In reply to volvoclearinghouse :
There certainly are any number of completely valid reasons for using formula, be it born of choice or necessity. However, willful ignorance benefits nobody... And our nations methods of (and reasons for) attempting to bury the simple truth have been nothing short of disgraceful.
volvoclearinghouse said:You give your kids _formula_???? OMG, that's like, the worst thing EVER!
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/08/health/world-health-breastfeeding-ecuador-trump.html
No, formula is not the worst thing ever. However, this action is despicable. Breastfeeding is the best and healthiest choice. Obviously not always possible for a myriad of reasons, but it should be encouraged above formula as a general rule.
In reply to mtn :
Exactly. I was attempting to be flip in my comment; I really didn't mean it. Clearly, the worst thing ever would be not feeding your baby at all.
Both of our kids are/were "boobie babies" exclusively. Mom never even pumped, if the kids needed it they got it direct from the source. Back in the old days, that was just how you did it- there weren't many options, especially for people not of extraordinary means. Now, it feels like the trend has reversed, and it's looked at as some kind of a luxury to have fully breastfed children. Whatever. But this whole thing exemplifies just one more thing that people go apeE36 M3 compulsive about with kids.
"Mom" VCH and I try to let our 2 children (aged 4 years and 17 months) run free, with as much supervision as needed to keep them out of hairy situations. The theory is that letting them make mistakes and play and whatnot helps development. However, we feel there's a reasonable line between taking "acceptable risks" (like, letting them climb trees) and putting them in obviously dangerous situations intentionally- like our neighbor who lets their kids ride on the top of her SUV while she drives up her ~1/4 mile long driveway to get the mail. 
pheller said:Anybody else have these freakouts with their kids where they thought they'd scar them for life, but the kid turn completely fine, normal, with no last effects?
While driving my son (then 2 years old) home from daycare, my Chevy Venture was rear-ended at a stoplight (and totaled) by a distracted driver. I've been fighting the urge to buy 6,000 pounds of GMT800 or Ford or an MRAP ever since! He's seven now, and we had his sister ten months later. I eventually bought an Uplander as a replacement, and was usually too tired to worry quite so much.
PS: During the accident write-up, I got a look at the young man's passenger and forgave him instantly. I suppose they could've been looking at phones instead of each other, but one likes to try to think positive!
Re: Formula. I know several people who were very worried about the "Breast is best", but had real problems feeding. They had heard about "nipple confusion", so they were plagued by doubts, but eventually gave in to the evil of formula...and found that the kid would go back and forth with no issue. If mom was capable, cool. if not, and the bottle comes out, cool. If neither, mush up a hunk of boiled potato and stuff it in there. It's all good.
Modern society worries so very much about whether we are doing the very best thing based on the most recent advice. Just go with the flow, man.
My wife was alot more nervous then me, we had terrible luck with our first babysitter and one of my son's came home with a black eye at 7 months old. Wife stayed home until they were 2 after that. Our biggest issue was my dad and step mom who think black coffee and candy are the best things for kids.
In reply to dropstep :
A little black coffee and candy won't do them any harm. I grew up with a grandmother feeding me Mountain Dew every chance she got. The occasional sip of beer or wine doesn't hurt either. I don't think a black eye would give me much pause unless it happened more than once. My eldest had a busied face one time courtesy of my wife. He walked up behind her while she was exercising and she knocked him senseless with a 10 pound weight. He was about 2 at the time. We still laugh about it.
Don't put the kids on a pedestal. Experiences do them good, even the "bad" ones.
dropstep said:My wife was alot more nervous then me, we had terrible luck with our first babysitter and one of my son's came home with a black eye at 7 months old. Wife stayed home until they were 2 after that. Our biggest issue was my dad and step mom who think black coffee and candy are the best things for kids.
My son developed a taste for black coffee when he was around 5 or 6 that lasted for about a year. I mostly just tried to get him to stick with decaf if he was taking more than a sip or two.
I also found that even if you use an acoustic guitar, it's a bad idea to try to distract an upset baby by playing "Iron Man."
I was amused to see the transition in behavior my brother went thru from his first to his 3rd child.
If first baby dropped pacifier on the floor, it was placed in the “needs to be boiled” jug.
Third child was allowed to share an ice cream with my dog: Agnes had some - Kyra had some - Agnes had some - Kyra had some. When pointing out the questionable hygiene aspects of this, my brother answered “If you knew what she ate this morning, you wouldn’t let Kyra eat from that ice cream.”
Floating Doc said:One of the best choices I think that we made was to get both of our children in swimming lessons before they were two.
It starts with survival training. They're incredibly bouyant, so they first learn how to roll on to their backs and float.
Uuuuuuuugh. I started to post a thread on this a couple weeks ago. Another summer is almost gone, and the kids can’t swim...and now the 6-year-old (whom I had swimming like a fish when she was 3) flat out says she’ll NEVER swim. :/
Kinda feeling like I’ve failed. Emailed a local coach who gives lessons. Said she’d “check her schedule” but never got back to me.
But to the OP: It *DOES* get easier. Having more than one definitely FORCES you to obsess less.
Hiring a swim coach was one of the best things I’ve ever done.
After a near miss with kid #3 (I had to recover him off the bottom of the pool), I decided that all 3 of the youngest ones needed swim lessons right away.
We had a local coach who saw it as her mission that no kids in our town were gonna drown on her watch.
Kid #4 was the most resistant. He was scared to death of the water, and he cried and screamed with all his might. The coach then looked at me and said, “Dad, LEAVE”. I know a direct order when I hear it. I left, with my kid screaming at the top of his lungs.
He was swimming 2 days later. I’m pretty sure she bodily threw him in the deep end and forced him to swim.
Kid #4 is now a lifeguard, and swims like a fish.
But after my experience with Kid #3 nearly drowning, I got training myself, and have never been unprepared again when around a pool.
The movies are BS. There is no splashing, and no cries of “Help”. A kid underwater is totally silent.
poopshovel, get it done. NOW.
In reply to SVreX :
Roger that!
SVreX said:I had to recover him off the bottom of the pool
My cousin had the same experience with her little one at a family gathering not long ago.
.
poopshovel again said:
Another summer is almost gone, and the kids can’t swim.
On the bright side: Swimming can be taught/learned in any season, so long as there is an indoor pool around. 
poopshovel again said:In reply to SVreX :
Roger that!
Go buy a above ground pool. Since I put mine in, the elder grands, 6 and 9, have gone from productive splashing to swimming from one end to the other under water. They have learned more in the last month of playing than they ever did in lessons.
The baby, 2, is moving toward productive splashing rapidly. She'll be swimming by the end of summer.
Those freak outs are normal, and mostly just seem to scar the parents for life.
I was told by people my age now, back when my kids were your kid’s age, that although their kids were ostensibly grown, the worry and the work never stopped. Now that I’ve made it to the after-college promised land, here are some notes from the other side:
1) BullE36 M3 on the “you’re always a parent it never stops.” Yes, you’re always a parent, yes, your job is ongoing and yes, you always worry, but that is a far cry from a 24/7 job of keeping alive and happy a fragile human being with zero communication skills. That is harder. That is a different job. That is jets while the later stuff is kite flying.
2) Aside from the physical demands of your current stage, the rest is mostly a mind berkeley. Small children are looking for super basic things—but they need those basic things in such a mind-blowingly constant, consistent, seemingly forever manner that worrying about things like the deeper messages you’re sending with your nightly cage match over bedtime (which is. It just is. You’re not bad, they’re not bad, it’s just where you are and it will pass) seem like an attractive way to expend your mental energy. Really, just be there. Same bat time, same bat channel, every day, every thing. Add inputs slowly like you’re driving on ice.
3) You will miss stuff. Your attention will flag. Your diagnosis will be mistaken. You may send them to school with broken limbs, you may fail to notice real emotional anguish that you thought was tiredness or a bad dinner. You will suck. If you’re lucky, no lasting damage will result.
4) Years from now, you will barely remember this constant flipping from sweetest happiness to abject fear and misery. If someone reminds you, it will bring you a painful joy that you had and lost—a beatific hurt that I have yet to see anyone adequately describe, but that ties together all parents (and is, I understand, somewhat soothed by grandchildren).
Good luck with where you are now. It’s life at its dirtiest, lifeiest self. Something of you will survive it, but you will be forever changed—mostly for the better. Those who have been through it are all pulling for you always—it’s why you meet those people in grocery stores and restaurants who seem to offer a napkin, a smile, a shoulder and a kind word at just the right time.
And at the end of the day, do remember: Those freaks in WalMart are actually keeping their kids alive, and even the biggest losers there use a cup and a real potty. As Jeff Goldblum said, life finds a way.
Margie
and edit: Sorry for the long diatribe. I had a taste of the old days when I nursed Katie through her recent tonsillectomy at 22, and that kind of parenting? It’s harder. I’d rather just loan her gas money now.
Do yourself a favor and watch the movie "Babies". Here's a taste:
You will learn that they are not made of glass, dirt is not going to kill them and that eating a bug is not a trip to the ER.
In reply to Marjorie Suddard :
That was awesome.
I'm so, so tired all the time, but I try to enjoy what time I have with the little ones. It feels so short.
And sometimes, through no fault of your own crazy stuff happens.
About 8 years ago I was freshly divorced and picked up my kids for my weekend with them. Middle of winter and daughter was about 6 years old. Halfway home (and in the middle of nowhere) son says "Grace has a nosebleed." I look back and sure enough she does. No biggy I'll throw her a fast food napkin or some such and clean her up when we arrive. Nope, not a scrap of paper in the truck. Again, I got this, I'm capable. "Grace honey, just use your sleeve, I'll wash your jacket when we get home, no problem."
"OK daddy." she sobs (apparently the nosebleed is a bit traumatic, and she's scared).
Couple of minutes go by and son says in a MUCH shakier voice "umm, dad look at Grace."
I look into the back seat and my beautiful little girl is now BLEEDING FROM HER EYES!
As a combat medic I know there are only about three things that cause someone to bleed from their eyes and none of them are good. My options at this point are to pull over, call an ambulance and wait for them to find me in 30 minutes or keep going towards town and hospital, I can be there in 15 minutes. Keep going it is, hammer down and get your effing Prius out of my way!!
In the 15 minutes she stops the eye bleed. Turns out she has extraordinarily patent lacrimal ducts which allowed the nosebleed and tears to intermingle. Really not a big deal and she can blow bubbles underwater from her eyes but at the moment it occurred was heart stopping.
Kids. Such a roller coaster.
To those that have gone before, good job, and thanks for the words of encouragement.
After such a short time I can't really remember not being a parent, and wouldn't know what to do with all my free time if didn't have a child. Now he is turning two next week and she is due again in november. Nervous as hell, again. Still don't know what I'm doing. Yesterday she called and was asking what she should do since he was playing on his own for over an hour and she didn't know what to do. Seemed to be worried or concerned or sad that she didn't feel needed right then. I know he is years from not needing our constant attention but I know those years will go by in nothing flat, and as much work as it is right now I know I'll miss it when it's over.
PUNK here. Professional Uncle, No Kids. That said, I have been closely involved with all 8 of them and am closer to to 5 of them than their biological fathers. Being just an uncle, I was never susceptible to the over worrying even when taking care of them. I’ve also noticed from being the youngest myself and watching others the easing of grips going from first to later children. It is amusing what I got away with versus my older sisters. Then on the other hand, I never came home in the back of a cop car at 3am.
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