Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris went on vacation to the Virgin Islands. When he came back, they were just Islands....

Chuck Norris is the only man who can kick you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris had his tonsils removed with a chainsaw.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.

You won't get a birthday present from Chuck Norris. The fact that you've lived another year is your gift from Chuck.

Babies cry when they're born because they know they're in a world with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris makes beef jerky by roundhouse kicking cows so hard that moisture leaves their bodies.

Jesus walks on water, Chuck Norris swims through land.

Shawn

Chuck Norris made the Kesler run in less than one parsec, and didn't even use a spaceship.

If Chuck Norris were President, his economic bailout plan would be a round house kick to the economy.

Chuck's hand gun

Chuck Norris can drive a Miata and NOT look gay!

Chuck Norris uses all three pedals at the same time... without having to "heel-toe".

The world land-speed record was set by a rental car after Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank.

Chuck Norris invented pizza when he roundhouse-kicked a plate of spaghetti.

Chuck Norris has to shave with his fist, because the only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can bowl a 320 in just four frames.

If you re-arrange the letters in "Chuck Norris," Chuck Norris highly reccomends you come up with "C-H-U-C-K N-O-R-R-I-S"

Chuck Norris can win a staring contest with a mirror.

Maybe Alaska should hire Chuck Norris to give that volcano a dirty look.

The real reason that plane landed in the Hudson is that Chuck Norris suggested that it land NOW.

Chuck Norris can take the Cork Screw at Laguna with out braking. In a Z06.

When Chuck Norris drives, he doesn't steer the car, the road straightens for him.

Goldmember wrote: Chuck Norris can take the Cork Screw at Laguna with out braking. In a Z06.

When Laguna Seca was first built, Chuck Norris was displeased with the back half of the track so he gave it a roundhouse kick.

We now know that spot as the corkscrew.

mtn wrote: Chuck Norris taught the Stig everything he know's.

Just not everything Chuck Norris knows.

Chuck Norris was there when the Earth formed 4.5 billion years ago. He was ALSO there when it was created by God 6000 years ago. Scientists and devout Christians both claim this is impossible, but Chuck Norris doesn't care.

The last woman to get impregnated by an ordinary man was Ewelina Bobrowska in 1857. Since that time the only father has been Chuck Norris. Even if your own mother told you something different, she's wrong - it was Chuck Norris.

chuck norris doesnt celebrate thanksgiving. The world celebrates that he was born.

Chuck norris doesnt peel bananas, when he walks into a room, they shiver their peels off

people say that when yours ears feel warm, its because somebody is thinking about you. When Chuck Norris thinks about someone, spontaneous human combustion occurs

Chuck Norris was going to post in this thread, but he's busy planning the deaths of those who already did.

Chuck Norris played 36 holes of golf in 1974. He scored a 2! His first shot is expected to return to Earth in 2012.

Chuck Norris can power oversteer a FWD car.

When Chuck Norris drag races, he does roundhouse stands.