I told my dad I'd run the funeral - any wisdom?

Long story short, my mom died end of June.  Long battle with Alzheimers.  She's better now.

The memorial is next weekend, and my dad said he was going to do the whole thing.  Knowing him right now, he'd get about 30 seconds into it and dissolve into inconsolable tears. 

I suggested we bring in an officiant of some sort, and he didn't want any "strangers".  We're pretty secular, so no handy family pastor here.  So I volunteered.  There will be a few readings, some music.  My dad is still going to try and get out a eulogy.  I can probably wing it, but it's good to be prepared for this kind of thing.

Any advice?

Mom did the eulogy for her best friend recently.  She solicited stories from us kids, and other friends.  Then wrote something down that worked.

Talk about who she was, and be honest.  

My recently deceased brother in law officiated for both of my parents. As a church deacon and lay pastor he had a facility and comfort level with the Bible verses, but that wasn't why I wanted him: He was a good, loving, straightforward man who spoke affectionately, familiarly and absolutely honestly about them each at their funerals, mixing stories from his own experiences with the ones other family members shared. Both were true celebrations of life--but not without lots of tears. A man who knew him well did my brother-in-law's recent funeral, and did the same while openly weeping. It was good because, again, it was honest.. Don't be afraid of laughter, tears... any of it.

No matter how it's expressed, everyone just wants to be eulogized by someone who really knew them. It's wonderful you are doing that.

Margie

Once I was asked to run a service for the wife's cousin and the pastor at a local church had a general guideline he used that he gave me.  Maybe someone like that or it's on the internet.  

Then they decided they would wing it and it all worked out okay in the end. 

Everyone always thinks I can stand up any time, anywhere, wing it, and speak effectively. They aren't totally wrong. However, when the task was to speak at my Dad's funeral, something told me I should write it down first. "Something" was quite correct. Writing it down made it better, and also (not a small point) meant I had less chance of surprising myself with emotion. (We're Canadian, eh?)

YMMV

Consider shooting a video of your dad delivering it and either just show that or have it as a backup in case he is no state to deliver it.  Or maybe just audio, and do it as a presentation with pictures, vids etc.

Sorry about your mom, but glad she's done with all that.

Offer some open time where people can stand up and tell stories to the group.  Solicit stories from people that can be read aloud, for those that don't want to speak in public or can't be there.

Did she have a favorite piece of music that would be appropriate to play?

A laptop and a TV or small projector make it easy to have a slide show of her life in the background.

Thanks for all the input.  This has been helpful.

We're filling out the program pretty well.  We have volunteers to do readings and and play some music. 

I think my roll will mostly be to make introductions and keep the program moving.

Very sorry for your loss and more for the Alzheimer's. Not much is worse.

My wife's uncle died during early Covid. They didn't have a funeral at the time but had a memorial a year later. His family asked guests to come prepared to share a story. And asked for those who could not come to write something to be shared.

Uncle was a beloved college athletic director and coach whom never met a stranger and never forgot a name even after fifty years.

For two hours people read or told funny stories and there was laughter and tears. It was perfect. 

I just want to say for documentation purposes, that when my time comes, anyone who is eulogizing me is going to need transportation home, as they have to consume an edible 90 minutes beforehand, and it'll be an edible that I will have made, so they can't back out of it. It's to help remember the experiences and good times when retelling of experiences. 

Sorry for your loss but had a similar situation a few years back when Mom passed after battling cancer for too many years.

Spread out some of the responsibilities amongst the family or close friends where possible.  You need be the conductor not the orchestra.

Pull together all the great pictures, print, video, digital, and otherwise.  Get all that displayed on screens, whiteboards etc.  Make sure all there friends and family are there and just spend the time with them hearing about this great person they knew and loved.  You'll find out wonderful fun details about her you would never have known before.  The funeral is for them maybe even more so than for you and your family. 

It is awful to prepare but really cathartic and fun as it happens.  I get that may sound odd but this is a celebration of life more so than a mourning of death.

My wife has done several and can probably send you some suggestions. I'll send her this way. 

Scott,

Sorry about your mom. Check your email and give me a call. 

Melanie

In reply to Toymanswife :

Thanks for the chat yesterday.  That helped a lot.  Thanks to Toyman as well for connecting us.

Memorial was Saturday and everything went really well.

We had a good turn-out - about 40 people.  Most of them were relatives of my dad from Colorado Springs - I have a ton of cousins on that side.  We did get a few out of state visitors including a cousin on my mom's side who I've not seen since 1997.  So great to catch up with him.  My dad's college roommate and his wife drove up from Tucsan.  I adore them, so that was a real treat.

I kept my part pretty spare - mostly introductions and transitions.  The readings were nice.  My dad wrote a long and interesting recount of his life with my mom.  I had several people tell me they learned new things about my mom from it. 

My wife played a song on violin, though I found out later that her good bow broke like two minutes before.  Just snapped at the head!  She had a spare beater bow that she subbed in, and that got her thru.

We did have about a half dozen people stand up with memories.  Even had a long-time family friend send her dad (my dad's college roommate) a long and beautiful video tribute.  It was really touching.

Then I just spent the next eight hours straight talking with people and making them know we appreciated them being there.  I ate a few tacos too.

Thanks all for the advice and support.  It definitely helped me get me head around the whole thing.