I need your infinite wisdom...

So, my friend is jealous, and he has been insulting the E30. He just sent me these:

Friend (who will remain nameless) said: Your rear window has defrost strips so your hands stay warm when you push it. Badly Made Wobbler Bad Marriage Wagon Bald Middle-aged White guy Barbarian Motor Works Bavarian Manure Wagon Bavarian Marriage Wrecker Bavarian Motorcycles (for) Wimps Bavarian Milk Wagon Bavarian Murder Weapon Beats Most Winnebagos Beats Most Women Been Mighty Wobbly (circa /5) Beer,Motorcycles,Women Bent Meeting Wall (in the case of my R90/6) Big Manly Willy Big Mean Woman Big Mean Whore Big Metal Wastage Big Middleclass Wagon Big Money Wasted Big Money Waster Big Money Withdrawal Big Money Worries Big Monthly Wage Big Mutha Wheelie Bikes Made Weird Bike Might Wheelie

He has a focus sedan, and absolutely no interest in racing/cars whatsoever. But, he is convinced that he will get a new Infiniti G37 for his 16th B-Day.

I need insults towards either an Infiniti or a Focus, and I thought that you could help. Any ideas?

He thinks E30s suck so you could just call him an Idiot. Its simple and accurate.

Oh, he is also spoiled rotten.

simple, tell him if he was a real man he would come to a autocross and beat your e30 on the track.

knowing that you have experience, he will NEVER be able to touch your time on his first time out.

I have, but he doesn't even get his permit until April. In the meantime, I told him that I would personally take him to the track and scare the crap out of him in my E30.

"Focus"? take his money, knock him down, and tell him Now you're "Foc'd" (lean heavy on the Mike Meyers Scottish accent) I have nothing against "Foci" but you didn't give me much to work with....

he does not even have his permit.. and he has a focus.. and will get a g37 for his birthay? get away from this kid, he is about to become a statistic

"Hi This is my friend Jack E36 M3, you don't know him."

I think he has better sense than that (I've known him for years), and I've convinced him to go to a street survival school with me.

I like Chebbie's idea.

Don't worry about what other people think is a good place to start. If you like the E30 and it is your car and you did work on it, it means a lot more that just dropping money on a prefabricated modern car.

Just like when people tell me to sell my funky buell, I know where all the scratches and missing parts came from, and while it ain't pretty it is MINE and no you can't ride it!

I remember those days: here's what will happen over the next few years: He will continue to talk E36 M3 until he can drive, You will go to an AutoX together, You will destroy his time, if he even stays on course, He will never AutoX again, claiming that "real men street race", He will taunt you for driving like an old lady until he wraps mommy and daddy's gift around a post and ends up in a coma. In short, don't waste your time worrying about it. Douches will be douches.

Tommy, if his parents are going to "give" him a $35,000 (base price) car for his 16th birthday, he is not really someone you want to be in the car with when his talent runs out before his ego.

From what you've told us, he has way more ego than his experience or competence is ready to deal with.

I bet you can run circles around him in 1/2 the car on auto x or other track event. Just because his parents have money, doesn't make them or him douche-bags, I know plenty of douche-bags that don't have 2 nickels to rub together....

benzbaron wrote: Don't worry about what other people think is a good place to start. If you like the E30 and it is your car and you did work on it, it means a lot more that just dropping money on a prefabricated modern car. Just like when people tell me to sell my funky buell, I know where all the scratches and missing parts came from, and while it ain't pretty it is MINE and no you can't ride it!

I love my E30. We just hurl insults at each other's cars for fun, my other friends included. They are easier to insult, however, because they have no cars.

ww said: That I agree with. Tommy, if his parents are going to "give" him a $35,000 (base price) car for his 16th birthday, he is not really someone you want to be in the car with when his talent runs out before his ego. From what you've told us, he has way more ego than his experience or competence is ready to deal with.

I didn't say he was getting a G37 for his birthday. I said "he is convinced" he is getting a G37 for his birthday. His parents laugh and say no you're not when he brings it up. I was just asking for jokes about Infinitis, because he jokes about my BMW.

Just tell him he sucks at life. If he really does get a G37, good for him, just make sure he lets you drive it, that's what good friends do. Other than that he drives a Focus wagon.....nuff said.

Not even a wagon, a red 4-door sedan.

Tommy Suddard wrote: I didn't say he was getting a G37 for his birthday. I said "he is convinced" he is getting a G37 for his birthday. His parents laugh and say no you're not when he brings it up. I was just asking for jokes about Infinitis, because he jokes about my BMW.

Well, if his parents think the joke is on him, then he's delusional. Like was said earlier, remind him, he drives a Ford Focus...

wait he owns a berkeley-ass and he's making fun of your bmw?

From Gumball Rally (I used this one every time some parental-supplied driver insulted my old cars): "Some things get meaner as they get older".

Tommy Suddard wrote: So, my friend is jealous, and he has been insulting the E30. He just sent me these:

snippy

I was a BMW owner when the Japanese "upmarket" brands (Acura/Lexus/Infiniti) arrived.

We liked the Acuras, but we called the Lex/Inf cars "Infinitexcess" because we couldn't tell them apart.

I was going to suggest reminding him that BMW probably has a gazillion more race wins and championships than his favorite oversized sushi boat, but if he doesn't care about racing, that won't help.

And there's plenty of FORD jokes. Fix Or Repair Daily, Found On Road Dead, etc. And if he brings up "first on race day!", remind him that anything can be fast if it has a sqadron of professional mechanics working on it all week long.

beer, motorcycles, women.......that's an insult?

Infiniti is owned by the French.

THEM be fightin' words!

z31maniac wrote: beer, motorcycles, women.......that's an insult?

I wondered about that, too.

Osterizer said: Infiniti is owned by the French. THEM be fightin' words!

My two friends and I are in 3 different languages, He is in French, the other is in Spanish, and I am in German. We all claim our languages are the best.

I like the VQ cars for some reason, but they do look like bathtubs.

German is rusty... Rufen Sie ihn einfach einen Bob Costas für Sein auf französisch an.

Black Magic Woman

Tell your buddy about your Mandingo complex.

No offense intended in your direction young Master Suddard, but the grand majority of 15yo boys don't know anything and are little more than hormones and new pubes; I was one once. Ignore this kid and be secure in the fact that you have a mind of your own and have worked for what you have.

We'll see how this fellow will do if/when his parents buy him a car. I'd consider myself a respectful person and a decent driver, but the only nice car anyone bought me(a $2k '91 4wd Civic wagon when I was 17) met it's end on a dirt road by my hands. Wish the guy luck with his G37... he won't have it long.