Summer Classes for Men

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY April 12, 2008

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

Classes begin May 24, 2008

CLASS 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

CLASS 2

The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

CLASS 3

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

CLASS 4

After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

CLASS 5

Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.

CLASS 6

Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places
And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum .

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

CLASS 7

Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

CLASS 8

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

CLASS 9

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturday noon, 2 hours.

CLASS 10

Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .

Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

CLASS 11

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7:00 PM.

CLASS 12

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

CLASS 13

The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.

Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

CLASS 14

The Dishwasher - What it is and specifically why you should never be caught putting engine parts in it.

Video tutorial

Thursday at 5:00 in the East Building room 204

When I leave my current place of employment, I plan on opening a generic email account in the name of the toilet paper fairy. It's just wonderful to see that people can use 3/4 of a roll, with it perched on top of the empty cardboard roll of the last one mounted. I've even considered making drawings using MS Paint to help show how it's done. We don't have a cleaning crew, thankfully the bathroom is not my responsibility, but come on people, it's not that freaking difficult. I don't care if the seat is up or down, I can alter it to my preference quite easily. However, put the new freakin' roll on the dispenser as it was designed to be.

Oh, and I know what the oven is. It's for baking on powdercoat, isn't it?

--SUMMER CLASSES FOR WOMEN--

Class 1

Logic for women- what is this mythical fantasy thing weve all heard so much about?

in class discussion and real world application

1st and 3rd Friday every month

CLASS 2 Changing the Batteries in Anything - They wont just Change themselves

Slideshow presentation and lecture

Once a month or as need is detected by flashing light

Class 3

Leaving on time - how to say yes when he asks if youre ready to leave

as demonstrated by men in drag

scheduled for 8pm every Friday, but probably wont start until 8:11 or 8:16

CLASS 4

Packing light - How to pack only one bag for any one night trip

live tutorial to display how 4 bags are not needed for an overnight trip for your sisters wedding

teleconfrencing every weekend in june to avoid real trips anywhere

Fellas, feel free to add as needed

Class 5

Mascara - Why it's never appropriate to apply it while driving.

Video presentation with speaker. Question & Answer session offered.

Monday - Friday 7:00 am - 9:00am

4cylndrfury wrote: Class 3 Leaving on time - how to say yes when he asks if youre ready to leave as demonstrated by men in drag scheduled for 8pm every Friday, but probably wont start until 8:11 or 8:16

There's a problem here in that a drag queen will take AT LEAST three times as long to get ready as a woman, given equal complexity of their hair & outfit. Don't ask how I know that; it's a long story. And no, it wasn't me.

J

Jay wrote:

4cylndrfury wrote: Class 3 Leaving on time - how to say yes when he asks if youre ready to leave as demonstrated by men in drag scheduled for 8pm every Friday, but probably wont start until 8:11 or 8:16

There's a problem here in that a drag queen will take AT LEAST three times as long to get ready as a woman, given equal complexity of their hair & outfit. Don't ask how I know that; it's a long story. And no, it wasn't me. J

Me thinks he doth protest too much.

Jay wrote:

4cylndrfury wrote: Class 3 Leaving on time - how to say yes when he asks if youre ready to leave as demonstrated by men in drag scheduled for 8pm every Friday, but probably wont start until 8:11 or 8:16

There's a problem here in that a drag queen will take AT LEAST three times as long to get ready as a woman, given equal complexity of their hair & outfit. Don't ask how I know that; it's a long story. And no, it wasn't me. J

these guys did it pretty quick since they had lots of practice:

porksboy wrote:

Jay wrote:

4cylndrfury wrote: Class 3 Leaving on time - how to say yes when he asks if youre ready to leave as demonstrated by men in drag

There's a problem here in that a drag queen will take AT LEAST three times as long to get ready as a woman, given equal complexity of their hair & outfit. Don't ask how I know that; it's a long story. And no, it wasn't me.

Me thinks he doth protest too much.

Maybe it was his date.

EastCoastMojo wrote: Class 5 Mascara - Why it's never appropriate to apply it while driving. Video presentation with speaker. Question & Answer session offered. Monday - Friday 7:00 am - 9:00am

Wait till an airbag goes off and someone gets an eyeliner pencil through the eye and into the brain. They will learn there lesson then!

Joey

Class 6

Map Reading and direction giving- how to find your way when the GPS fails.

town hall style meeting with speaker.

whenever you get there.

(Take the red road out of Chicago until you get to that place where you got an awesome deal on that blue dress...you remember the one, then turn right.)