Last time I was teaching a friends love interest to drive in the zx2, she destroyed the vct solenoid. (not that it want breaking anyway.) She went back home and this led to her sending my friend gifts in the mail, threatening to kill herself if he didn't come see her, and constantly texting me to make sure he was getting her messages. This is what happens when you teach women to drive sticks. Luckily, Wifey already knew how.
Is it possible that she's afraid to learn how to drive stick?
When you think about it, piloting a multi-ton brick of steel down the road is serious business. If you feel like you can't control it, that's pretty damn scary. My sister is incredibly good at driving stick, but she is terrified of it. She will NOT drive any car with a stick, but the times I've got her in a parking lot, she does a fantastic job.
I go to sleep and this is what happens. 
Ok, I think she's afraid to learn, after furthering our conversation, she won't admit it, but the sound in her voice sounds like it's a scary idea to her and I understand that. She was scared to try to use the Manumatic in her '03 Eclipse when I showed her years ago.
As for my various cars, she forgets about them because they are not here.
The Crown Vic Coupe is at grandmas and needs a trans. Still an automatic.
The Rx-7 is also at Grandmas and needs a full rebuild. Will come with us when we get a house.
The '68 Corvair currently resides at my dads house and isn't leaving any time soon.
My XJ is at my house and is my DD. It runs and drives, but needs a bunch of minor things done to it. This I am considering selling and using the money to rebuild the trans on the Crown Vic and then drive that for a while.
my wife has little interest in learning manual, or at least driving one of her own on a daily basis.
i keep telling her if we get another miata, its going to be manual, and if she wants to learn to ride a motorcycle, she is better off at least learning the basics on a car first.
she'll come around.
Mr. Fluid said: I'm tired of owning automatics, my next car will be manual (unless it's a truck).
So if you buy a truck it will be an automatic? Why?
because you cant buy a new v8 truck with a manual and the 3 mile long shift throws arent fun. and towing a trailer with a manual is a pita.
Get a car that she likes more than she dislikes a stick. I taught my wife to drive a stick. She prefers not to, but she can. Then I got a jeep with a manual transmission. It is her preferred summer car. She still would prefer it be automatic, but the + of the jeep out weighs the - of the stick.
I'm more concerned that she is trying to dominate you. She is being illogical and stubborn, wanting you to give in to her. Warning, Will Robinson!
My best friend has the same issue with his wife. Now I'm waiting for an opportunity to teach his wife how to drive a stick without his knowledge. It will be a great surprise to him ...... if it works as planned.
fast_eddie_72 wrote: This is pretty easy. Get a new wife. Problem solved.
what's more expensive than a cheap porsche? divorce.
Okay I read back through most of the post and not may of them offer much helpful in site to this matter. But I must say that when all else fails TOYMAN01 has it right.
"My wife isn't a fan of DDing a stick, but she also realizes she has no say in what my car is other than the moneys involved. She drives what she wants, I drive what I want. Simple as that. Tell her she can choose your car as soon as you can choose her friends. Then again my wife calls me a shiny happy person occasionally."
So Toyman01 having covered Going Nuclear you just have to figure out what leads up to that. Really it is about managing the situation so it does not come down to that. I say sell the Crown Vic and Rx7 and let her know your plan is to use the money with the XJ money and buy something you really love. And then just work your angle from there. Knowing that you cant change her mind and trying will just piss her off. The best you can hope for maybe damage control. You just want to manipulate the situation so she feels a little bit of sympathy for your situation. (Overtime and selling personal items help Play up the sacrifice.)
You can give her all the logic in the world to learn to drive stick and it will just piss her off. But if you hit the right emotion you will be in. With my wife sympathy and guilt would be the angle, but only you know your wife. It may be fear, adventure, competitiveness, I don't know.
THE LONG HALL STRATEGY
What about fixing the Vic and having that as the stand by car. The Vic could 'break' shortly after the new car purchase and need to be sold. Then the money from the Vic could become toys for the new car. This would take more time and money, but having to teach your wife to drive stick at this point may be much easier. I mean, you tried to meet her needs it was just FORDs quality control at fault.
Learning to drive stick is easy Learning to drive stick while fearful and infused with anger and resentment is not.
snipes wrote: What about fixing the Vic and having that as the stand by car. The Vic could 'break' shortly after the new car purchase and need to be sold. Then the money from the Vic could become toys for the new car. This would take more time and money, but having to teach your wife to drive stick at this point may be much easier. I mean, you tried to meet her needs it was just FORDs quality control at fault.
berkeley a bunch of playing games bullE36 M3.
snipes wrote:SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: Eventually we will have three operating cars (or more). I currently own 4 cars in various states of disrepair.Okay I think the guys have given some good and bad advice here (getting what you paid for). It is easy to take your side at first, but two of the guys really picked up on the problem here. You have 4 cars in various states of repair. You kind of loose all momentum with that one statement. It sounds like money it tight, so you need to look at these cars and make some hard choices.
Yeah, I have to say, this sounds about right.
I taught my wife how to physically drive a manual, but she doesn't enjoy and doesn't practice. In an emergency she could probably drive my car, but in reality, any time we go somewhere that we need flexibility or there is any chance of an emergency, we usually take her car so she can always drive if necessary.
I had a manual when we got married. When she got pregnant, we got a minivan which was de facto her car because she didn't like driving my manual Supra. When I replaced the Supra, I deferred and volunteered to get an automatic Neon so she wasn't stuck with the van all the time. Eventually we retired the van to spare car status and I bought another DD with a manual for myself, because I found out I really missed it. Since then, my DD has always been a stick, but we've always had a spare automatic car that she could drive as backup.
I think that cleaning up your project car fleet would go a long way toward generating good will. Your wife probably sees all those cars as items that are for you and you alone, off limits to her. Therefore your desire for your DD to be a manual makes it also off limits to her. She's not seeing it as a satisfaction thing for you, she's seeing it as a denial for her, even if that's not your intention. She is seeing it as yet another thing that you don't want to share with her.
My advice is to get an auto for your daily, and narrow the projects down to one toy with a manual you can drive when you feel like it. Either that or have your DD be a manual and also serve as your toy, and narrow the spare vehicles down to one automatic so it is available as backup for both of you - that's what we ended up doing. The van is still around for utility runs and backup use, and we both have dailies with our transmission of choice.
I recommend that you explain that she might not understand it, but that driving a manual is a satisfaction that is important to you. But ALSO explain that you understand how the current car situation may look selfish to her, and tell her that you'd like to compromise some way that makes you both happy. Good luck!
I would ask her why she doesnt want you to be happy.
Joey
Ok, I know what everyone is saying about the project cars. My plan is to be down to two cars which will most likely be the Rx-7 and Crown Vic (FYI not selling Rx-7).
The cars have become the topic and that wasn't my original problem. The cars have nothing to do with my issue.
The original issue is to find a way to convince my wife to either learn how to drive manual or somehow convince her that the second DD doesn't have to be automatic.
My issue with teaching her is that I don't know anyone with a modern vehicle with a manual to teach her with. I take that back, one of her friends has a manual Kia Soul, but I don't know how willing she is to help.
Most likely at this point I'm beating a dead horse.
N Sperlo wrote: Last time I was teaching a friends love interest to drive in the zx2, she destroyed the vct solenoid. (not that it want breaking anyway.) She went back home and this led to her sending my friend gifts in the mail, threatening to kill herself if he didn't come see her, and constantly texting me to make sure he was getting her messages. This is what happens when you teach women to drive sticks. Luckily, Wifey already knew how.
How in ==== did driving or teaching, destroy the VCT solenoid ?
I guess I was lucky. Both wives new how to drive stick before we got married. First preferred stick, second auto .
SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: I go to sleep and this is what happens.
Wrong, wrong, and WRONG. 
Sell the Crown Vic and the Corvair, keep the RX7. Use money from that to buy her a reliable automatic. Fix XJ, sell it, get yourself a fun car.
OR.
Sell RX7 and Vair. Put new trans in Crown Vic. Make her drive it. Sell XJ. Get yourself a fun car.
Just some hollow advice from someone whose fiancee HATES automatics now, and owns 5 cars. Only one of them is an auto. (The XJ)
See you guys are still making it about the cars. It's not about the cars. The other cars have nothing to do with the original problem. They never get brought up unless I bring then up.
If you guys are hellbent on making it about the cars, fine, then there are ONLY two cars, My DD and Her DD. There are no other cars.
Are you sure it's not about the other cars? Some people can be really passive-aggressive and sometimes it's hard to figure out what the real issue is.
Assuming it's not about the cars, there is no good answer. If you don't get what you want you'll resent her for it every time you get in and your left foot hits the dead pedal instead of the clutch. If you get what you want she'll be pissed at you.
Honestly, I don't know how we could possibly give you good advice. We don't know your wife, we don't know the dynamic of your relationship, and we only know you from what you post here.
I'm certainly concerned about the "always ends in a fight" part, but given the above, I certainly couldn't begin to tell you why that is. Is she being unreasonable? Are you being unreasonable? Are both of you being unreasonable? Is this a small thing and the only fight that happens? Or is it a symptom of a much larger issue, and really the two of you shouldn't even be living in the same state, much less the same house?
My feeling is that what you drive on a daily basis should be your choice. If she thinks she "needs" to drive it, well, then she should be willing to learn how. But I think that's not the real issue here, and as just a poster on a forum (even with my might SuperDork status) there's no way for me to really know what that issue is.
Best of luck, man 
In reply to ReverendDexter:
Maybe I won't get the answer here or ever for that matter, but I would figure this would be a good place to start seeing that there are many people here who are married and may have come across the same issue.
There have been some good suggestions and some not so great suggestions, but it is what it is.
I'm just trying to figure out a way to convince her to learn or just see that it's not that big of a deal. I'm not having luck, so I thought I'd ask for advice.
Toyman01 wrote: Then again my wife calls me a shiny happy person occasionally.
Yep, last girlfriend did. I just told her it was part of the experience
DILYSI Dave wrote: berkeley a bunch of playing games bullE36 M3.
Thank god somebody said it! All I saw was "lie, lie, cheat, weasel". If you have to do that...
SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: See you guys are still making it about the cars. It's not about the cars. The other cars have nothing to do with the original problem. They never get brought up unless I bring then up. If you guys are hellbent on making it about the cars, fine, then there are ONLY two cars, My DD and Her DD. There are no other cars.
I think it may be because a lot of people here suspect the cars may be an underlying issue even if they're not mentioned. Like she may think if you have four cars that are decidedly yours, she may be entitled to a bigger say in the new DD.
My mother was traumatized by the process of learning to drive a stick shift. She hates manual transmissions with a passion. She like to hide her fear behind a cloud of "I am not interested" or "I will never own one so why bother"
Now that being said, she has sorta learned how do drive one, She has learned out of necessity, and does a passable job at it. The funny thing is that the need that drover her to learn was not that she needed to drive dads car (a stick) but it was the need for her to drive one of her friends cars...
I guess the point of my story is that having the ability to drive a stick shift is a good skill to have. Like swimming or riding a bike, you may not use it often but when you do, its really handy.
One last piece of advice, with regard to your car, stand your ground. Its your car you should be happy with it whatever it may be. My wife HATES my miata, but it was totally worth it
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