd honest 110 outta my Z-28 on a two lane state road goin' over the mountain. Co-worker then claims 220 in a GTX on same road... honest, no drink involved. Apprentice adds he rear-ended a stopped car on same road at 100 mph and walked away.

I quit sharing stories after that.

... I never knew we had such talent in gooberville

I already shared my best drunk in a bar car story: the 200 MPH Trans Am. The guy insisted it would go 200 MPH, I finally said 'not if you dropped it off a cliff' or something like that and he wanted to take me for a ride RIGHT THEN. Yeah, like I'm gonna ride with a drunk Joe Dirt.

"This guy's got a dashmat for a '69 Nova he wants to sell..."

Living in Texas, you have no idea how many 10 second trucks are running around the streets. Most are running 3/4 race cams too! So badass they barely idle!

The Kraaa-zee insurance adjuster dude who showed up to extimate the trash-truck-walloped-Miata was really somethin'.

The garage door was open, so upon seeing the Sprite he related the tale of the "Austin Healey 2000" he and an associate had "stuffed a 368 in" that was so powerful "they had to put 1000 pounds of lead in the trunk..."

When he asked about the Radical and answered "what'l it do in the 1/4?" with "It's a road race car, so I don't know - but it does pull 2Gs cornering".

He instantly lateraled that into a story about how when his woman was killed when Hanoi fell (while he was working as a government agent), he was messed up in the head, real bad. He came back here and the government kept paying him while he was just "like going around". So, he was friends with John Glenn, and went down to Cape Canaveral to see an Apollo launch. Turned out, soon as he walked through the gate he ran into John, who took him through a week of astronaut training, during which he went in the centrifuge and passed out at 2.2G.

What do you say to that? "You're crazy and a compulsive liar; now go write a nice fat estimate for my ($1300 Kelly blue book) 22 year old Japanese car"?

motomoron wrote: The Kraaa-zee insurance adjuster dude who showed up to extimate the trash-truck-walloped-Miata was really somethin'. The garage door was open, so upon seeing the Sprite he related the tale of the "Austin Healey 2000" he and an associate had "stuffed a 368 in" that was so powerful "they had to put 1000 pounds of lead in the trunk..." When he asked about the Radical and answered "what'l it do in the 1/4?" with "It's a road race car, so I don't know - but it does pull 2Gs cornering". He instantly lateraled that into a story about how when his woman was killed when Hanoi fell (while he was working as a government agent), he was messed up in the head, real bad. He came back here and the government kept paying him while he was just "like going around". So, he was friends with John Glenn, and went down to Cape Canaveral to see an Apollo launch. Turned out, soon as he walked through the gate he ran into John, who took him through a week of astronaut training, during which he went in the centrifuge and passed out at 2.2G. What do you say to that? "You're crazy and a compulsive liar; now go write a nice fat estimate for my ($1300 Kelly blue book) 22 year old Japanese car"?

I'd just launch into a story about how I slept with John Glenn after a wild party right after Korea but neither of us was gay... it was just something that happened... trail off... then look around quick and say "I've said too much. I have to go" and close the garage door.

One of the guys in the British car club has a Lotus Exige and he was telling me that he leaves the windows cracked and the Go Pro running to record some of the things people say around the car.

I just tell people I have a Lotus. If they ask where it is I tell them it's in the shop. They always believe it.

I wish I could bull E36 M3 these stories, but I'm too honest. Best I had was a 108 in my old Accord, and a DFL/parking lot full of blue smoke from my one autoX.

I -love- Chevy guys...

-EVERY Chevy V8, big block, smallblock, etc for sale is a "Corvette engine"

-They think every GM offering had a Chevrolet engine in it. I love having to explain how the world worked before the corporate engine program, no, my Pontiac has a PONTIAC engine, not a Chevy.

-Somehow a 350 with a 400 crank which makes a 383 is god's gift to the iron smallblock but the 400 the crank came from is crap. Pardon?

-They think that everything is smallblock / bigblock. No, my 455 is just a Pontiac engine, it's not a big block.

-"fuelie" heads are the best ever, nevermind that a Vortech head will outflow just about everything the factory came up with.

I spent the last 8 years working next to the only Dynojet in a 100 mile radius. I cannot count the number of 600-800hp V8's that consistently laid down less than 300hp. The owner/operator would write down his prediction before the first run. He was always within 20hp.

The puffed chest muscle car owners were so crestfallen you could actually hear the disappointment in their shaky voices. James would adjust the timing, stuff a wideband up the exhaust, rejet and coax another 20-50hp out of them. Everyone left happy but with a lot more realistic ideas of 1960's horsepower claims.

ditchdigger wrote: I spent the last 8 years working next to the only Dynojet in a 100 mile radius. I cannot count the number of 600-800hp V8's that consistently laid down less than 300hp. The owner/operator would write down his prediction before the first run. He was always within 20hp. The puffed chest muscle car owners were so crestfallen you could actually hear the disappointment in their shaky voices. James would adjust the timing, stuff a wideband up the exhaust, rejet and coax another 20-50hp out of them. Everyone left happy but with a lot more realistic ideas of 1960's horsepower claims.

well the headers are 25+, mufflers are another 20+, my x-pipe is 15+, my intake is 24+, and my chip is 125+... so my honday (with an x-pipe ;-) has GOTZ to be making 400+hp... it was almost 200 stock... and that doesn't count my stickers

ricer math doesn't just apply to imports... but i bet 1/2 the domestic guys talk about how he beat a 500hp civic... lol.

Lets see....

I can listen to the stories, express amazement at their abilities with cars, and have a new friend for life.

Or I can rip into them, making sure they despise me.

I can see where I gain the one way. I don't see where I would gain anything the other.

Trans_Maro wrote: -Somehow a 350 with a 400 crank which makes a 383 is god's gift to the iron smallblock but the 400 the crank came from is crap. Pardon?

I've seen this enough times by reputable engine builders who experiment with more engines in a month than I will build in a decade to discount it.

There's actually been some discussion about this on speedtalk. The gist that I got is, the blocks themselves aren't all that hot, like physically. An aftermarket 4.125 block would be okay, but the stock castings shouldn't have much expected of them. (Comments like "if you're using a stock block, don't bother with upgrading the bottom end since that's not the weak point")

My gut feeling is that the siamesed bores make things go wonky for ring sealing when run hard for extended periods, too.

ditchdigger wrote: I spent the last 8 years working next to the only Dynojet in a 100 mile radius. I cannot count the number of 600-800hp V8's that consistently laid down less than 300hp. The owner/operator would write down his prediction before the first run. He was always within 20hp.

We built and installed an engine for a prewar Ford. It was either a '34 or a '36.

Let me give you the rundown of some of the basics of the engine:

Stock block, 355 or 383 (don't recall at this point) Stock casting heads, early accessory-bolt style (fun since the engine coming OUT had the late style) Low compression, cam just hot enough to be noticeable at idle Very mildy warmed over TH350, Ford 8" rear One (1) Edelbrock carb

And the kicker...

One (1) 194-series Weiand supercharger. Note, not a 6-71 or 8-71, one of the baby units.

You or I would look at the heads and the blower and the carb and the drivetrain that hasn't exploded in the last week and figure that the engine makes 350hp tops, right?

One time while the car was in for work, I saw a for-sale ad in the back.

The dude was claiming that it had a 900hp engine in it.

The sad thing is, it has OUR valve covers on the engine, and that kind of crap makes it look like we told him it'd make that much power or something.

I've rode in cars that were genuinely near that power output, going by the injector duty cycles seen at WOT. It's not something you screw around with. Picture getting sideways from rolling into the throttle at "superlegal" highway speeds, even with Fat Sticky Tires. Sorry, bud, you're not putting down close to that if you can drive it on 215-section all-seasons.

In reply to foxtrapper:

Exactly. If you rip them apart you never have to worry about hearing their BS stories again.

Ive got too many...

The latest is a guy that I work with and his 99 Mustang GT. Looks and sounds bone stock. He claims that its a secret Saleen project with twin turbos making close to 1000 hp on pump gas and is worth $75k. Being a former Mustang guy, I just let him keep going with the story to see what was obvious BS and what was a little stretch of the truth.

When I used to drive my '64 VW Type 3 notchback I didn't hear many stories, but I got a "What is that?" at just about every gas station or stoplight on a multi-lane road.

petegossett wrote: In reply to foxtrapper: Exactly. If you rip them apart you never have to worry about hearing their BS stories again.

But I want them to listen to mine! And express just as much awe and amazement about my impossible endevors.

'Sides, never know when I'm broken down on the side of the road and one of them boys drives by. I'd rather them stop than flip me the bird and drive on past.

Not really a 'story', but it gave me the giggles: I was swapping points in my 1971 Charger, a friend of my younger brother came by and stopped to say hi. He does the 'fender lizard' thing for a minute, gazes at the 318 2bbl and says 'Man, that thing's got a huge camshaft'. First guy I ever met with X ray vision.

In reply to Anti-stance:

"and a car cover that fits any Dodge from 1971 to 1982"

I have a really good friend who is dating a cop. She was telling me he took her for a ride in his P71 and they got up to 120 mph and it was crazy fast. He said, "Yeah, the supercharger kicked in". I held my tounge because I like this guy and she looooves him. LOL I was going to say, "I have a non supercharged P71 out there with a 5.4 in it. Wanna run em?" But I didn't and stuffed some more food in my mouth to make sure I didn't. LOL