I'm in a hell of a mess...

the divorce attorney tells me that I'm almost certainly going to have to pay $X in child support due to the state child support formula. She left me two years ago. She's getting half the house (which I have to sell because I can't possibly pay the mortgage on what I make after giving her 50% of the equity), half my 401K and I'm getting half of her $27K in credit card debt. By the time I take $X out of my monthly salary I'll have about $650. I do NOT make a lot of money. Aside from eating a shotgun, does anyone have a constructive suggestion?

In reply to stroker:

Go to court. Ask the judge to deviate downward from the formula based upon the debt you're assuming.

new scumbag?

There is no way in hell should she be getting more than half of anything. I don't care how petty it is but list everything and who keeps it. You will find you will pay out much less.

Did she leave you.over her own infidelity? Might I suggest dragging her through the dirt as much as possible? My brother is about to have to do the same thing sans kiddo, and while he won't so it, hr has her dead to rights because she's sleeping with a pot smoking coucher.... Right now!

the division of property stuff is pretty straightforward. The state dictates 50% split of marital acquisitions so that's pretty much a done deal. There's nothing I can do about that. I'm noodling ways to change the monthly expenses to cut the legs out from under the child support, but the bottom line is that I'm already $500 in the red every month. By the time the child support is added post-divorce that's another $500 on top of that. Even assuming I waive the magic wand and end up living rent and utility free, I don't see how I can get by on $650 with partial custody (roughly 30%) of two kids. By the time you add any kind of rent/mortgage/utilities it's simply not possible. Is it?

BK7 the cards.

Unless there is a divorce attorney that practices in your state on this forum you're not likely to get any advice that will do you any good. The only solution I see is to get past your hatred of lawyers and find a good one. First thing on the agenda is reviewing the state's formula and making sure it is being applied correctly. It doesn't seem right that the child support would be so high versus your income, but it also sounds like you have very little income and there are probably minimums for two kids.

Good luck. And please affirm to us that you were joking about the shotgun thing. Otherwise we're going to have to track you down to make sure you're OK. I'm serious.

sell her your half of the house..

Basil Exposition wrote: Unless there is a divorce attorney that practices in your state on this forum you're not likely to get any advice that will do you any good. The only solution I see is to get past your hatred of lawyers and find a good one. First thing on the agenda is reviewing the state's formula and making sure it is being applied correctly. It doesn't seem right that the child support would be so high versus your income, but it also sounds like you have very little income and there are probably minimums for two kids. Good luck. And please affirm to us that you were joking about the shotgun thing. Otherwise we're going to have to track you down to make sure you're OK. I'm serious.

Don't know what I said bad about lawyers but he's not the problem. Nah, if I were genuinely suicidal I wouldn't be talking about it here...

Sorry, mixed up what someone else said with an attorney comment you didn't make. Glad to hear the rest...

Have you considered getting back together? Perhaps a hiking trip to the Andes, just the two of you?

I'll offer a word of caution here... the footing can be treacherous.

Explain the child support formula? It seems....odd that they would take enough for you to be down to $650 a month.

stroker wrote: ...and I'm getting half of her $27K in credit card debt.

If this is truly the case, something seems amiss. Was she employed through most of your relationship?

EDIT: Does her new beau have any prior convictions? Maybe you could use that against her to gain custody, and receive support from her?

What do you do career wise? Is is something that can easily be done from the bahamas?

Blind date?

Doesn't the equation change if she gets married again?

Usually child support doesn't change with a remarriage, only alimony. There are plenty of cases where with alimony AND child support, a guy is handing over half of his money. The only good news is that child support naturally runs it's course.

mazdeuce wrote: Usually child support doesn't change with a remarriage, only alimony. There are plenty of cases where with alimony AND child support, a guy is handing over half of his money. The only good news is that child support naturally runs it's course.

well … sometimes

http://family-law.lawyers.com/child-support/paying-for-college-when-parents-are-divorced.html

Remarriage doesn't change child support. My ex snagged a guy who makes BIG money (corporate VP type) using the sizable "assets" I bought her about three months before being told to hit the bricks. She got a good 3/4 of everything and I get to pay her a large chunk of my very average salary (even though she earned 30k a year more than I did when things were drawn up).

Divorce laws suck. Child support laws suck. For all intents and purposes I'm an indentured servant until the kids turn 18.

For posible solutions to your problem, I'd suggest pleading to the court that the formula of support as it stands will "place an undue hardship on the children when you have them and interfere with a healthy relationship (with the kids)"

Remember, the court does not care about you or your ability to survive. I knew one guy who was left with $12 a paycheck after his divorce. Second job time for him.

A good friend of mine now has 4 kids with two different women (yeah, I know) and he gets to keep about $600 every two weeks.

He lives in a single wide trailer and drives a beater old car. Side jobs aren't just for fun for him, they are a requirement. His mother helps him out but, yeah, he's broke.

I have a room mate (my brother) who pays rent and my GF pays her part of the household expenses but I'm broke. I'd love to be able to do the things that my income should allow me to do but that's not the system. Divorce sucks. The law sucks. Ex's suck. But you'll get through it man.

I have not gone through this myself so everything that follows is from my experience as a 3rd party.

Look for a second job that pays cash. A buddy of mine worked for a roofing outfit and was paid out in cash at the end of every day. Hard work but they always seem to be looking for help.

Get rid of the high interest debt first. The sooner you can get rid of this debt the better. I know it's easier to say than do but it can be done.

You'll have to live with some room mates and/or in some fairly low end housing situations. It won't last forever, accept it and move on.

Try to take the long term view. The child support will eventually end. The debt will get paid off. You'll end up in a better place without her.

Never bad mouth the ex to the kids. No matter what she may say or do always treat her with respect in front of them. If the kids tell you about things that she is saying about you to them don't take the bait. Always keep it positive. I understand that this can be almost impossible but it'll pay back tenfold in the end.

I'd triple the comment for get a lawyer. I once met a guy who did his own divorce, he was living with whatever possessions he had in a self storage unit.

Take the 650 and rent a backhoe.

Ouch, this sucks. Lawyer up and fight for 50-50 custody with little or zero child support. At the same time, look into when her credit card debt was racked up.

Otherwise, it sucks its an uphill battle against a biased system, but keep strong and I wish you the best.

As far as I know Datsun, ever since the move to "no fault" divorces. The only cause for divorce is "irreconcilable differences". This means that she can be turning tricks on the street corner and bringing it up to the judge will only make you look like you have sour grapes.

Some of us aren't in a position for 50/50 custody.

And Stroker: never threaten the ex. It will only be used against you later (I didn't but there is a guy who just went to prison for threatening his ex on FB)

And for any of you out there who are considering kids: think REAL long and hard about whether or not you trust the Mrs. with your entire future no matter what comes.

Dude... berkeley. I love my ladyfriend- have those bad days sometimes where you wonder what it's all about, but this certainly makes me want to be nice when I don't want to be. I have nothing to add, but good luck.

What the lawyer tells me is that 50/50 is highly unlikely under any circumstances. The girls have spent 70/30 with their mom for the last year (at her request) and are well-adjusted to that arrangement. The court will be "highly unlikely" (his words) to change that without provable charges of abuse or molestation.