Did I faux pas?

In reply to dculberson:

I don't think it matters if the party organizer states adults only or not. It's simply a matter of common sense for the new parents to recognize their new responsibilities and adjust their lifestyle accordingly. A party that's scheduled to start at 9:00 pm is too late to include a 3-month old infant.

Adult party? Is it also a boy / girl party?

To the OP - it was a DICK move. The dad has probably not been out in 3+ months and most likely has a designated driver if the mom is breast feeding.

I am sure the party will be more fun without some self absorbed dork pouting that there is a baby in the room.

In reply to Gary:

I apologize for my tone; I have had a couple drinks and am the parent of a 2 year old so ... you do the math. ;)

But I do think it's up to the host to say if it's an adult party. If I threw a party - again keeping in mind I have a kid and one on the way - and my friend with a 3 month old said he was going to stop by I would be beyond thrilled. I don't care if it was supposed to be an adult party. When your friends have kids it's tough to see them. So if they chose to make time to see me - awesome. And I would be pissed if another friend decided to play cop as to how old people have to be to come to my party.

And really, he's not dragging a toddler or young child to this party. She/he isn't going to be bratty and temperamental. It's a 3 month old. Sleep and breast feeding and cooing (and yes, crying) is all they know.

No idea, I'm just going on the info posted. I'm just not getting why he's an ass for not wanting to go. Why is it wrong to say, I don't like kids and will skip this one?

With regard to Rusnak's response ... this discussion is going down in flames pretty quickly.

You never know what we'll decide to go bare knuckle over.

In reply to dculberson:

dculberson wrote: You never know what we'll decide to go bare knuckle over.

Just about any subject lately

And just cause I want to inject a little sick humor into this thread:

Actually, late night forum discussions involving alcohol seem to get rather feisty ... and fun.

Evan, did you anticipate this?

In reply to Gary:

Evan is at the party.

In reply to MDJeepGuy:

As someone who doesnt even drink when my kids are in the house i wouldnt personally do it, but ive been to friends houses while drinking and they dont have the same issue i do with it. Mostly because myself and my friends are rowdy drunks and i dont think its responsible to get drunk and loud around my own kids. If the people throwing the party are ok with it id still go, i just wouldnt take my own kids!

MDJeepGuy wrote: If you don't like dogs, but I insist on bringing my dog and telling you to "deal with it" who is the Dick?

Dogs and children are not the same thing, obviously.

We brought our kids with us everywhere we went. Life doesn't stop when you have kids, but I agree there are places you don't take newborns. We wouldn't have gone to an "adult drinking party" with them, but they did go to other events.

@ The op. It really is your choice what you do. If you are going to not have a good time with a kid around don't go. I don't understand how a kid can cause you that much of an problem and I suspect there is more to it than you have told us but hay you are entitled to your own choice. Just expect some people to not understand and possibly be offended.

I think you would be better off instead of saying you are not going because of the baby it would have been better to just have said that somthing else came up and you can not attend.

Believe it or not I have a couple friends that feel as you do. They only attend the adults only gatherings. As time has moved on we see them less and less socially. Due to more and more of the group having kids. It I funny as I am now of the age where the kids that were not allowed at the parties back twenty five years ago now have kids. Our gatherings have evolved in to having three or even four generations of family's in attendance. It is fun. Different from the "old" days for sure but still fun.

dean1484 wrote: @ The op. It really is your choice what you do. If you are going to not have a good time with a kid around don't go. I don't understand how a kid can cause you that much of an problem and I suspect there is more to it than you have told us but hay you are entitled to your own choice.

No, there's not more to it. I hate children, and even more so, infants. I do not want to be in the presence of infants. If I go to a decent restaurant and there are infants, I will leave and find another restaurant. If the party was advertised/invited as a kid-friendly gathering, I would have said "no" from the get-go.

My fault. I made the assumption, given the party hours, that no infants would be there. The host chose to allow infants at his party, and so I chose not to go.

It's that simple.

dculberson wrote: you were a kid once

You are correct. I was, indeed, a kid once, and even then, I didn't like hanging around kids. I still don't.

Rusnak_322 wrote: I am sure the party will be more fun without some self absorbed dork pouting that there is a baby in the room.

You're right. I won't be there to pout, so the attendees will have more fun. Not that I would pout if I was there and he showed up with his infant, I'd just leave.

In reply to EvanR:

Faux pas is a much better word than what some other people have chosen in this thread.

Personally, I think kids are a lot more fun than drunk adults, but I support your right to choose.

I think the only thing your friend was trying to say was that he's sad, and he will miss you. He likes you, and he'd like you to be at his party.

In reply to EvanR:

Have you had a vasectomy? If not, you may want to consider it.

If you don't go, the the baby wins

Rufledt wrote: no idea about the OPs question, but who takes a baby to a 9pm-1am party?

My parents.

I agree with the theory the parents will likely show up at 9, hang out for an hour or so, then leave. These are probably friends they haven't seen in awhile and may not see again in awhile.

So to answer the OP, yes. You've committed a "faux pas". If these are friends you do care about, I'd contact the parties involved, apologize, go to the party and let it go.

Rusnak_322 wrote: If you don't go, the the baby wins

Crap, I can only vote this up once.

I may have come off the wrong way. Not attending because there are kids there is probably fine, but saying it's the reason instead of politely bowing out because 'something came up' is a faux pas. You put him in a position that he has can't have both of his friends there, and that sucks. Maybe you think it's the other guys fault for bringing the kid, and maybe it is, but between the two of you the host is in a E36 M3ty spot, and that sucks.

Whether it's ok for the baby to be there or not, you basically said to your friend that you weren't willing to tolerate a minor inconvenience to see him. That's why I'd be upset.