Best way to temporarily immobilize without causing any permanent damage.

To a human with somewhat normal household goods.  

This is where I'm at after a restraining order had ended.   My wife had a stalker issue, he kept harassing her police got involved, he went away for a while.  This has been going on for year and last night was the first time I lost sleep over it.

Now he is back, harassment is totally legal but I'm not sure what this guy is capable of.  His house did catch on fire with his family in it and he was a suspect, no injuries to the family.   

Mods please remove if deemed inappropriate.

Police told my wife to get a shotgun, if he shows up, ask him to leave, rack the gun, if that doesn't do it shoot through the door.  This seems extreme.

I'm not ready for a big dog yet.

I'm thinking more in the lines of industrial pepper spray to blind him while I take out his knees and call the police.  The last thing I need is for myself to get into an attempted murder or intent to do bodily harm to him, but if he shows up there are no guarantees. 

I work two miles from home, if SWMBO calls the police how can she get ahold of me at the same time.

Lets just hope this never happens. 

Don't talk to people on the internets. Talk to your local police. They can advise you on what is actually going to get you into legal trouble or not.

Document the situation. Ask the police for their guidance on appropriate ways to respond to this threat, preferably in writing. Document the advice they give.

Be sure you are comfortable with any steps suggested. If you don't feel comfortable with the idea of pointing a lethal weapon at another human being, don't get one.

I'd definitely start with BRIGHT motion sensor lights, and smart home cameras that record so that you can keep a record of interactions. I would also talk to your neighbors about the situation to enlist their assistance in dealing with this situation. Motion sensors are better than lights that are on all the time.

Program a speed dial in her phone to call the house to the left, right, and across the street when this guy shows up.

Prioritize order of calls on who can respond fastest.

Get the shotgun and teach the wife to use it. Learn to use it yourself.

You would rather be tried by 12 than have your wife carried by 6. 

Do not shoot to immobilize. That just means they will be in court. Dead people can't testify. 

Pepper spray can be an alternative, but it doesn't work on some people so keep the shotgun handy. Don't get bear spray, get the good gel stuff that sticks to the person. You want them in pain for hours.

Oh, and screw this guy. Do the permanent damage. He deserves it. He needs to wake up at night terrified or never wake up again. Otherwise, he will just find another victim. 

See suggestions above.

Neighborhood watch? Find out who has cameras on the street or next door.

Lights and cameras first.

Training for the situation or advise from the police on how to proceed.

Bear spray/gel if you are confident enough to let him get close enough to use it. Quite effective but limited range.

Taurus Public Defender if things need to be taken care of at a bit of a distance. Easier the maneuver than a tactical shotgun, shoots .410 and 45LC and if 5 shots don't take care of the situation it's still the ultimate deterrent.

Sorry for your situation and good luck.

Do you know anyone "with Connections"?  Can't stalk with broken knees.

Most old cell phones can still call 911 even if no longer active (some 3G or older phones may be getting phased off of this). Keep an old phone charged so she can use that to dial 911 while using her regular phone to call you. Or she could use her phone to call 911 and txt you a predetermined code like "911" or something. 

The cops advice to shoot through the door seems possibly illegal, unless they mean a bedroom door once he's already in the house. I would consult with a local lawyer as to what laws govern use of force, both lethal and non-lethal.

Also, if someone was stalking my wife, the least of my concerns would be about trying to minimize damage to him. I would be primarily interested in doing the maximum amount of damage legally allowed, up to and including lethal force.

If you dont have kids in the house...

Stage pepper spray to not immediately visible, but readily accessible places at critical points in the house. The places you are likely to be when trouble rears its head. 

Consider a tazer. I have been interested in stun batons as an alternative to the traditional baseball bat. 

Also consider self defense classes for yourself and the missus. Do them together. It will help you feel prepared for a possible situation.

GET CAMERAS ON THE HOUSE. the prices have come way down. You can gain confidence before stepping out the door by pulling a camera up on your phone. I am overdue to do it to my house because of a single tweeker kid in the neighborhood.  This will also allow you do document and press charges for tresspassing, etc. 

I have a shotgun, but largely agree that firearms are perhaps not the best solution. I would only consider it as a bedroom accessible last line, they are in your home with ill intent and you have already retreated to your last holding point, solution. 

If you work two miles from home, you'll be at home faster than the police will be.

Shotgun, aim chest high. If using real rounds concerns you, have someone load a few up with rock salt. Still aim for center mass, even through a door.

In my personal experience, the police and courts are useless until it goes too far in either direction. It sounds like they're already aware of this. 

Look into your states Castle Law doctrine. Have a lawyer explain it to you. Some states don't have one at all, some stop at your front door, here in Pennsylvania, precedent has been set that you ARE your castle, and have the right to protect yourself with deadly force if necessary even in the middle of the city if you're not breaking any laws in the process.

Having a restraining order, even expired, shows there is an active threat against you. 

DON'T try for something lighter. Baseball bats to the knees are considered assault with a deadly weapon pretty much regardless of intent. Hell, with courts these days, wounding the stalker could wind you up in more trouble, legally and financially, than just killing him. Don't believe believe, do a quick search for burglars winning lawsuits against people they tried to rob that injured them. 

Is this something for her to carry in case there's an encounter outside of the home?

-Bear spray/pepper spray

Something for home defense if the stalker gets inside?

-Shotgun

Something to dissuade the stalker from coming around or make your home less inviting?

-Bright motion lights, cameras, and strong door jambs/locks.

All of the above.  Make friends w/the local law enforcement....whether they can do anything about it or not, call them every time you see him.  Every phone call becomes a court record and may be used to get a new restraining order.  Keep calling until they say "stop calling us about this guy."  If they keep getting called about him hopefully they'll get to know him, recognize him and hopefully watch him more carefully in all situations.  Does the guy have a criminal record?  Search online in any jurisdiction he may have lived.  It may be a pain to search multiple county/city databases...but it'll arm you with more information.

While what he may be doing is "legal," your local police can be pretty sympathetic to women getting harassed.  If there's even a grey area where they could put the guy in handcuffs and make his life uncomfortable...they'll be more likely to do it.  Ask them for help, advice, create a personal connection ("what would you do if this was happening to your sister.").  

I think most trespassing laws require a clearly visible sign that states "no trespassing."  Make sure you check the local laws/ordinances on that and follow them.  Pepper spray in just about everywhere accessible where a toddler won't accidently pick it up.

SWMBO had some homeless guy start stalking her when we were dating.  We lived in a small city/town downtown area.  The police got involved & she applied for a restraining order.  This was +10 years ago, but  I seem recall they wouldn't grant one without some specific threats (just following her around wasn't enough).  A local sheriff who was a family friend searched the guy's bag while he was loitering/trespassing and his backpack was filled with KY lube, condoms & duct tape. That was enough to get the restraining order granted.  The guy had a long history of stalking, mental illness, some history of assault.  The guy left town a few days later, I think he got tired of being recognized by the local police & hassled.   I still find cannisters of pepper spray in random boxes that somehow made the move to Florida.

*EDIT...I realized I didn't provide any insight into "how to immobilize." Guns are much more effective if the person is comfortable w/a firearm and trained how to use it.  It's never too late to learn a new skill and hobby.  Without training, you have a better chance of hurting yourself or someone else around you.

I've lost track of the news stories I've read that involve LEOs ignoring clear dangers to women.  Ditto for the stories of cops not showing up in time.

Per the Supreme Court of the US the 911 dispatcher does not have to answer your call or send cops to you.  This is not something debatable. This is a fact.

Cops do not owe anyone any form of protection from an assailant. They can literally watch someone get stabbed multiple times and not do anything to prevent it.

Protect yourself and your wife, the cops won't. 

Toyman! said:

Get the shotgun and teach the wife to use it. Learn to use it yourself.

You would rather be tried by 12 than have your wife carried by 6. 

Do not shoot to immobilize. That just means they will be in court. Dead people can't testify. 

Pepper spray can be an alternative, but it doesn't work on some people so keep the shotgun handy. Don't get bear spray, get the good gel stuff that sticks to the person. You want them in pain for hours.

Oh, and screw this guy. Do the permanent damage. He deserves it. He needs to wake up at night terrified or never wake up again. Otherwise, he will just find another victim. 

Quoted for truth.. This guy means to do you and yours harm, at the very least i'd be prepared to misbehave.

In reply to Toyman! :

100% Agree. 

If not comfortable with a shotgun, get training on handguns. Handguns are also much more portable, if this problem were to follow outside of the house.

I'm going to disagree with all those saying "if you're not comfortable with a shotgun, get a handgun".

One of the key rules of firearms is, "Never point a gun at anything you are not prepared to DESTROY". If you are not prepared to look someone in the face and DESTROY another human life - even in self defense - don't get a firearm.

Don't be ashamed if you're not sure you could kill someone. It's easy to be a tough guy and say, "shoot them in the chest," from behind a keyboard. It's another thing to *actually* do it. Most humans can't. That's NOTHING to be ashamed of.

If you and your wife think you would be able to do that in the moment, but aren't 100% certain, better to have a shotgun than a pistol. A pistol will be MUCH easier for an attacker to take away and use to murder you. You do not want to make a stalker angry and then give them something they can use to murder you with.

If you're weighing how comfortable you both are with firearms, go to a range and try several different options out. Hold a lethal weapon in your hands, look at a paper target, imagine that is the stalker coming to do you harm, pull the trigger, and tell yourself, "I have just killed someone who meant to do me or my family harm." If you are not comfortable with that in a hypothetical range, do NOT get a gun and think you will be able to use it in self defense.

To answer your first question, zip ties work. You also need hours and hours of training, so start now.  Also be careful taking advice from police, much of it is not good. You want advice from lawyers, and concealed carry instructors.  You can also get insurance, so that in the event you need legal help the costs are covered. 

The big difference between a shotgun and a handgun is the intimidation factor. There's the noise and there's the size. Makes it less likely you'll actually need to use it.

Cameras are only useful for capturing a record of what happened. Motion lights, however, are a great suggestion, and far more effective than always-on lights. Not only is there the intimidation factor of being pinned in a spotlight, there's also the fact that you've just announced to everyone in the area that something is happening. Not so useful during normal hours but if a spotlight snaps on at 3 AM on the house, your neighbors might notice. They're also really convenient for non-stalkery situations overall.

A bit of background so you have faith in what I'm saying.  I'm a combat veteran, medic, unit armorer, and longtime enthusiast of having the correct tool for a job.  During my time in the ER I saw several chest x-rays of people who had met the business end of birdshot.  The shot is very spread out over their torsos and generally less than an inch under the surface.  Medical staff don't bother digging most of the pellets out and they show up as white spots on x-ray years later.  Interviewing multiple old birdshot recipients was very enlightening, they were totally stopped in their tracks and had reformed their ways going forward.  Two even said it was the best thing that ever happened because it gave them a second chance to be better humans.

I have given it some serious thought and while I REALLY don't want to take someone's life, I recognize that in my house my life is worth more than anyone who is trying to enter it and do me harm.  I'd never shoot through a door, your target needs to be clearly visible and headed toward you in a threatening manner (no shooting someone in the back or running away).

Pistols are generally a bad idea for home defense, they are hard to aim, usually overpenetrate walls, and are easy to fumble in the dark.  A small shotgun is easy to point and difficult to accidentally shoot yourself with.  Lightweight birdshot had a lot of muzzle energy (a loose way to measure how much "stop" a firearm imparts) but very low penetration so it stops at the drywall.

From all of this, here is my takeaway:  my home defense go-to is a 20 ga pump shotgun.  The first two shells are birdshot, the middle two are heavier shot, the last is a slug.  It has a high power flashlight mounted to clearly illuminate the target.  The combination of bright light and a slide racking is a powerful psychological blow to an unwanted intruder, the birdshot is generally "less than lethal" but will take all the wind out of someones sails at 20-40' (someone further than that is outside the threat zone).  If all of this has failed and you missed two shots and the intruder has closed even further, the heavier shot will end things even faster and more decisively.

It's a E36 M3 situation to be in, but even my anti-gun mother came around to my point of view when she had a stalker a number of years ago.  It only took one time of them hearing her rack the slide and they disappeared permanently (local law enforcement had been notified, showed up 20 minutes later and told her she had done everything perfectly)

Good luck.

In reply to KyAllroad :

Yup. As much as I'm telling you to be sure a firearm is right for you. If you get a firearm, a relatively compact 20ga loaded up how KyAllroad described would be the best choice.

I'll also second the value of a BRIGHT flashlight. It may seem simple or odd, but a BRIGHT flashlight is actually an incredibly effective tool at haulting an attacker. Shine a bright light in their eyes to blind and slow them. Forces them to pause and gives them time to think.

Blind them with a flashlight. When the pause to shield their eyes, rack the shotgun and let that sink in.

In reply to KyAllroad :

This aligns with the best credible advice I've been given.  I've been skeet-shooting with a group of people who have never fired a gun before and most people are regularly hitting moving targets after the first station.  Pretty sure I've seen the same advice posted here before as well.

30 minutes at a shooting range with a handgun will make you laugh every time you Jack Bauer selectively shoot bad guys in the knees/head without missing.  Try hitting a paper target at 30 feet lol.  Training changes everything, it's much harder than it looks.

KyAllroad said:

From all of this, here is my takeaway:  my home defense go-to is a 20 ga pump shotgun.  The first two shells are birdshot, the middle two are heavier shot, the last is a slug.  It has a high power flashlight mounted to clearly illuminate the target.  The combination of bright light and a slide racking is a powerful psychological blow to an unwanted intruder, the birdshot is generally "less than lethal" but will take all the wind out of someones sails at 20-40' (someone further than that is outside the threat zone).  If all of this has failed and you missed two shots and the intruder has closed even further, the heavier shot will end things even faster and more decisively.

I am not a gun person but this sounds like something I could live with.

I hope everything works out for the good!

Thanks for all the comments.

This started as coffee with a friend from School, she knows this guy.  He has a wife, maybe still, and kids.  I like the shotgun with ramp up ammo idea. 

We are looking into self defense.  I'll get a camera door bell at least, with some form of memory. 

He is not following her or showing his face just cyber stuff, but bad enough to warrant a restraining order.

I can't even find a picture of him to know who to stop.  

How about help with that.  Mike Double U, second vowel of the alphabet, R followed by T.  Located in the 616 of Michigan.  

Racebrick said:

To answer your first question, zip ties work. You also need hours and hours of training, so start now.  Also be careful taking advice from police, much of it is not good. You want advice from lawyers, and concealed carry instructors.  You can also get insurance, so that in the event you need legal help the costs are covered. 

The important thing with police isn't just getting and following their advice, it's DOCUMENTING that you were given that advice by a police officer. If you then find yourself in court, you can point to the documentation and say, "[Officer So-and-So] advised us that we should..." as a defense.

Racebrick said:

To answer your first question, zip ties work. You also need hours and hours of training, so start now.  Also be careful taking advice from police, much of it is not good. You want advice from lawyers, and concealed carry instructors.  You can also get insurance, so that in the event you need legal help the costs are covered. 

Many CCW instructors are hacks.  The equivalent of a for profit college.   If you find a good one, they will have good advice.  Listening to a bad one can end you up in jail.

In reply to KyAllroad :

That is some very good info and insight. Thank you. 

DO NOT take legal advice from police.

DO take legal advice from an attorney with experience in cases of your specific kind.

shooting through a closed door is retarded.  you could ruin a perfectly good tray of brownies.

googling my interpretation of the spelling plus the number 616 produces possible matches in rockford and grand rapids, including twitter ID.  perhaps some additional searches including names of popular social media platforms would turn up some pictures?