Anyone Else Putting Off Informing Family They Aren't Coming To Visit This Year?

Nope. It will just be myself and my lady. 

My dad will be recovering from a liver embolization, my mom lives in San Diego (although she may go back to Tulsa with her husband to see her grandkids), Alli's mom lives in Phoenix and her dad/step-mom live in The Villages in Florida. 

Her father bought us tickets months ago to come down for Christmas, but we decided to postpone after Alli got COVID (she's mostly recovered now, but still no taste/smell). I haven't got it, so we are postponing the trip until the spring. 

I still don't know what we are doing. 

slefain said:

Thanks everyone for the input and different viewpoints, that's exactly why I asked the hive mind.

I think I may actually have a solution: a holiday fire pit. I'll have to bring over the fire pit, wood, and chairs but it would get us all outside. We can all still visit with masks and the fire pit will keep things warm. It will only be my Mom and my Aunt (both widowed), so I think I can keep the risk low. So with my wife, our three kids, and me it puts us at seven people total.

Now to sell the idea to my Mom.

"Hey Mom, if we want to get together it will have to be outside. I know it sucks, but I thought we could do a firepit. What do you think"

Then if she says no, just do it normally, say "Ok, so we're planning Easter then? Do you think we should get a butter lamb or butter rabbit?"

I have tried to do the fire pit idea with people, shockingly unpopular. Of course I live in Chicagoland so its cold, but these people are wimps.

We have 7 in the family; mom, dad, me, sister/husband and two nephews.  For Thanksgiving, we all decided to get tested.  If anyone tested positive, we were going to do a Zoom meeting, but we all came through negative so we met as usual.

It wasn't necessarily easy coordinating all those tests, but we got it done.

That of course only works if your family can step out of their YOLO attitude for a little bit.

Pro Tip:  Donate blood.  Not only does it make you feel good and most blood banks are desperate right now, they are currently offering the antigen test.  They're looking for people who have had an immune response to the virus so they can use the plasma to help those infected.  Great way to give a gift to a stranger, and get yourself tested free and without fighting for a CVS testing appointment.

We aren't doing Christmas as a big group and everyone already knows.  In fact we wont even have anyone not in our house here.  

YOLO attitude: conducting yourself like You're the Only Living Organism.

If you need a mental justification to offset the self-induced guilt or to throw back at cranky family members, remember that there are a lot of people that can't celebrate a normal Christmas at home.  Folks in the military on the other side of the world, for example.  People survive not getting together and finding ways to still celebrate.

It's going to be just my wife, daughter and myself here.  I'm out and about making job site visits and both the ladies are in the classroom.  So far, so good but it's getting interesting up here in MA these past couple of weeks.   My parents are fairly close but are both over 80 so we're not willing to take a chance.  Our son is down in Texas at A&M with one more semester to go, he'd chew up most of his break in quarantine on either end if he traveled.   At this point I'll be thrilled if we can get to his graduation in May.  A whole lot of hoping for better outcomes in 2021.

I gave notice @ Thanksgiving that Xmas will be a maybe for us.  My large family gathering is a whopping 4 people, all of which are basically hermits at this point, but there is still always a chance.

Honestly, after day 1.5 of Thanksgiving I was ready to leave anyway.

I told my mom just before thanksgiving I wouldn't be coming down Xmas Eve or Xmas day to the family functions.  Just her on whichever day she preferred.  I tested positive thanks to my boss a few weeks ago & out of the woods by then if not already, she's going to be 74 in a few weeks.

glueguy (Forum Supporter) said:

If you need a mental justification to offset the self-induced guilt or to throw back at cranky family members, remember that there are a lot of people that can't celebrate a normal Christmas at home.  Folks in the military on the other side of the world, for example.  People survive not getting together and finding ways to still celebrate.

One of life's fun ironies, this is the first time in almost 20 years I have thanksgiving and Christmas off. 

My family get togethers are usually under double digits anyway so making the choice not to visit hasn't been too big of an issue.  We were going to visit parents and a grand parent in her 90s for Thanksgiving but it just didn't feel safe.  At first we had a flight booked, then we thought it might be safer to drive.  After another day or two driving didn't seem like the right option either and when we called to cancel it was obvious they were relieved just as much as we were.  Don't be afraid to say no.

Update: pitched my driveway fire pit idea to Mom and Aunt. Aunt is on board. Mom is less than enthusiastic but is also on board. I already laid down it will be outside, no big meal (just snacks for the kids), everyone with masks, and only for a few hours. She'll still get the full normal Christmas experience with my brother (YOLO!), so it isn't like she's being left home alone for the holidays.

Since we live in Michigan and both our families are in the greater Toronto area we won't be going to the annual inlaw gathering, which I do enjoy. Didn't have to tell anyone anything as the Canadian government has kept the border closed to almost everyone. Maybe next year and I'll suggest two gift exchanges............or maybe Christmas in July.

It's kinda nice, I don't have to deal with the inlaws this year. They usually come here because the wife REFUSES to waste her time or money to go visit them. My family consists of my parents that I see every few weeks. 

I'll have to wait to see what VT's restrictions are and discuss it with my daughter who lives there.

slefain said:

Update: pitched my driveway fire pit idea to Mom and Aunt. Aunt is on board. Mom is less than enthusiastic but is also on board. I already laid down it will be outside, no big meal (just snacks for the kids), everyone with masks, and only for a few hours. She'll still get the full normal Christmas experience with my brother (YOLO!), so it isn't like she's being left home alone for the holidays.

Well, the best laid plans of mice and men. The visit it off. Mom and Aunt went to a birthday party today and were social butterflies yesterday. Everyone they had contact with is in the "YOLO" group mentioned before, with bonus unknown extended family members from who knows where at the birthday party. I broke it to Mom that I just can't risk it at this point and we'll see her when things calm down. She was surprisingly understanding. The plan was solid, I just didn't specify that everyone needed to quarantine in the days leading up.

Still not sure what we're doing.  It kind of depends on a couple things: First, our best guess on whether we're potentially exposing vulnerable family members.  Most of our family is either retired or working from home.  KazooJr and I are both going in, and both interact with the public in varying degrees.  Two of our extended family are considered "high risk".  Depending on local numbers, that may be enough for us to pull the plug.  The second issue is whether it is technically a violation of state law to have multiple households together.  While, generally speaking, most people locally seem to be largely ignoring state rules, I'm in law enforcement, so I gotta follow the rules even if pretty much everyone else is ignoring them.  

We are doing the fire pit Christmas; everyone but my MIL started quarantining Friday for it. She refused to quarantine, said she owed it to the card-playing widows she hangs out with (all of whom have been regularly partaking of indoor dining at Florida's wide-open restaurants) to be a fourth for their card games these two weeks, kept asking if she could test herself in. That's not practical for many reasons here, so it's just us, the kids and their SOs around the chimnea. Pray for cold, because otherwise it's just 6 people on a soggy patio on a humid Fla. December day. Ho, ho, ho.

Wally (Forum Supporter) said:

One of life's fun ironies, this is the first time in almost 20 years I have thanksgiving and Christmas off. 

Man, you can't buy a break.

Keep your chin up.

Huge Christmas Eve family gatherings of the past stopped after my grandmother passed away years ago.   This year we're not going anywhere and all the family feels the same and is OK with it.

As someone who wants to avoid seeing people who I otherwise would never interact with on any level, I will be milking this excuse for all that it is worth. Perhaps years.

In reply to Paul_VR6 (Forum Supporter) :

You need one of these shirts.

Toyman01 (Moderately Supportive Dude) said:

In reply to Paul_VR6 (Forum Supporter) :

You need one of these shirts.

Change "some" to "most" ... 

My mother got a cold dose of reality when one of her church friends tested positive last week. Someone who was in her car (I have no idea why...) the weekend after Thanksgiving.  She is in isolation now and isn't showing symptoms so she is hoping to have me over for Christmas dinner per usual (usual = just the two of us).  

Fun times...