I really, really hoped id never have one of these threads.

I hate this things. I really do. I try not to be serious.

My cousin chose to end his life today. I don't know a lot of the details. I know it was a gun related incident. I know that he was found by his wife. I dont know much else. His mom (my aunt) called me to tell me. He was maybe 23.

Now before people get off on the rant- i know why people do these things. Both having worked in the field and having been down that road myself, i understand. Sometimes, there is no other out in your mind. Be it marital, financial, physical, emotional, sometimes the weight is too great. I get it. But....what i dont get is why people dont reach out. I kept in regular contact with him. We were pretty close. Both gamers. Both into cars. He had an 79ish trans am he was working on. He had just moved to Colorado (legal pot!) With his wife to go to school. Fresh out of the navy. Had a pretty sweet harley springer. And suddenly, gone. No goodbye, no berkeley you, no nothing. I....dont get it. Im as plain as can be. Love me or hate me anyone that knows me knows that if they need someone reliable as gravity with solid advice, i can be contacted if you need something.

So, yeah. I lost a friend, a family member, and a fellow bearded man today. It berkeleying sucks. I don't know what else to do. I didnt even want to write this, but, i needed somewhere to put it, and lets face it, i trust you more than most.

Peace,to some people happiness is so elusive they seek it on another plane. I hope you can find peace in your heart. So sorry for your loss.

God speed, and good luck to those left behind.

Sorry for your loss. I know it hurts inside,

In reply to mndsm:

Sorry to hear that Tom, that just sucks. With some people, they just decide one day to go through with these things and don't reach out to anyone. Sometimes the attempt to reach out is so subtle that even those closest to them don't realize until it's too late. Either way it sucks for everyone involved.

I've caught one extended family member showing almost subliminal cries for help, and managed to talk her down from the ledge. Those closest to her didn't even notice.

I'm so sorry. I wish I could help in some way. You know where to find us...

Here is a hug. After seeing this in my family, I finally realized: people don't do this TO their loved ones, they do it FOR them after reaching a place so dark, they think everyone/thing would be better without them.

Think of him with love, and support the ones he left as best you can. Including you.

Margie

I've been where you are. I'm sorry for your loss. My sister did this when she was was 22. In the Navy, 18 moth old son. I had talked to her a week before. My mom had talked to her two days before.
She was sick. She was struggling with depression. She was not great about taking the medicines that the Navy was very willing to hand out. It's been a long time. 16 years? Something like that. Still hurts.
I talk very freely to people about her death. About mental illness. About seeking treatment and support. Trying to remove some of the stigma associated with being that sick.
So I'm here. Talk away.

what Margie said ...

really sorry for your loss

Sorry, man.

Good crowd to talk to. We all care for each other.

That's really rough. Sorry for your loss.

Sorry to hear. I have nothing to add other than I hope those left behind dont blame themselves and can move on. Its not a good thing for anyone involved.

Fuuuuuuuu...

Sorry man. I don't know what to tell you.

I just hope that someone who might find himself in the same situation your cousin was sees how much you wish your cousin would have reached out to someone, and makes that different choice for themselves.

(man hug)

Sorry, brother.

See thats the thing that gets me. Ive made it plain and berkeleying clear i dont care what time of day, where you are, where i am, sober, drunk, in jail, i dont care. If youre at that edge, you berkeleying call me. Everyone knows this. Ive been at work at talked people down. Its been 2am and ive saddled up and gone to get people. This guy knew this. Everyone knows this. Three days ago we were talking about downhill drift trike racing. Cant really do that here, cause flat. Colorado.....now all i can do is sit and look at a berkeleying box and a handful of Facebook memories and wonder what i did. Why. I mean, i know. No matter what, sometimes E36 M3 is just too real. But why not even be like "bro, got a sec?" berkeleying waste.

Bottom line, ill say it. As much as youve said for me, ill say for you. Find me. Dont do this bullE36 M3. I dont care if you hate me. I wont judge. I guarantee ive been down your path.

Been there and done that. My aunt (by marriage) did it 24 years ago. And she meant it for good. She chose a day when my two young cousins were out with her parents for some grandparent time. Knowing that her sister was due at the house in a couple of hours she left the front door unlocked. She closed the garage door, started two of the cars that were in there, and sat down in a lawn chair, and apparently waited until she could feel the CO in blood (based on coroner's report) and THEN put a .357 through the center of her heart. The worst part was that those cousins of mine were only 8 and 10 years old at the time. Hardest funeral I've ever been to. Thankfully they handled it with nearly perfect strength and are both nearly perfect people. One is a drill engineer for Haliburton, the other teaches chemistry, and both have great kids.

Damn. I'm sorry to hear this. My condolences to you and your family.

sorry for your loss. my cousin (also ex military) did the same thing about 8 years ago. no warning, just ate his gun one day.

I have lost a couple of young friends this way, you know you made yourself available, it is not because you let him down in any way.

Very, very sorry for your and your family's loss .

I'm very sorry for your loss. Depression is a terrible thing. I have lost a couple friends to it and almost lost one more. It seems exhausting to fight that everyday and while I would hope everyone got the help I can certainly sympathize with anyone who gets to a point that they think it's the only way they'll get peace.

I'm sorry, buddy. So sorry.

Very sorry to hear this. Thoughts for you, him and your family.

Sorry for your loss mndsm.

just

I'd be lying if I didn't admit to it being under consideration a few times over the past few months, but I know that it wouldn't be fair to my wife, or the team of doctors and nurses who tend to me. The worst part about depression is that time stands still. You still have goals and things that you want to accomplish, but without any forward progress they feel distant, not unreachable, but unobtainable on a timetable which robs the victim of spirit and hope. Life certainly isn't fair, and at times it can even sick pretty Berkeleying hard, but it beats the alternative.