Play date etiquette with another parent

Get your mind out of the gutter.

I have 3 little ones under age of 5. My oldest wanted a play date at her friend's house Saturday. Long story short, Am I out of line to ask the hosting parent if guns are being kept at the home?

I would take your child to the play date and introduce yourself. It easy to get invited in and see all the areas where your child will play without implying distrust. Slightly guided casual conversation can answer any of your questions.

If they have a problem with that question, it is not your's. I'm not a parent. I am a gun guy. I have no problem with an adult making sure their little one is safe at my house. It's really not an etiquette problem.

I would have no problem with it if someone asked me.

No, you're not out of line. I'm very anti-gun, so I don't have any, but wouldn't be in the least offended if someone asked me. Having just moved to the south, we're going to have to get more into the habit of asking parents of any friends our kids make now.

Simply asking if guns are at the house isn't a big deal. But what if the response is simply "yes, there is."

Are you going to go further to ask "what is the method for securing those firearms?" I know many gun guys who might be a put off that you would ask how they protect their guns. It's none of your business and the kids won't get it into them. Why won't they? Because I said so.

Oh, you don't own guns? Are you an anti-gun fanatic? Look, how bout we just cancel this play date, you hippy.

My ex's father would always say "nope, no guns." but he had a loaded Kimber in every room, some in places where a kid could easily find them.

I would ask straight out, but preface it by saying that guns are not arbitrarily a deal breaker (unless of course they are). Say something like "I'm not an anti-gun person, I'm OK with you owning them if you do - but I would like to know if any guns you have in the house are secured." I can't picture that being offensive to anyone that I'd let my kids visit.

Why beat around the bush... don't ask if they have guns. That is irrelevant. Ask "Are the premises safe for my kids? Are weapons, poisons, drug paraphernalia and power tools out of reach? Will you submit to a polygraph?"

You 'mericans be cray :p

PHeller wrote: Simply asking if guns are at the house isn't a big deal. But what if the response is simply "yes, there is." Are you going to go further to ask "what is the method for securing those firearms?" I know many gun guys who might be a put off that you would ask how they protect their guns. It's none of your business and the kids won't get it into them. Why won't they? Because I said so. Oh, you don't own guns? Are you an anti-gun fanatic? Look, how bout we just cancel this play date, you hippy. My ex's father would always say "nope, no guns." but he had a loaded Kimber in every room, some in places where a kid could easily find them.

For me, if someone says they have guns in the house, you can bet I won't be shy about asking to be sure they're kept secure and away from where the kids would be able to access them. It's not about me and my personal view on guns...I'd have plenty of respect to not go into some anti-gun diatribe. But it's the safety of my children, so I'm not going to shy away from asking just because I might offend someone. If they take that much offense to it, then I probably don't want my kids there anyway. I suppose they could be a total E36 M3head and lie, and no I won't be able to do much about that. But I'd have to use my best judgement and make sure my kids are well educated.

Believe me, I'm not one of those ridiculously overprotective parents that won't let their kids play a contact sport for fear of getting a bruise (both my boys play football and wrestle), but if they're going into a house that has guns in it (without me being present), I'd like to know.

Also, make sure they won't be filling any bathtubs, be sure the house is a ranch with no stairs, verify the temperature setting on the hot water heater, double check that the garage door opener is set right, make sure all the cars that will be around the house have reverse cameras, call the vet to verify any dogs or cats have had their rabies shots, call ahead and schedule a test for radon, check the paint in each room for lead, verify no asbestos in the insulation or tiles, and send the kids with a fire extinguisher just to be safe.

Or, go all old fashioned and size up the parents and make a judgement call as to if you think they're responsible enough to have your kids in their care for a little while.

What I'm saying is that finding out that there are or are not weapons in the house doesn't answer the question that you're trying to ask. You want to know that your kids aren't going to be in danger and that has nothing to do with what's in the house and everything to do with who is in the house.

I do have guns in my house and if one of my kids' friends' parents asked me that question my response would be "absolutely" and that would pretty much be the last word I'd entertain on the topic.

PHeller wrote: Are you going to go further to ask "what is the method for securing those firearms?" I know many gun guys who might be a put off that you would ask how they protect their guns. It's none of your business and the kids won't get it into them. Why won't they? Because I said so. My ex's father would always say "nope, no guns." but he had a loaded Kimber in every room, some in places where a kid could easily find them.

I think we might have had the same ex. My ex's father came to visit once when our son way about 18 months old and as he was unpacking in the guest room I watched as he took a Sig out and laid it upon the floor under the bedside table. (loaded of course) When I asked him if he thought that seemed wise given its proximity to a curious 18 month old his response was classic: "he isn't strong enough to pull the trigger."

We had words after that. I confiscated all ammo for the duration of that stay and all subsequesnt visits.

I know gun nuts that would brag at the number of guns they own but take offence if you questioned the safety of keeping a loaded gun on the nightstand.

Note: not all gun owners are gun nuts. I wouldn't allow my kids in a gun nut house and sure as he'll will weed out the nuts. I would rather offend 1000 people then have my kid find a single loaded gun.

How about "Hi. Just wanted to touch base and make sure that all firearms are secure at your house."

I was wondering how many posts it would be before someone dove into the ridiculous extremes of trying to equate it to stairs or hot water.... sigh....

I'd also say that's rather short sighted and selfish. If your kid and my kid became friends and wanted to play together, I'd feel really sorry for the kids because one parent can't deal with being asked a question about firearms. In the end, it's the kids who won't get to play together that lose out. If a parent came to me and started asking about our hot water temp, our dog, the stairs etc...at that point I'd start having some concerns about having their kid in my house. But if they're just asking about guns/weapons, I totally get it.

Klayfish wrote: I was wondering how many posts it would be before someone dove into the ridiculous extremes of trying to equate it to stairs or hot water.... sigh....

OK. If you asked me about my guns but didn't bother to ask "is the angle grinder secure" you would be putting your children in danger leaving them here. There are unsecured kitchen knives in a block in my pantry. There is bleach under the sink. My dogs are gentle but who knows? They do like raw meat.

The question is really "Do I trust this person to care for my children" not "What scary things do they have that I am afraid of". The easiest way to avoid this awkwardness is to know the people a little better before you drop off the kiddies.

Klayfish wrote: I was wondering how many posts it would be before someone dove into the ridiculous extremes of trying to equate it to stairs or hot water.... sigh....

Not long.

Asking if guns are kept in the house is a perfectly acceptable question before my child hangs out there. We can't even assume somebody had a proper background check before purchasing, let alone an IQ test.

Some people even purposely put sub-machine guns in the hands of a 9 year old, you never know what "logic" they use to secure a gun.

I wouldn't have a problem if they asked me if any guns were secured. I would answer in the affirmative, abd leave it at that.

I'm suprised it took so long. Thus far you haven't been accused of being what's wrong with society and part of the wussification and lawsuit happy sheeple so your doing OK.

I don't think the OPs question is out of line. If your a responsible gun owner and parent those questions should be expected from other responsible parents. I would have no problem if parents of kids coming to my house asked about my plans/strategy to keep kids away from the unusual risks posed by anything on my property.

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:

Klayfish wrote: I was wondering how many posts it would be before someone dove into the ridiculous extremes of trying to equate it to stairs or hot water.... sigh....

OK. If you asked me about my guns but didn't bother to ask "is the angle grinder secure" you would be putting your children in danger leaving them here. There are unsecured kitchen knives in a block in my pantry. There is bleach under the sink. My dogs are gentle but who knows? They do like raw meat. The question is really "Do I trust this person to care for my children" not "What scary things do they have that I am afraid of". The easiest way to avoid this awkwardness is to know the people a little better before you drop off the kiddies.

Yes, but I don't recall the last time an unsecured angle grinder put a hole through a childs' brain while the kids were playing with it.

That...and I don't think too many kids are likely to play "cops and robbers" with a bottle of bleach they find.

Klayfish wrote:

Giant Purple Snorklewacker wrote:

Klayfish wrote: I was wondering how many posts it would be before someone dove into the ridiculous extremes of trying to equate it to stairs or hot water.... sigh....

OK. If you asked me about my guns but didn't bother to ask "is the angle grinder secure" you would be putting your children in danger leaving them here. There are unsecured kitchen knives in a block in my pantry. There is bleach under the sink. My dogs are gentle but who knows? They do like raw meat. The question is really "Do I trust this person to care for my children" not "What scary things do they have that I am afraid of". The easiest way to avoid this awkwardness is to know the people a little better before you drop off the kiddies.

Yes, but I don't recall the last time an unsecured angle grinder put a hole through a childs' brain while the kids were playing with it.

This is the part that makes my point here... :

The question is really "Do I trust this person to care for my children" not "What scary things do they have that I am afraid of". The easiest way to avoid this awkwardness is to know the people a little better before you drop off the kiddies.

Cone_Junkie wrote:

Klayfish wrote: I was wondering how many posts it would be before someone dove into the ridiculous extremes of trying to equate it to stairs or hot water.... sigh....

Not long. Asking if guns are kept in the house is a perfectly acceptable question before my child hangs out there. We can't even assume somebody had a proper background check before purchasing, let alone an IQ test. Some people even purposely put sub-machine guns in the hands of a 9 year old, you never know what "logic" they use to secure a gun.

This has a lot of truth to it- my kid has some friends where I wouldn't trust the parents to tie their own shoes right, let alone operate a firearm correctly. Just because someone procreated doesn't make them firearm or any other kind of safe.

I completely agree with the "Do I trust this person to care for my children" part. 100% agree. Same with getting to know the people better before dropping off the kids. I'd never drop my kids off in a one-on-one play date with parents I've never met. We're totally on the same page there. But I still wouldn't have any qualms with asking about guns, no matter how much I get to know them. Having a gun wouldn't prevent my kids from playing, I'd just want to feel comfortable that they're out of harms way for the kids...and to your point GPSW, getting to know the parents would help with that a lot.

Cautious, not anti anything type statement. Good one.

And don't try peeking down her shirt.

Dr. Hess wrote: How about "Hi. Just wanted to touch base and make sure that all firearms are secure at your house."

Here's the classic, I grew up with unsecured firearms in various corners of the house and never shot myself or anyone else post.

I can understand concern, I can, I get it, but the out right terror of an inanimate object on the premiss blows my mind.

I grew up with firearms though, I learned to respect them about as soon as I could walk, and never touched a firearm that wasn't mine without permission to do so before I was ~10 years old. By then my father knew I was competent enough to handle most tools, be they a wrench, electric drill, or firearm.

Education is all that's needed, by a competent instructor, you don't have to want firearms, or like firearms, but if folks just had a basic hunter safety course there would be so much less fear mongering, and I'm certain there would be a lot fewer tragedies.

As back woods as my middle school was, or maybe it was because of it, our entire class set through a hunter's safety course in the 4th of 5th grade, takes so little time, and so valuable an education for those that are, for the lack of a better word, ignorant.

Education teaches safe storage.

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