Play date etiquette with another parent

Klayfish wrote: I was wondering how many posts it would be before someone dove into the ridiculous extremes of trying to equate it to stairs or hot water.... sigh.... I'd also say that's rather short sighted and selfish. If your kid and my kid became friends and wanted to play together, I'd feel really sorry for the kids because one parent can't deal with being asked a question about firearms. In the end, it's the kids who won't get to play together that lose out. If a parent came to me and started asking about our hot water temp, our dog, the stairs etc...at that point I'd start having some concerns about having their kid in my house. But if they're just asking about guns/weapons, I totally get it.

It's not ridiculous at all. It's a matter of understanding that if my kids' friends' parents are irresponsible, the kids are going to find a way to hurt or kill themselves because that's pretty much what kids are wired to do. Just because there aren't any guns around doesn't mean that you're home free so asking about guns isn't really going to fulfill your parental responsibilities.

And I agree that the kids will lose out because one parent can't deal with another parent's reluctance to be interrogated. You ask, I'll tell you, but I'm not getting into details. If you don't think your kids will be safe because I'm not willing to draw you a map and show you triplicates of my incident response plan, then your kids are just going to have to miss out on playing with the coolest kids in the subdivision. =)

I think one way to politely bring up the topic of "are you safe with guns" would be to ask "hey, I was wondering if you keep and firearms in the house, as my family does not, so we have not had the firearm discussion with our children, but if you do, I want to talk to my kid about guns before he comes over."

Too which the other parents might say "oh my heavens no we dont keep guns in the house"

or they may say "yes we do, but they are locked up tight in a hidden gun lock downstairs, so no worries"

or they may say "you want me to give them a shooting lesson when they come over?"

when my kids where old enough to go on play dates at a friends house I sat them down and talked to them about guns... in short I told them that if someone in the house was messing with one to just leave that house... they also know there are a few around the house and that they are not toys... at some point I intend on taking them out and letting them see what sort of damage they can do.

growing up we didn't have guns in the house outside of my BB gun, but my dad was in the military and taught me to treat even the air rifle/bb gun as a gun... a gun isn't going to go off sitting on top of the fridge, or in the nightstand or wherever else unless someone pulls the trigger I had plenty of friends who's dads kept their service weapon on top of the fridge yet in all my years living on or around base/post I never once heard about a kid getting hurt or even an accidental discharge... teach respect of the tool goes a long way to safety.

In reply to bigdaddylee82:

A firearm is more than just an inanimate object that the kids may play with. Are you assuming that all parents are intelligent AND trained their children properly?

You have more faith in humanity than I do. Probably a hell of a lot more faith than the parents of the 20 dead children at Sandy Hook or 12 dead kids at Columbine too.

Dr. Hess wrote: How about "Hi. Just wanted to touch base and make sure that all firearms are secure at your house."

This seems to be the best way to ask IMHO.

I'm as liberal as they come but I don't understand the relationship to school shootings.

Personally, like others said before, if I can't have a conversation about guns with someone, I'm going to have a hard time letting them stay at their house.

I think its far more likely that you'r kid is sexually assaulted than they are accidentally killed by a firearm.

Our world needs more communication, not less. The bad stuff tends to flow rather freely, the helpful communication does not.

PHeller wrote: I think one way to politely bring up the topic of "are you safe with guns" would be to ask "hey, I was wondering if you keep and firearms in the house, as my family does not, so we have not had the firearm discussion with our children, but if you do, I want to talk to my kid about guns before he comes over." Too which the other parents might say "oh my heavens no we dont keep guns in the house" or they may say "yes we do, but they are locked up tight in a hidden gun lock downstairs, so no worries" or they may say "you want me to give them a shooting lesson when they come over?"

This is good.

I can get why you'd focus on firearms, they're the most dangerous thing you're likely to find in a home and can do a lot of harm with just a little input, and unlike many of the household tools that aren't too far behind on the danger-meter they're more likely to be lying around somewhere kid-accessible, because some people are crazy like that.

Damn,

I would have never had anyone over to my house as a kid then. Our family had a hunting lodge that closed so my dad had a lot of rifles and shotguns around the house. All of them accessible but the Ammo was not. My family taught me how to handle guns from a very young age and it was never an issue. I do the same thing when my nieces and nephews visit. I've taught them how to handle a gun and to never point one at another person and they are comfortable with them. I keep the ammo in a locked room and it's not a big deal.

I have been asked that question a couple of times and I always reply "of course". Neither time did the person asking ask any other questions or try to clarify.

Both of my kids have made drawings of guns in class-always a fun conversation with the school.

Not an anti-gun person, but I grew up in a house without firearms and (usually) played at houses without them.

It did not stop me from nearly electrocuting myself, almost drowning, multiple bicycle related injuries (we didn't wear helmets) putting rusty nails through my foot so many times I never had to get a scheduled tetinous shot, falling out of trees, burning myself; on hot metal, with soldering irons, wood burning kits (remember those?) and with good old fashioned fireworks and gasoline. Also; setting myself on fire (to be fair I have done this as an adult), putting a screw through my hand (I have also done this as a grown up), countless very serious cuts scrapes (I once broke a glass into my buddies eye, totally by accident playing and we both have scars), making "ninja swords" and "nunchucks" (until we discovered the flea market where we could buy them!), beating the crap out ourselves with them.

And as mentioned, lets not talk about the actual weapons we could buy (Ninja Stars! Yes Please!!) and what happened after (Think of the South Park Episode). Ever keep a deep cut hidden from your folks? It can be done.

Oh yeah, there was also the smoking and smokeless tobacco, yes before I was a teen.

I think what you are really looking for is supervision. I didn't have that growing up either, it was an era of "be home when the street lights come on." The idea that a child cannot seriously hurt or main themselves in an unsecure workshop is ludicrous. It just doesn't make the news because it's not a divisive political issue. You won't hear about it because there is no pro or anti angle grinder lobby. But talk to anyone who has worked at an ER. Thats not a political issue, its reality.

I get it, you are not a gun person. That's cool, no where are you required to be. But some of the points being made here are really about who is watching them while they play. - Ah, intelligent involved parent who knows the names of their children's friends as well as their parents. You are probably good to go with our without firearms. - Early teen older sibling with an addiction to internet movies about kittens/vampire/monster trucks? = "Why don't the kids come to our house. We're having pizza."

I don't have guns now, not for any political reason, just because I don't need another hobby and I don't stay current enough to justify one as home defense. Of course I don't have any kids and but my shop is a danger zone. When my nephews and nieces come over there is a very serious "everything him here can hurt you" discussion before they come into the garage.

Concern for your child's safety? Smart. I am stunned I am still alive, much less not in jail. But limiting that to one particular item because you haven't heard of kids playing with a drywall screw gun? I think you are making it a bit political and it possibly might come off as rude. On enough occasions that it alarms me, I have seen parent let their kid come up to my still ticking air cooled motorcycle and start touching things. "Um, those pipes will burn your kid." (I don't have them so I never know how to speak to someone else's younguns)

Oh, and since you moved here, you are gonna have to pick a favorite SEC football team. I know I know, I don't even care about football and they won't accept my answer of "Nebraska Cornhuskers" and dangit, I was raised here!

In reply to Mental:

Ohio state, drives 'em nuts.

That might be a bigger deal breaker 'round here than the guns question.

"Billy, you can't play with the Comstock children anymore."

"Buh-ut Mooooooooommmmmm!!!! why?"

"Because they are....(whispers)...Buckeyes."

In reply to Mental:

I played with all sorts of dangerous stuff when I was a kid too. Throwing stars? Hell yeah, made my own. Fireworks? Yep, even went to Mexico as a 12 year old and smuggled them across the border. My dad even used to bring home black cats and bottle rockets from the east coast all the time too. I've sliced my finger wide open playing with knives requiring plenty of stitches. Even driven a nail completely through my finger. That was fun to remove! Rode bikes without a helmet, but hey, just a few concussions doesn't hurt. Hell, when I was 4 or 5 years my neighbor (couple years older) emptied a can of mace on to my face. Not off the shelf pepper spray, good old mace circa 1980.

You know what though? None of those mishaps had the potential to spill the entire contents of of my skull on to a wall behind me (with very little effort). Sorry, but some things are just more dangerous than others, no matter how much you try to play them down.

I don't have "real" firearms at my house. Never had the need for them. But I do have BB, pellet, and airsoft guns. I use them as lessons on how to treat firearms. That way IF they do come across a firearm they know how to handle them properly. GTFO is lesson 1, then "it's always loaded", then "never point at anything you don't want to destroy", finger only on the trigger when ready to fire, yadda, yadda, yadda.

every time i see the words "play" and "date" next to each other, i cringe... why can't kids just go to each other's houses and play whenever they want?

i don't think my parents knew anything about my friend's parents or what went on in their house- hell, most of the time they didn't know where i was- and i'm pretty sure my friend's parents didn't really know much of anything that went on in my house..

Mental wrote: Oh, and since you moved here, you are gonna have to pick a favorite SEC football team. I know I know, I don't even care about football and they won't accept my answer of "Nebraska Cornhuskers" and dangit, I was raised here!

Dude, you ain't kidding. I'm a huge NFL fan, but could give two E36 M3s about college football. I'm not a fan at all and pay zero attention to it. People around here look at me like I have three heads. Makes it even harder since my boys both play football for their school here...lots of parents at practice talk on and on about the Bulldogs.

As far as the guns part, I've said my piece. Call it fear mongering, call it whatever. I'm not a gun person, period. It's not a "fear" issue...my 10 year old owns a BB rifle and handgun, and I'm completely cool with it. It's kept in my room where he has zero access to it without me. It uses those airsoft pellets (I think that's what they're called). Whenever he uses it, we go over and over safety. He enjoys it and we have fun with it, though honestly he doesn't ask to use it all that often. But that's a whole different animal than a real gun. I wouldn't ask parents to give me a detailed schematic as to the gun location and the combination for the gun safe. But back to the OP question, I'd have no issues asking. If the other parents do, then perhaps it's they who are insecure or scared.

I am less concerned with the question than with the fact that you are apparently willing to drop off your 5 year old at the house of someone you know nothing about.

Get to know them LONG before you drop off your kid for a play date. Then you will know the answer to your question without even asking.

Go with her/ him.

novaderrik wrote: every time i see the words "play" and "date" next to each other, i cringe... why can't kids just go to each other's houses and play whenever they want? i don't think my parents knew anything about my friend's parents or what went on in their house- hell, most of the time they didn't know where i was- and i'm pretty sure my friend's parents didn't really know much of anything that went on in my house..

And how did you turn out? ;)

My 4 and 7 year old kids run around freely with the neighbor kids, but I know all their parents well enough not to worry about it. Thing is, today even pretty young kids are involved in all kinds of sports and activities outside school. Your average 6 year old didn't used to have friends from the next town over, so you never had to arrange "play dates".

There's a big rural/urban divide here. Anywhere even remotely urban, there are a lot more twitchy shiny happy people with loaded handguns at the bedside than there are people who started handling firearms at age 8 and took their hunter safety classes the moment they were allowed. I'm a pretty laissez faire parent and I've always had guns in the house, but I'd still ask if I any doubts. Someone getting unusually defensive or crazy about the question is failing the litmus test to see if I want my kids hanging out with theirs...

As soon as I saw the title of this thread I figured this would go in a few different directions. As it did.

I too grew up around weapons. They were in my room as a kid. The ammo wasn't though and I was taught to not mess with them. I own weapons, most are in the living room in a locked display case and ammo in a different room hidden. The way I was taught, most of the gun owners mentioned in this thread are what I was taught are not responsible owners and those are how "accidents" happen. But that's my opinion. Besides growing up around weapons I am also retired military. All my friends own weapons. I never worried about my kids at their house as I knew (without asking) that the weapons were out of kids reach just like I kept mine.

All depends on how you ask. Which is also why.

+1 on SVreX's advice. If I don't know someone, then a play date isn't a drop-off event. I think it's really important to get to know the parents and the family before I'd ever dream of dropping a child off at their house and leaving. There are families I'm comfortable doing that with, but we've probably spent a minimum of 100-200 hours with that family before having our child at their home without us. We've gotten to know parents through school events, Cub Scouts, sports, and just having the family over to hang out.

When it comes to my kid's safety, I care little for etiquette. Offended parent is much better then dead kid. Try to be tactful, but ask any questions you like. I have a gun and a pitbull and would not be offended by questions about either. (one is kept restrained so that it cannot do any damage, the other sleeps on the couch and likes his belly rubbed)

+1

HiTempguy wrote: You 'mericans be cray :p

GameboyRMH wrote: I can get why you'd focus on firearms, they're the most dangerous thing you're likely to find in a home and can do a lot of harm with just a little input,

Just because you think something, does not make it remotely close to being correct. The stats are readily available.

HiTempguy wrote:

GameboyRMH wrote: I can get why you'd focus on firearms, they're the most dangerous thing you're likely to find in a home and can do a lot of harm with just a little input,

Just because you think something, does not make it remotely close to being correct. The stats are readily available.

I couldn't find any stats on the most dangerous household objects, feel free to enlighten me.

And keep in mind that rarity does not equal safety...I'm sure more people are killed by ladders than tigers, but if I have to be locked in a room with one, I know which is safer.

Forget guns pitbulls and tigers, do they have a swimming pool? BTW get the responsible gunowner question.