Invincibility, remember it?

The snow made me think. I was driving through it this morning. I was thinking about making sure I hit up the grocery store on the way home; trying to figure out how best to grab enough gas for the generator.
The kids have off today, so I was thinking about Momma and her perpetual headache and hoping that they'd behave. Thinking about the colleague recently diagnosed with ALS, wondering how slippery the all-seasons on the Leaf would get in the white stuff.
I started thinking about the truck and the pieces I need for it. The ditches to be dug in the yard. Why my Mom is always mad at me, wondering how the Grandparents are doing. Thinking about the RC car for the kids. Thinking about the security of my job, etc.

And then the flakes looked... familiar.

I used to drive from Syracuse, NY to Flint, MI about eight times per year. Often at night. My 84 truck had no OD, no power steering, not much in the way of floors, a cold-blooded quadrajet, and the like. The bed was tipping towards the cab as the rust gave way under the weight of the luggage I carried. The big bench seat slanted towards the drivers door as evidence of the girth of the man who sat there before me. One night it had snowed super-hard. I was in the middle of Canada, something like 2 AM. The snow had slowed dramatically, but it was still 2 AM. No plows or anything out, no traffic at all. I remember looking out at the unlit long desolate stretch of highway ahead of me and not seeing the road. I knew it was down there, and I could see trees mostly on either side, so I was fairly sure I was still on the road... somewhere. I turned off the radio and killed the interior lights so I could see the glow of the snow better, and just pointed the front of the truck between the trees and slowed down to maybe 50 mph, the Cooper Wintermasters doing a fine job at that speed, especially with no other action on the road for hundreds of miles. I remember that the snow (falling, there was no snow on the ground this morning) looked the same then as it did this morning. I remembered what I was thinking. No, I didn't remember, I re-experienced what I was thinking, after having killed the lights, cruising on a deserted highway in the middle of the night in Canada in the winter, no cell phone, no GPS, no passenger, nothing.

I was thinking: "yeah, that helps. This ought to work fine."

What, did I grow up or just become a pansy?

It's like how I'm always going to question what hides behind foliage after I got into an accident with a bigass concrete block with a rusty pipe sticking out of it in the middle of a dark jungle trail.

I also got into an accident with a truck axle hidden in a bush once, but that was near an industrial park so at least that was somewhat understandable.

You moved to the south with all us Bob Costas.

GameboyRMH wrote: It's like how I'm always going to question what hides behind foliage after I got into an accident with a bigass concrete block with a rusty pipe sticking out of it in the middle of a dark jungle trail.

Ouch. Yea I tend to take it easy on trails I haven't traveled, especially in low lighting conditions.

Many years ago my dad told me that young, inexperienced drivers often save themselves with fast reactions in situations that older more experienced drivers know to avoid in the first place. I think it's a lot like that. When you're young, strong, and healthy being a little dumb and reckless is okay because you can probably deal with the result. As you get older and your healing process are slower, maybe wisdom kicks in. I dunno. just a theory.

on a somewhat related note - the part where you re-experiencing a long-past event? That's happened to me several times over the last year, but never before. Kinda freaked me out. It almost feels like some kind of time slip. You know it's just memory and circumstance, but it is SO strong... Is that a normal aging thing? Hell, I'm not quite 40 yet. If it keeps getting stronger when I'm 70 I'll spend all my time being 20. And being 20 sucked!

PHeller wrote:

GameboyRMH wrote: It's like how I'm always going to question what hides behind foliage after I got into an accident with a bigass concrete block with a rusty pipe sticking out of it in the middle of a dark jungle trail.

Ouch. Yea I tend to take it easy on trails I haven't traveled, especially in low lighting conditions.

I hit the thing just after going from bright sunlight to the darkness under the canopy. My last thought before hitting it was "I can't see very well right now"

It's not just driving, it's my whole life. I guess a decade ago there just wasn't as much to worry about.

That was very well written, Tuna. Yes, I have experienced similar "time warp" sensations. I still haven't figured out why my mom is always mad at me though.

EastCoastMojo wrote: That was very well written, Tuna. Yes, I have experienced similar "time warp" sensations. I still haven't figured out why my mom is always mad at me though.

She thinks she understands why, but I didn't actually do any of the things she's mad at me for!

• and thanks!

tuna55 wrote: It's not just driving, it's my whole life. I guess a decade ago there just wasn't as much to worry about.

Oh, yeah, I absolutely get it. The driving thing just seems to apply to broader spectrum living for me. I'm no longer willing to take the risks I used to in a lot of ways - physically, emotionally, financially....

I'm glad I'm not the only one having time warp issues. I was afraid I was going to close my eyes one moment and find myself in 1992 when I opened them.

ultraclyde wrote: Many years ago my dad told me that young, inexperienced drivers often save themselves with fast reactions in situations that older more experienced drivers know to avoid in the first place. I think it's a lot like that. When you're young, strong, and healthy being a little dumb and reckless is okay because you can probably deal with the result. As you get older and your healing process are slower, maybe wisdom kicks in. I dunno. just a theory. on a somewhat related note - the part where you re-experiencing a long-past event? That's happened to me several times over the last year, but never before. Kinda freaked me out. It almost feels like some kind of time slip. You know it's just memory and circumstance, but it is SO strong... Is that a normal aging thing? Hell, I'm not quite 40 yet. If it keeps getting stronger when I'm 70 I'll spend all my time being 20. And being 20 sucked!

I'm 31 for a little while longer. I guess it could be getting more frequent. Of course, as we get older we have more memories to see similarities with.

It is amazing and somewhat pitiful that we tend to clog our heads up with worries the older we get. I have been having similar reflections lately. I used to drive through similar snowstorms (maybe the same ones) around LaFayette NY. They were surreal , almost other worldly. Especially so under a full moon.

ultraclyde wrote:

tuna55 wrote: It's not just driving, it's my whole life. I guess a decade ago there just wasn't as much to worry about.

Oh, yeah, I absolutely get it. The driving thing just seems to apply to broader spectrum living for me. I'm no longer willing to take the risks I used to in a lot of ways - physically, emotionally, financially.... I'm glad I'm not the only one having time warp issues. I was afraid I was going to close my eyes one moment and find myself in 1992 when I opened them.

Good analogous topic, then. Yeah, we're getting older. Who knows?

tuna55 wrote: It's not just driving, it's my whole life. I guess a decade ago there just wasn't as much to worry about.

So it's not just me. That's a lot of why I like driving the race car; I don't have time to think and worry about all the crap piled in my life.

FWIW, a couple of years ago I went on a life simplification program, just cut out various things in my life which added stress. For instance I don't try to finish things the same day any more, that in itself brought my freakout level way down.

Oh, and I know why my mom stays mad at me; she says I have potty mouth.

For me it happened after I had kids, I became a pansy. Not willing to take as many risks as I was before. Sometimes I wish I would take more risks, I am only 36.

As I feel the arthritis in my feet and herniated disks in my neck and back, yeh, I vaguely remember being invincible

My "invincible" days are why I feel like I'm 73, not 37.

Cone_Junkie wrote: As I feel the arthritis in my feet and herniated disks in my neck and back, yeh, I vaguely remember being invincible My "invincible" days are why I feel like I'm 73, not 37.

amen.

and brian, im 32 and a TBI survivor. be grateful to have the time slips. i have a whole lot of time that has permanently slipped, and probably will never come back.

it c0omes with the family. we all of a sudden have someone counting on us that CANT fend for themselves. our wives could. hell, mine would be better off. my daughter on the other hand, couldnt.

sometimes, when these things hit, we just need to thank god for our problems of privelege. because we are priveleged to have these problems of family, cars, life in general. it would have been pretty easy to NOT have them.

michael

Yeah, my invincible days left me with a left knee that has a mind of its own, numerous small and medium scars, a neck that won't turn as far left as it does right and some scars on my psyche. But, you know something? Even if I knew then what I know now I believe I'd do it all over again. Like Burt Munro said, 'you live more in five minutes on a bike like this than many people live in their entire lives'.

Just realized I wasn't invincible 2 months ago when I got dropped while rock climbing. I got extremely lucky, but it was a huge reality check

as I have been sick for most of my life, I never had the whole invincible thing going on. Learning you are mortal at age 15 takes a lot of fun out of being a teenager

I still do stuff like that, and far worse. I only have a cell phone because my mom bought me one after I crashed in the woods riding alone and broke my ankle. I got home. I survived, and still ride alone in the woods. In fact, i just bought a faster woods bike. I was 52 a few weeks ago.

You're a pansy. Sorry you had to hear it from me

Talking with a somewhat younger friend Sunday at the ice races. He asked how old I was when I quit ice racing. I dunno. Let see, it was five years ago, so that would make me 79. This after I had just ran 92 mph, on an ice speed run.

I used to head off over the horizon in whatever $300 66 Plymouth I was driving at the time, a small pocket full of cash rationed out to the dime, $20 for gas, $40 for beer, $6.00 to get into the concert...Now I have enough plastic in my wallet I could just walk to the nearest dealership and drive home in a new car if my current junk quits, but I worry about it a whole lot more.

I believe that as you get older your imagination is repurposed from fun, to threat assessment.

I had a lot of stuff to say, but it would just be a more poorly written version of what Tuna wrote. I will say that the risk/reward ratio isn't a static thing and tends to shift predictibly with time.