Dear GRM,
It has been a challenging year at home and at work, and I have unfortunately have had no time to race or do any fun car related hobby stuff, looking at the positive, I did just graduate with my masters in record time. So perhaps the free items could be considered a graduation gift or inspiration to go out and race 
Thank you for your consideration,
Paul
Sweet, I would love to get rid of some junk out of my office. I have "law stay away" and "alleged court case" candles, half a box of Remington .357s, a box of loose .223, multiple handcuff keys, a sombrero, a hula homer, multiple pocket knives, piles of keys/garage door openers, and a chief wiggum doll. Do you want to trade crap or can I just send a surprise box?
Oh wait, you want to get rid of your clutter...
In reply to Ojala:
Your office clutter is far grander than mine.
Here's my paragraph:
http://grassrootsmotorsports.com/forum/grm/the-dirty-911-the-project-begins/46463/page1/
I scoff at your simplistic use of the English language. Instead, I have chose to communicate in the universal language of interpretive dance.
In this vignette that I have recorded you will experience my discovery of manual transmissions in an '83 Rabbit and then the ongoing journey with highlights including '90 Miata, '88 MR2 SC, '97 240sx and '87 325is.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
Let us squeeze this in under the 5:00pm EST deadline.
Reading the mag since its Auto-X days and keeping those great issues, my time and cars have come and gone. From the first days of driving VW's Rabbits and Beetles, I have grown as your magazine has to Audi's and Porsches. The family has grown as well and my parts and disorder has been organized. I need to get dirty, and disorderly again. Please Help. I am too Clean and Tidy.
Yours Truly InNeedOfMess
In reply to JohnRW1621:
Well done, sir.
Margie
In reply to Marjorie Suddard:
I was playing to the idea that Katie might be on the judging committee.
I see that a wide net can catch many.
In reply to JohnRW1621:
In my opinion, you deserve swag for that. Sadly for you, my opinion counts for jack.
In reply to KatieSuddard:
Just knowing the artform is appreciated...
No, it's about winning!
9 minutes. We've seen so many essays, we're going to pick two winners today.
GPS clearly wins 
Okay, day 1 has closed. I'll announce the two winners soon.
Though it was not easy to accentuate through dance the fact that the Rabbit was the only fwd'er, the most difficult thing to convey was that while the Rabbit was the only 4 speed, it was actually VW's 3+E transmission.
I've not read the other submissions so if I repeat any thoughts, sorry.
I don't deserve something from GRM for free. But I'll make a case for why you might want to send me something. The main reason is because I am stuck in a soul-sucking cubicle all day. When I'm in that joy-crushing environment, I try hard to remind myself that cars, and car-related stuff makes me happy. I've made a few items for my cubicle to bring cars into work, each project has been a father-son or father-daughter project. I'd love to get a random item from the hallowed halls of GRM and turn it into something spectacular with my kids.
Here's what we've done so far:
Boring Ikea desk organizer before:
Here's my oldest blasting the part:
And after:
I also took the seat from a 1st gen MR2 and made an office chair:
Here's my daughter blasting parts for the base:
I also took the IP cluster from an old Mercedes and made it into a desk top picture farm (with working clock!)
My youngest had the flu when I did this one so he couldn't help. Maybe I'll get something that he can help me with?
A couple of months after reading your first Autox issue, my dependable daily driver weighed 1600 lbs. and contained every suspension item available from the Dobi catalogue. It's tires were small and stuck out way past the fenders. A year later, my beautiful round tail 2002 was gutted, stripped and dropped 3". I was in my 20s at the time and, this despicable behavior, for which I hold GRM responsible, has continued into my 50s. Because of you, my present daily driver is loud, rough riding, has -3 camber, and four GRM stickers. Four! It has one seat and I'm still single. For crying out loud, I'm in my 50s and can't grow up - your magazines just keep coming! Ok, 10 years ago I missed renewing for 6 months and the voices in my head stopped (about the same time as my divorce) but they soon came back. Because of my past and future years of suffering, I'm not demanding but asking for a little bauble from your place of evil intent to assuage my pain. It will be called My Precious.
My paragraph follows:
Because subscriber!
Simple: the answer is always miata. Plus, to be fair, I am awesome, and humble. Who better to give free swag to?
I deserve something from the GRM office, because you left me with a baby and won't take responsibility. This 3268Lb baby lovingly named "Nissan 350z" was birthed into my universe thanks in part to GRM inseminating my mind with ideas of how awesome 285 wide street tires would be, and a few months later a title was signed. Now it's been a few months, and the she seems to accept being born a bastard, but damn it those support checks aren't coming through. Now I get that you have your own baby, but as you know these kids don't grow up to be big strong STU cars without nurturing. She needs shocks, a diff, and let's not even start on college!
I couldn't love GRM the magazine or the website more, and believe me, I don't like to be the P.C police or anything or the guy who has a problem with everything thing, but I do have a problem with this...
I find it a bit offensive that you use terms like “something awesome” etc etc... for your little descriptions or whatever unwanted stuff happens to be in your office. I myself do not have awesome stuff, nor am I an awesome writer or a giver-away-of-stuffist, but I feel sensitivity for people with awesome stuff as I am a student taking awesome classes, and my Girlfriend is pursuing her masters in the field.
These terms although I'm pretty sure are not even real words, are obviously meant to resemble the words used to describe people with awesomness impairments, and it appears that they are used on these boards in a joking sense which, as I view it, makes light of people who are afflicted with awesomeness disabilities.
Sincerely, Mr T.J.
A few sentences constitutes one paragraph correct? All I have up in my cubicle right now is the GRM 2014 calender and some memes from co-workers making fun of my branch of service. It'd be nice to have something else to spruce it up.
I reserve something because: 1) GRM got a poor young man that had always dream of driving a race car as a boy in a Communist Regime (Cuba) that wish when I read about VIR at GRM years ago. And 3 years after reading that piece, the little boy, now an adult was sitting behind the wheel of a caged old school Golf GTI at VIR 2) I buy your Magazines
Dear Sir or Madame,
I will accept your recent offer for used office goods. Tomorrow I will post a certified bank cheque to pay you for your efforts and to cover the cost of shipping. When you receive the cheque, please deposit it immediately and forward the balance to my shipping partner. I look forward to receiving your used office goods.
Thank you,
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