Hearing aids/ sound amplifier/ filters IMPOSSIBLE REQUEST

My 86 year old mother has a weird set of desires. She lives in an independent care facility, and the mid-day meal is her primary social time. She sits at a table with 7 or 8 women she likes, and they talk. A lot. 

Her problem is that she sits near some men at another table who talk too loud, and she can’t hear the conversation she wants to.

Most of the people in the facility have some level of hearing loss. My mother recently got hearing aids.  She had hoped they would filter the voices she didn’t want to hear, and amplify the ones she does.  That’s probably unreasonable. They don’t do that, and she is disappointed. 

I did notice one thing interesting in observing this... older men who are hard of hearing speak louder to hear and be heard.  Older women who are hard of hearing speak softer, and lean in with each other more intimately.  Just an observation...

In a perfect world, she would probably enjoy a device that filtered out all male voices so she never had to hear any of them again. Ever. 

She is looking for a table top device that she and her friends can sit around and talk into and each of them could hear each other better. Like a programmable Google Home, or something. 

Does such a thing exist?

For reasons I can’t explain other than “stubborn old woman” the obvious solution of “MOVE TO ANOTHER FRIGGIN TABLE” is not acceptable. 

Also unacceptable is “Talk to those guys and ask them nicely to keep their voices down” 

She wants a device that can make the world a happy place for her without any confrontation  Ever.

The truth is she will probably not be able to hear anything at all within 6 months with or without a device. Doesn’t matter. She wants a device, and she is willing to spend a lot of money on it.

Let me make it a little harder for you...  She is averse to anything that has anything to do with a smart phone, or complicated controller. She simply doesn’t want one. If the device you are thinking of shapes the sound and filters frequencies but uses a smart phone as a controller- that won’t work. 

Like I said... I think she just needs a big red button she can push and make all men go away.  That would do it.

But who knows!  Maybe a magic box exists. I figured I’d ask here, because GRM knows all. 

Note:

Humor is perfectly acceptable. Feel free to poke fun or target me and my family with any joke you like. I need to laugh. Some days it’s the only way I get through this silliness. 

1,2,3... GO!

I read this to my wife, in particular due the the "GRM knows all" nature of it (a recurrent theme at our house).

She suggested cubicle walls/bandshell between the tables. Obviously, not going to happen. Too reasonable.

Then she suggested setting it up like a Senate hearing. Everyone has a microphone, feeding into a table top speaker. That seems more reasonable, but I'm sure it will never fly.

We both have experience dealing with elderly, myself within the family, her both family and  professionally. At some point, I feel like the problem becomes more important than any possible solution.

Good luck.

If she is using standard hearing aids, they are probably just amplifying ambient sound. Shop for modern versions that are tied to an App via bluetooth. That will allow her to customize the performance of the aids to her liking.  Check out Adam Savage on the subject, about 2 minutes in shows the app.

Did you see the bit where she didn't want an app?

It may not be hearing. She may have a processing problem.

https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/news/story/735/when-the-brain-not-the-ears-goes-hard-of-hearing.aspx

I'm wondering if the loss of high frequency is affecting her ability to hear her friends more than The Men. If that's the case, it's simply up to how the hearing aid is processing the audio - but this cannot be a rare thing. Looks like the inability to filter out background noise is a common complaint with hearing loss and the elderly.

Floating Doc said:

Then she suggested setting it up like a Senate hearing. Everyone has a microphone, feeding into a table top speaker. That seems more reasonable, but I'm sure it will never fly.

This was my first thought as well, I'm thinking to make it '50s-level simple to use, something like a RasPi with a bunch of USB audio devices all hooked into a group chat. Flip a switch, wait a minute for boot, plug in headsets and enter team chat for the old ladies' table at the retirement home.

Edit: Someone with good audio electronics knowledge is probably facepalming pretty hard at the level of overcomplication there, but that's how I know how to do it

SVreX said:

Also unacceptable is “Talk to those guys and ask them nicely to keep their voices down” 

The very idea of asking a bunch of old guys to do that is comical. In the best case scenario they try to be polite but as is always the case their voices raise in volume naturally back to where they were. Usually takes less than 5 minutes.

Worst case scenario.  Ever asked an old guy for any kindness?  They are the most entitled group on the planet. Add in the deeply engrained misogyny of that generation and.....

I don't blame her for refusing to ask. 

Buy your mom a bullhorn, she can pass it around the table. Done

The only solution is get the men to quiet down (good luck, they're surely hard of hearing also) or get more distance between the tables. 

I'm completely sympathetic to her situation.  I've never been able to understand conversation in areas with lots of ambient noise.  Bars?  Forget it.  I'll just sit there like a mute.  Or smile and nod my head.  I can't understand a word that's being spoken.  I've never been able to read anywhere that isn't perfectly quiet either, and it's not age-related.  Even in college, the only way I'd get reading done was to sequester myself in the library.  So for me, it's more of a focus/concentration thing?

Maybe get her to take a course in lip-reading?

T.J. said:

"Missed it by >< much."

SVreX said:

She is looking for a table top device that she and her friends can sit around and talk into and each of them could hear each other better. Like a programmable Google Home, or something. 

Are she and her friends willing to use headsets?  If so, then it sounds like what wants is a multi-way version of the "chatterbox" systems sold for instructing in race cars.  I have no idea if they exist or not though.

How about one of these...

A couple of these...

A microphone they can pass around, and some earbuds?

Jumper K Balls (Trent) said:

Ever asked an old guy for any kindness?  They are the most entitled group on the planet.

Let me guess, you woke up this morning and said "I'm going to pick a fight with SOMEONE today!"

She could ask the men to quiet down, but wouldn't it be easier to ask the old birds to speak up and look directly at the people in the conversation?

My ex would speak at the windshield of the car.  If I said,"Pardon?", she would turn her head towards the side window and speak more softly.  Eventually I quit saying "Pardon." 

We are divorced now.

As to Mom, I can't imagine there isn't a hearing aid that has selective frequency. Reinforce the higher notes, reduce the lower.  I know higher pitched voices, particularly in a crowd, are a real bitch for me.

Yes, the cone of silence is probably as viable a solution as any!

In reply to Jumper K Balls (Trent) :

Umm...

I live with a 93 year old man. I understand what you are saying, but the women are MUCH worse to deal with than the men. 

Entitlement runs deep. 

In reply to Streetwiseguy :

If my coworker isn't looking at me when he's saying something 20 feet away, I ignore the berkeleyer. I can't hear worth a E36 M3, especially in a noisy shop, and that shiny happy person always mutters stuff as he's walking away. 

I can't divorce him, though. 

In reply to codrus :

Headphones (or earplugs) are acceptable