Now she's pissed.

Thread from 2008:

In New York they have a "do not call" list, no telemarketers. Once in a while we get one and I usually mess with them, my wife hates it. "Sure I'm interested, give me your phone number and I'll get back to you." Sure, it's 1-800- ....." No, no, no, YOUR number. You want me to have this valuable product enough, let me call YOU at home like you called me. Last night we got one.... I dunno what they were selling. "OMG ARE YOU IN LUCK TODAY!! I was notified that I hit the Nigerian Lottery and as soon as that checque clears my bank I'm taking car of you people." She punches me in the arm and calls me names. What.

Wives have no sense of humor sometimes

I just start a phone sex chat.....

they usually hang up pretty quick :twisted:

I try to sell them something - try to make THEM laugh. Usually, the item is an old radio / boombox with dual-cassete tape decks (but one is broken), a 3-disk CD changer, AM-FM radio, and 2 detachable speakers. It's not real, but hey, they don't know that.

Why be mean? It's just their job.

I once flirted pretty hard with a girl who was calling from my college (I graduated a year ago) asking for donations. I gave the school some money and then proceeded to ask her about her experience there. She was a freshman, so I gave her all sorts of recommendations for professors to take classes with, resources to use at the school, and classes to take.

Now I have a girlfriend (not the same girl), so I just revert back to selling stuff. :nice:

I used to f* with them too. Then I started thinking "Maybe I get so many calls because they think I'm entertaining."

My buddy turned me on to this one, and it's worked REALLY well on the few that get past the 'do not call' thing. It's especially fun at the shop, because we can all take turns picking up the phone:

Telemarketer: "Hi, can I speak to so-and-so please?"

You: "Sure, hang on just one second."

Telemarketer: "Hi, is this so-and-so?"

You, very quickly and directly: "No. Let me get him for you."

Do this as many times as possible until they hang up. You've officially wasted more of their time than they have yours, therefore YOU WIN!!!

Our record is roughly ten minutes with 5 or 6 "Let me get him for you's."

I used to have a dog that would bark wildly on command, and i liked making him go nuts approximately 3 inches from the phone.

My dad got a telemarketing call from someone (trying to) selling magazines. He said, "No, thank you."

"But sir, I have a wonderful offer for you."

"No, thank you."

"As a special bonus we'll include..."

"No, thank you."

"blahblahblah"

"No, thank you."

"Sir, could I ask why?"

"I can't read"

"...oh..." click

I did this at one point.

Telemarketer: " Could I speak to the person in charge of ............?" Me: " Sure, that would be me" I am at the computer and fire up Number of the beast, put it as loud as possible Telemarketer: "Well ok, could I get your name?" Me: "Yes, its Kent" Telemarketer: "and what is your monthly use of such and such?" Me: "Oh about this much" Telemarketer: " Sir I have a hard time hearing you, can you turn that down" remember I had Iron Maiden on talking about Satan and the number 666 about now, which was on full blast, 12 inches from the phone Me: "No, once it starts it cannot be turned off" Telemarketer: click from hanging up

Yes it is amazing how some of them will go through a tortureous ordeal to stick on the phone with you.

Can't read...hilarious! :nice:

My single friend (male) once got a call for Mrs. Jacobsen (his last name) so he decided to have some fun.

"Uh.....she's in the shower right now."

"Well, can I speak with Mr. Jacobsen then?"

"Uh....well.....uh....he's out of town on a business trip."

Click!

:nice:

I have a mp3 file of the funniest telemarketer gag I've ever heard. It would have you rolling on the floor.

I'd like to post it for you guys but I've no clue where or how to post it to get it on the board. I tried photobucket but it doesn't like audio files. If someone can help or let me send it to you I'd appreciate it.

Trust me, it will be worth the trouble.

Just ask them if they've found Jesus. Works fast.

Wally wrote: Wives have no sense of humor sometimes

Truth - unvarnished. Leave it to Wally to get it right.

I've tried just about every tactic, depending on my mood. One time I told the window people that if they were selling the vinyl windows with double panes that tilt in to clean - I wanted 15 of them and I'd give them my credit card number right now. They kept insisting that they had to send a salesman and I kept insisting that - 'no, I know exactly what I want and you can just charge my card and send them to me'. This went on for almost an hour.

Years ago, I had a very polite, professional and competent telemarketer call me. I ended up hiring her and she worked in my office for over a year.

Yes, they are just doing their job, but some of them do it so poorly - you almost can't help but berkeley with them.

I tell them I'm a nudist and this better be good because I just left half my back hair stuck to the vinyl couch getting up to get the phone..

My father had a good one when we were kids. He normally just hangs up but he got a call right after he told us that the bottling company had gone under and he, my uncle and everyone else in the area were losing they're routes.

After he told us someone called to say we were chosen for a free trip to Disney World for the family if we toured their timeshare resort. He told them that it was great news since we just lost our business a trip would do well to cheer us up, and that we could leave tomorrow. The person on the other end quickly said maybe this wasn't a good time to bother us but my father insisted we had nothing but time. They quickly apologized and hung up.

The usual:

Telemarketer: Yes sir I am with direct TV. What cable company do you use?

Me: I am sorry I dont own a television

Telemarketer: ummm....10 second pause..."you dont have a TV? What do you do?

Me: I read books, play music..you know the things folks do.

Telemarketer: Wow! I uhh....20 second pause.... Music huh? Did you know that Direct TV offers XM sattelite radio. I can set you up with our service and you can get up to 100 channels of commercial fre...

Me: Damn! Thats quick thinking kid. Good going. Mind putting me on the "do not call" list?

Telemarketer: Yes sir ...uhh....thanks

Last year I got this one.

Hey there! how would you like to receive a free "girls gone wild" DVD

No thank you

but...it has lots of naked girls

No thank you

Are you sure sir? plenty of topless college beauties

No thank you

OK.....5 second pause...Sir? how about "Guys gone wild"? :omg:

"I already downloaded it off of the internet. They weren't that wild."

nickel_dime wrote: I have a mp3 file of the funniest telemarketer gag I've ever heard. It would have you rolling on the floor. I'd like to post it for you guys but I've no clue where or how to post it to get it on the board. I tried photobucket but it doesn't like audio files. If someone can help or let me send it to you I'd appreciate it. Trust me, it will be worth the trouble.

Most likely Tom Mabe, He tortures telemarketers and records it for fun.

The ones I like are the Police/sheriff benifit league or disabled vet *** association. I reply I'm glad you called I had wondered how to register with you for help with my bills I am a disabled ex Sheriff deputy or service connected vet (both true). CLICK.

Opus wrote:

nickel_dime wrote: I have a mp3 file of the funniest telemarketer gag I've ever heard. It would have you rolling on the floor. I'd like to post it for you guys but I've no clue where or how to post it to get it on the board. I tried photobucket but it doesn't like audio files. If someone can help or let me send it to you I'd appreciate it. Trust me, it will be worth the trouble.

Most likely Tom Mabe, He tortures telemarketers and records it for fun.

Probably, it's from the Bob and Tom show. He plays like a cop and the telemarketer is calling to the scene of a murder. He starts asking the guy all kinds of questions..

My wife use do answer the stupid questions and surveys and I'd mess with her all the time. Well, she get's a call for a survey and she gives the phone to me because I'm always messing with her about it. Well, it goes like this: Telelooser: "Good evening sir. I'm looking to speak with a man in the house between the ages of 18-35. I have a quick survey about mens pants." DrBoost: I'm sorry, but I don't wear pants." Telelooser: "Oh, Uh............click."

Despite the do not call list we were still getting quite a number of calls, many of them from the same handfull of companies. I learned this trick somewhere. Normally when you ask them to put you on the list the guy you are talking to really doesn't care. HE's not getting in trouble, maybe the company he HATES working for will but he couldn't care less. So, before you ask them to put you on the Do Not Call list ask for thier name and operator #. Now they are on the hook! It did seem to reduce the calls we got quite a bit in the course of a few months. just a tip from the doc.

nickel_dime wrote:

Opus wrote:

nickel_dime wrote: I have a mp3 file of the funniest telemarketer gag I've ever heard. It would have you rolling on the floor. I'd like to post it for you guys but I've no clue where or how to post it to get it on the board. I tried photobucket but it doesn't like audio files. If someone can help or let me send it to you I'd appreciate it. Trust me, it will be worth the trouble.

Most likely Tom Mabe, He tortures telemarketers and records it for fun.

Probably, it's from the Bob and Tom show. He plays like a cop and the telemarketer is calling to the scene of a murder. He starts asking the guy all kinds of questions..

I've heard that one. Funny as hell.

My cousin always told me that when a telemarketer calls and asks how I'm doing, I should say "Not good. I was just contemplating suicide. My life is in your hands, what're you gonna do hotshot?" Funny, but I always pictured me laughing when they hang up, and then the cops knocking on my door... :omg:

I got to jerk one around this evening. AT&T reps have been calling and pestering my wife about switching to their new U-verse service. Instead of just telling them we're not interested, my wife has been telling them they need to talk to me. (They always seem to call before I get home.)

Anyhow, this evening one caught me, and she started off on the script. I decided to let her go, and it went something like this:

Her: blah, blah, TV, blah, blah High Speed Internet, blah, blah.

Me: [silence, as no question had been posed]

Her: Do you have a computer at home?

Me: Yes.

Her: What do you primarily use it for?

Me: Simulating nuclear weapon detonations.

Her: [long, awkward silence]

Her: I don't know what to say; I've never heard that one before.

Me: Well, with the test ban treaty, we're not supposed to detonate the weapons any more, so we do a lot of computer simulations to verify their integrity, test new designs, etc.

Her: [second long, awkward silence]

Me: I'll cut to the chase, I've already got broadband internet and a contract with my satellite TV provider. If I decide to switch when my contract is up, I know where to find you.

I didn't want to let her off the hook, but I didn't have time to listen to silence while she figured out how to get back onto the script.

None of you guys have caller ID? It's one of the greatest inventions ever.