Teen Locator.. HELP

I guess I am cheap. I'd probably put a locking gas cap on the car and keep the key. Add enough gas for him to do what he has to do and no more.

That's sort of how my parents taught me to hypermile After a few weeks I'd have enough gas saved up to do a track day.

Just sounds like good parenting to me. It's your job to protect your kids until they have the sense to do it themselves.

I'm sooooooo glad my parents didn't have this option when I was a kid. I'd still be grounded!

My first car was a clapped out '72 Dodge Colt that my dad gave to me the day I got my license. I didn't go far because the car was a POS and I didn't have gas money.

Anyway, I have a Garmin Nuvi 1350 GPS that keeps track of everywhere you go.... as long as its on.

I wasn't aware of this feature when I bought the GPS... its kinda like big brother.

The feature can be turned off .

This may be a cheap solution.

If you were my parents, I would either kill myself or dedicate my conscious existence to making your life a reciprocal hell. Myself, I have a very twisted sense of humor and would have chosen the later of the two options.

How often does the drug sniffing dog do a run of his room? Do urine test suffice or do you require actual blood screening for drugs?

God help you if he discovers sex in any of its many variations!

You might want do do a bug sweep of your own cars and perceived private spaces, that is where I would have started my entertainment campaign.

EDIT:

Just found the post where we get some background on the person. I would not provide a car. "Parenting" is over for both parties at this point.

The first phase was removing text and data from his phone plan on Tuesday. He's failing the only class that he needs to pass to graduate.

We'll see what's next. ..

He's a good kid. Just wanting to explore. Very kind to people and generous.

I may be just over protective.

Not over protective, that's the job you signed on for when you decided to have kids.

If more people paid attention to what their kids were doing and tried to teach them the rules we'd have far fewer people in prison and probably no one would grow up to be a career politician!

My kids have come back and thanked me for being protective as now they can see that it saved them from a world of misery. They only get this perspective with age.

I haven't read much of this thread, but installing life360 on his phone and the turning all alerts off will let you see where he's going, etc. It has a history feature that will highlight where he's gone throughout the day. Sounds like he might be a hard case though.

IMO, it might be over protective, but I'm not in your shoes. I can look around this neighborhood and imagine how it would have been if these kids had any supervision what-so-ever. Yesterday four blocks away, a kid was shot (and thankfully it was just a graze) right in front of a school.

As a new dad I can understand wanting to be protective. I also disagree with the thought that once you turn 18 you're on your own. I know a lot of people who didn't mature until well into their 20s. 18 is arbitrary and kids today seem to be so soft shelled that I think 21 should be the new norm.

Good luck with your kid, sounds like it may get worse before it gets better. Keep with it though, he will thank you some day.

In reply to NOHOME:

settle down, beavis.

My kid and I have an understanding: she can do pretty much as she wants as long as she keeps her grades up, stays out of trouble and respects the time boundaries (curfews) I have set. One strong rule is that she is to keep her phone on at all times, if I call her and the phone is turned off or if she doesn't answer for some reason but does not call me back pretty quick that's a major infraction of the rules. So far it's worked pretty well.

Telling you he has punches at the smoke shop and bragging about a dope dealing friend sounds to me a bit like he wants people to think he's a badass. Not sure what I would do in that situation.

M3Loco wrote:

SlickDizzy wrote:

doc_speeder wrote: Isn't this sort of the definition of helicopter parenting???

I would have been hugely depressed as a teenager if my parents distrusted me so much that they tracked my every movement. They gave me respect enough to trust me so I gave them respect enough to follow the rules. Is there a suspicion that said teenager is drinking or on drugs? If you strangle their freedom while they are still living with you, just imagine how seriously they will rebel when they get to college (seen it a thousand times).

He takes every opportunity to "shock" us by telling is that he has a punch-card to the local smoke-shop, he always mentions that he hangs out with a guy that sells "drugs", he runs out of gas pretty quickly, (only drives 4-5 miles a day). Sleeps till 2PM if you let him. Only goes to school for 2-3 hours a day, and comes home at 1:00 then sleeps till it's time to go to work. Never is hungry. etc.. We have plenty of other reasons NOT TO. It's been an on-going battle. We thought by giving him a little more independence, he'd turn the corner and start getting it together. I guess he's the normal teen.. right?

Sounds pretty normal to me.

N Sperlo wrote: attention. ... I craved it to and still do.

Says the talk show host

Back to the OP...I'm not there yet with my kids (they're much younger) but they won't be driving if I don't trust them enough to be responsible with the privilege. But again...I'm not in your situation, and I'm not judging.

I was similar to your kid in HS and I straightened up after being marched to the Armed Forces recruiting station by my father (Lt Colonel). They monitored my mileage and if it deviated too far I lost the car for a period of time, as well as other loss of privileges. I can't imaging what they would have come up with today. Good luck.

It does sound like you may have reasonable suspicion to track your son, which is a regrettable situation.

Slightly off topic here, but a thought just occurred: I find it interesting that as our nation goes through the ethical controversy of the NSA's wiretapping activities that such behavior is frequently encouraged and exercised on a DIY or familial level; be it for unruly teenagers, suspected cheating spouses, or whatever. I think we all better start getting used to a culture of surveillance on all levels, as that is definitely the way things are going.

Either way, it does indeed seem like there may be something deeper going on with your son (psychologically).

Thanks again all..

A little background. He's a military-brat. I recently retired from the AF and we're finally settled in the U.S. He was born in Japan, then we moved to 3 other countries, speaks 2 languages, etc. Military kids have a hard time finding their routine and identity at times. He's slightly a little immature for his age (18), and really wants to find that niche'. Unfortunately, he doesn't look in the right places. We give him some lee-way, and at times we get spat on.

I'm all for the Military for him, but mom had to endure 20 years with me.. so no go!

He talks a lot of junk to get attention. That's true. But I hear form other people that interact with him, what a bright kid he is. It makes us proud.

Our parental commitment is: He graduates from H.S. in December, then we get his wisdom teeth done. After that he can move out and then take care of himself. Sometimes we have to let him see that he's living like a king in our house. Just has to follow the rules.

I'll see how this week works out as to whether or not the mobile app gets installed.

R>.

Sounds pretty normal to me. I was pretty eager for attention at his age too, I think I pulled most of the same stunts (had to pay from my own gas though).

You mentioned that he's failing the only class he needs to graduate (I did that too. took summer school to graduate), that tells me he's level headed enough to get his requirements out of the way in the first three years of highschool. To me that shows a lot of responsibility/intelligence.

Now. I can say that my parents "knew" when I was troublemaking without a GPS unit in my car (and I'm sure you, as parents, do too).

Couple stories:

I came home drunk once when I was 17. My dad woke me up at 5am and to cut wood. We were out in the rain all day: chainsaw to cut, ax to split, load it in the truck, stack it in the carport. Not fun.

So I quit coming home drunk and started staying the night at friends houses on the weekend to do my drinkin. I was supposed to be grounded on this particular occasion, but my parents were out of town, I figured "how the hell are they going to know?"

I woke up at my buddies house to find my car on blocks. The phone call went something like this:

Me: "Mom, mom! You aren't going to believe this! Someone stole the wheels off my car!"

Mom: "No E36 M3? That's friggin crazy! Where are you?"

Busted.

I got my wheels back when I got better grades.

N Sperlo wrote: Bitches... I am of the mind that everyone needs a therapist. I have been wanting to see one. Would he have a problem with that? As I've heard therapists put it, there are many layers to people as there are onions. You have to peel them away to get to the root of the issue. There are probably little things all piled up and need to be gotten out there, which is a job for someone that has no relation to the family such as a therapist. I wouldn't be against keeping an eye on him, though.

I'm with N Sperlo on this. I think he may need some help sorting some stuff. It wouldn't hurt and most health plans will cover the cost. If not your job may have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that will chip in. Find a good therapist by asking your doctor or someone you know who's dealt with this in the past. I know some people turn to clergy for this type of treament. I don't think they are as proficient in this field as some would think and that a trained therapist is the way to go.

I can say from experience it's really nice to have someone focused solely on your issues, thoughts, and potential pitfalls you might find yourself in. If he's dealing with a bad breakup he wouldn't be the first guy to seek out someone who can lend an ear and offer some kindly advice.

Hungary Bill wrote: You mentioned that he's failing the only class he needs to graduate (I did that too. took summer school to graduate), that tells me he's level headed enough to get his requirements out of the way in the first three years of highschool. To me that shows a lot of responsibility/intelligence.

I have to disagree with this. Graduating high school is easy. I put in minimal effort into high school--if I did more than 5 minutes of homework a day, I was doing good. I still managed to graduate with a 2.6 GPA, and all of my requirements were met with ease. With the minimal effort, I still had a 32 ACT and 11 hours of college credit. I've thought about it sometimes, and come to the conclusion that even with the near zero effort, I was way beyond what was necessary to actually graduate.

mtn wrote:

Hungary Bill wrote: You mentioned that he's failing the only class he needs to graduate (I did that too. took summer school to graduate), that tells me he's level headed enough to get his requirements out of the way in the first three years of highschool. To me that shows a lot of responsibility/intelligence.

I have to disagree with this. Graduating high school is easy. I put in minimal effort into high school--if I did more than 5 minutes of homework a day, I was doing good. I still managed to graduate with a 2.6 GPA, and all of my requirements were met with ease. With the minimal effort, I still had a 32 ACT and 11 hours of college credit. I've thought about it sometimes, and come to the conclusion that even with the near zero effort, I was way beyond what was necessary to actually graduate.

This, I had a 3.4 and a ACT in the mid-high 20s IIRC. I rarely if ever did my homework, or really anything besides showing up monday-friday not on drugs.

Kenny_McCormic wrote:

mtn wrote:

Hungary Bill wrote: You mentioned that he's failing the only class he needs to graduate (I did that too. took summer school to graduate), that tells me he's level headed enough to get his requirements out of the way in the first three years of highschool. To me that shows a lot of responsibility/intelligence.

I have to disagree with this. Graduating high school is easy. I put in minimal effort into high school--if I did more than 5 minutes of homework a day, I was doing good. I still managed to graduate with a 2.6 GPA, and all of my requirements were met with ease. With the minimal effort, I still had a 32 ACT and 11 hours of college credit. I've thought about it sometimes, and come to the conclusion that even with the near zero effort, I was way beyond what was necessary to actually graduate.

This, I had a 3.4 and a ACT in the mid-high 20s IIRC. I rarely if ever did my homework, or really anything besides showing up monday-friday not on drugs.

I believe I could have showed up 4 days a week and high on pot or drunk and still graduated.

I was in for a "rude awakening" in college, when I really couldn't miss any class in my major (Mathematics w/ minors in Econ and Business). I used quotes because I expected it and dealt with it appropriately, and still showed up tipsy to some of the pointless Gen-Eds.

sounds like me when i was a teenager.. i hung out with "that crowd", but can honestly say that i didn't do any of the things that they were doing... i just hung around with them- they were good people that i had a lot in common with, except i never put their poisons into my body... my mom trusted me to stay clean and stay out of trouble and i can say with certainty that if i had known that my mom was tracking my every movement, i would have been figuring out ways to get around that and do whatever i wanted to do, anyways..

i guess i'm saying to cut the tether and let the kid have the independence to do what he's going to do.