NOT looking forward to this...

I'm going to talk with a recruiter this afternoon, and I will be enlisting within the next month or so.

I haven't been committed to this course of action until yesterday. Since I didn't want to get anyone in a tizzy about it, I haven't shared my intentions with my folks yet. There's no backing out now, so I'm going to have the talk with them tonight.

Mom won't have a problem with it. She grew up in a military family, and has said that she could handle either my brother or I in the military.

My dad however... no immediate family members in the military for several generations, mom has warned me previously that he wouldn't know how to handle it... I know it was hard for him when I studied abroad for 6 months.

I'm not anxious about any of the associated life changes, but the feeling that this is going to take years off of my dad is really tearing me up.

Any advice on the best way to break this kind of news to a slightly emotional, slightly sheltered, protective father? I'm planning on sitting down with both of them together, and going at it bluntly. "This is what I'm doing, this is my general timeline, I don't have lots of information, but I'll keep you updated as I learn more."

Mom, Dad, (insert girlfriend's name) is pregnant. I don't care that she's got HIV either. I love her and we're getting married.

-Or-

Mom, dad, I'm in love with Brad Pitt and I'm going to devote my life to following his every move until he realizes that bitch Angelina is no good for him and falls in love with me.

Freakout ensues

JK, I joined the Army.

JohnInKansas wrote: "This is what I'm doing, this is my general timeline, I don't have lots of information, but I'll keep you updated as I learn more."

I hope you can provide a bit more detail than that... Honestly, I know so little about what you're signing up for, or how your dad will take it or, well, just take anything I say with a grain of salt or maybe a shaker-full.

But given what you're concerned about, the quote above reads worryingly like "I'm not sure what I'm in for, or what's going to happen, but I'm signed up."

There's not much there to reassure a worried dad. But I assume you wouldn't be signing up if you didn't know a lot more than you put in the summary there... It's the classic of Greek theater, right? What a worried person can conjure up in lieu of information is often much worse than reality.

Just kidding John. It was good to get to meet you in Austin at the Formula race. Military service is a great responsibility both on you and your family. Realize that and realize that they only fear the worst. You may have a cushy post in Hawaii or Japan and have no worries at all, or you may be thrown into a hotzone. Depends on your job in the military. What are you going in for? What's the specialty you're looking at? May I suggest helicopter pilot? Reason for that is the job opportunities out of the service are vast and the pay is high. The military will train you for free, rather than paying $60k for the training, I know, I've looked into it. Either way, it may not be as hard of a discussion as you fear. I wish you the best brother!!

My only advice is to go Air Force. Lower chance of being shot at least. Good luck and thank you for wanting to serve your country.

Thanks in advance for your service!

I dont have any advice regarding breaking the news, but I hope you get stationed somewhere in europe where they have Left side drive cars, and also sell Focus RS or CIvic/integra type R cars! Or maybe somewhere with cool Utes...then you can legally bring em home!

Either way, good luck, and thanks again!

In reply to Conquest351:

No worries, I laughed at your first post (I pretty much used that setup for telling them I was going to study abroad). "Mom, Dad, I've got something important I need to talk to you about." (insert two faces, roughly translating to "Oh God, she's pregnant, isn't she?") "I'm going to study abroad next spring." (gigantic sighs of relief) They still laugh about that.

I'm going to try for special forces, so not cushy. Long periods of time maintaining covert status in hostile areas. I'm not guaranteed entry to spec forces selection, just officer candidate school. Anything beyond that will be primarily based on my personal motivation. The bottom line is, I won't know what I'll be doing until they tell me, and they won't tell me until I'm done with basic and OCS (i.e. won't know anything for sure for months).

I don't know if telling them my intentions now is a good idea, since I may do something entirely different (by choice or otherwise). I feel like there's a higher potential for major freak out if I drop that bombshell right off the bat, but feel free to disagree.

FIL is ex-Army, and has encouraged the helicopter option. He was both SF and a pilot. That's not necessarily a "safer" option to present to the folks though.

JohnInKansas wrote: I haven't been committed to this course of action until yesterday.

As to how to break the news - no help there. Were it my son, I'd just want to hear he had put some thought into it and came to the determination himself ... not coerced by recruitment films or "The judge said if I didn't ..." :)

I hope it isn't an emotional knee-jerk to something that happened yesterday... but, hey, good luck to you in your military career regardless. I have good friends who went for both noble and sketchier reasons. One is a retired a Colonel my age who is still a sketchy bastard .

My suggestion would be to emphasize that you have thought long and hard about this, and are not doing it rashly or out of desperation. Speaking as the parent of a 21-year-old and a 17-year-old, my biggest fears are of the plunges taken without regard for the repercussions.

If you are doing it rashly or out of desperation, then do your best to act like you're not. Having your mom on board will help your father, and she'll be able to keep him happier while you are out of touch.

Either way, good luck and thank you. Out of curiosity, what branch/discipline are you signing up for, and why? No need to answer if it is an inappropriate question.

slefain wrote: My only advice is to go Air Force. Lower chance of being shot at least. Good luck and thank you for wanting to serve your country.

My grandfather would disagree on the less chance of being shot at. Then again, he was a B17 pilot in WWII, so maybe it's a whole different situation. OTOH my dad was a mechanic in the air force and was never once shot at.

Either way, Thank you for your willingness to serve the country.

I've been kicking the idea around since high school, in one form or another. Decided on Army a couple of months ago, just hadn't pulled the trigger until yesterday. I'd had trouble getting in touch with the local recruiter, and when I did, he jerked me around enough that I had decided "to hell with him", and played the family card (hated to do it, didn't want to). FIL made some calls, and got a call from someone who wanted to be more helpful yesterday morning. There are enough higher-ups that are interested at this point that I couldn't back out if I wanted to (and I don't; if I don't do this now, I'll regret it for the rest of my life).

Well, presentation is most of it. If you are currently sitting on the couch playing video games all day (probably not) then explain the benefits of a full time job with free training. You will see and experience things you won't see in Kansas! Show how your job in the military relates to a similar job in civilian life and how as a Vet you would probably get preferential treatment.

I work for the Dept. of Army. If when I started here, my very first day there was a lay off, I get to stay because I'm a Veteran. A non-vet with 40+ years service gets the gate.

You're 23, you have plenty of time to recover if this is a mistake, I doubt it is.

FWIW my dentist was Navy, they paid for his schooling and he got accident recontruction, major rebuilds and experience you just can't buy on the outside.

Thanks for what you're doing.

Dan

Oh yeah, whatever the Recruiter says, geti it in writing!

No advise from me, just thank you.

In reply to 914Driver:

I've been out of the house for three years, married for two. I've got a bachelor's degree in mechanical engineering, and have been working a desk job making roughly double the take-home pay I can look forward to in the army for the last two years.

I've been cautioned about recruiters, won't be signing anything until I get a chance to review everything fully with someone who doesn't have a quota to meet.

We can always use a good Engineer.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rtntp33Jro

JohnInKansas wrote: I'm not guaranteed entry to spec forces selection, just officer candidate school. Anything beyond that will be primarily based on my personal motivation. The bottom line is, I won't know what I'll be doing until they tell me, and they won't tell me until I'm done with basic and OCS (i.e. won't know anything for sure for months).

No pre-approval. That is the scary part.

Seriously do ACE. it'll add civil engineering experience to your resume for the future.

In reply to wearymicrobe:

Well, yeah. I'll certainly push for it, but I doubt I'll get pre-approval. Basic, OCS, Ranger school (assuming I'm selected), then I can apply for the SF selection course. If my application is granted, I get to go through selection, and if I pass that, I go to the qualification course, and if I pass that, I get assigned to a SF unit. Way too many variables for them to assure me that I'll go where I want. I'm guaranteed entrance to OCS though, and even if I'm not sent directly to SF, there are other ways to get there.

What Dan said (get everything in writing.) USMC = "U Signed the Mothaberkeleyin Contract."

You're a Man's Man! Dad should be proud! If he's not, tell him there's an army of overweight flappy hat wearer's ready to kick his ass! (Joking. I don't do the flappy hat.)

Thank you for your service.

Conquest351 wrote: Mom, Dad, (insert girlfriend's name) is pregnant. I don't care that she's got HIV either. I love her and we're getting married. -Or- Mom, dad, I'm in love with Brad Pitt and I'm going to devote my life to following his every move until he realizes that bitch Angelina is no good for him and falls in love with me. *Freakout ensues* JK, I joined the Army.

I'd like to see that in action

914Driver wrote: Oh yeah, whatever the Recruiter says, geti it in writing!

that really won't change anything ... it's what the Army wants ... not what the recruiter promises ... you can't sue, because you were "promised" something by a recruiter, and the Army wanted/needed you somewhere else ( then again you might not qualify for something promised )

ransom wrote: There's not much there to reassure a worried dad. But I assume you wouldn't be signing up if you didn't know a lot more than you put in the summary there... It's the classic of Greek theater, right? What a worried person can conjure up in lieu of information is often much worse than reality.

Remember that. I get more upset with my two young teens when they don't fill in all the details of what problem I've got to solve.

aussiesmg wrote: No advise from me, just thank you.

From here too.

I'm unclear on which direction you are going from what you've said. Are you going the OCS route, or the 18X route?

If going the OCS route, you won't be eligible to try out for SFAS until you are a CPT. You will also be branched "for the good of the Army" which may mean that you are doing something that you don't really want to do.

If going the 18X route, you will have a hard row to hoe, just to get to and through SFAS and then the Q course.

More power to you, either way. Have fun at the Benning School for Boys, and thanks for joining up.

Essayons