Misadventures in automotive journalism

Thanks, everyone! I'm hoping to get automotive journalism approved as an independent study course. Either way, expect more coming soon.

Good first shot! You had a great first line, but there is certainly room for improvement in both flow and fullness in the rest of the piece.

Though I am certainly no pro writer, I am a fairly voracious reader, and flow is what helps keep the reader involved all the way through your piece. It would have helped me if there was a parallel between your history of the purchase and the well-described history of the car itself. As it sits, you careened from personal intro to a back story on the Cut Supreme with no segue. You clearly chose this car for a reason (or two), but all that is gleaned from the post is that your car, after purchase,was a good fit for your perception of your personality. You just throw in one sentence about never getting to drive it, but you never explain what drove you to get it. Perhaps an outline would have helped.

I don't intend to bag on your piece mercilessly, and it's pleasant to read online work that doesn't have a myopic view on getting the most page views for the least effort. I'll happily subscribe to read more of your work, and just like a good project car, I look forwards to seeing the improvements as they come.

Nice job!

You are looking for comments so here you go.

Cut back on the metaphors. I seemed to me that when you had it "just right" you had to add one more for good measure. This in turn takes away from your message. I got two the 2nd to last paragraph and my head was hurting so I stopped reading. The "leave then wanting more" applies here. A bit more focus and harder hitting when making your points/metaphors would keep it on point.

Over all I do like your style. You are speaking "to me" not "at me" and I like that. That is one of the hardest things to get when writing. Another example of this is the column Tim writes in every issue of GRM. His "voice" does not speak at you. Instead you could be sitting next to him at the track and he is just talking to you. The word "personal" I think describes what I am trying to define here. Make scene?

Anyway you have a talent for this!!!!! With some practice and some constructive criticism form pro's in the business you could make a name for your self.

Whelp, I've been doing more writing in my own style. It's a bit boring, but I'll publish my next piece as soon as I hear word of whether or not my independent study application has been approved. I have to warn you. The next topic is a bit controversial.

In reply to G_Body_Man:

Ketchup versus catsup? I look forward to reading it

captdownshift wrote: In reply to G_Body_Man: Ketchup versus catsup? I look forward to reading it

Quite close. The definition of a non-GRM car, VS what most of us use our daily drivers for.

captdownshift wrote: In reply to G_Body_Man: Ketchup versus catsup? I look forward to reading it

Easy now, don't want to start a flame war.

cough Ketchup cough

I'm looking forward to it as well!

Relevant hotlink:

Whelp, my second and more controversial article has been published. Take a read through, and decide for yourself. I hope you can enjoy it!

I just read through the 1st one. Not bad! Here's my comments:

-Some of the grammar, like "80s" and other small things, is off. This can be important, but depending on your audience, it may not matter as much. Depends on who you are writing for, as well. An editor may help. That's what we are doing here!

-Influences and identity is important in writing style. I grew up reading Car Craft, Hot Rod, and Hemmings magazines. I really latched on to the David Freiburger informal style seen in Hot Rod and Car Craft of the 1990's-2000's, but I add my own bit of regional twist to it. People who know me know that what I write is how I actually speak. It's hard to do this, but eventually you will develop a style. I see some GRM, historical articles, and High School English Class in your work. Nothing wrong with that, and a good base to build from.

-If you are blogging, especially for a big site, people are going to want to see pictures. People on a whole are visual creatures, and it will pull them in. When I post up a story, I make sure I have a few decent pics to go along with it. For yours, I would have posted a couple along the way of different quirks the car had, or even some sales literature from when it was new. And cite sources; I already got into a couple weird situations by not citing photo sources.

-You are young, so if you like doing this, go for it! But don't make it your only skill. If you are looking to do this for a living, these jobs are few and far between. If you are thinking about college, consider double majoring, making writing or journalism one of the majors. Not discouraging you in any way, but have a plan and a backup plan.

Keep it up.

In reply to SilverFleet:

Thanks for the feedback! I'm working hard to improve my writing.

My feedback:

Good job on doing research. I know a lot more about the Prius now.

It almost felt at times like I was reading an informational brochure. Maybe that's a result of you trying to avoid too much unnecessary metaphor? Of so, good. You'll find that balance soon enough. You don't want to be like the automotive journalists who try to emulate Jeremy Clarkson and end up sounding ridiculous. Ahem... certain Car and Driver writers.

Structure: If we look at your article as a five paragraph essay (which is what it essentially is) my english teacher mother would have given you full points for good content and a clear purpose but marked you down for missing transitions as well as an incomplete introduction and conclusion. It always helps your readers if they know what you're going to write about before you write about it.

So, just for example: You wrote:

"The Prius. A vehicle almost universally hated by car enthusiasts. The ultimate symbol of mid-2000s environmentalism, and of the car as an appliance. You might be wondering if it is even possible to defend this car. Shall we try?"

Then you could add something like, "There's a lot of good things about the Prius. It uses advanced technology, is very useful, and has surprising potential for modifications." (Not great, but you get the idea.)

Then when you end the article you can readdress your main points.

I know you're not writing formal essays here but the same principles apply. Just like a live performance, if you don't nail the beginning and end you risk losing the reader in the middle where all your important content is.

So there's that. Keep up the good work!

You guys make awesome enablers. A new blog post on Benzes is up. Take a read through and tell me what you think!

A short intro on my new long-term test vehicle is up on my blog. Take a read-through and tell me what you think!

Good job on your Merc post..

92dxman wrote: Good job on your Merc post..

Thanks, it means a lot. Hopefully now that the end-of-month rush is over, I can get back to writing more in-depth articles.