why the glass seems half full and the worst news can come as a complete shock

Out of respect for Mike I wanted to make this it's own thread. God bless him for protecting us from the worst of realities and allowing us to hold out hope for him and to continue to project the positive outlook and hope onto him. Optimism keeps the drive, effort and will to live and survive alive.

As patients many are generally quick to share positive news. It breeds encouragement which serves as motivation to us. Bad news when shared still generates tempered motivation and encouragement, but internally a patient can feel that it's easy for others to say as it's not their battle, their struggle. The feeling of being a downer to others is deflating and can be debilitating, which in turn can turn deadly.

That's not to say the thoughts and efforts aren't appreciated. They renew and reconfirm the commitment that we have to our friends and those we love to fight like berkeleying hell. Every. Single. Day. I've started going to the gym recently, spending a lot of time doing light weight work in the therapy pool. Painted on the wall above the pool is "there is a time when you are going to want to quit, but will you?" Support keeps that from happening, but people like to cheer for a winning team, it's human nature. So there are often times when the worst of news isn't shared with those who are hoping for the best and pulling for us. It's not that we as a patient are trying to hide anything, it's that we embrace and feed off of the positive vibes and feelings of unbridled optimism for our efforts and success.

I'm hoping the wbjones, old tin and others jump in with their feelings and experiences regarding sharing less than positive news and patient mind set as well. We live with a fear deflating the confidence of those who care for us and support us. We live off of that drive and confidence, so in turn we sometimes protect those whom we love.

Remember and celebrate Mike, his continued positive outlook and spirit. His drive and determination to not be defined by cancer and to live as he chose to and to do his damned best to ensure that he didn't bring any of us down in spirits by projecting his struggle. I can tell you, that's the mark of a strong berkeleying man with unmatched preservance, both physically and mentally. That sort of strength goes beyond inspiration and is a challenge for us all to aspire to, no matter what the challenge is, while we stop bitching about the small stuff along the way. He had a lesson to share with us, that he chose to do so without being preachy, bostorius or projecting his struggle or how we should act within our own lives. The greatest teachers have a way of doing that.

Thank you for sharing and helping me grow to be a better person to all around me by expanding my experiences and understanding my fellow man. Who woulda thunk that could happen on a car board? I love this place and this group of friends.

I don't dwell that he is dead. Instead I marvel that such a man truly lived.

In reply to captdownshift:

well said …

I've seen (as I'm sure you have also) both sides … I've seen (figuratively) how you go about things, how Mike carried on …

and also while waiting for my meds at the VA pharmacy the other day, there was a guy that I could see wasn't doing all that well .. I made some sort of "how ya doing ?" type of comment … his response was exactly the opposite of you and Mike …

to quote as closely as I can … "I'm tired, I've pretty much reached the end of my rope/fight … this E36 M3 has finally kicked my ass .. need to take care of all the little things and get on out of here"

he really did look like he had had as much of the fight as he could stand … I'm hoping I can keep up the forward look and help make it easier for others … regardless of how I'm actually doing

Sometimes the greatest strength is found in the most debilitating weakness. I am finding examples of this here and I am a better man for it. Burdens are lighter when shared,Joys are multiplied.Thank you for sharing both.

It's a bit of a mixed bag for me. I've calculated it out and I've seen somewhere along the lines of 15,000 cancer patients of all kinds. I'm well versed in the statistics and sometimes that's a blessing and a curse. Statistics only work for populations. On the individual level they're far less relevant but it can color things. I don't think I'm anyone to judge how another person faces their mortality. I'd like to hope I could deal with it with the grace and strength some folks here have shown, but none of us really know until it's us.

As far as hope goes, often it's more a sign of desperation that some miracle will happen - I think it's more helpful to just live as confidently and with as much integrity as you can muster. Then again, for every cancer stage and disease type, I've seen people make full recoveries - beyond what even the best clinicians expected. It's rare - but it does happen (I have about a dozen pancreatic cancer patients in our survivorship program - all were diagnosed as stage IV - all are disease free now). Can't explain it. They struggle with it as well with survivor's guilt. It's not that they were more faithful, or ate better or have some secret - they won the cancer lottery.

A lot of what people face is out of their control. For some, even how they respond or react is beyond their reach. My place is supporting them along their journey wherever it takes them.

In reply to oldtin:

Well said.