Real talk: Paging Dr Hess? Anti-anxiety meds.

In reply to Dr. Hess:

Thanks Doc. I remember you posting that article a while back, which is why I asked.

Finally had a talk about it with the wife last night. Explained to her that I need some serious "alone" downtime where I can focus on a task (playing guitar a lot is helping,) and not be talking about work, kids, family stuff, etc. I'm actually sitting at the tire place for 2 hours reading a book right now rather than having her pick me up. It sucks, as Daddy is usually "Calm, cool, totally in control" daddy, but 30 minutes alone watching them this morning threw me into another severe panic freakout, which has never really happened before.

The last therapist just didn't work for me, and I know I probably need to find a new one, but that's just another "thing" on this seemingly insurmountable list that stresses me out to think about. Dumb as that may sound.

Thanks for listening, y'all.

I am not a doctor. but my take on lots of this stuff is (and I realize not everyone, not even most maybe, are not like me):

The trick is NOT to care less. The trick is to care MORE about the stuff you actually care about and can actually control. No worse feeling than caring about the outcome of something you cannot control.

Find something really small you care about and can control. (like, I can spend the next 15 minutes organizing my car tools). Feel how good that made you feel. While still feeling good - take on a bigger something that you care about. (like, I can cook an awesome and healthy dinner for myself and my loved ones right now, might even have to go to the store first) Complete and feel good. rinse and repeat until you have convinced yourself that you really are in control of EVERYTHING in your life. Then you realize that the crappy stuff is something good you have chosen to go through because it gives you something you want more. If it gets crappier than you originally bargained for, you can drop it. No biggie.

Point is, I don't know you at all. But I know there are things you care about that are in your control, and I know you are great at doing those things.

What about this? Get a doctor to write a short-term 'perscription' that you cannot work for the next 3 weeks but you still need to get paid. I dunno how possible that is but may be possible. Hell, 3 weeks of pay might be cheaper than 3 weeks of drugs, and if your employer pays your health coverage...

EastCoastMojo wrote: I think the root of the problem is you are giving too many berkeleys. Cut back on how many berkeleys you give until the anxiety is back down to a tolerable level. This link has been posted here before, but I think it's relevant. The subtle art of not giving a berkeley

Dovetails well with my life-long goal "to care less and less about more and more until I don't give a berkeley about anything."

The flip side of this is that you have more time and energy to give a berkeley about what matters.

Take a day off and swing by my house and hang out. I'll introduce you to the Tunakids, you can sit in Tunatruck and make vroom vroom noises, and laugh at my Accord misfortune.

Sorry to hear it, dude.

For something you see as a temporary situation, let me reiterate the "meditation" suggestion. 10 minutes ALONE in a quiet room, or space (could be your car/truck if needed). just try and sit with your eyes closed and focus on breathing in and out, and nothing else.

It's free, so all it'll cost you is 10 minutes to try. Think of it like hitting your "reset" button. You know when you've been working on the computer or messing with your phone for a long time and it just starts to slow down, so you turn it off for a minute, then back on and it's better? For most people it has the same mental/emotional effect.

Of course you can always keep venting to us, too.

Years ago, so long that it seems like a lifetime ago, a doctor prescribed me Paxil.

I don't even recall what the situation was its been so long. I wasn't on it very long but it had a profound effect on my outlook on stressors.

I honestly don't think I would have survived without the help. I was standing on the edge of a very dark place.

Those feelings have never returned and even with all the challenges life has thrown at me since then I have never even been close to going back down that dark road again.

I guess what I'm saying is don't be afraid to talk to a doctor if you feel you need help.

I can say this: learning how to deal with the numerous stresses all at once (circa 2006-early 2011 yes it went on for a while) and how to learn to give berkeleys selectively, based on their true importance and my ability to control the outcome, really prepared me for the cancer diagnosis last year. Family members have asked me how I can remain upbeat, still get out and do stuff etc and it all goes back to that selective thing. Like this: I went in, saw the doc, he did a PET scan, it looked like a damn Christmas tree. This is not a good thing. But it came down to this: all I could do was what the doc recommended (another round of radiation and then more chemo), otherwise I had no control. So yeah. I know I have it. But I am doing all I can and have no real control over the eventual outcome, so that means it's moved way low on the 'berkeleys given' scale. (As a side benefit, I can make dark jokes and laugh about it. Took friends and family a bit aback but they seem used to it now.) Instead I save that for things which affect my daughter, those things I care very much about. House needs a bit of work; it's getting done but it's low on the 'berkeleys' scale. My mom had a nasty stroke recently; I can't do a damn thing but offer support and help if needed, like the cancer thing it's there, I care, but I don't let it eat me alive.

I don't know what all is eating at you or if this will help in the short term. I think I can say that from the long range yes you need to learn and apply this.

In reply to Nick_Comstock:

Pretty much the exact same deal here. I'm 37 years old. It was 15 or so years ago that I got a scrip, and the scrip helped. I really think I might really need it just to get through this really rough patch (and while I'm totally cool with dumping my own business here, I'm not gonna dump others' but yeah, ROUGH E36 M3.) Anyway, point being, it's not like I'm making a conscious decision to become a pill-poppin zombie the rest of my life, but I know for a fact .5 mg of Ativan takes it down a notch and helps me breathe. I still feel the anxiety, but it gets me down to a level where I can FUNCTION.

Still reading everything everyone's saying, and I really appreciate it. Didn't call the doc today. Having most of the day to myself helped immensely. The next few weeks are completely berkeleyed, but trying not to think about that at the moment.

In reply to Smarta$$ McPoopyPants:

I guess what scares me is that to me that kind of thing (popping a pill to deal with anxiety) isn't much different from throwing back a shot or 3. I'd be terrified of it becoming (at least in my mind) a necessity to get through the day. Seen it wreck too many good lives and I'd hate to see yours added to that.

Smarta$$ McPoopyPants wrote: In reply to Dr. Hess: Thanks Doc. I remember you posting that article a while back, which is why I asked. Finally had a talk about it with the wife last night. Explained to her that I need some serious "alone" downtime where I can focus on a task (playing guitar a lot is helping,) and not be talking about work, kids, family stuff, etc. I'm actually sitting at the tire place for 2 hours reading a book right now rather than having her pick me up. It sucks, as Daddy is usually "Calm, cool, totally in control" daddy, but 30 minutes alone watching them this morning threw me into another severe panic freakout, which has never really happened before.

just an outside looking in observation. I have felt very similar and i have far fewer stressors in my life (not married with children), but in need of 'decompression' more than i used to.

Your comments reflect a sign that you might need to open up more to the swmbo about the toll this takes, and more frequently, and her be given an opportunity to be part of the solution, even if it is only acknowledging the truth of your downtime.

as a side note. record yourself playing and post videos for us. i like guitars ~~ ^_^

madmallard wrote:

Smarta$$ McPoopyPants wrote: In reply to Dr. Hess: Thanks Doc. I remember you posting that article a while back, which is why I asked. Finally had a talk about it with the wife last night. Explained to her that I need some serious "alone" downtime where I can focus on a task (playing guitar a lot is helping,) and not be talking about work, kids, family stuff, etc. I'm actually sitting at the tire place for 2 hours reading a book right now rather than having her pick me up. It sucks, as Daddy is usually "Calm, cool, totally in control" daddy, but 30 minutes alone watching them this morning threw me into another severe panic freakout, which has never really happened before.

just an outside looking in observation. I have felt very similar and i have far fewer stressors in my life (not married with children), but in need of 'decompression' more than i used to. Your comments reflect a sign that you might need to open up more to the swmbo about the toll this takes, and more frequently, and her be given an opportunity to be part of the solution, even if it is only acknowledging the truth of your downtime. as a side note. record yourself playing and post videos for us. i like guitars ~~ ^_^

40 lbs and a nervous-shaky-vibrato/flat bent notes ago. Lol. Lyrics are appropriate if you can decipher 'em. This was the first show I'd played in 10+ years. Touring in a couple weeks. Big part of the stress, but it'll be fun once we're all up in it.

http://youtu.be/5hgCnueDRiU

Smarta$$ McPoopyPants wrote: http://youtu.be/5hgCnueDRiU

I dig it. You guys sounded tight then, sounds like you're even tighter now. Any plans to head north? If you make it up to IL you definitely need to hit this place. Let me know if you ever plan a tour this way & I'll talk to the owner. Hell, we'll even open for you guys.

In reply to petegossett:

Thanks dude! This one is all East Coast, but I'll certainly keep that in mind!

Yoga and meditation helped me a bunch. I thought it was all a little bob costas until it helped me and effectively saved my life.

Read some of Dr Stephen Porges's stuff about the vagus nerve, it regulates weather or not your brain thinks it's in a safe situation based on your breathing. Lets say that you're not safe, your body retains air in your lungs in reserve in case you need to fight or flight, this tells your body to shut off all your non essential functions to maximize survival e36m3, but if you're safe, you exhale fully and your body knows to calm and recover, heal, digest etc. But it also tells your brain that you can feel good, upping serotonin and dopamine levels, this is what makes you feel the way you want to feel.

In short….exhale fully more often and you'll feel good/safe more often, dig.

I really hope you look into this, you don't need to feel like e36m3.

Thanks again, so much, to all.

I skipped the drugs. Identified the "culprits" and addressed them. It just all hit hard at once. That said, there are some issues I know I need to address, probably with the help of a pro.

That's great to hear! We really need a :thumbsup: emoticon.

I'm not a religious man so remove the deity part, but this still holds true:

Also add in: 'and give no berkeleys about the ones I have no control over.'

I am glad to hear you worked through it all