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Fueled by Caffeine
Fueled by Caffeine MegaDork
9/21/16 8:42 p.m.

If millennial a built a hammer, well I mean they wouldn't they'd just stand around wondering why they aren't the boss and can't tell someone else to build the hammer.

DrBoost
DrBoost UltimaDork
9/21/16 8:53 p.m.

If Oakland California built a hammer

T.J.
T.J. UltimaDork
9/21/16 9:20 p.m.

If Flyin' Miata made a hammer, they would start with a light agile tack hammer and replace the head with a 5 pound sledge.

Javelin
Javelin MegaDork
9/21/16 10:19 p.m.
Tom_Spangler wrote: If Nissan made a hammer, it would be ugly.

Best one!

If Toyota made a hammer, it would get caught in people's gloves and stroke on it's own prompting a massive recall where they remove both the foam summer grip and plastic winter grip and tell people that the wooden end is the one you swing.

edwardh80
edwardh80 Reader
9/22/16 8:05 a.m.

If Felix Wankel built a hammer, it would have 10% of the moving parts of a regular hammer. It would strike nails at 2-3x the rate of a normal hammer, but it would quickly wear out. Attempts to improve its performance by pumping more input force into the handle would allow carpenters to build an entire house in just 1 day. However, the edges would wear so fast that carpenters got sick of buying a new hammer before every job, so the hammer would always remain on the fringes of the industry.

akamcfly
akamcfly Dork
9/22/16 6:20 p.m.

If Jeep made a hammer, there would be much money to be made by people wishing to make their hammers larger and more able to drive nails - even though most would never actually see a construction site. Ever.

Doc Brown
Doc Brown Dork
9/23/16 7:07 a.m.

If Saturn mad a hammer, it would have a high strength steel core with a polymer shell. In the summer, the hammer would flex and in the winter the hammer would shatter.

Adrian_Thompson
Adrian_Thompson MegaDork
9/23/16 7:24 a.m.
edwardh80 wrote: If Felix Wankel built a hammer, it would have 10% of the moving parts of a regular hammer. It would strike nails at 2-3x the rate of a normal hammer, but it would quickly wear out. Attempts to improve its performance by pumping more input force into the handle would allow carpenters to build an entire house in just 1 day. However, the edges would wear so fast that carpenters got sick of buying a new hammer before every job, so the hammer would always remain on the fringes of the industry.

They would also claim it was a super small capacity hammer. Then people who can do math and engineering would realize it's actually swept area was the same as a normal hammer but need twice the energy to operate and be ungodly loud to use making youth neighbors hate you.

mndsm
mndsm MegaDork
9/23/16 7:24 a.m.

If harbor freight made a hammer, it would look and perform like any tool you could name, and be a third of the regular price. Only after a few uses would it in fact, turn into a hammer.

Adrian_Thompson
Adrian_Thompson MegaDork
9/23/16 7:31 a.m.

If mazda made a hammer all the old school domestic hammer owners would Giggle and make gay jokes. They would talk about how small and lightweight that Mazda hammer was while the mazda hammer owner drove in three times as many nails in half the time on 30 percent of the energy and it would never ever brake.

Adrian_Thompson
Adrian_Thompson MegaDork
9/23/16 7:45 a.m.

If Peugeot made a hammer it would fail miserably in North America amid cheese and surrender jokes while millions were sold around the world and while the trim would fall off they would run forever on nothing but abuse.

Adrian_Thompson
Adrian_Thompson MegaDork
9/23/16 7:48 a.m.

If Rolls Royce made a hammer it would never once strike a nail with its leather covered head, but would look mighty fine on the chairman of the birds belt look as he surveyed the work site powered by hundreds of hard working Ford hammers.

Adrian_Thompson
Adrian_Thompson MegaDork
9/23/16 7:53 a.m.

If Toyota tried to get serious about the hammer market they'd make something that kinda looked the part and would have a massive advertising campaign showing of its capabilities. But sharp eyed people would notice all the Ford hammers in the background that had built the set and done are the real work as that's what real contractors use. A couple of years later the hammers that Toyota had managed to pass off on unsuspecting members of the public would start breaking in half and need a new shafts while Toyota pretended there wasn't an issue.

Adrian_Thompson
Adrian_Thompson MegaDork
9/23/16 8:21 a.m.
Adrian_Thompson wrote:
edwardh80 wrote: If Felix Wankel built a hammer, it would have 10% of the moving parts of a regular hammer. It would strike nails at 2-3x the rate of a normal hammer, but it would quickly wear out. Attempts to improve its performance by pumping more input force into the handle would allow carpenters to build an entire house in just 1 day. However, the edges would wear so fast that carpenters got sick of buying a new hammer before every job, so the hammer would always remain on the fringes of the industry.
They would also claim it was a super small capacity hammer. Then people who can do math and engineering would realize it's actually swept area was the same as a normal hammer but need twice the energy to operate and be ungodly loud to use making youth neighbors hate you.

Oooo. More, Wankles are so easy.

If Wankle built a hammer and a regular Joe used one. If he put in a single nail then stopped for a cup of tea and tried to restart putting nails it, it would lock up and explode.

But not to worry. Many spouses have shuddered as their partners have brought home a wankle hammer with big talk of putting up projects in record time with the smooth efficiency of their bargain wankle hammer. Instead they'd spend years in their shed trying to get the wankle hammer to run at all.

Adrian_Thompson
Adrian_Thompson MegaDork
9/23/16 8:22 a.m.

If Ferrari built a hemmer, they wouldn't sell it too you until you'd bought several used hammers from them at over MSRP to prove you are worthy of owning their jewelry.

KyAllroad
KyAllroad UberDork
9/23/16 9:55 a.m.

If Ferrari built a hammer it would be very pretty and sound great. It wouldn't drive nails quite as well as its competition but everyone would agree that they preferred it anyway.

They would make more money selling posters of their hammer than the actual hammer.

KyAllroad
KyAllroad UberDork
9/23/16 9:58 a.m.

If Yahoo made a hammer it would be extremely popular but hackers would find out about every nail the users ever drove.

KyAllroad
KyAllroad UberDork
9/23/16 10:00 a.m.

If GRM made a hammer it wouldn't cost much but would have taken 204 days of work in a drafty garage to creat each one out of parts from old worn out hammers.

And it would smell like 90 weight.

HappyAndy
HappyAndy PowerDork
9/23/16 10:06 a.m.

If Lamborghini built a hammer you couldn't finance it with out a very robust fire insurance policy.

It wouldn't actually be built for doing hammer stuff, but the few who have taken them to carpentry or metal forming competitions report that they do the job quite well, and attract well endowed female groupies. Well, the truth is that the Lambo hammers attract the groupies even without competitive success.

singleslammer
singleslammer UberDork
9/23/16 10:09 a.m.

In reply to KyAllroad and Adrian:

I got another Ferrari one!

If Ferrari built a hammer, it would drive nails very fast but in between job sites it would randomly burst into flames while you are sitting at a stop light.

Tom_Spangler
Tom_Spangler UltraDork
9/23/16 10:14 a.m.

If Google made a hammer it would be free, but it would tell Google how many nails you've driven, where you did it, and it would read your fingerprints from the handle.

RevRico
RevRico Dork
9/23/16 10:54 a.m.

If Apple made a hammer it would be constructed from last year's Samsung hammer cast offs but put in a pretty new box and sold at an exorbitant price.

If EA games made a hammer, you'd only get nails halfway home before needing to kick up the purchase price again for it to finish.

Beer Baron
Beer Baron MegaDork
9/23/16 12:05 p.m.

If EA built a hammer, they'd slap the picture of a different carpenter on it every year, and people would rush out to buy it despite being identical to last year's hammer.

Tom_Spangler
Tom_Spangler UltraDork
9/23/16 12:35 p.m.
Beer Baron wrote: If EA built a hammer, they'd slap the picture of a different carpenter on it every year, and people would rush out to buy it despite being identical to last year's hammer.

And it would be called "HAMR".

mndsm
mndsm MegaDork
9/23/16 3:53 p.m.
Adrian_Thompson wrote: If mazda made a hammer all the old school domestic hammer owners would Giggle and make gay jokes. They would talk about how small and lightweight that Mazda hammer was while the mazda hammer owner drove in three times as many nails in half the time on 30 percent of the energy and it would never ever brake.

And then domestic owners woukd buy them and stuff thr biggest lump of American iron they could in them.

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