Stellar Golf TDI CL ad

http://chicago.craigslist.org/wcl/cto/4360127010.html

Ok, that was funny

Hate to see that one disappear so:

I hate this goddamned car.

I bought it a couple years ago because the diesel Volkswagens get such unbelievable mileage. This thing gets 40mpg on the highway and 33 in the city. You can go weeks without filling it up sometimes.

But it never really idled quite right, the 2nd gear downshift was a pain, and a couple months after I bought it, the turbo went out. So, I decided to take care of a bunch of other stuff while I was replacing the turbo. I put in a new head gasket, new water pump, new piston rings, new connecting rod bearings, and of course the new turbocharger assembly. Put it back together and it ran the same as before, but at least it was running.

Since then, it just kind of does stuff to piss me off. There's a slow leak in the radiator. The fenders are starting to rust at the top of the wheel wells. The throttle body gaskets are starting to leak. And just yesterday, the passenger side rear caliper decided that it was only going to let go 50% after you release the parking brake. Now the corresponding rim is bronzed from overheating. Screw you, you little German whore.

So, that's it. I'm tired of working on this thing and tired of it hating me so much. Time for it to go. But that's good news if you know your way around these cars, because these TDis are pretty sought-after. It's like I'm dating a 19 year old nymphomaniac with daddy issues who's set to inherit a whiskey distillery, and I don't know how to give her an orgasm. Time for you to step in with candy and fluffy handcuffs to steal her away.

So, to reiterate - the bad:
Idles rough
2nd gear downshift synchro is worn
rust in fenders and some smaller bits around the car
Rear DS caliper grabbing, bronzed rim
199K miles

The good is that at 175K miles I replaced:
Turbocharger
Head gasket
Piston rings
Connecting rod bearings
Water pump

And it's the desirable 2-door model with the TDi engine and manual transmission. It really does get great mileage, and it's a lot of fun to drive, but it clearly despises me and doesn't want to be around me anymore. So, come and get it. No offering me $2000 or a trade for a Tickle Me Elmo, take that bush league garbage right out of my dojo. I'm flexible but I'm not Martina Navratilova.

Fathers who are looking for a car for their 16 year-old daughters: This one is not for you. It will not respect and protect her. More likely, it's going to impregnate her and leave her on a dusty country road outside a Hooters somewhere. Go find her a Civic or something.

I'm flexible but I'm not Martina Navratilova

That's CL hall-of-fame material

Great ad, that car would sell in a skinny second here.

That was awesome! "time for you to come in with candy and fluffy handcuffs" this person is a Damn genius.

Just sent this to the owner "First, let me start by saying I don't want your German whore. However, I do want to say are a berkeleying riot. Have you considered comedy? Best ad I have seen on Craigslist in a very long time. Good luck getting rid of your piece of E36 M3."