Things unsaid.

This last message of yours has me concerned. I know the place you are, shoot I'm there now. Different symptoms for me, but you haven't reached a dead end. Not at all.

A very good friend of mine in Illinois has a son dealing with the same stuff you are. From what we've talked about you need to learn the necessary tools to help you get by, and it sounds like you haven't been exposed to them. He's in college and doing well. There's so much that goes into treating stuff like this. I'm BY FAR a mental health expert, but I've been on the E36 M3ty end of much health care over my life.

Stay in touch man, you aren't the only one!

Don't think college is the end all of a successful life, you don't need it to have a good life and be independent. My dad didn't go to college, he got a 2 year degree like sperlo suggested, and he's hella successful.

I went to college. I did great. I went to a masters program after that, now i'm in a PhD program. i'm not independent either, i feel terrible, and i'm now on medical leave due to mental illness caused in large part by the environment of academic work. Don't think you have no options- you have options. always.

I told this once to a friend of mine in college who always doubted herself- you aren't passed out on the floor of a meth lab, you haven't screwed up as badly as you think.

How is your mechanical aptitude?

Would you consider moving to the lower mainland / fraser valley area for a job in the automotive field?

Hang in there.

Don't for a minute think you're the only one who has felt the general way you're feeling now! I'd recommend going to talk to someone, doctor, school counselor, whoever if you feel like you can't talk to mom & dad. Like other people have said, don't fixate on college as your only option. I think I would have done better in life (and spent a lot less money) had I not gone straight to college. Being a teenager is tough. You're caught between being a kid in your parents' house and trying to develop your own person, gain independence, common sense and 'life skills', while your parents are trying to adjust.

Based on what I see my kids and their friends doing, I think it sucks more now than it did 30 years ago when I did it.

G_Body_Man wrote: I’m a constant berkeley-up. I can’t even contain myself, how am I supposed to hold a job? Become independent?

As an active member of the Late Bloomer society, I welcome you.

There will be pain. You will lose more jobs than most. You will live longer renting a room somewhere. Friends will be raising families while you're wondering if you're to old to go down for spring break. You'll still be bouncing around jobs while your friends have found careers.

But in the end, most late bloomers do indeed bloom.

Funny doors open for late bloomers. College for example. Late bloomers go to community colleges first, and they go as adults. So all that high school GPA and SAT stuff is left in the dust. Instead, they take some tests and start classes accordingly. Later, should the late bloomer go on to a larger college or university, the only GPA that matters is their community college GPA.

Let me tell you something that both my wife and I ended up feeling very frustrated by after graduating college.

A college degree is NOT a guarantee of success. You will not fall into success simply by getting one. What it can do is open trails for you that you might want to take. Quite simply, it isnt the best choice for everyone and the path they want to take. I graduated with a BS in Materials Science Engineering and couldnt find a job for over a year (and when I did, it was 20% below the usual starting wage for my degree, now after three years I am finally moving into a job I really feel great about (I get to be an engineer, mess with cars, and get paid well for it!). My wife graduated with a Masters in Public History and after graduating she worked at Starbucks, then as a $12/hr recruiter for a door to door place that tried to scam her, then a $12/hour temp, then a $15/hr recruiter for a good company (computer security), and only now has a job as an admin(think secretary, but I might get murdered if I said that word to her ) that pays commensurate with her degree over three years later with lots of hard work to get there. What I am trying to say is, never think it is an easy path or the only path. I would still do it if I had it to do over again, but I was determined that it was the path I wanted.

YOU have to work out what path YOU want to take and you have to decide how hard of a path you are willing to walk. I did lowsy in highschool, I had bad things going on at home, but cars tied my world together and I became determined to be an engineer despite bad grades and problems staying focused. I even had a step father who kept telling me that I wouldnt ever do more than flip burgers. Wasn't easy, but I did it. You can too if its what you want, just make sure you carry the determination.

Do some research on the things Mike Rowe has to say about jobs and careers. The system does make you think a degree is a necessity for success, its not entirely true, but it does help you on a great many pathways and there are doors that wont open without it. The bigger thing is deciding what you want to do and building the determination to go out and DO IT.

Find your passion, the one that you will strive for no matter what other people think of it. Find what you need to do to get somewhere with it, if it needs a degree, go make it happen, if it really doesn't, well, you get where I am going.

Yeah, your life is gonna change, everyone's does at your age. You have to redefine your life into your own life and all of the responsibilities that it carries with it. It isnt easy, but not much truly worthwhile is. Gear yourself up for the fight, because the fight in you dictates your life from that point on.

Seriously I don't know you other than reading online, but in no way do you sound like your at a dead end in life. You just at the fun part. I know you may not THINK your able to go out and do things on your own, you completely are, sure you will berkly up quite a few things, we all do when we are younger, its part of learning who you are and growing up. Don't think you do it any more than anyone else, just don't get hung up on it. Move on (easy to say, VERY hard to do at times). But having a job that makes just enough for a room and ramen is part of life, and IMO it will at least give you something to do, might not be fun, but its gets you out and doing something. Anything other than sitting around worrying about berking up.

College is fine and dandy, I did CC fist, after having REALLY E36 M3ty HS grades because i didn't care, and then went to college. I got a degree and don't really use it at all, but it was something I felt i needed to do earlier in life. I didn't like HS at all, and if I didn't go to college when I was younger I never would have. That was just me.

Maybe you want to try a job first, maybe CC, maybe college, that's up to you, but whatever you do it will be something to put your mind and body to.

I worked construction for a long time (still do, but in the office now...) Might be a good outlet for you, not really mind consuming when you start, but if your willing to learn it can be a lot more than digging holes all the time. (it can be really brain stimulating when your learning new skills too!) It will get you outside and moving and is a pretty decent place to start as someone with "issues" (not meant in any bad way at all) there are a TON of not normal, weird dudes working constuction (me included ) Pay is usually ok too.

Hope that gives you some insight, we are all a little weird, and all go through some metal problems at times in our lives.

foxtrapper wrote: But in the end, most late bloomers do indeed bloom. Funny doors open for late bloomers. College for example. Late bloomers go to community colleges first, and they go as adults. So all that high school GPA and SAT stuff is left in the dust. Instead, they take some tests and start classes accordingly. Later, should the late bloomer go on to a larger college or university, the only GPA that matters is their community college GPA.

Oh so true!

I freaked out because I didnt graduate college until I was 25. I finally have things going straight for me now, but I am 30.

and with what I said earlier, let me add, as long as you arent letting things fall apart entirely, its alright to take some time to decide.

You are young, but you will figure out that you can always redefine yourself within a few years if you put your mind to it and make the effort. (just dont do things that will limit your options, like get a conviction or such)

Don't know you at all, other than to know that you state that you work within an Asperger's environment. Some exposure due to my nephew and staff that I have hired.

I once got in a lot of trouble when I told my HS principal that High School was no place for an intelligent human being. (Trying to explain why I skipped 30 days of grade 13 classes) I can see where it might not be your happy place either. I am here to tell you that inasmuch as many people peak at the HS level, for most intelligent people the real world STARTS after HS. You still wont know what you want to do, but you will feel that it is you driving rather than teachers, parents and peers (sometimes, collectively known as shiny happy people).

My advice would to be to stick it out, graduate and go on the road-trip that you posted. I think you will come back a changed man. If you can pull that trip off, it means you have the acumen to do something meaningful (road-trips require life-skills) and the courage to plow on through life.

Or you could fly to Rio and spend a week in a brothel, that will also change your outlook on life.

G_Body_Man wrote: You know when you feel like complete E36 M3, and how nothing can fix the irreparable rift inside of you? It happened tonight. Part of the problem is time. Time is one thing I don’t have. In a year and a half, I graduate high school. My dad thinks that I won’t be able to make it in college. And somewhere, deep down inside, there’s a nagging voice telling me that he’s right. I’m a constant berkeley-up. I can’t even contain myself, how am I supposed to hold a job? Become independent? Maybe eventually. But right now, I’m a sack of flesh grounded to my parents. My dad expects me to become independent. He’ll be 55 this year, and just doesn’t have the money to keep me in the house much longer. I won’t even talk about my brother At this point, I don’t know what my purpose is or what I’m feeling. I don’t know what to do. I’m losing sleep and sanity. There aren’t that many options left for me. College is a dead-end, and I don’t really have much of a future. I don’t know how I’ll survive when everything is gone.

I find myself identifying with you more and more. I was a smart articulate kid who looked like he was 12 at age 16. I also struggled with school and getting through age 16 and 17.

I don't know everything that is going on in your family. But I hear some familiar threads. Adolescence is really hard. Your body, your thought process, your need for autonomy and the expectations from others are changing fast. Well-adjusted parents and a stable home life help a lot.

I had neither. My parents were two people berkeleyed-in-the-head by their own lives. They found each other and decided raising kids would make it all better. It didn't. They were both too lost in their worlds to really see me or my siblings for who we were and what we actually needed. They had a very distorted view of me and thus their expectations were completely unreasonable.

I felt like the biggest berkeley-up in the world. I thought I was somehow fundamentally different, less capable and less deserving than everyone else. It took me years to realize that I was normal person in extraordinary circumstances. The things I did and the way I felt were also completely normal. I didn't deserve any of it.

From the little bits you have shared about moving, depression in the family and money issues, I am guessing there is a fair bit of chaos going on around you and probably has been for awhile. I am also guessing that the way your are feeling and acting is also completely normal.

So here are things that I hope you can remember as move forward.

1. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. - A lot of us understand where you are and care.

2. You are doing something difficult. Growing up is hard. Being a teenager is hard. Getting to adulthood is hard. Struggling to master difficult things makes you human. You will get better at it.

3. This is temporary. Circumstances change constantly. You are changing fast at 16. It gets better.

get a reliable ride and a good camera, start that road trip up, take photos of interesting sights along the road and of every meal. Write nightly, keep a detailed log of the food experience and location each day, of the sights. Put it all together and edit once the adventure is over. Publish. Laugh at those who doubted you.

It's hard giving advice to relative strangers over a long distance, and it is easy to offer platitudes from a position of comfort.

That said, you've got friends you never met here. Hang in there, I think most of us will help in any way we can.

Interestingly, nobody on this thread has mentioned my go to advice for young people. Join the military!

I hated high school, got E36 M3ty grades because I didn't care or enjoy the school environment. Recognized that college wasn't a viable option for me (money or motivation) at the time so I enlisted in the army. In four years I met amazing people, and douchebags. I learned more medicine than I did in three years of a BSN program. Basically I learned how to cope. Any time in my life since I've been challenged I just do what needs to be done. Mental and physical toughness. One of the best aspects is that you don't pay (i.e. CC, trade school, whatever) to learn a skill.

Let's say you want to learn to be a welder. You enlist in the Navy and they train you to weld and pay you while they do it. Then they give you your first job where you gain experience welding. But after say 4 years you realize that welding isn't your calling and you really want to be a crane operator. Well in the civilian world you're just paying off your student loans and maybe finishing a low payed apprenticeship. But in the Navy you simply "reclassify" and they send you back to school to learn a new skill (which they pay for) and BAM, you have a new skillset.

A lot of people think that joining the military is just about going to war. The reality is that 95% of the jobs aren't combat, they simply are jobs that need to be done.

At this point (44) I really regret not staying in and making it a career because life has a way of happening whether you prepare for it or just let it happen to you.

In reply to KyAllroad:

I didn't graduate college till I turned 30. Not joining the military (I would have went Navy or Air Force and both parents were Army) was a big regret. Looking back on it now I will tell you somethings that I was always told that is a lie or just decieving.

1. A college degree will not make you successful and guarantees you one thing. That you will be able to do what ever it is that they taught you to do. This becomes fun in part 2.

2. College does not teach you how to actually work in the real world. So you might be the best CAD jockey, underwater basket weaver, nurse to ever take a test but that doesn't mean you know squat about work ethic, office politics, how to get promotions, how not to be fired because the boss needs to make cuts or keep, or even know your self worth.

3. Whatever you plan to do, statistically speaking, you will be doing something else 10 years out of college.

4. Doing what you are "supposed to do" to get ahead, almost guarantees you never will. I have the debt, jacked credit and resume to prove it. Doing what you are "supposed to do" guarantees you a particular station in life where you will never be comfortable and never be able to break the mold. It designed to make you into a good little drone.

5. Stop being afraid. Everyone says something to pray on your fears. Some fears is good, it keeps you from getting eaten by bears or pregnant women when you are holding ice cream. Others are bad, like starting a new adventure, your own business or trying something no one has ever done. Ask for advice on where you made mistakes, don't ask if you should do it.

6. Never work over for free.

7. Never think money is the only way you get paid.

8. You can be anything you want is the most deceiving lie we have ever been told. It would accurately say you can be anything you want IF you are willing to pay the price and the price isn't always worth it.

9. You are responsible for you. No matter what happened before or what happens next how you respond to it is more important most times than what it is.

10. Showing up is 50% of everything, 5% is effort, 5% skill, 40% is results. 90% is good enough all but 10% of the time.

These are things that I have learned this last year. Give more to those who don't owe you anything, avoid those that demand things from you and never return the favors. Smile and laugh more, hate and worry less. Those that think you are ridiculous, berkeley 'em. They will die before you and you can laugh at their funeral, and if you don't, you still got to laugh.

In reply to Flight Service:

In regards to point 10, the problem is that I'm not getting very good results in school. I really put in the effort, but the results are lacking.

Trans_Maro wrote: How is your mechanical aptitude? Would you consider moving to the lower mainland / fraser valley area for a job in the automotive field?

I'm fairly mechanically apt. I have done various minor jobs from dropping a fuel tank using only hand tools, to changing valve cover gaskets and fluids. I would absolutely be interested in a job in the automotive field, either for the summer as an apprentice, or more permanently when I finish High School.

In reply to G_Body_Man:

I had a professor tell me something that seems to ring true.

A students visit occasionally, B students give to the boosters occasionally, C students donate regularly, D students tend to donate buildings.

Don't stress, it is just a metric for right now, find what you want to be. Find someone doing it. Ask them how they got there. Keep repeating till you make you a map for you. If you change your mind so be it.

Thanks guys, your support means a lot. I'm currently trying to get in touch with a mental health professional who can hopefully help me.

G_Body_Man wrote: Thanks guys, your support means a lot. I'm currently trying to get in touch with a mental health professional who can hopefully help me.

Sounds like a very good first step. See you are already making good decisions for your future!

G_Body_Man wrote:

Trans_Maro wrote: How is your mechanical aptitude? Would you consider moving to the lower mainland / fraser valley area for a job in the automotive field?

I'm fairly mechanically apt. I have done various minor jobs from dropping a fuel tank using only hand tools, to changing valve cover gaskets and fluids. I would absolutely be interested in a job in the automotive field, either for the summer as an apprentice, or more permanently when I finish High School.

I once drove a new (to me) 1985 Mazda RX-7 to Hayes Rotary in Bellevue for a "buyers inspection". After it passed I asked about suggested modifications and then I kind of hinted about wanting a job as a tech. The boss seemed willing and I remember saying something to the effect of "Well, I've worked on cars but I really don't have any experience as a 'mechanic".

He said that was the preferred experience level as I hadn't had time yet to develop bad habits or be "stuck in my ways".

If there's a car that you're passionate about, maybe there's a "go fast" shop in your area that'd take you on.

G_Body_Man wrote: Thanks guys, your support means a lot. I'm currently trying to get in touch with a mental health professional who can hopefully help me.

^^^ This. 1000x this. Getting help from a good therapist/counselor/etc. will pay very large dividends for your overall quality of life. If you have trouble connecting with the first one you visit, try another. Ask your family doctor (if you like them) for a recommendation or even a referral. Hopefully it will be covered under your provincial health care if a doctor can refer you to a community based counselor. If not, do either of your parents have a job with benefits than include an EFAP (Employee Family Assistance Program)? They offer (free of charge to you, and anonymous to the employer) over the phone, as well as in person counseling.

I wish you the best of success in your search. You are making a very good start to feeling better.

Hungary Bill wrote:

G_Body_Man wrote:

Trans_Maro wrote: How is your mechanical aptitude? Would you consider moving to the lower mainland / fraser valley area for a job in the automotive field?

I'm fairly mechanically apt. I have done various minor jobs from dropping a fuel tank using only hand tools, to changing valve cover gaskets and fluids. I would absolutely be interested in a job in the automotive field, either for the summer as an apprentice, or more permanently when I finish High School.

I once drove a new (to me) 1985 Mazda RX-7 to Hayes Rotary in Bellevue for a "buyers inspection". After it passed I asked about suggested modifications and then I kind of hinted about wanting a job as a tech. The boss seemed willing and I remember saying something to the effect of "Well, I've worked on cars but I really don't have any experience as a 'mechanic". He said that was the preferred experience level as I hadn't had time yet to develop bad habits or be "stuck in my ways". If there's a car that you're passionate about, maybe there's a "go fast" shop in your area that'd take you on.

I know very little about rotaries, and I haven't actually torn down an engine, but I'm eager to learn. My biggest problem is that I'm a bit too methodical at times.

In reply to Enggboy:

I'm still laughing at the acronym "EFAP"

There is a lot of good advice in this thread.

I'm going to mention a few things. I know a lot of people making 6 digits and never getting a degree. Heck, I got my degree at 38 and I've been earning really good money since I was 25. The only reason I bothered to get my degree was that it was required to get my certification as a Project Manager. I aced college when I did go because I already knew it because I lived it every day.

There is no pre-set path to success. My uncle never spent a day in college and has been a very successful small business owner his entire life where as my sister in laws both have their masters and combined they maybe have earn $200K their entire lives and they are deep into their 40s.

It's really a matter of finding your value and where you fit into the overall scheme of things. Don't feel bad if you don't know your niche yet. Take some time and find it. My neighbor across the street has been 2 years out of college now and still working retail because she hasn't found her niche. Unfortunately, finding it only comes from experience and expanding your horizons. It also seems to hit you when you least expect it.

You are young with many years to explore. Enjoy the ride. It's way too early to stress about this kind of stuff.