I need help with a best man speech

I am best man in a wedding this weekend and I have to give a speech. I have noticed about myself that things can make sense in my head but when written down or spoke it doesn't always come across the way I want. Its kind of like my brain auto fills and so it seems right when its not. So I was hoping you guys could read over what I have and let me know if you see things like "hey that sentence should be at the beginning of the paragraph" Or "what the hell are you babbling about there?" Ok so here goes

"Andy and I have pretty special friendship. We have known each other pretty much since birth and we have learned a lot from each other. We started out building legos, and as we “grew up” that has turned into building jeeps, and building the worlds slowest race car. We built a gocart/shopping cart hybrid that taught us the importance of wearing a helmet. We built a parade float that taught us the importance of having a good spotter to avoid running over girl scouts, and we built a hydrogen generator that taught us that even if you give us something as simple as a bucket of water Andy and I can find a way to make it explode.

We learned that when you’re moving out of an apartment if you throw a recliner off a second story balcony it will survive the fall, but an entertainment center and a window air conditioner will not, and if you want to make less trips up and down the stairs you can fill your washer and dryer up stuff, but canned food is not a good choice.

We learned that when your offroading in a jeep and somebody says “Do it again 5 miles an hour faster.” Don’t do it, and one of us suggests “Lets go see what Buck’s doing” we will probably be coming home late and drunk.

We have always been the right mix of good and bad influence on each other. When one of us has a bad idea the other one is always there to either discourage it , or to think of new and creative ways to make things so much worse.

You have been a great friend, a great cousin, and a great uncle to my kids. As you move on to this new chapter in your life I want to congratulate you on finding the other piece of your puzzle and wish you two many happy years together."

Please add: im grateful that you found somebody else to grow old with, because i sure as hell aint gonna change your diapers when that time comes.

My favorite part of aby best man speech i have ever given sober.

Also, do NOT encourage the maid of honor to join you in a drinking contest. That was my wife and I first date....

Holy cow, I was just about to make this post! Literally stepped away from my computer with the post almost all done. Just checked this on my phone from the toilet.

How's your audience? Your opening could be better. Gotta get their attention.

"So as Andy and I were sitting across from each other in that Tijuana jail cell, we both realized that since we were it Mexico at least this wouldn't be on our permanent record..."

The only things I know for sure:

• I'm keeping it short; as I'm likely keeping people from the bar
• I need to mention her, which will be hard as I don't know her all that well
• I need to embarrass the groom somehow, while still keeping it PC.

Be sure to start by complimenting the bride, even something simple about how great she looks today or something.

My only memorable part was "I loved him first" and the bride responded "Well I loved him better"

Thanks guys. Keep em coming.

Dusterbd, I may very well steal that.

Can't help but you're doing better than my friend's best man, who didn't realize he had to make a speech until literally on the car ride over to the reception, when the maid of honor whipped out a 3 page typed speech and asked him about his speech came out and he went "Uhhhhh...." What followed was a hilarious, awkward, halting, mumble that ended with "I'm gonna end this and quit ruining your wedding." And then mic-dropped with the expensive rented mic.

If you don't know her super well, you can speak to how you've seen him react/change/whatever to her instead. Good start, though! Length isn't bad, another paragraph or two would be ok.

My .02 (and feel free to ignore), maybe one or two fewer references to past exploits and a bit more about the bride. How happy she makes him, things they are gonna share in their new lives together.

A lot of guys treat marriage like a prison sentence at the end of a rocking bachelorhood but really need to look at it like a graduation from selfish and solo to selfless partnership.

I've done three (well four, if you count an informal one I did on the spur of the moment by request). Keep it short. Shorter than you think it should be. Hit hard with the opener - in the first one I ever did I read the quote from Dante's Divine Comedy that ends with "Abandon all hope, ye who enter here." (The groom and his parents laughed hysterically, but not too many from the bride's side did. She never liked me anyway.) I always approached it like a mini-roast - a couple quick shots to get people laughing (for example, I told the crowd that my brother was banned from returning to Venezuela as the result of some unspecified previous romantic entanglement gone horribly wrong - not a word of that is true, except that he is actually my brother), follow up with some sentimental crap (keep this very short), toast, drink, and then "That's my time, folks! I'll be here all week. Try the veal."

Looks good, but like others have said, more on the bride and how happy she has made your friend. Maybe add something about gaining a sister. For me, I've had good luck not going off a script. I'd outline the stories or thoughts that I'd like to tell, and just tell them, using the outline as a guide. Much more natural feeling than reading or memorizing. One of the stories should be about the couple, maybe when you realized that they were together or why they will be a good married couple.

Keep in mind it's not a roast. The brides family doesn't need to know about the time he caught the clap in a pool hall in Akron or bleached his ass hair. Keep it brief, positive, and practice a few times that morning. Someone stammering through a 10 page mess full of internet quotes is uncomfortable for everyone. At my brother's wedding I kept mine under 3 minutes, and delivered it clean in spite of my public awkwardness while the made of honor had a typewritten booklet she kept losing her place in. The bride's father, a very proper Presbyterian minister, thanked me for doing it short and well.

We have a tradition in my family, and now others that have heard it, where the best man recites the Independance Day presidents speech from memory.

The last time we did this was in Mexico at a huge Destination wedding and we confused the hell out of about 20 people at the event who spoke very little English.

I have no other suggestions.

I was best man once, and one of my rules was I didn't have to make a speech. The wedding and reception went just fine without it, and they're still married 30 years later.

A small bit of advice about giving the speech: Do not write the whole thing down and then bring that to read at the wedding. Make bullet points about the stories and important ideas to cover and use that. Reading a whole speech is a very good way to mess up what you're trying to say. One stumble when reading aloud (everyone does it) and you're toast. Remember that the exact working isn't nearly as important as the thoughts and feelings you're trying to convey. And if you miss a point or two, who cares? No one but you knows the entirety of the speech so the bride and groom won't even notice.

I have done a few myself, the best one delirious with a fever of 102ish. I don't really know what I said but it was well received and from what I am told I praised the bride, only moderately roasted the groom and was not talking for more than a few minutes as that was as long as I could stay standing. The take away,as other's have said. Keep it simple, say nice things about the bride, groom and the event, drink and sit down.

I like it. Good job of embarrassing him just enough while still showing he's a good guy. You're not doing the stupid, sexist, cliche of how the new wife is a better person than he is and he doesn't deserve her.

You miss a few "a", "so", "if" words that your brain will fill in when you read it. No big deal.

I would run with what you wrote. Short, to the point, no Mexican hooker stories, mentioned the woman. All good.

Silsnce is better than "Uuuuhhhmmm."

Remember to leave a little time for laughs. Don't try to plow through while the crowd is still reacting.

Thanks for the support guys. I hate public speaking. I have edited a bit, I took out the part about jeeps and getting drunk, and added thanking the guests and parents and what not. Now I just have to drink the right amount to be comfortable doing but not enough to screw it up.

gearheadmb wrote: Thanks for the support guys. I hate public speaking. I have edited a bit, I took out the part about jeeps and getting drunk, and added thanking the guests and parents and what not. Now I just have to drink the right amount to be comfortable doing but not enough to screw it up.

Pretty sure that it is halfway through your second drink. Talking normal drinks here, ie 12 oz beer or 4 oz wine. Not 4oz Bourbon.

Bump for advice from the weekend crowd

..."and so I believe the tradition calls for this speech to end with a toast"..

So please raise your glass with me... in a toast to honor. And remember - once you get honor, stay honor.

Ba dum tisssss

I did it. It went well. One thing that helped me a lot was i told a couple of the groomsmen i was nervous about doing it, so when i stood up to give the speech they started goofing off and making me laugh, which made feel a lot better.

But anyway we got the lad married off, we drank, we danced, and every one had great time.