Change & Anxiety.

Hey GRM, so recently i've decided i need some changes in my life. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months back, moved, lost 20 pounds, and decided that i needed to leave my dead-end (and first ever) job.

So this morning i had an interview with 3 executives from Discount Tire about a full time position with 'Assistant Manager' in the title. I'm really excited to hear back and i really hope i get the job, but i'm not sure i was amazing during the interview. Also, i have social anxiety and was nervous as hell in front of three high-up executives who even told me they were heading to Vegas on Friday to meet up with Dai Yoshihara and the Discount Tire FormulaD team.

Anyways, i'm wracked with fear, anxiety, hopefulness, and butterflies about being in the new townhome in an unfamiliar city, being turned down for Discount Tire and staying at my dead-end Fleet Farm job.

Anyone else have any situations like this where you're changing just about everything in your life (for the better?) Any sort of advice about my decisions or about change in general?

Congratulations! Metamorphosis is awesome. Find a local car club with meets in your new area and find some people with similar interests. Follow up with the big execs in a few days to touch base and than them for their time and consideration. Good luck!

is this assistant manager gig for one store or a "region" sort of thing?It's been said that divorce, moving, and changing jobs are the 3 most stressful things in life. You're tackling all 3 at once more or less. Thumbs up for making it this far. You lost 20 lbs in the process? Hope that was from working out and eating right, not loss of appetite. That's thumbs up #2. You're in for a hat trick my friend, and you deserve it. rather than let your anxiety hold you back, you pushed through an made the changes you knew needed to happen. Just hang on a little longer. A few months from now you'll be saying how much life is rockin'

You and I are similar ages, so maybe my experiences can be relevant.

I just realized how long this was, so cliffnotes: Take chances, things will improve, and once you get settled into your new gig, you'll probably be much happier.

I was in a similar rut in 2009. I was working part time, I was bumbling around at school, and I was rarely happy. Running became my distraction, maybe even my obsession, and I ignored most everything else that was going on, simply because I was not doing anything well. Around November of that year, I decided to make some drastic changes so that I could hopefully pull myself together.

My first step was deciding not to re-enroll for the spring semester. I was in college out of obligation, not because I wanted to be there. I was trying to swim upstream with that attitude, and I realized that I needed to take a break and decide if higher education was something that really had value for my own situation. I started bugging management at about a full-time position, and after a month or so, I got a full-time, entry-level management position. When I got home, I was tempted to sit on my butt and watch Law and Order all day, but I did everything I could to better myself at work and outside of work. I read, I cooked, and I saved money. Only having 40 hours of work each week and nothing else leave a lot of time for oneself; I decided to make the most of it.

After 4-5 months, I decided that I was ready to return to school. However, around the same time, one of the managers really wanted me to take on another position at work with a lot more responsibility, but not much more pay. It wasn't a position that I necessarily wanted, but I was able to negotiate one crucial element into the agreement: I could work full-time around my part-time school schedule. So, I began the new position, and a month later, returned to school to follow my own pursuits.

This past summer, after being back in school for a year and doing pretty well in the position at work, I was offered another position at the other location in town. This paid much better, and it was one of my realistic ideal jobs. Thankfully, I once again negotiated working around my school schedule as one of the terms of employment, and I continue to juggle both.

What I am trying to say is that you should swallow your anxiety and go forward with this new position. Show that you are in it for the employer (always put your success in terms of the employer's success), and try to think long-term. I'll close with some advice that my dad has given me in times of anxiety: As long as you are young and have no dependents, you are free. Take chances now while they are still easy to take. When you have a family in tow, you can no longer live solely for yourself.

@ EastCoastMojo, I would love to find a car club with little-to-no animosity. And i'll be sure to do that with the executives. :) Thank you.

@GearHeadOtaku, The Assistant Manager deal is at store level, not regional level. I applied for a Tire Technician and they called me in to meet at their corporate MN office for the Assistant Manager deal. Which is very strange because i've only had one job before (the one i'm at) and i've been there for 7 years. So i was pretty surprised. Thanks for the support man, it's what i really needed to hear. The 20lbs was from getting changed to a more physical department at work, and replacing pop with Diet Green Tea, and stuff like Pizza Rolls with Apple Slices, Watermelon, Deli sandwiches, overall just healthier stuff.

My unmedicated anxiety/depression/ADD is something i'm refusing to fall from. And i even said in my interview when i got the "What's your biggest weakness" question, "My biggest weakness would be not dealing with change well. That's why i'm getting out of a dead-end job, taking better care of myself, moved to a place with less painful memories, ect."

And i really hope you're right about life getting much better in the insueing months.

@MitchellC, Thanks so much for taking the time to type your extensive response. I really appreciate all your advice and opening up about your own struggles. I'm glad you made it through and grew from it. I take your advice seriously and i guess it's a good thing that i don't want a wife or family right now (if ever, really.) Anyways, thank you very much.

There are basically two types of people: those that make things happen and those that wait for things to happen. Regardless of your circumstances, realizing that you are in charge of your life will go a long way in relieving anxiety. Believing that someone else is in control will absolutely bring you down.

Interviewing for jobs or any other social endeavor is a skill. Some people have natural talent for it and others need to practice. The tendency is to over-think things and thoughts of failure become self-fulfilling prophecy.

Moving, interviewing, and relationship changes are stressful. The fallacy is that it isn't normal to be stressed out. I lost 20lbs when my cat died. I've blown interviews and lost relationships. It happens.

I've worked for people, worked with people, and had people work for me. The common thread is people. The interviewers are looking for the same things we all look for in people: signs of genuine character. Obviously they think you're qualified and want you to work for them or they wouldn't have solicited an interview. Just imagine that you are there to learn about the company and that you are interviewing them to see if you want to work there. Whatever happens, it's not the end of the world, things are temporary, and as I tell my son when he's faced with a new challenge: "all you have to do is do it."

In reply to Apis_Mellifera:

Thank you, truly. That's very wise and i really appreciate it. You GRM guys are the best.

EdenPrime wrote: My unmedicated anxiety/depression/ADD is something i'm refusing to fall from. And i even said in my interview when i got the "What's your biggest weakness" question, "My biggest weakness would be not dealing with change well. That's why i'm getting out of a dead-end job, taking better care of myself, moved to a place with less painful memories, ect."

Took me 40 years to see a Dr. about my ADD. Adderall is amazing. Sure wish I'd done it 20 years ago.

In reply to fast_eddie_72:

I was medicated for all my illnesses in high school. The medicines turned me into a zombie. I'm never going back.

Ah. I didn't know you had tried it. Well, I guess it's different for everyone. Hope it works out for you. I may have one other suggestion. I'll PM you tomorrow. Got to go to bed now.

Not to minimize your feelings but all I can say is you're still young. There will be many much more challenging things that will still happen in your lifetime. When those things happen (and they will) they will make this period in your life look like a cake walk.

It's life, buckle up and enjoy the ride :)

So i've gone ahead with my interviews and am currently awaiting the results of my drug test and background check to hopefully reveal that i'm not a crack-headed serial killer.

It's sinking in that i'm getting a job that i really have to be good at and fast at. I need to work hard in order to work full time because they have you start at part time to work your way up.

My lack of self-confidence and my crippling pessimism are clashing with my stern will to not be that person anymore. Either way, i keep worrying, but i'm super excited at the same time. I dunno, but i'm just feeling a lot of things and i hope everything goes well. Apparently it's a great place to work for.

I just want things to work out. For once.

Good Luck!

Apis_Mellifera wrote: There are basically two types of people: those that make things happen and those that wait for things to happen. Regardless of your circumstances, realizing that you are in charge of your life will go a long way in relieving anxiety. Believing that someone else is in control will absolutely bring you down.

I'd like to suggest a friendly amendment -- there's a third -- those that ask "what happened?"

Go get laid. Seriously, it'll make everything better. Just make sure you wrap your soldier.

I know how you feel man.

We just moved from Virginia to Florida, my wife has a new job, we just put a down payment down on a house, and I'm working on getting enrolled in school.

There is something to be said for being stable. If you're stable and happy why mess with a good thing? But if you're stable and unhappy you have to change no matter how much it scares you.

Best of luck man.

As one who almost lost it all from the un medicated anxiety/ depression. Please consider seeking help. Not necessarily medication but realize it has a tendency to worsen as you age. I don't know how old you are but at 44 I am most likely older than you. As I aged and acquired more responsibility like a mortgage, wife, aging parents, career advancements, and the like it started to overwhelm me. My reticence to seek help almost cost me my 20+ year marriage. Just something to consider.

Sounds like you have something called "General Anxiety Disorder."

Read the book Depression for Dummies and/or Anxiety for Dummies.

I'm not joking.

@ rotard, i don't have a problem in that department.

@Drewsifer, Man there's a lot on your plate as well. Yes, i'd say i'm in the "Stable but unhappy," situation and i've needed change for years now but it's taken me this long to finally stand up and do it. Thanks for the good wishes.

@porksboy, I've had help in the past. Somewhere between 5-8 psychiatrists since high school, Zoloft, Ritalin, ect. I've stopped the meds because i hated how they made me feel.

I guess i feel as though i shouldn't use meds as a crutch, even if it's necessary because depression and anxiety are disorders. I have this notion in my head that, i should be able to deal with life on my own and if i can't then i deserve the consequences and to say it's because i have depression/anxiety would be a bit of a cop out.

I just need to hold on tight, take a deep breath and change my life by force, unmedicated and under my own power. I need to know that it was i who did the wonderful change and that i had the power/will to do it all along. Without that acknowledgement, i'm just a weakling, empowered by modern medicine, to control a life i'd otherwise allow to crumble.

Anyways, i'm awaiting my drug test results and i'm just trying to block out that voice in my head asking, "But what if i'm not good enough [for my new boss]?"

@sky_render, i'd say it's more Social Anxiety Disorder than General Anxiety. Mostly flares when dealing with people.

SAD is a serious thing , if that's what it is. I really recommend talking to an expert.