Deepest condolences man. I can't imagine losing my dearest, who's also named Carrie. The name connection has made this thread especially hard to read, plus we sail and shoot. I think telling the stories and sharing the pictures here is a great way to celebrate someone who was so obviously amazing. Hang in there bud.
pilotbraden wrote: In reply to dean1484: It makes me feel better too. And thanks to type q for starting this conversation.
I knew you were hurting. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. We hear you. We see you. We care about you. If this conversation is making things even a little easier, I am glad I could help.
You are part of the GRM extended family. When there is death in the family, people help out how they can. It is an important part of being human.
Best wishes and thoughts thrown your way!
Over the holiday I organized some of Carrie's belongings. I am seperating her childhood items out to give back to her mom and dad and things to go back to her son and his father. It is sad and tough at times but I also smiled often remembering good times. I can only do it for a little while before I have to stop and do something else.
Baby steps PB, baby steps. It will be a hard time. Remember the good times. When the time is right, and only you can decide that, find a Grief Counseling group. It MAY help. When my wife and I attended we did get some relief out of it. Prayers being lifted for you brother.
Hay just checking in on you.
I am alive, but miserable. My heart is broken and I fear it is permanent, I keep getting more and more depressed. I have lost the zest for life that I have always had. Nothing's motivating me. I think that I need to go far away, some where that I am not known and everything does not remind me of Carrie. I need to get better ,this state of mind is awful. Thanks again for your concern, it means a lot to me. I am very fortunate to have many good memories of Carrie and many good friends to help me through my darkest days.
Midnight one more night without sleeping, green door what's the secret your keeping. This is running through my head incessantly tonight. I have no idea where it came from. Is it a line from an old song?
Thanks EastCoast Mojo I had that running through my head all night
pilotbraden wrote: My heart is broken and I fear it is permanent
Its not. Things like this are like a serious injury. Recovery is slow, and hard. There will be scars. There will be residual pains that hit you, but it will get better. It wont be fast, but it will happen.
Your RD's beckon you to ride ,heal, smile, cry.........be safe bro, peace out.
Hang in there, it will get better.
pilotbraden wrote: I am alive, but miserable. My heart is broken and I fear it is permanent, I keep getting more and more depressed.
It is not permanent. You're taking time to grieve. That's what grief is like. You won't wake up one day and feel all better. You'll have a good hour today and maybe none tomorrow. But those good hours will grow and expand until they start to get closer together. And then at some point you'll have a whole good day. It still won't be 100% over, but it will be more better than not.
We're all pulling for you pilotbraden, hang in there. Heroin took one of my dearest friends a couple of years ago. He couldn't overcome the demon although he tried, and tried. There is still a part of me that's missing and empty, always will be.
Your memories of her won't go away, but some of the pain will. Every minute you go through this horror is one less minute you'll have to. Every hour, every day you'll get a little more whole. Just keep racking up the minutes, keep racking up those days, it WILL get better.
Braden, I have not experienced anything like the loss you are living through. But, I have been in the GRM family long enough to know that you can trust the wisdom being offered.
Thank you for staying engaged with us.
You have to hurt before you can heal. It is just part of the process. Keep checking in when you can.
Braden, sleepless nights are REALLY bad for your mind right now. Have you spoken with your Dr about something to help you sleep? I was serious when I suggested Ambien before, it probably saved my life just getting a few solid nights of unconsciousness.
Hang in there man, it will get better.
+1 for what KyAllroad said. You shouldn't risk something like this happening to you when you're already this down.
KyAllroad wrote: Braden, sleepless nights are REALLY bad for your mind right now. Have you spoken with your Dr about something to help you sleep? I was serious when I suggested Ambien before, it probably saved my life just getting a few solid nights sleep
If you do take Ambien, for heavens sake stay away from alcohol.
I was suddenly widowed about 6 years ago. I know what you are going through and even with that I have no advice to offer.
What helped me, especially in the first 6 months was to just accept invitations. Getting out and interacting was something I needed. I probably went out more in that first year than I had in The last decade. That might not be the right move for you though.
The gutting loss does eventually fade. Still hasn't gone away though.
I want to once more thank all of you for the concern. I have rearranged my schedule so that I can go home between jobs and sleep for an hour or two in the afternoon. I will put up a duck hunting story later today or tomorrow.
In reply to Jumper K. Balls:
I feel for you. I am going out as often as possible and it seeems to help.
She left a lot of love behind for you to share, if you let depression and misery steal that the dragon wins again. My hope for you is Peace and strength .
In reply to TRoglodyte:
You are correct, she was madly in love with me and I am madly in love with her. I aim to get better but it's a long row to hoe, I still don't see the end. I have been on a couple of dates trying to get back to being semi normal. It ends up making me feel like I am sneaking around behind Carrie's back. I want the impossible, I want to come home and have her waiting for me.
Today it has been 56 days since Carrie and I saw each other and I feel the finality of it much more now. Thank you for your concern.
You'll need to log in to post.
