Tom_Spangler wrote: If Apple made a hammer, it would be simple, elegant, and easy to swing, but it would only work with iNails and iWood.
If Microsoft made a hammer, it would have to be set down and restarted every few hours. Also, unable to recognize iNails.
If Android made a hammer you could swap out the head and the handle to any number of personal choices and customize how it drove nails. Unfortunately, once in a while when you really need to drive a nail it would turn into a window squeegee.
If Buell made a hammer it would have an incredibly well engineered handle, be reasonably priced and enjoyable to use, but the head would be a chunk of iron from the early 1900s.
If Ducati built a hammer they would insist on using an overcomplicated design that smacks the nail back upwards after it's driven down.
If Harley-Davidson made a hammer, it would be a big ridiculous thing that didn't hammer all that well and broke easily, but they'd still have a huge fanclub made up of people (mostly yuppies) who like to cosplay as some weird retro concept of a salt-of-the-earth handyman on the weekends.
If Google made a hammer, it would be ridiculously small, pathetically cute, and drive nails itself.
GameboyRMH wrote: If Harley-Davidson made a hammer, it would be a big ridiculous thing that didn't hammer all that well and broke easily, but they'd still have a huge fanclub made up of people (mostly yuppies) who like to cosplay as some weird retro concept of a salt-of-the-earth handyman on the weekends.
...because they were designed 1000 years ago as an alternative to a sturdy rock without being too fussy or expensive.
If Hennesseey made a hammer, they would buy a hammer from Chrysler and make everything about it fantastic, special and high performance. They would loan them to hammer magazines which would tell everyone that they were the best hammers you could buy.
Nobody in the real world has ever seen one, though. They are rumored to be a myth, and all attempts to contact Hennessey hammers have failed, despite this they continue to take deposits.
If Uber made a hammer, they wouldn't. They'd build a system that could control ALL the hammers. First, they'd hire all the carpenters to run the hammers, then they'd get as many subcontract manufacturers as they could to bid on the right to make Uber hammers so they could fire all the carpenters.
tuna55 wrote: if GM made a hammer, it would be really cheap, made from standard parts, and made for people who don't really care about their hammer, they just want a bunch of nails to be sunk. It might break now and then, but it would work pretty well broken, too.
So, Harbor Freight then?
gameboyrmh said: like to cosplay as some weird retro concept of a salt-of-the-earth handyman on the weekends
wow.. Dentist's cosplay. HA!
If the Linux kernel team made a hammer, they would quickly resort to killing each other with them. The resultant bloodbath would be so excessive anthropologists would be studying it centuries from now. At the end of it all, two of the top devs would stand at the peaks of two hills far above the battlefield, look down at the carnage they'd created, wave their mangled limbs at each other and scream spittle about how they'd been right the whole time and the other was wrong. Then whatever patch they'd been fighting over would get mainlined and no one would ever use it again.
Maybe it's best they stick to software and listserv flamewars.
HappyAndy wrote: Oh, I just found some low hanging fruit! If BMW made a hammer they would market it as "The Ultimate Driving Machine".
Thank you, sir. I just laughed out loud and students sitting in study hall gave me funny looks
If Elio Motors made a hammer, it would only exist on the internet and be a vaporware hammer.
If Volvo made a hammer it would just be a brick with an available turbo.
If Subaru made a hammer it would be symmetrical and be able to strike with either end at the same time.
If Monsanto made a hammer it would be genetically modified and if your neighbor put it in their tool box in their garage, the patented genes would cross pollinate with your hammers in your toolbox and then Monsanto would sue you for stealing their property and patent infringement.
If mazda made a hammer, it would be the most brilliant swinging hammer ever, but the head would rust out two weeks later.
If audi built a hammer, they would spend most of their time taunting bmw with it.
T.J. wrote: If Subaru made a hammer it would be symmetrical and be able to strike with either end at the same time.
...but the seal holding the handle to the head would blow out if you actually tried to use it that way.
If Saab built a hammer, the handle would go into the strike face because it would be safer. It would be the strangeSt looking hammer you ever saw, and the 12 people that owned them wold think they were the best hammers ever....mostly dentists. Them the gm hammer company would gobble them up, and pretend to keep letting them make weird hammers, all the while slowly morphing them into rental spec hammers. And when gm finally made too many rental hammers, they'd bin saab hammers altogether.
I feel that this thread is ripe for a Goldman Sachs (or other TBTF Wall St. bank) joke, but it is too depressing to think about. Since it would end with them getting richer and the rest of us being lied to and then bailing them out.
Jay wrote: If the Linux kernel team made a hammer, they would quickly resort to killing each other with them. The resultant bloodbath would be so excessive anthropologists would be studying it centuries from now. At the end of it all, two of the top devs would stand at the peaks of two hills far above the battlefield, look down at the carnage they'd created, wave their mangled limbs at each other and scream about how they'd been right the whole time and the other was wrong. Then whatever patch they'd been fighting over would get mainlined and no one would ever use it again. Maybe it's best they stick to software and listsrv flamewars.
The resulting hammer would require a bit of assembly and technique in use, but it would work well for years and years once you did. You could drive anything from finishing nails to railroad spikes to fenceposts with one. Most people wouldn't use them because they'd think they're too hard to set up and use. They'd be a staple among graybearded hardcore tool nerds.
T.J. wrote: If Elio Motors made a hammer, it would only exist on the internet and be a vaporware hammer.
Technically Elio has produced as many retail hammers as they have retail cars.
If Scaled Composites (Burt Rutan) made a hammer, it would be easy to build, cheaper than any of the competition, sink more nails, look futuristic, but they would only build one.
mndsm wrote: If audi built a hammer, they would spend most of their time taunting bmw with it.
It would also feel great in your hand but wouldn't do any one thing quite as well as the BMW hammer.
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