What age do you let your kids drink?

Meh, jello shooters kinda suggests going overboard.

IDK about Canada, but down here those houses rarely lasted when I was in high school, even the ones I thought were safe got raided eventually, MIP tickets for everybody, maybe more for the adults.

Sister-in-law is stealing the parenting authority from the parents of every kid going to the party, just so she can be "cool".

She is committing criminal acts times however many people show up.

She is deciding for every kid there that they are capable of handling it without knowing a damned thing about the kids, nor caring about their well-being.

She is enabling drunken driving for whoever leaves in a car.

And she is directly responsible if one of them kills someone.

Sister-in-law needs help, and needs to grow up.

As far as decisions for your own kid...

I want my kids to grow up to be better than me. I would like to enable them to make better decisions than I did. I tell them the mistakes I made, and why they were mistakes. I expect more from them.

Every kid matures at different rates., and is ready for things at different times. I'm supposed to help them learn how to navigate through stuff.

It's my job to set boundaries, and I am not ashamed to do it. Yes, I understand they will test those boundaries.

Parenting is not a popularity contest.

Maybe the police need a phone call regarding the decision Sister-in-law is making.

Huckleberry wrote:

Robbie wrote:

ProDarwin wrote: I do hear an advertisement on the radio periodically that says something to the effect of: Someone who starts drinking at age 15 has a ~40% chance of becoming and alcoholic. Someone who starts at age 21 has a ~7% chance. Pretty big difference, and pretty berkeleying important. I'd like to know more details regarding this study.

Be careful of causation there... the kid who seeks alcohol at 15 may be internally wired very differently from the kid who patiently waits until 21.

Precisely.

Yeah, that's why I'd like to see more regarding how the study was conducted.

penultimeta wrote: Not a parent here, but I've lived in several countries with much lower drinking ages and definitely imbibed plenty before 21 while living in this one. In other countries (England, the Netherlands, Germany, etc.) alcohol is treated very very differently than here. Most people don't go out with the intention of getting hammered. Rather, alcohol is treated as a social lubricant and if you happen to get a little drunk, it's just a byproduct of the night. It's a subtle difference but an important one. I think that 15 or 16 is plenty old enough to begin building a good relationship with alcohol. A lot of the behaviors we make early in our teenage years stick with us for life. With that being said, it should be made clear to everyone at that age that drinking is mutually exclusive with driving. That "I was drunk" is not an excuse for poor/stupid behavior. And to respect everyone (especially women) while enjoying alcohol. As adults, I think we also need to be good teachers and mentors here while leaving judgement at the door and making sure that the person knows they can always call us if something bad happens while they were drinking. Still, still. It's a dumb idea for an adult to explicitly allow a group of teenagers to get wasted in their house.

You 'muricans have a really weird relationship with alcool. I had my first glass of wine with my parents at 14. By 16, they would let me drink beer if I wanted to (I didn't because I thought it tasted horible back then). I've never went out with my friends to "get hammered" and I honestly don't understand why someone would want that.

Legal drinking age here is 18. The level of alcoolism is about the same here as the rest of NA.

When I was 16, drinking at some parent's house was the norm, not the exception.

I personnally think this prude approach to alcool is part of the problem. I fully intent to introduce my kids to alcool in a safe and responsable manner, just like my parents did. The only way to do that is to drink with them.

In reply to fanfoy:

I don't disagree with you.

I just don't think someone else's parent should make those decisions for you and your kids.

Scientifically, wait as long as possible. It berks with brain development.

Realistically, 16-18, depending on the kid in question.

In this situation, a big fat NO. This is asking for trouble, to the point that I would consider calling the police and forbidding my kid to go--have a beer with him that night and explain that it isn't the fact that the drinking is occurring, but the way it is conducted. And Jell-O shots is asking for trouble for teens.

I dont have kids either, but here are my thoughts...

Party situation? HELL NO! That is allowing and encouraging borderline binge behavior. I would personally draw a hard line at "go to party and get a little drunk", but would allow "at home with parental situation having one or two to unwind and learn about the effects".

I wouldnt encourage party binge behavior ever, I wouldnt allow it. When they legally can make their own decision, thats on them. They need to be informed of and educated on what drinking does to you, but that is far from a proper environment for it.

My dad was an alcoholic. It's what eventually killed him when I was eighteen. He never allowed me to drink around him. I started binge drinking when I was 16, I never went home drunk or even hinted that I was drinking. Alcohol was never discussed. There were no boundaries set for anything by my parent's that I remember. My rule was just don't get caught. I never did.

I will be having a discussion with my son in a couple years. Although, he's already I'd ahead of the game. Every time I crack open a beer i get a lecture from him about it. But things change tremendously between an eight year olds mind and a sixteen year olds mind.

I don't think my son would be going to that party honestly.

In reply to bearmtnmartin:

You are NOT a hypocrite if you tell your kid that you made mistakes and hope he makes better choices than you did.

In reply to SVreX:

Agreed.

That's why I wouldn't let my kids go to a place like that if I didn't trust the adult in charge.

At the end of the day, I don't care if my kid is pissed because he/she missed a sweet party. My first responsibility to my kids is to raise them, not be their friend.

I told my kids they have to be at least 3-yo before they get a taste of anything.

In all seriousness though. Legality wise, you can order drinks for your child as long as you are there with them the whole time. I wouldn't allow other kids to come over and drink. They are not your kids, not your responsibility and makes you a supplying to minors issue in the courts, blah blah blah. Too much bad stuff.

I may let my kid try something, in the hopes they go, "That's yucky Daddy." and it ends at that. I was told by my dad the same thing that his dad told him. "If you want to drink, you can come and have a beer on the back porch. Don't go out and get in trouble." I never did that, at least till after I was legal age, but was always told that. This applied to me and my brother, friends need not apply.

Mine are still 3 and under, so I have a few years before dealing with this. But a straight supply of alcohol will not happen and no parties from me.

As far as going, I would have to tell them that no, they aren't allowed to go to the party.

I am in the "letting 16 year olds try jello shots at a party is wrong on so many levels" camp here. Letting a teenager have a sip of beer at the dinner table to see what it tastes like is one thing. This party is quite another. It sounds like the sister is playing with fire here.

Oh wait. Pyromania was my main vice as a teenager. This party may turn out worse.

MadScientistMatt wrote: It sounds like the sister is playing with fire here.

It sounds like the sis is lookin' to party with some strappin' young dudes. She isn't by any chance a school teacher is she?

Pics of the sis-in-law please so we can see if he should bring condoms too

I was making some pretty poor decisions at 16, without alcohol. If my kid was faced with a similar situation they would be staying home.

Oh, Bearmartin--don't compare your experiences to his as far as being a hypocrite. When you were young, drinking and driving probably wasn't as talked about as it is now. When you were young, the science probably wasn't as known as it is now, if it was known at all. It is a different world.

The thing I really can't get past though is the hard booze. That is asking for trouble at 16. Give them some 3/2 beer and tell them to go crazy; they'll still get plenty drunk. (But don't do that with more than your son and niece/nephew--do not do it with anyone you're not related to. And maybe not even anyone other than your son)

Thinkkker wrote: I was told by my dad the same thing that his dad told him. "If you want to drink, you can come and have a beer on the back porch. Don't go out and get in trouble." I never did that, at least till after I was legal age, but was always told that.

My dad did the same with me. Never pushed it as a teenager myself and didn't really start till I was overseas in the military. Did get frustrated that I could drink legally in other states but not my home state and there I could buy on post and bring home but couldn't buy off post. Till I got overseas and no age limit. Mind you, this was before the 21 age limit nationwide. Some states were 18 or 19 and others were 21. Military was just in uniform was the age limit.
With my daughters, I tried to teach them responsibility and moderation. I knew their friends were doing it and they were going to be around it. Peer pressure and all. I also challenged them not to imbibe at a party once and watch the others play the fool and then decide if you want to be that fool.
As for that party, I personally think the jello shooters is a bit much but alcohol would most likely be there anyway. Just hidden from site. I'd use this to teach him moderation and responsibly early so he'll less likely get in trouble later.

mtn wrote: Scientifically, wait as long as possible. It berks with brain development.

The only problem with this argument is that the more we learn about the brain, the more we learn that it takes a really really long time to develop. Most recent studies have brain development occurring til about 25 or 26 with some even suggesting well into the early 30s. Even in the past couple of years, we've learned that neurogenisis occurs constantly throughout one's life. Meaning that "killing brain cells" isn't real. My point is that 21 is an arbitrary drinking age that's based on outdated science, favoring politics over progress. Much the same as how marijuana is illegal because the paper industry was trying to get ahead of the hemp industry in the early part of the industrial revolution.

Thank you for all the opinions. As varied as I expected them to be.

I have decided to not allow him to go, and really it was the jello shots that tipped the scales.

But my compromise is that I am going to start offering him the occasional beer at home as I do think he is of an age where he will be drinking eventually and I would rather have some control over the circumstance. And I think perhaps if he can have the odd drink at home, the pressure will be much reduced in another environment where peer pressure is more of a factor.

1988RedT2 wrote: 16? NFW! And it's one thing for kids to sneak off in the woods and drink a six-pack. At a party hosted by adults? That's absolutely criminal.

to play the devil's advocate, is it really ever 'just a 6 pack out in the woods'? When we had parties in the woods in high school there were multiple 30 racks and at least a handle or 2 of cheap dirty whiskey going around. and like you would imagine drunken high school shenanigans would ensue, a lot of bad things usually ended up happening on those nights. do you think a drunken pack of high school kids are able of taking care of themselves out in the woods where's nobody to tell you otherwise?

it seemed like the house parties where always 10x more tame then any party in the woods. With the house parties there were always less people, you could control who was invited over to avoid any of the high school drama, and being at someone's parents house we were respectable enough to not tear anything up. But there is a fine line on the parents part of if they are actually trying to party with the kids and encouraging them or if they are giving them a safe place to drink and sleep at.

One thing that I think really helped me out was in once i got my license at 16 my parents told me that at anytime, day or night, that they would always come give me a ride if i was ever to intoxicated to drive myself and there would be no questions asked (as long as it wasnt a regular thing, they werent trying to be my drunk taxi service). It was nice to not be scared of my parents wrath and was kind of there way of saying "we know you will probably drink, but be safe". That was also one reason I liked the house parties more was that i had a place to crash and i wouldnt be in a situation that i would of had to make that call.

In reply to edizzle89:

Good point.

We tell our kids to never get into the car with an impaired driver, regardless of whether it is them or someone else at the wheel. If they ever have any question whatsoever about the capacities of the driver, we will pick them or their friends up any time, anywhere, no questions asked.

edizzle89 wrote:

1988RedT2 wrote: 16? NFW! And it's one thing for kids to sneak off in the woods and drink a six-pack. At a party hosted by adults? That's absolutely criminal.

to play the devil's advocate, is it really ever 'just a 6 pack out in the woods'? When we had parties in the woods in high school there were multiple 30 racks and at least a handle or 2 of cheap dirty whiskey going around. and like you would imagine drunken high school shenanigans would ensue, a lot of bad things usually ended up happening on those nights. do you think a drunken pack of high school kids are able of taking care of themselves out in the woods where's nobody to tell you otherwise? it seemed like the house parties where always 10x more tame then any party in the woods. With the house parties there were always less people, you could control who was invited over to avoid any of the high school drama, and being at someone's parents house we were respectable enough to not tear anything up. But there is a fine line on the parents part of if they are actually trying to party with the kids and encouraging them or if they are giving them a safe place to drink and sleep at. One thing that I think really helped me out was in once i got my license at 16 my parents told me that at anytime, day or night, that they would always come give me a ride if i was ever to intoxicated to drive myself and there would be no questions asked (as long as it wasnt a regular thing, they werent trying to be my drunk taxi service). It was nice to not be scared of my parents wrath and was kind of there way of saying "we know you will probably drink, but be safe". That was also one reason I liked the house parties more was that i had a place to crash and i wouldnt be in a situation that i would of had to make that call.

This basically mirrors my experience from 15-18 years old. Down to my parents telling me they will pick me up at 4am to prevent me from getting behind the wheel or getting in the car with someone who is inebriated.

I didn't start drinking until I was 21. and I turned out fine... ................................................................................ ............ . . . . . . . . poop

I've never had jello shots, but always perceived it as a rookie way to get drunk.

I cannot imagine a parent doing this. She could be a party to a sexual assault.