When do you RSVP?

As some of you know, I'm getting married this Fall. My RSVP deadline is next week and I'm surprised at how many people wait until the last minute to send things in, or have other people pass things along by word of mouth instead of mailing in a pre-stamped RSVP (or just clicking a link and doing it online). The invites went out on June 3rd so it's not like they haven't had them for a while now. 

So I'm curious, when do you RSVP for something? As soon as you know you are or aren't going or do you wait a while? I'm the sort who replies as soon as I know. Do people just not RSVP for things anymore?

I remember when we got married almost two decades ago, we had two tables set aside for people that we figured would show up without an RSVP.  It was on all the diagrams and paperwork as DB1 and DB2.  That stood for deadbeat, but other meanings could be appropriate.

That said, we've been guilty of failing to submit our rsvps before because it just gets lost in the shuffle.  Never to a wedding, though.  It's not an excuse and we're trying to do better.  What makes it worse is that I know how annoying it is to not get responses and yet I become that which I hate....  It usually happens because either i think she's going to do it while she thinks I'm going to or because we need to resolve any conflicts and then it gets forgotten.  But you're right: it should be done right away.

RSVPing is kind of a lost courtesy.  Even my own kids don't always RSVP, or do so very late in the game.

If I know for sure I can't make it, I RSVP and decline right away.

If I'm unsure, I will wait a bit until my plans firm up.  Even if I'm pretty sure I can make it, I might delay accepting for a bit in case something happens (not a better offer; something that would prevent me from going). 

For something like a wedding, with significant planning on the part of the host, I would RSVP one way or the other pretty promptly.

I always RSVP directly to the host.  When we had more extended family, it would drive us nuts for our yearly family gathering.  My sister-in-law would tell my father-in-law if she was coming to our house, but not us (or vice versa).  JUST TELL THE PERSON WHO INVITED YOU.

Best wishes, by the way.

Tough to say. Probably either right away or at the last minute.

If I get an invite and I know right away whether or not I can make it, I respond right away.

Usually there's a bit of song and dance with the wife of, "Hey, are we able and interested in going to this? Well, we've got time to decide..." And the note gets stuck to the front of the refrigerator and kind of forgotten about until I realize the deadline is in 2 days, and then I make a decision.

I would send out a nicely worded reminder email.   We usually try to RSVP right away but sometimes things go in one side of my head and out the other.  Especially if its something closeby that I dont have to make significant travel arrangements for.  

Wedding RSVPs are funny like that. Feels like people either do it right when they revieve the letter, or wait until the last minute. 

My advice: don't worry about it. Order the food/booze/whatever for the people who RSVPed "yes" and call it good. You can only do so much and  you've probably got other things to deal with for your wedding. Don't forget it's you and your partner's day. No one else's. 

Getting RSVP's is a major PITA. If RSVP'ing is a 'lost art', it was lost a LONG time ago. I think many (most?) people are simply not willing and/or able to commit immediately after receiving the invitation, so they set it aside to figure out later. The problem is, it's human nature to forget about whatever doesn't directly affecting our lives on a daily basis... So since it's not their big special hellishly planned event, it quickly get burried and/or forgotten.

Thankfully my wife is much better at rememberin such things than I am, but even at that and having been through it all ourselves, we are still occasionally guilty of the same too.

Direct contact as a reminder shortly before the stated deadline, and again as necessary to get even just a verbal response shortly after the deadline, worked for us. The list of 'DBs' can even be divided up and delegated to the immediate family member or wedding part member of closest relationship to each of the offender(s) for both mild shaming and to minimize the additional workload (and awkward conversations) for yourselves.

It's ironic how much time and effort goes into planning something that's over in such a blur. Ultimately, no matter what else happens, the only thing that really matters at the end of the day is that you're married. Congratulations, and good luck!

Honest answer: depends on how much I like the person.

I actually lost a friendship over this. I liked the dude, wife didn't. I waited until the last minute to RSVP to his wedding, thinking I could get the wife onboard. He was big mad about the last minute RSVP and told us not to attend. That was the last time we spoke. Oh well.

The benefit of being able to count your friends on one hand, RSVPs are no longer important, it's just "hey you coming next weekend?" And done. 

Good timing as I just got a wedding inventation for one of my nephews yesterday.  Interesting enough there's no RSVP.  Just a hey show up here at this time and dress semiformal.  Unfortunately for them they didn't say not FL semiformal.

For a wedding, as soon as I feel they won't be personally offended by my declining the invitation.

Three people got around that by making me best man. I couldn't figure out how to get out of those. Bastards.

First, congratulations Katie!!!

When I get an invitation to something, with few exceptions, I immediately determine if I'm going or not and RSVP accordingly; see also paying bills the first possible day.

I'd send an e-mail to all of the invitees with a beautiful, wedding themed table identifying everyone as "Accepted", "Declined", or "Berking DB that's too berking lazy / stupid to muster up a reply...drug addiction suspected".

That aught to improve your response rate significantly. 

I haven't RSVPed because I haven't received my invitation.  I guess it's lost in the mail. 

Maybe you should have asked them to,  "please reply." 

Stampie said:

Good timing as I just got a wedding inventation for one of my nephews yesterday.  Interesting enough there's no RSVP.  Just a hey show up here at this time and dress semiformal.  Unfortunately for them they didn't say not FL semiformal.

Liquor soaked tank top, banana hammock, and flip flops it is!

In reply to Patrick :

Banana hammock implies that I wear underwear.

One other issue is thst if you have kids in school, along with normal bills sometimes the incoming paperwork gets a bit thick and all of a sudden there's a 6" tall stack of paperwork on the corner of your desk with a forgotten wedding invitation in the middle.  

DOH!

Damn I forgot, thanks for the reminder. I'll bring Wally as my plus 1. 

I always RSVP, and usually in plenty of time, but then I am old and it was important to my parents who taught me well. But we have a party last Saturday of every November and of the 100 odd invites we get perhaps 20 or 30 RSVP's, and about double that number show up. I sometimes wonder why I bother sending the same people invites year after year, when they either never show up or never RSVP which makes planning difficult. 

it's dang rude.

Y'all are invited by the way.

I set my wedding rsvp to be 2 months before the wedding. Anyone who didn't rsvp by then were E36 M3 or of luck. Every person costs a plate, seat, etc. Also, don't invite anyone that you wouldn't spend $200 on. 

In reply to Katie Suddard :

Asking mostly guys?   What do we know?  We ask our wives, Mom's, or girlfriends about that stuff just like women  ask guys  car stuff.  
   Oh, I'm not that chauvinistic, I know some guys understand the rules and some women can run rings around us guys on cars.  It's just typically not a real high priority. 
    

Some people just have commitment issues or procrastination issues.  Reasonable consideration for others predeceased common decency by at least a decade.  I suggest that you turn the matter over to a tire-iron-wielding Guido trained in the black art of extracting RSVP's from negligent guests.

Duke said:

RSVPing is kind of a lost courtesy.  Even my own kids don't always RSVP, or do so very late in the game.

 

I work in a world of "professionals".

ANY meeting I am going to, I can check the tracking and I guarantee at least 30% have not responded at all.

Its super annoying to me that Outlook and other email clients don't harass you and force you to respond.

Repondez s'il vous plait.    It is a lost courtesy, I agree with everyone else.  In the age of the common man politeness is quickly being lost.

If I want to go, I will respond almost immediately. 

If I don’t want to go, I usually wait till the last minute. 

It’s a jerk move, I know.  I’m invited because of obligation to most of the events that I don’t want to attend.

Lots of second and third cousins that invite everyone. Three or four hundred people with large noses hanging out in someone’s barn drinking free beer and eating polish sausage with sauerkraut. 

I alway do respond.