How to Mess with Telemarketers

The "What annoys you thread" and mention of people calling to get you to vote for their candidate started me thinking. What do you do to mess with telemarketers when they call? What would you like to do?

A couple that I've done:

Shout: "Oh my god!?! REALY?!?! It's just what I've always wanted!!!" Then hang up.

"Wait. Wait. Can you hold on for just a minute?" Then just put the phone down on the desk and continue surfing the net.

When in the dorms I kept getting calls, about every 2 weeks, from AT&T asking if I'd like to switch. "I live in a dorm. I don't have a choice of phone carriers. I do, however, use AT&T for my cellphone, so I am a customer. Please do not call me again. I already use your service. If you call me again, I will cancel my cell phone service and use someone who does not pester me." They called again. I canceled my service.

Salanis wrote: "Wait. Wait. Can you hold on for just a minute?" Then just put the phone down on the desk and continue surfing the net.

At work, I get so many industry magazines calling with free subscriptions/renewals. They always say the same thing, "this'll take 5 minutes." Fifteen minutes later, "we're almost done."

I used to pretend to be the reseptionist and say I'm not available, but they'd keep calling. I'll be using this response of your's from now on.

I know someone who hands the phone to his 2 year old, who loves to banter on the phone.

I generally just pick up the phone, say a rather loud "hello" wait for 1 second or so (to see if it's coming throug a call center switch box) then hang up if no one says anything. Works pretty good, seems to reduce the number of calls also (probably something to do with a completed call rather than just a no answer)

I'm really jealous of you guys getting the real human political calls. I'd like to play redneck when a I get an Obama call and play hippie when I get a McCain call

Back when the "Do Not Call List" rules were being enforced, I got rid people this way. "It's great to hear from you. Someone from your company called 6 weeks ago and asked to be put on the Do Not Call List and you just called me back." Live callers hung up really fast.

All reasons why I no longer have phones.

I've done a couple of your suggestions when I was in a mischievous mood, but years ago I worked briefly for a company that had an outbound telemarketing staff. Most of them were down on their luck, students, single moms and the like who didn't pick telemarketing as their dream job, but were just trying to scrape together a living. A few were borderline nut-jobs, but most of them were just a little sad.

However.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un_PjRXV5l8

I never saw the point in messing with them, they're just drones doing a job. Since I have caller ID I never pick up their calls anyway.

stuart in mn wrote: I never saw the point in messing with them, they're just drones doing a job. Since I have caller ID I never pick up their calls anyway.

I am in this camp. When I had a house phone, the only people who ever called on it were telemarketers. Nobody else. "Please hold for a special offer", I just hang up. Pick up the phone, very quick hello...no response? Hang up the phone.

Eventually, I realized I was paying money to have telemarketers annoy me, and now I just have a cell phone.

GameboyRMH wrote: I'm really jealous of you guys getting the real human political calls. I'd like to play redneck when a I get an Obama call and play hippie when I get a McCain call

Are the US Presidential candidates calling for votes from the non-US citizens on your island? Please give some specifics.

I was getting 2-3 calls a day, easily. I wouldn't be surprised if I got 5 some days. I went into full battle mode on the telemarketers. I am on the Do Not Call list, I got one of those auto-phone dialer spoofers, and I pay an extra five bucks a month to AT&T for Privacy Manager, which blocks all phone calls that are "Anonymous" or "Unavailable." They get a recording saying I don't take anonymous calls and they have an opportunity to identify themselves by voice, then I get a phone call with the computer asking me if I want to accept the call from these people. Of course, they never bother to leave their name and go through with it so I don't get the call asking either. I now get maybe 1 telemarketer a month that gets through. I congratulate them on getting through my defenses, then I report them to the Feds for violating the DNC list.

Dr. Hess wrote:

GameboyRMH wrote: I'm really jealous of you guys getting the real human political calls. I'd like to play redneck when a I get an Obama call and play hippie when I get a McCain call

Are the US Presidential candidates calling for votes from the non-US citizens on your island? Please give some specifics.

No, people in the "swing states" are getting these calls...the people making these calls would be prime candidates for messing with, so I'm jealous that I don't have this opportunity.

If you want to hear a professional take out his revenge on telemarketers, check this out - http://www.tommabe.com/album.php What he does to the poor, unsuspecting callers is hilarious. I also heard Jerry Seinfeld use this line, "I'm busy right now, can I call you later at home?" with the expected results. Finish that one as mean as you want to be

ncjay wrote: I also heard Jerry Seinfeld use this line, "I'm busy right now, can I call you later at home?" with the expected results. Finish that one as mean as you want to be

Brilliant!

In my favorite book of all time, Good Omens, an entire call center of telemarketers gets devoured by a maggot demon that was trapped on an answering machine, and was released when it picked up the call. (Hilarious book. It also features Satanic Nuns, a small yappy hellhound that likes to pester cats, and the Four other Horsemen of the apocalypse).

I am never rude or mean to them. But I certainly do like to berkeley with them. Especially if I can get a laugh out of them.

Usually, I try to sell them something. It's almost always a boom-box radio thing. "It's a little dusty, but it has a 3-cd changer and two tape decks." They usually laugh.

My mom had one once when she was about to put on her makeup. She asked them what they were selling, went to do her makeup, and came back just as they were finishing. Then she asked them to repeat what they just said - she missed it. They did. She hung up.

My favorite one came from a friend of mine when we were 13 or 14.

"Hello, is Mr. or Mrs. Jonesmithsonston there?"

"NO! They're upstairs having sex!"

Then he hung up. We're not really sure if they were actually telemarketers or, perhaps, family friends. We thought it was pretty funny though.

When we first got an answering machine I decided I would have a little fun with a friend who was always bugging me to get one. I called a number that I knew had been recently diconnected and recorded the phone company message. I voice-overed my phone number on the tape and then used that as my answering machine message.

I had no sooner set it all up than the phone rang. Listening to the speacker I could tell it was my youngest sister-in law "I know I dialed the right number", etc.. I got to laughing so hard I didn't pick up the phone while she called 3 more times.

As I was telling my wife about it the phone rang again. This time it was my oldest sister-in-law. She obviously recognized my voice on the tape. "Hi Hal, I see you got an answering machine. Pick up the damm phone."

I left that message on there for a year. Just told people who might call to ignore the announcement and leave a message. It sure cut down on the number of calls we got.

When I lived in Indy, I was signed up for the strict Indiana Do-Not-Call list, and I had caller ID with memory. I got very few calls-maybe 5 a year-so I saved the caller ID info. The law required you to tell the telemarketer on their first call not to call again, and the second call was a violation. I was sure to tell them not to call me again.

I got excited when I received a 2nd call from some stupid company. I was very polite, and after giving the caller some of my information, I asked him a few questions. This gave me plenty of information to fill out on the DNC violator form, available on-line. I filled it out and mailed it in.

A few months later, after all but forgetting about the calls, I received a letter from the AG. The company was fined $1500 for my call, and required to buy the DNC list monthly, at a cost of hundreds of dollars per month. I felt giddy inside.

Kramer wrote: A few months later, after all but forgetting about the calls, I received a letter from the AG. The company was fined $1500 for my call, and required to buy the DNC list monthly, at a cost of hundreds of dollars per month. I felt giddy inside.

You should have gotten a cut of that money.

I got a call once from someone claiming to sell home security systems. One of his questions was "Do you have a home security system?", To which I replied, "I would be a complete idiot to tell some stranger on the phone if I did not have a home security system, wouldn't I?" Before he had a chance to reply to that question, my dogs, who have a regular habit of barking their fool heads off at squirrels, cats and anything else that freakin' moves, decided to, yes you guessed it, bark their fool heads off. I have three dogs, but it easily sounds like more when they go off their rocker about some squirrel in the yard. So I calmly told this guy on the phone that I needed to go rescue the guy who was trying to break into our house. There was this akward silence on his end.

my sister worked as a telemarketer for a few weeks. best one that happened to her was a kid answered the phone, didn't hang up and went back to watching porn. she had to sit there listening to the porn in the backround till her superviser came over and terminated the call...

My favorite was my friends:

Telemarketer: Hello, may we please speak with Mr so and so?

Friend:Uh, no, um, unfortunately, Mr so an so has passed away.

Telemarketer: Oh, I'm terribly sorry to hear that. May we speak with Mrs so and so?

Friend: Ah, no, actually, Mrs so and so is currently incarcerated for the murder of Mr so and so.

Joey

Telemarketer: Hello, would you like to extend your car's warranty? Me: Yes, I'd love too. Telemarketer: Ok, what is the make, year, and model of your car? Me: It's a 1959 Berkley Telemarketer: I'm sorry, we don't cover that car. Me: WHY NOT!? YOU PROMISED ME A WARRANTY! Telemarketer: I'm very sorry, I'll put you on the do not call list.

or

T: Hello, can you tell me the model number of your printer? M: Sure, it's a Xerox T: Okay, and the model? M: It... uh... looks like maybe... an F T: Good M: I think a U T: FU? M: And... I think... maybe... a... 2. Yeah, thats it. It is Xerox FU2 T: Ah man! (click)

We get one here at work that's aggravating as hell. It's a robodialer, so the phone rings, you pick it up and there's a roughly two second silence (robodialer seeing the completed call and then connecting), then a ship's horn sound, then 'This is your captain speaking. Are you ready to embark on the cruise of a lifetime?' I have never gotten past that point because it always happens when the service lane is full of people and I just don't have time to listen any further.

I'm on the Do Not Call list as well but a few still call, maybe once/twice a month. That number has gone up the closer we get to election time which really irks me. I don't screw around with them because, as noted earlier, lots of times these people aren't in the best of positions in life. I just say 'No, thanks' and hang up.

HA! I just got another live person making a political call. It was great!

Phone Rings

Me: Hello?
Caller: Hello. I'm calling for John McCain and...
Me (interrupting him mid sentence): He's not here.
Loooong pause from caller...
Caller: OK, thank you for your time.
*click *

^ Crap, soda on the monitor again.