Anyone Else Putting Off Informing Family They Aren't Coming To Visit This Year?

Please don't flounder this, it isn't a debate on COVID, masks, social distancing, or other flounder bait.

I can't be the only one trying to figure out how to break it to family members that we won't be coming to visit for the holidays. Due to my own health issues and my kids health issues we just can't risk it. The rest of the family has been "YOLO" on the whole thing. They are all getting together for Christmas in person, but I'm staying away. I'm trying to get them used to the idea of us doing a Zoom video conference to open presents together and maybe dinner. Unfortunately I'm the only person trying to find a way for us all to get together virtually, but that's my own problem I guess.

Just wanting to know I'm not alone out here. Mods if this gets floundered I'll just nuke the thread.

We're planning on meeting up, with masks. Instead of the normal 40+ people, it will be one get together with the in-laws (6 people total) and one with my parents and brother/SIL (7 people total). Everybody has been taking all the right precautions so we'd probably be safe without masks, but no reason to risk it. 

EDIT: I've also told everyone to be ready for us to cancel last minute. I don't think that happens unless someone loses their sense of smell.

The bros are. 1,200 mile trip. You cant go anywhere,  do anything,  and a 2 week quarantine when they get home.  They just hate telling Mom and Grandma. 

We're going to tailgate with my siblings. Eat some chili and drink some warm beverages. It'll only be 6 adults and 2 kids. We won't be visiting the in laws this year. In laws will be seen via some sort of video call.

I think the frustrating part is some family members can be trusted with observing proper precautions and others cannot. Excluding those who cannot follow precautions would be hurtful so we'll see them on a screen. Or not..

The future in laws are being obnoxious about it like they were for Thanksgiving. Just say your not coming and get it over with, I have a menu to plan and knowing how many people is kind of important, not to mention costly. 

My wife is stressed about this and wants to get out of town to avoid family that is inbound. I am kind of ignoring it until it becomes real. 

The Christmas call

Same bro. I'm the only one in the family (wife is a nurse, and I take this E36 M3 seriously) and I know everyone else is going to get together. It simultaneously irritates me, and makes me sad. 

We are planning a camping trip in a national park (if it is still open) with only my wife and our kids the day after christmas until the new year. Our kids are surprisingly patient and understanding (17 and 13).

We are supposed to host the extended family this year (wife's side). She broke the news to her mom, aunts, and grandma last weekend that we would not be hosting a 20+ person gathering.

They all took it much better than she expected. Just saying, you might be surprised.

Past years we've had 40+ family members here. We decided early on no Thanksgiving and no Christmas. 
My wife who is very vulnerable and concerned  canceled most of our guests leaving only her children.  They volunteered to not come just today in fact.  
    I'll load up the big red truck and bring around presents.  Mask and social distance to be sure. My wife by my side. 

My parents are firmly in the "we'll see you all next year" camp. Sadly it's been more than a year since we have seen them, and then it was just for a lunch while on the road. 

I've got sort of the inverse problem:  The outlaws keeps flip-flopping over if they're coming here or we're going there.  I don't care either way, really, but they keep going back and forth as to what they want to do so we're doing what we can to remain flexible.  In the event that they come here, I'm going to be tearing out the first floor flooring this week and laying wood-look tile so that the house is a little more presentable.  We might even pony up for a new sleeper couch and a love seat.  If they decide we're going there, then it's just a matter of de-winterizing the RV for the trip.

So as someone on the other side of that coin, I would want to know definitively one way or the other as soon as possible.  It may not matter quite as much since there's a get-together anyway, but for planning out the menu, making sure there's enough space and everything else, I'm sure the host would very much appreciate firm regrets now. 

We got my side of the family together for a protest at the Toiletbird Industries Event Center and Workshop for Thanksgiving.  One of my brothers wouldn't give us a firm yes or no and basically made us try to read the tea leaves as to what his part of the clan was going to do.  Everything from the who-is-bringing-what to the placement of chairs and the number of air filtration units to build was up in the air and it made it kind of a pain to figure things out.  Everything was planned out with a "well, unless John and his family come and then..." contingency.  It didn't bother me that they didn't come - other than the regular disappointment of not having them there.  I get that he just didn't feel comfortable with it and he puts more stock in what the governor has to say than the rest of us.  That's fine, he's gotta do what's right for him.  But the rest of us doing the planning would have preferred the definitive "no" back when I first sent out the invites.

We told both sides two months ago that we were staying home for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. It sucks, but it is what it is. 

We have a Christmas/anniversary tradition of visiting my grandpa in CA and hitting Disneyland. Between Disney being closed and my grandpa being pretty high risk, I called him and said we were postponing the trip this year. The normal family Christmas here is happening I think, but it's not a big group. 

Oddly enough I was in this conversation a couple of hours ago Christmas was going to be small, now it's me and the dogs for first Christmas in the new house.

We've already had covid last month,  so we are still planning on visiting family.

We aren't hiding anything from them and the health dept says we are fine to do so.

I respect the choice to limit visits, but see no advantage in delaying communicating the decision if it has been made. 

We agreed well before Christmas that we, as a family, are not getting together.  No putting that off.

Interesting side effect- this will be my wife and me's first Christmas not at either of our homes, ever.  Before we were married, we both went home, after- we alternated homes every year.  So this will be our first Christmas at OUR home, ever.  Not a bad side effect, if you ask me.

My parents and sisters and I all already see each other at least once a week if not more, and none of our extended family attends holidays to begin with, so us getting together for the holidays isn't any different then usual. So we'll be having our usual get-together, but that's really not much to speak of.

We decided about a month ago and broke the news then. It was the right decision.

We are actually getting together at my parents house. We will be staying in our RV in their yard. We will meet and do food and Christmas in their garage with all the necessary precautions. 

We did the same for Thanksgiving and the 4th of July. It worked very well. The only difference is this time I bought an inflatable couch, chairs and some carpet to put in the garage to make it a little less garage like. 

My aunt & uncle who host Thanksgiving never really invite anyone, we all just show up. Have been for 20 years. This year, we all just didn't show up. They mailed cards that arrived on Thanksgiving to everyone wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving and letting us know how much they missed us. Maybe you don't need to say anything.

I had a longer post written but decided it was too much flounder. Basically we didn't have to tell the family we weren't coming. My in-laws took over hosting without telling us or even giving us the chance to say we weren't hosting and giving our reasons. We usually have 40ish people over. We were going to reduce it to immediate family, but they decided to go to FL because they can't eat at restaurants here.  My dad, brother-in-law and his wife are in our bubble so we'll be hosting them at least.

We'll be getting together with my mother and her partner, but they're in our bubble anyway since I have to help them maintain their house. I talked to my Dad last night and we didn't discuss getting together because there's not even a consideration of it and we knew that months ago. 

I always find it's better to get stuff like that on the table as early as possible. If they don't understand and are going to be jerks about it, that will only get worse if it's done at the last minute. Better to do it now before you're automatically included in the head count for buying stuff.

Thanks everyone for the input and different viewpoints, that's exactly why I asked the hive mind.

I think I may actually have a solution: a holiday fire pit. I'll have to bring over the fire pit, wood, and chairs but it would get us all outside. We can all still visit with masks and the fire pit will keep things warm. It will only be my Mom and my Aunt (both widowed), so I think I can keep the risk low. So with my wife, our three kids, and me it puts us at seven people total.

Now to sell the idea to my Mom.

We told the family a couple of months ago, it sucks, I haven't seen my parents in a year, my sister in 18 months. We had two trips planned to go see them but canceled both (I think for good reason). Parents took it well and said they were doing the same and then they cracked and decided to spend February and March at Boca Vista visiting another family member, everyone makes choices...

My boss always says bad news doesn't get better with time, he is right. If you aren't doing it let them know.