"You can't say she didn't warn him" - if Birdlady murders me
"You can't say she didn't warn him" - if Birdlady murders me
"Wear nitrile gloves? What for?"
Death caused by excessive ingestion of brake cleaner through the skin.
My craziest near miss might have been "Run over by car while sledding on a sheet of ice." Granted, the ice was on a public road.
"Safety Third"
Too many things in my life that could have ended it to remember. I've always been an adrenaline junky.
Somewhere on the paperwork it will have to say "Mileage exceeds mechanical limit" 'cause I was born in the days of 5 digit odometers. Hell, I can document rolling over a 6 digit one already...
"He didn't wear his sunscreen 25 years ago."
or
"Asphyxiation due to eating McDonalds French fries too fast."
"Plugged in a fridge while standing barefoot in a puddle." That one was rather unpleasant.
I'm utterly amazed I've made it to 67. I had so many incidents that could have ended my life. I guess I've been that lucky.
I wonder what "faceplanted a hidden jagged rock while biking" would be written up as. I went ears deep into some mud when I was about 14 and found the rock 6 inches from my head when I went to push myself up.
At a younger age, mine might have been "Failure to follow manufacturer safety guidelines" from any of the following products:
-Honda Trail 70
-Honda ATC 200m (although you could hurt yourself WHILE following safety guidelines on this thing)
-Various assorted fireworks
-Jarts (Metal tipped lawn darts for those under 40)
stepped on a lego too many times
In his mind he still believed he was half his age, but his body knew the truth.
His was a most spectacular electrocution!
I was the helper drilling holes in the concrete floor for threaded anchors for refrigeration pipe racks running under the raised floor in a data center. Couldn’t get the hammer drill bit to bite in one area no matter how hard I pushed. Pulled the drill and bit up to inspect and noticed metal showing just under the surface. Being stubborn, I tried another hole nearby with the same result. I grabbed another bit, bounced it off the floor and got a hollow “thunk, thunk”. A few inches away and it was a solid “plink, plink”. Hmmmmm.
I grabbed the journeyman who looked and then he grabbed the facilities guy. The main switchgear room was just the other side of the wall from where we were working and the 13,800 volt feeders for the building were run in a metal vault across and under the data center floor. Would have been quite the show!
We were doing demo day work in the back bay of Boston. All utility's are supposed to be cut. I was standing next to a guy that was demoing a elevator shaft. He hit the shaft with a pick ax. Big whit flash and the next thing we know we are across the room waking up on the floor with people coming in and lots of smoke and this weird buzzing noise. Turns out the elevator motors at the top of the shaft were wired into the building next door through lines in the basement.
Then there was the close encounter with a lightning strike but I only remember my bosses hair rising up and then it was a week later. That had some side effects that lasted years.
Electricity and I have had a interesting relationship over the years.
I rolled over number 66 on the personal odometer recently. Lucky to be here.
Mine could have said, "Died of dehydration," when I was four. Crazy mom cut me off from any food or water while my dad was away.
Fortunately for me, he had a premonition and came home early. It was already the third day.
I also got shot at as I was walking up the street, possibly related to the fact that I was with a black man. Edgewater, FL, about 1979.
I've had my share of dumb moves and random close calls, but after that, everything else pales by comparison.
Doing what he loved.
"He ate a tube of epoxy when he was 4, and it hardened him inside."
paddygarcia said:It'll probably say the thing I've kind of dreaded all the time I've worked on cars or done other dangerous stuff.
My dad taught me early to throw a wheel underneath the car when jacking up to replace brake pads (in the Time Before Jackstands), so if the jack failed the car might not squish me. Over the years I've added jackstands and other tools/procedures to reduce the chance of squishage, and sometimes people tell me they're impressed with my safety conciousness.
Only some know that the real reason is not so much to avoid being squished, but to avoid the fact that after squishage everybody would say "I didn't think he was such a dumbass" and I'd have nothing to say about it since I'd be squished.
So my death cert will probably say "Dumbass".
A friend of mine died this way while we were in high school. The car was an old VW Beetle.
jharry3 said:paddygarcia said:It'll probably say the thing I've kind of dreaded all the time I've worked on cars or done other dangerous stuff.
My dad taught me early to throw a wheel underneath the car when jacking up to replace brake pads (in the Time Before Jackstands), so if the jack failed the car might not squish me. Over the years I've added jackstands and other tools/procedures to reduce the chance of squishage, and sometimes people tell me they're impressed with my safety conciousness.
Only some know that the real reason is not so much to avoid being squished, but to avoid the fact that after squishage everybody would say "I didn't think he was such a dumbass" and I'd have nothing to say about it since I'd be squished.
So my death cert will probably say "Dumbass".
A friend of mine died this way while we were in high school. The car was an old VW Beetle.
MILs cousin died this way about 4 years ago. After that I built wood ramps for anything that I need to be under the car for.
dean1484 said:We were doing demo day work in the back bay of Boston. All utility's are supposed to be cut. I was standing next to a guy that was demoing a elevator shaft. He hit the shaft with a pick ax. Big whit flash and the next thing we know we are across the room waking up on the floor with people coming in and lots of smoke and this weird buzzing noise. Turns out the elevator motors at the top of the shaft were wired into the building next door through lines in the basement.
Yikes! Did they both belong to the same landlord, or was this some scheme to stick the neighbors with the elevator's electric bill?
Having just closely read the title of this thread, I suggest the OP's cerficiate could read "dude couldn't spell to save his life". 
Mine could have read "squished by car," or at least "heart attack brought on by nearly being squished by car." The first time was when I was under my wife's GS300, bleeding brakes, while she was in the driver's seat pushing on the brake pedal. Unbeknownst to me, the gas hood supports were getting worn out, so after being up for several hours, they suddenly decided it was time to close, and the hood slammed really hard, with me under the car. I scrambled out and sat there questioning my life choices for several seconds before calming down enough to continue.
The second time was much worse. I was parting out a Mercedes C300 and the car had been hit pretty hard in the passenger side front. Apparently that put a really solid twist in the body that was held at bay by, of all things, the lower transmission mount, which in those cars is a cast aluminum piece about 10 inches long and quite thick, maybe 1/4 - 1/2" thick, with some thicker flanges. I was under the car, with it supported by a MaxJax 2-post lift I had installed myself. As soon as I loosened the last screw on the first side, there was an earth shattering kaboom and the whole car jumped and started swaying. I flung myself out from under the car, but obviously that would have been slow as molasses compared to how fast a car falls. I honestly had to go outside and collect myself for a while after that one. The transmission mount had cracked in half all the way through the aluminum due to the amount of energy released in that shift. If I was a smoker I would've gone through a whole pack trying to get my nerves settled.
He told his wife that no, he was not wrong.
In reply to jgrewe :
"Mileage exceeds mechanical limit"
Forget a death certificate, that would make one hell of an epitaph.
AngryCorvair (Forum Supporter) said:Having just closely read the title of this thread, I suggest the OP's cerficiate could read "dude couldn't spell to save his life".
Can confirm. (Alternatively phrased) Death Cert: He said "Spelling will be the death of me." He was right.
EDIT: "E36 M3 you've publicly misspelled" could/should probably be it's own thread for me.
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