Don't live in D.C. The vast majority of everyday interaction involves shiny happy people. Or 4yr olds. Choose your epithet. 
Don't live in D.C. The vast majority of everyday interaction involves shiny happy people. Or 4yr olds. Choose your epithet.
What bothers me is not people who can't or won't do something and say so honestly. What bothers me is people breaking their word. People *saying* they will do something or volunteering to be responsible for something and then not doing it.
I realize I blew up because I took it personally this time. I believed the guy when he said he respects me and cares about my concerns regarding the company and wants me to be comfortable coming to him. I thought he actually did and would listen when I brought a small but genuine concern. When he dismissed my concerns and insulted me, I felt hurt. I now realize this is not someone who actually respects and cares for other people. (Perhaps unsurprisingly, he comes primarily from a background in politics. Those games don't work well in a startup company that's about producing and selling.)
The last 20 months of my life have been the biggest test of my patience, but I kinda like the job I'm doing, just not the people I do it with or who I do it for. I keep reminding myself I won't do well in prison, and everything else falls into place.
loosecannon said:I didn't realize I had a temper, I thought I just didn't have any patience for stupid people or bad drivers. But now I realize that I was just angry. Angry at what? I don't know but I watched the movie "The Secret" on NETFLIX and took it to heart. Business was poor and I was negative but decided to try and turn things around. Complaining about things used to be my thing but I stopped the complaining and started looking at the bright side of everything. I don't know what happened but business turned around, I became a happier person and no longer get worked up at stupid people or bad drivers. I also avoid negative people and don't watch the news now because I feel myself getting dragged down into the angry stuff again. Hope this helps.
Thanks! “The secret” is worth watching. I’m sure a lot of people fall into a negative pattern without realizing the consequences. The mind is a powerful thing.
I saw Oliver North speak when I was about 20. He said "Anger is the result of unfulfilled expectations." That always stuck with me.
Exercise is a real key for me to keep everything in balance. My head always feels much more clear after a good workout.
After 8 years in the USMC (two of which were spent in a place where berkeleying up will get you killed) and a couple more years as a Paramedic (where berkeleying up gets someone else killed), I decided to get away from the life/death rat race. There was just too much stress involved, and I didn’t like what it was doing to me. I went to work in a food processing facility, and while I have my fair share of idiots to deal with, I’m now high enough up the food chain to be able to do something about it.
Over the past seven years, I’ve slowly been learning and reintegrating myself into society. I’m on a low daily dose of citalopram, which helps stifle the swings; I try to make sure I eat well (I’m 6’6” and weigh 175; if my blood sugar drops too far, I get combative), and I run. I also weld, and I’m into long range shooting.
Running helps clear toxins, welding has a calming effect because I must remain relaxed, and long range shooting sharpens my focus and affects my breathing patterns.
For family activities- we like to go camping, off-roading, and occasionally go to the races.
I’m still a grumpy shiny happy person much of the time, I just keep it under wraps and express it better. (Hello sarcasm my old friend!) It keeps me out of trouble better than telling people they’re stupid...
I use a lot of sarcasm and humor. If I don’t try to laugh about most of my day I will end up frustrated over the various clusterberkeleys that go on. I also have a two hour car ride home where I try decompress from all the E36 M3 that goes wrong during the day. I should probably see someone and take something but that hasn’t gone well in the past.
rustybugkiller said:loosecannon said:I didn't realize I had a temper, I thought I just didn't have any patience for stupid people or bad drivers. But now I realize that I was just angry. Angry at what? I don't know but I watched the movie "The Secret" on NETFLIX and took it to heart. Business was poor and I was negative but decided to try and turn things around. Complaining about things used to be my thing but I stopped the complaining and started looking at the bright side of everything. I don't know what happened but business turned around, I became a happier person and no longer get worked up at stupid people or bad drivers. I also avoid negative people and don't watch the news now because I feel myself getting dragged down into the angry stuff again. Hope this helps.
Thanks! “The secret” is worth watching. I’m sure a lot of people fall into a negative pattern without realizing the consequences. The mind is a powerful thing.
On one hand, I'm now kind of curious about this movie due to these posts. On the other hand, that's the kind of movie where if you hid something from me in its sleeve, it would be safe from me forever.
Three things: people will disappoint you, you can only control how you react, decisions and actions have consequences
I whistle a tune. Seriously.
I whistle when I am casual and care-free, but I also whistle when I am stressed to the max and feeling like I am about to explode. Just the 2 extremes- I don't whistle in the middle.
I don't realize I do it in the care-free moments. It just happens. But it is a very intentional act in the stressed out moments. I think it is an attempt to conjure up the care-free feelings. I breath deep, whistle, rinse repeat.
The great thing about it is the people around me don't know the difference. I've had people comment on how they like my whistling, and I don't tell them that I am just trying to not blow my top. They think I am relaxed, and in control.
The only time coworkers (or anyone) see the emotional me is when there is imminent danger.
Its not natural for me. It is very much a learned skill. But it is very effective. When people hear me raise my voice, it always comes as a shock to them, and they ALWAYS pay attention.
My Momma used to say you win more flies with honey than with vinegar. I try to practice it.
But maybe you would consider me one of the "political manipulative" types! 
My "don't react" phrase that I say to myself is, "Drive around it, Campbell".
dj06482 said:I saw Oliver North speak when I was about 20. He said "Anger is the result of unfulfilled expectations." That always stuck with me.
"Education is what you get when you don't get what you wanted."
SCiENCE
Robbie said:I find laziness in others doesn't bother me much, but incompetence throws me off the chain. (I'd much rather have the idoits sit there and do nothing rather than work us all further from the goal).
I'm the exact opposite. Incompetence is beyond a person's control. Laziness is just failing at life.
Beer Baron said:What bothers me is not people who can't or won't do something and say so honestly. What bothers me is people breaking their word. People *saying* they will do something or volunteering to be responsible for something and then not doing it.
That really gets to me as well. For me It pushes a lot of buttons from a chaotic childhood where my siblings and I, from very young ages, had to be the adults when our parents were acting like teenagers. I have not lost it at work yet. I have walked away from what outwardly looked like great jobs because of it. If don't even try to do what you say you will, I can't trust you. I will not spent my time and energy with you.
Knurled. said:Robbie said:I find laziness in others doesn't bother me much, but incompetence throws me off the chain. (I'd much rather have the idoits sit there and do nothing rather than work us all further from the goal).
I'm the exact opposite. Incompetence is beyond a person's control. Laziness is just failing at life.
Fair enough, but to clarify what I mean: incompetence is continually doing the wrong thing even though you receive feedback after feedback about how to be better, even sometimes going so far as to spend more effort making yourself look competent than spending effort actually improving. incompetence is not inexperience, nor handicapped. Incompetence is being too lazy to listen, while still looking busy.
In reply to Robbie :
By that rational , half the people I work with are totally incompetent. Yeah...seems legit.
Robbie said:Fair enough, but to clarify what I mean: incompetence is continually doing the wrong thing even though you receive feedback after feedback about how to be better, even sometimes going so far as to spend more effort making yourself look competent than spending effort actually improving. incompetence is not inexperience, nor handicapped. Incompetence is being too lazy to listen, while still looking busy.
I heard a great breakdown about competence that sort of goes like this:
Unconsciously Incompetent - This is the worst. You don't know what you are doing, and you don't realize that you don't know what you're doing.
Consciously Incompetent - You don't know what you are doing, but you realize that you don't know how to do it. You may not be able to accomplish a task, but won't make things worse by claiming that you can.
Consciously Competent - You can do the job properly, but you need to think about it as you do it. It will take you more time and effort, and someone may be able to do it better, but you will eventually get it done correctly.
Unconsciously Competent - You can do the job properly, and it no longer takes conscious effort to do it right. Your skills are fully trained, and are basically reflex now.
I'm totally fine with people who are Consciously Incompetent. Being a useful member of a team is as much about knowing your limitations and who to pass information to do it better as it is about knowing what you're good at.
Robbie said:Knurled. said:Robbie said:I find laziness in others doesn't bother me much, but incompetence throws me off the chain. (I'd much rather have the idoits sit there and do nothing rather than work us all further from the goal).
I'm the exact opposite. Incompetence is beyond a person's control. Laziness is just failing at life.
Fair enough, but to clarify what I mean: incompetence is continually doing the wrong thing even though you receive feedback after feedback about how to be better, even sometimes going so far as to spend more effort making yourself look competent than spending effort actually improving. incompetence is not inexperience, nor handicapped. Incompetence is being too lazy to listen, while still looking busy.
Okay, in that respect, yes, that mindset is most infuriating.
In reply to Beer Baron :
Dunning-Kreuger. Basically, a lot of people don't know they are incompetent because they simply don't realize it.
Meanwhile, the more competent a person IS, the more they don't think they know what they are doing...
So today was employee review day. Apparently I expect too much of the people I work with (inside and outside my own company). I'm sure there is a happy medium in terms of who should or should not expect what, but at this moment I am a little depressed. I am FAR from perfect and if I'm honest, make mistakes all the time. But I am willing to admit when I made a mistake and try my best to fix it for the good of all stakeholders. That is all I can do.
Beer Baron said:Robbie said:Fair enough, but to clarify what I mean: incompetence is continually doing the wrong thing even though you receive feedback after feedback about how to be better, even sometimes going so far as to spend more effort making yourself look competent than spending effort actually improving. incompetence is not inexperience, nor handicapped. Incompetence is being too lazy to listen, while still looking busy.
I heard a great breakdown about competence that sort of goes like this:
Unconsciously Incompetent - This is the worst. You don't know what you are doing, and you don't realize that you don't know what you're doing.
Consciously Incompetent - You don't know what you are doing, but you realize that you don't know how to do it. You may not be able to accomplish a task, but won't make things worse by claiming that you can.
Consciously Competent - You can do the job properly, but you need to think about it as you do it. It will take you more time and effort, and someone may be able to do it better, but you will eventually get it done correctly.
Unconsciously Competent - You can do the job properly, and it no longer takes conscious effort to do it right. Your skills are fully trained, and are basically reflex now.I'm totally fine with people who are Consciously Incompetent. Being a useful member of a team is as much about knowing your limitations and who to pass information to do it better as it is about knowing what you're good at.
I don't disagree with what you are saying here or in the past. I just think it might be beneficial to you and your future to recognize the following. Politics will be a part of any organization you are a part of that numbers more than 1 person. You are in the business of sales even if YOU are not in sales. Without sales this business cannot work. I will gently say that in this forum you have documented the number of problems you have had working with other people. I am not saying it is you, I am only saying you need to take a think on what you expect and whether or not your expectations are reasonable on planet earth.
i will say that there is absolutely no judgement in my post here. I suspect that we would get along well and I appreciate your position. That said, every job seems to present a new issue for you. No job is perfect and you need to be assertive with requirements ad realistic with your expectations or hang out your own shingle and build your own company.
In reply to mattm :
This is something I have been thinking about and soul searching on. I don't generally have problems with many people. I may have a few minor issues with folks, but that's whatever. No one is perfect, including me. I tend to only have problems with maybe one or two people, and those people are the ones who *everyone* who works with them seems to have a problem with. I just am more sensitive and react more explosively.
The sales guy I mentioned a while back, I don't actually have a problem with. He's more prone to doing things that irritate me, but I can deal with that. The big issue wasn't that the sales guy overstepped a bit. It was that the guy who's supposed to be managing him refused to listen when I said, "This guy overstepped a bit," and instead was dismissive and disrespectful.
As I mentioned earlier, I realize my problem was holding the guy I have a problem with to the same standards I hold myself. The guy I have a problem with said he wants me to be comfortable talking to him, to come to him promptly when I have an issue, that he respects me, and wants to hear what I have to say. I would not tell someone that unless I really meant it, understanding full well that would mean coming to me with uncomfortable news. I realize that many people say that because that's what you're *supposed* to say, even though they don't really mean it (or think they do, but don't realize what that means).
I've been stressing about this company because I want it to do well, but I'm realizing that I need to say "berkeley It." It's not my money on the line. I don't really have anything to lose, and I'm not in a power of authority to push things through the way I think they should be done. If the owners are fine throwing their money away on things that don't pay dividends because they don't want to listen, that's their decision. If they want to let the sales people promise things that can't be delivered, and burn good accounts, that's on them. I just need to do my job in production. If they promise something that can't be sold I'll say so.
I'm also realizing I've been frustrated not having 40 hours worth of work to do in production. I feel like I'm not earning my salary. It's not because I'm failing to do my job, it's because sales hasn't been getting done. Rather than getting frustrated and trying to find extra work. berkeley it. I'll use that spare time to go exercise or read.
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