First, congrats!! I've got 3 little ones, including a set of boy/girl twins. Everyones' advice is sound, but the reality is that it may not mean a hill of beans for you. There is no "right way" to be a parent...well, besides the obvious stuff. What works for one may not work for another. For example, where do you let the baby sleep? Some say you put the crib in the parents bedroom, some say not. I don't know either is "right", it's personal preference. We never had any of our kids in our bedroom...ever. Worked fine for us. We never used a sling, had no interest in it. We always used strollers, car seats, etc...Don't worry about the cleaning up puke part. Most baby products are designed with puke clean up in mind anyway. As for toys, for the first couple years, it's generic baby toys anyway. She'll tell you what toys she likes and doesn't...you'll figure it out quickly. There's no way to know what her personality will be like, whether it's girly girl or tomboy. My daughter has her two brothers, who are hardcore boys and my wife who is a bodybuilder. Yet my daughter is a princess girly girl.

I guess what I'm saying is trust your instincts. Yes, it's great to get tons of advice from people who have done it before, but do what works for you and your wife. If you're dedicated and loving parents, you'll find your own way to make it work. You'll be amazed how quickly you pick up parenting skills.

Congratulations!! I'm on kiddo #2 (as you can tell by my thread) and married into a preteen girl. The oldest is now 17, my first is now 3, and (again from the other thread) our newborn. All girls. I will give you a few words of advice that I've gathered so far...

1 - DO NOT LET THEM SLEEP IN YOUR BED!!! They will never want to leave.

2 - Don't be afraid for them. Don't stress about every second of their existance. They're going to get hurt. Don't coddle them too much when it happens. Kiss the boo-boos and make them better and send them on their way. Don't baby them till they stop crying, it'll take forever and they will never get over it.

3 - Start potty training as early as you can. We started about 2 1/4 - 2 1/2 yrs old. Maybe sooner, but anyway, it sure makes life easier. Stop them from drinking about an hour before bedtime. Oh, that reminds me...

4 - Set a bedtime and stick with it!! I don't care if your favorite show comes on at 9:00pm and you have that as their bedtime, Dad-up and spend the time with them. Read them a book, tuck them in, hang out for a little bit, then leave. We made the mistake of laying with her till she falls asleep, don't do that.

5 - Help mom. Seriously, take a lot of the responsibility off her shoulders and help out. Cook, clean, watch baby, bathe baby, etc.

6 - And this one may sound weird. Talk to her OBGYN. Watch out for symptoms of post partum depression. My wife had it. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Talk to her about it. Make sure you both know what to look for in order to treat it early. Seriously, you don't want to go through that. Trust me.

7 - Talk to the child like a person, not a baby. Baby talk is cute, but it hampers their communication skills. Work with your girl on inunciation and speaking clearly. Speak slowly to her so she can get everything down. It really helps.

8 - Don't be afraid to spank them. I pop my little one when she's doing something dangerous, or is blatantly doing something wrong. Don't do it out of frustration, do it as a punishment and only as a punishment. I think I've spanked her maybe 10 times in her whole 3 year existance. I will get down to her level and make her look me in the eye and tell her what she's doing wrong and why, and what will happen if it continues. Then I ask her if she understands, she says yes. If she does it again, she gets a butt swat. A spanking will not kill the kid, nor will it traumatize them for life.

9 - Let her see you and mom together, holding hands, kissing, loving on each other. She needs to see that. Kiss on her and your wife. Hug her when you get home every day. Tell her you love her. CONSTANTLY. Make her realize she's important and she matters.

10 - Teach her. Always be teaching. Her little mind will soak up information so quickly! My 3 yo can identify a supercharger and a turbocharger in an engine bay, although she gets the centrifugal superchargers mixed up with the turbos. This was learned at one car show, a year ago. Teach them constantly, that's probably the best info I can really give.

I'm not a perfect father, you won't be either, but you will be fine. Hope this helps.

Congratulations.

I have a nephew. That is all I know about children and I'll be just a few years behind you.

Good luck.

Javelin wrote: As for advice and all that, you'll get completely unsolicited from everyone and their dog, even if they never had kids

Yup! I'm guilty....no kids, and I'm still going to say to read this

http://health.usnews.com/health-news/news/articles/2013/02/12/praising-kids-for-efforts-not-qualities-may-help-them-succeed
http://www.parentingscience.com/praise-and-intelligence.html

JoeyM wrote:

Javelin wrote: As for advice and all that, you'll get completely unsolicited from everyone and their dog, even if they never had kids

Yup! I'm guilty....no kids, and I'm still going to say to read this http://health.usnews.com/health-news/news/articles/2013/02/12/praising-kids-for-efforts-not-qualities-may-help-them-succeed http://www.parentingscience.com/praise-and-intelligence.html

Oh, interesting article there! May have to change my verbage to Turd. LOL

Congrats man! Having a kid is by far the most awesome thing in the world! (well so far, mine is only 19 months)

What I've learned:

• Enjoy it! These things grow fast.

• Work as a team with the SWMBO. She needs a break sometimes, and so do you. She may be stuck feeding the baby in the middle of the night, but that doesn't mean you can't get to the crib first and check the diaper. (you'll be her hero)

• Enjoy it! These things grow fast

• The rest'll come to you.

(I also read "Love and Logic parenting"... It's worth a read)

And again, congrats man.

Congratulations! Now: my turn to pile on with the torrent of advice.

Starting from the moment she's born, your daughter will be perfectly capable of telling you what she likes and doesn't like. (I believe the first cry actually decodes to "That was tough, I'm cold, it's too bright and too noisy out here, and who ARE all these people??") You should watch and listen, and, if possible, you should fix it the way she wants. For example, some kids like to sit in a baby carrier facing you, while some can't stand that and want to look out at the world. One size doesn't fit all.

This means that I'm one of those people who never leaves a baby to "cry it out." IMHO, all that does is establish in your daughter's mind that you won't respond if she has a problem. What a great foundation for the future!

One side benefit of watching and listening is that when she's sick, you'll know, and you'll be able to say with confidence to the Dr. that "something's not right."

Here's an idea no one has thought of...

My wife and I have 5 kids. 2 grown, and 3 young-un's, with 10 years between the two. That's sort of like having 2 different families.

One of the things we have learned is that you will make friends with people who have kids the age of your kids.

What that means is that we kind of lost touch with many of our friends from the older kids, and made new ones with the younger kids. It also means that we have the privilege of mentoring young parents who see us as people who have been there, but are also going through it. We know what it is like to send kids off to college, but also still struggle with sleepless nights.

Find someone like us and befriend them.

If you ask older parents (who are done with young kids), they have forgotten (or blocked) some of the things you are going through. If you ask young parents, well, they are in crisis and just as clueless as you are.

Because we are older, we don't overreact. We know what a sympathy cry is vs a real one. We also know how to not miss the important stuff, and prioritize.

Ok- since everyone else has done it, I'll chime in as well. I was in EXACTLY the same boat as you, except I got a boy on the draw. So instead of a cute girl that all the guys want to date to worry about, I have a little boy that very nearly broke his ankle because Captain Daredevil decided bombing off his train table was funzo. You might get some of both.

Names? I picked mine. Julia Marie for a girl, Gibson Davis for a boy. We ended up with a kid named after a guitar. Too many people put too much stress on naming kids after important stuff, etc. You're the only one that gets to pick the name. Make sure YOU like it. And don't do something stupid like name the kid Unique/Younique/whatever. I saw TWO OF THEM in the same class at pre school. If you EVER have to tell people how to pronounce your childs name, you're doin' it wrong. Also please for the love of dog, don't hyphenate the last name. It will berkeley you and the child for the rest of your lives.

Car seats- I have Recaro car seats now, and I ran a Graco Snugride 22 when he was still in a bucket. I test fit nearly every bucket seat on the market (the wife was not given an option with the Recaros... I was like dammit, SOMEONE in this car is getting a badass chair) and the Gracos were the best at fitting in the back of the MINI. Keep in mind they actually make them that will fit a 35lb baby. NO one should try and carry a 35lb child in a bucket, and unless your kid is Jabba(ette) the Hutt, they will not fit in a bucket lengthwise at 35lbs. Stick with the Graco Snugride 25, and rock and roll.

Toys? Don't buy ANY- unless you see something that you just have to have. (I was guilty of certain things. Hot Wheels, mostly). Your family will take care of it for you, and your kid won't play with them anyhow. Gibson preferred spoons and forks to rattles and stuff. A jumparoo is a must, it's the best thing ever. We never had a swing, but we did have a bouncy seat, that vibrated and stuff. He slept more in that than he did his crib.

Diapers- one thing that we did, or was done for us- was at one of the baby showers the wife was thrown, people were all asked to bring a pack of diapers. Nothin' big, but just a small 5$ pack or whatever. This was crucial, as everyone got different diapers, and we got to try them all without having to guess. We settled on Luvs. YMMV.

Breastfeeding- DO IT. My wife is like a berkeleyin' breastfeeding NINJA or or something. Gibson is two now, and she still does it. I think it's a little odd personally, cause he can go up and ask "Mama milk please" and grab out his own boob, but the kids' literally been since once. I can key her in to you if you'd like, she has all the resources ever for boob feeding.

Baby food- we skipped. We did baby led feeding. Basically, gave him a food, and let him give it a whirl. It went awesome. Babies are pretty smart critters, he never really choked himself, and he gummed down the food til it was manageable.

No matter what anyone tells you, you will NEVER be prepared for everything. Even though his birth was scheduled (complications, induction, c-section) we still didn't have all our stuff together. You can only be so prepared. Have your baby bag ready to go, learn what you can about kids, realize it's not all going to be smiles and flowers, and go for it. Kids are pretty strong, they tend to tell you what they need. Right now, Gibson needs the commercials to be done so Top Gear is back on.

More advice.

With cars, the root problem is usual one of there things, Air, spark or fuel.

With baby's, it's, Food, Diaper, or sleep. If she's grumpy, try to feed her, if that doesn't work, check the diaper, if that is fine, help her sleep.

What we found helpful early on, is that we slept in shifts away from the baby monitor. I had from dinner to 2am, and I could sleep if I wanted, but the baby monitor was with me, so momma couldn't hear it and be tempted to deal with kiddo. Momma had 2am until morning, where she had the monitor with her and I slept in piece. When the monitor is in ear shot of both of you, you don't really rest easy as you are always on "watch".

Depending on your network of friends and family, you may find that a million and one people want to help you out. It may surprise you, but let them help. It may be random people you'd never expect. Let it ride and accept the help if you want it.

Going out with the kiddo, people know that your baby might cry. It mortifies you as a parent that your kid might be disturbing others. Everybody has been there and done that, so don't stress about that.

sachilles wrote: More advice. With cars, the root problem is usual one of there things, Air, spark or fuel. With baby's, it's, Food, Diaper, or sleep. If she's grumpy, try to feed her, if that doesn't work, check the diaper, if that is fine, help her sleep. What we found helpful early on, is that we slept in shifts away from the baby monitor. I had from dinner to 2am, and I could sleep if I wanted, but the baby monitor was with me, so momma couldn't hear it and be tempted to deal with kiddo. Momma had 2am until morning, where she had the monitor with her and I slept in piece. When the monitor is in ear shot of both of you, you don't really rest easy as you are always on "watch". Depending on your network of friends and family, you may find that a million and one people want to help you out. It may surprise you, but let them help. It may be random people you'd never expect. Let it ride and accept the help if you want it. Going out with the kiddo, people know that your baby might cry. It mortifies you as a parent that your kid might be disturbing others. Everybody has been there and done that, so don't stress about that.

True story on the help thing. I found a REALLY good resource in a friend of my wifes' that I previously disliked a great deal. Turns out parenting makes common ground that people can stand on.

I have one of each, a girl who is 14 and a 2 year old boy.

1. Don't wait 12 years between kids if you can help it.
2. Read to your kids, every night, starting now. They will be reading before kindergarten.
3. Never hit your kids. It teaches them to lash out when angry and that causing pain in others is OK. Both are behaviors that you will regret as they smash toys and hit other kids.
4. Socialize your kids. A kid for whom kindergarten is their first exposure to sharing and an adult other than Mommy is not going to adjust well.
5. Watch the movie "Babies" Seriously, do it now. Once you see babies crawling in the dirt in Africa and getting licked by a Yak in Mongolia, you will realize that they are not so fragile and that your kitchen floor aint so bad.
6. Kids should have lots of toys. The more stimulation and problem solving, the smarter the kid. So buy them the shiny new stuff, but hit the yard sales and flea markets, the resale shop and for goodness sakes, keep the boxes and make even more toys!

Mama plans on breastfeeding, though I don't know what the main difference will be for the kid. I figure humans survived prior to baby formula without going extinct, it can't be all that bad.

Good reading on the subject - it is the OPPOSITE of bad:

http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-breastfeeding-benefits-you-and-your-baby_8910.bc

Personal experience: Your baby will be a berkeleying beast on the playground, compared to all the sickly looking little formula-fed kids. Different strokes for different folks, but my Sis-in-law works at a daycare, and I was like 10 and 0 picking out which kids were breast-fed vs. formula.

Our daughter was 3 weeks early. Six months later, she was in the 90-something percentile for height & weight. The stuff is magical.

poopshovel wrote: Our daughter was 3 weeks early. Six months later, she was in the 90-something percentile for height & weight. The stuff is magical.

But it tastes terrible. I tried some (out of the fridge, sickos) once thinking it might be sour or something, I don't know, I was tired. It was awful.

tuna55 wrote: But it tastes terrible. I tried some (out of the fridge, sickos)

I'm not sure if trying it out of the fridge is more or less weird than "getting it fresh"

poopshovel wrote:

Mama plans on breastfeeding, though I don't know what the main difference will be for the kid. I figure humans survived prior to baby formula without going extinct, it can't be all that bad.

Good reading on the subject - it is the OPPOSITE of bad: http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-breastfeeding-benefits-you-and-your-baby_8910.bc Personal experience: Your baby will be a berkeleying beast on the playground, compared to all the sickly looking little formula-fed kids. Different strokes for different folks, but my Sis-in-law works at a daycare, and I was like 10 and 0 picking out which kids were breast-fed vs. formula. Our daughter was 3 weeks early. Six months later, she was in the 90-something percentile for height & weight. The stuff is magical.

True story. E36 M3 heals kids quicker too. Wife uses it whenever my child has a scrape, cut, bruise, whatever, and he heals way faster. He also jumped off his train table yesterday, blew an ankle, and we took him to the ER. He's doing laps of the living room at Mach 2 right now. He's SUPER smart too. He quite literally could start momma's MINI if he could reach the clutch pedal. He already knows how- he's just not long enough. And he's 2. I don't know if it's normal for 2 year olds to do that, but he does.

One side note, Don't be afraid to let your kid try stuff. I've handed my kid a sufficiently deactivated power drill before. He's had the sawzall before. He knows how to remove the lugnuts from a wheel, if he could muster the torque to do it. I show him everything. We read a lot, we are active a lot, EVERYTHING is a chance to learn. Don't squander it.

Mama here :) Thanks for all the advice gentlemen! (all men here right?) When my hubby told me he is posting this on GRM, I literally LOL not because it's GRM but because he didn't seem to be interested in this pregnancy as I was before finding out the gender. I guess finding out what this baby will be made it real for him As many of you suggested, I plan to breast feed our daughter. My mom breast fed all of us so I hope it will be a success for me too. I hear it can be hard (I will spare the details - look it up if you are interested). I am also planning on using breast pumps so if I am not available or want the dad to feed the baby, it will be available for him. Do any of you have any experience with cloth diapers? I originally planned on using disposables, but after much research I am strongly considering cloth diapers. It will save tons of money on the long run and be kind to the planet. And they are soo cute! As I looked into it more, I found there are quite a few different brands of cloth diapers and couldn't decide what brand would be the best. So far the ones I looked into are Bumgenius, Gdiapers, and Charlie banana. They all have pros and cons and as of now, I am leaning towards Charlie banana because I can get one size that fits all weight and ages and it's not as bulky as others. I would like opinions if you had used cloth diapers . I don't plan on getting tons of toys. My mother-in-law kept all (and I mean ALL) the toys from my hubby's childhood so we will have plenty and I happen have loads of stuffed animals of all sizes and shapes. I will probably get a jumperoo and a swing and rattles but not much more than that. (I imagine we will get plenty at our baby shower too)

Kaylee is a pretty name, but I am not entirely sold on it - try harder hubby

Diapers- I know hundreds of parents. Most have tried cloth (including me). All have quit. They are a PITA. Environmentally friendly disposables are just as earth-friendly (and the earth-friendliness of cloth is questionable, when you consider the water consumed in washing them)

Jumparoos are cool, but don't use them too early. They can cause spinal injuries, which sometimes are not diagnosed until much later in life.

AsianFemaleDriver wrote: Mama here :) Thanks for all the advice gentlemen! (all men here right?) When my hubby told me he is posting this on GRM, I literally LOL not because it's GRM but because he didn't seem to be interested in this pregnancy as I was before finding out the gender. I guess finding out what this baby will be made it real for him As many of you suggested, I plan to breast feed our daughter. My mom breast fed all of us so I hope it will be a success for me too. I hear it can be hard (I will spare the details - look it up if you are interested). I am also planning on using breast pumps so if I am not available or want the dad to feed the baby, it will be available for him. Do any of you have any experience with cloth diapers? I originally planned on using disposables, but after much research I am strongly considering cloth diapers. It will save tons of money on the long run and be kind to the planet. And they are soo cute! As I looked into it more, I found there are quite a few different brands of cloth diapers and couldn't decide what brand would be the best. So far the ones I looked into are Bumgenius, Gdiapers, and Charlie banana. They all have pros and cons and as of now, I am leaning towards Charlie banana because I can get one size that fits all weight and ages and it's not as bulky as others. I would like opinions if you had used cloth diapers . I don't plan on getting tons of toys. My mother-in-law kept all (and I mean ALL) the toys from my hubby's childhood so we will have plenty and I happen have loads of stuffed animals of all sizes and shapes. I will probably get a jumperoo and a swing and rattles but not much more than that. (I imagine we will get plenty at our baby shower too) Kaylee is a pretty name, but I am not entirely sold on it - try harder hubby

All guys- so far. I've convinced my SWMBO to chime in once she gets off work... so you will have a female perspective on this.

Regarding breast feeding. I don't think anything is wrong above, but know that it doesn't always go easily for everyone. Can be extremely frustrating for Mamma, when the kiddo just doesn't want to muckle on. You aren't GRM until you'll modified a nipple guard on the fly in hopes your kid will take a drink for the source directly. Long story short, in the whole process you may find difficulties. Mothers often take this as some sort of failure on their part and keep to themselves about it. If stuff goes smoothly for you, appreciate it....if not, know that it is completely NORMAL. Don't be bashful to ask for help.

sachilles wrote: Regarding breast feeding. I don't think anything is wrong above, but know that it doesn't always go easily for everyone. Can be extremely frustrating for Mamma, when the kiddo just doesn't want to muckle on. You aren't GRM until you'll modified a nipple guard on the fly in hopes your kid will take a drink for the source directly. Long story short, in the whole process you may find difficulties. Mothers often take this as some sort of failure on their part and keep to themselves about it. If stuff goes smoothly for you, appreciate it....if not, know that it is completely NORMAL. Don't be bashful to ask for help.

+1. We lucked out. Both parties were immediately pros...though the kiddo never took a bottle (I wouldn't stand for that E36 M3 either! I want mine straight from the tap!)

They should have a breastfeeding coach at the hospital. Dew eeeet. It really is helpful. After a while, mama can do "pump & dump" which means SWEET, GLORIOUS berkeleyING ALCOHOL!!!!!!

poopshovel wrote:

sachilles wrote: Regarding breast feeding. I don't think anything is wrong above, but know that it doesn't always go easily for everyone. Can be extremely frustrating for Mamma, when the kiddo just doesn't want to muckle on. You aren't GRM until you'll modified a nipple guard on the fly in hopes your kid will take a drink for the source directly. Long story short, in the whole process you may find difficulties. Mothers often take this as some sort of failure on their part and keep to themselves about it. If stuff goes smoothly for you, appreciate it....if not, know that it is completely NORMAL. Don't be bashful to ask for help.

+1. We lucked out. Both parties were immediately pros...though the kiddo never took a bottle (I wouldn't stand for that E36 M3 either! I want mine straight from the tap!) They should have a breastfeeding coach at the hospital. Dew eeeet. It really is helpful. After a while, mama can do "pump & dump" which means SWEET, GLORIOUS berkeleyING ALCOHOL!!!!!!

Find a local breastfeeding group as well. We had a hospital helper, who was a berkeleying moron. Kid didn't latch for E36 M3, wife under produced, etc. She got some suggestions from other mommies, now she's a pro.

Female perspective here. Breastfeeding's like the rest of life, as it turns out--it's more about showing up consistently than any genius idea or novel approach. Just be persistent, don't give up, don't worry that if baby misses a meal or it takes an extra day for your milk to come in that OMG TRAGEDY WILL ENSUE. If you keep offering that food source, it's almost guaranteed that it will become a food source and deh beybey will utilize it. I thought it was pretty great because it's free, it's the best, and let's face it, it's a little like discovering that you can get bacon out of your elbow, food-shopping-wise.

Keys are to relax, relax and relax. Look at it as a cuddly time with bonus snackage. And who doesn't want that deal?

Margie

Got a 5 year old and 3 year old daughter. Listen to Conquest above.

Also get a copy of "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters".

My wife had difficulties convincing our firstborn to breast feed, fortunately her Nurse was an older British Matron that would not give any quarter to Mother or son. She brought them both around in short order, Laziness was not tolerated. Congratulations AFD!