"Frosty, don't eat your poop"
"Frosty, stop licking your brothers penis"
"Milo, you can stop barking. The ninjas have left. Thank you"
"No Milo, that's not for you. That's dad's beer"
"Ok guys, you need to let dad get up to go to the bathroom. I know, nobody loves you and no one scratches you"
No dog at present, so to cat yesterday... "Do you feel better now that the vet fingered your @ss and expressed your anal gland? You sure stink a lot less..." 
The wife laughed and said that was the best $15 she ever spent by not having to stick her finger up the cats butt....
No dogs, but "Hey, That's my new chair".
(After a buddy that's a cop stopped by the house) "Nothin', you got nothin'? An old lady with a cane shuffles past the house and you go crazy, but the large man with the gun, you run up and lick his hand?!??! You're the world's worst watchdog!"
Also, "punked by the squirrels again, huh?" "You need a haircut, you look like Chewbacca"
2AM in a hotel room: "PUPPY... DON'T... MAKE... ME... KILL... YOU!"
In reply to kazoospec :
That ol' lady was up to no good.
SVreX said:Threads like this should make any logical person question the sanity of the average animal lover!
If you think this makes the sanity of animal lovers look bad, that's nothing compared to how the sanity of parents would look in a "Things we've said to our kids" thread .
Some of these ARE things I've said to my kids.
Steve, stop being an shiny happy person. Said to dog....
Cowboy, get your pinky starfish out of my face! Said to cat.
Steve, put your lipstick away...
All said last night....
“Betty, don’t go under the coffee table, you’re going to get stuck. You’re stuck.”
“Betty, don’t go under the couch, you’re going to get stuck. You’re stuck.”
"Don't eat the wallpaper!" Luckily he grew out of that. Especially since he wouldn't eat ALL of it.
No, you can't drive. Remember last time?
“Stop snuggling me, you’re making it hard to get up for work.”
Morgan, drop it. Leave it. Drop it. Drop it. Leave it!
Did you just pass the skin of a whole tennis ball? Damn
She's also eaten my last two GRMs, but that's my fault.
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