Feelings for a friend

Drewsifer wrote: After we move we're gonna get into counseling for it.

this....... if you can don't do anything stupid / you'll regret 'til after the counseling ... then it might not be stupid or something you'll regret

Drewsifer wrote: ... Our problem revolves around sex, ...

Drewsifer wrote: I know why I'm talking to this girl about this. Mostly because she's willing to.

I'm not prying, and I don't want more details. I am also not trying to take what you said out of context and twist it.

But if what you are saying is that you can't talk about sex with your wife, but you can with your lady friend, this is VERY problematic.

It's not just that you are sharing something intimate with another woman. It's that your wife has entrusted you with important details about her most intimate and private self, and talking about the subject with someone else (even without any details) violates a trust.

And honestly, you've already shared too much with this board, regardless of what you've said to your lady friend.

Someone said it earlier, and it is really important- Would she be proud to know you are talking about this on a forum on the world-wide web?

It sounds to me like the two of you are struggling with a personal crises, especially for her. She needs to know she can trust you before you will ever move forward with this. Sharing it with the public or with another woman are both betrayals. The counseling is a great idea.

It also sounds like you may be struggling with some similar issues my wife and I did. We've come through it with flying colors. It can be done, trust me!

But think really hard about how much you share with the other woman, or if she should be your confidant at all.

You've recognized the initial violation was a mistake on your part. Try to hear what so many people are sharing in this thread- the lady confidant could possibly be a second (and worse) mistake.

noodle wrote: Asking for marital advice on a car forum? Why no head over to Cosmo and get some advice on rebuilding that old V8 that's sitting on the garage floor.

Wrong attitude for this forum.

Troll elsewhere.

Grtechguy wrote:

noodle wrote: Asking for marital advice on a car forum? Why no head over to Cosmo and get some advice on rebuilding that old V8 that's sitting on the garage floor.

why not ask the people you interact with on a regular basis? This isn't a honda forum.

The GRM forum is a support group....perhaps a support group for the mentally ill, but a support group never the less.

In reply to noodle:

You'll notice this is the off-topic forum. As such, it is the place to discuss things not related to grassroots motorsports.

Do at least try to keep up, will you?

noodle wrote: Asking for marital advice on a car forum? Why no head over to Cosmo and get some advice on rebuilding that old V8 that's sitting on the garage floor.

You'd be surprised what those Cosmo girls know.

I'm glad you two are getting counseling, I wish the best for you two. I know what it's like to having the "what if" feelings, I have felt them in the past and realized they're a symptom of something bigger and I've gone out and rectified those "somethings" with my wife.

You're in a better boat than me though, several times when issues come up I have wanted to seek counseling and I was unconditionaly told no, no way, no how.

As for those that question seeking forum advice, yes it may not be the best way, but some people lack the ability to get perspective from anywhere else in our lives. It is indeed better than dwelling within or simply giving up.

All I can say is: if the marriage is miserable then GTFO. Don't waste your time and hers. If it's as you say good except being hung up on one problem, then work on it.

Stay away from the friend in the meantime, not only is it cheating emotionally but if this does lead to a divorce then it can be used against you even if it's not actually consummated (remarked the guy who just went through all that).

There's a lot of advice in this thread essentially saying, "if the marriage is miserable, GTFO".

The OP never said his marriage is miserable.

He's made 2 posts. One said they are "having some issues", and the other described that they are having trouble communicating on one issue.

Jumping to "miserable" and "GTFO" are pretty long leaps.

LOTS of people have successfully improved their marriages under the circumstances described.

Sounds to me like a lot of people are jumping to conclusions and offering advice based on their own hurts and failures, rather than offering options that can lead to healing and wholeness.

Let's not throw out the baby with the bath water.

I'm not belittling anyone's pains and frustrations. But I've got 25 years of marriage under my belt, and some of our hurts likely exceed many of yours. We've been close to divorce, and been in counseling more than once. We have worked very hard to get through our problems, and we have a wonderful marriage. I HIGHLY recommend it.

It IS possible. You can do it, Drewsifer!