Did I faux pas?

EvanR wrote: WTF did I do wrong??

Act like a child.

Said 3 month old is probably going to be there for 45 minutes while mom and dad show off their new arrival to their friends, sleeping in it's carrier, bugging nobody, and you are indeed the shiny happy person in the situation

+1 on the decision to not go was fine, the faux pas was in your bluntness about your reasoning.

The faux pas was telling him why you weren't going to be there. If you had just said that something came up, he wouldn't have noticed.

Right or wrong, you're in a minority in not liking babies. So that means that people won't understand it.

Fwiw, it does come off to me that you would rather never see someone again if it means that a baby/kid is present. That to me says the friendship isn't important to you. Which is fine, just be aware of the vibe you give off.

I'm also coming at this from the point of view of wanting kids, so keep that in mind as you read my opinion here.

I am not a fan of babies either, but 3 months is nothing, unless the parents intend to peer pressure everyone into holding the baby.

Now if the kid were old enough to understand and comprehend what the adults are on about, then I would be more apt to back you up on this.

If the guy with the kid said he was not going unless the kid came, is that a dick move, or is it just because Evan said he does not like kids?

I'm not coming because I don't like dogs = ok

I'm not coming because I'm allergic to cats = ok

I'm not coming because my ex will be there = ok

I'm not coming because I can't find a sitter = ok

I'm not coming because I don't like babies = shiny happy person

Seems reasonable.

In reply to MDJeepGuy:

It's never necessary to explain "why". There are very graceful ways to avoid going, and most do not include saying why.

Many young parents do not have the choice to leave the kid home. Nothing personal- just want to visit their friends, and can't afford a baby sitter. That's why they only stay 45 mins.

In reply to MDJeepGuy:

Kids and pets are now equivalent? As much as people might call their pets their babies they are not humans and are not the same in any way shape or form.

And yes there are reasons to not attend that make you a jerk. What if someone refused to attend because the party was going to have a black person at it? that would absolutely make them an shiny happy person. So don't act like all reasons are the same and acceptable.

You insisting that someone interact with your child is as rude as me insisting you interact with my dog. While kids and pets are not the same, its the same premise. Not respecting his dislike of babies is not ok, just because it's a baby.

Use your black guy scenario, except you are the one that does not like black people. Will saying, it's only one black guy, and he will only be there for 45 minutes, make you decide to show?

He doesn't like kids, he doesn't have to like kids. It doesn't make him an shiny happy person.

You insisting the parents have more right to show because, hey, everyone likes babies, makes you one though.

To bow out I woulda just said I have a cold and don't wanna spread germs around the baby.

Parents of newborns are generally exhausted. They probably would love to see some friends for an hour at most, before taking their football and heading home.

Definitely a social faux pas, but no big deal. You did nothing wrong.. but don't expect an invitation to the next party, as a direct consequence of your line in the sand.

I Really didn't like kids either, until I managed to sneak one past the goalie and had one of my own (a few years sooner than we had intended). I learned to like them, while realizing that nobody will make you hold/entertain/watch their kid if you clearly have no interest.

In reply to MDJeepGuy:

Who said he has to interact with the kid? Is the party in a one room apartment?

I'll be going to a couple of parties this year where an ex-girlfriend will likely be there. She hates my guts more than words can say.

But the party is hosted by her brother, so we will tolerate each other's presence.

spitfirebill wrote: In reply to EvanR: Have you had a vasectomy? If not, you may want to consider it.

Yup, the week after my 18th birthday, because no doctor would do it any sooner.

MDJeepGuy wrote: If the guy with the kid said he was not going unless the kid came, is that a dick move, or is it just because Evan said he does not like kids? I'm not coming because I don't like dogs = ok I'm not coming because I'm allergic to cats = ok I'm not coming because my ex will be there = ok I'm not coming because I can't find a sitter = ok I'm not coming because I don't like babies = shiny happy person Seems reasonable.

I was thinking the exact same thing. E36 M3, he could say he didn't want to go because he didn't like beer, or Dave a the office or whatever.

People get too hung up on social responsibility and don't take time to take care of themselves. Selfish or not, I would rather have someone say " you know what, I just don't like kids (dogs, cats, mimosas) ima sit this one out. " if Evan is miserable, he was going to make others miserable.

This whole topic is weird to me. Not because of the kid thing, I can understand that. No, it's the whole friend inviting you to a party thing. I've never had that so I can't really comprehend what's going on here.

In reply to Nick (Bo) Comstock:

Having one Sunday, apparently. Vaguely kid friendly. Will have food and booze. Doubt other kids will be there, but I have another tv and an xbox in a quiet room.

In reply to Nick (Bo) Comstock:

Not sure what you mean. Do you not ever go to parties?

When I read the title I was hoping for something entertaining, like "So, I was on the elevator at work with my boss and some senior management and accidentally ripped a huge loud fart. Was that a mistake?"

Ian F wrote: In reply to Nick (Bo) Comstock: Not sure what you mean. Do you not ever go to parties?

I was trying to be funny about how sad my life is, but no, I do not go to parties.

MDJeepGuy wrote: He doesn't like kids, he doesn't have to like kids. It doesn't make him an shiny happy person. You insisting the parents have more right to show because, hey, everyone likes babies, makes you one though.

I agree, he doesn't have to like infants, and infants don't have to like him.

But since he has the right to say he's going to skip the party because there will be an infant, then his friend has the right to be pissed about that reason.

Personally, I thinks it's childish to take such a hard line about being within 100yds of an infant, and allowing that to prevent him from having a good time is the grown up equivalent of a temper tantrum.

As you get older most people learn to be more tolerant of dealing with less than ideal situations, and that is part of being an adult. People that don't show tolerance towards others cannot expect to receive tolerance for their opinions and beliefs.

But that's my opinion and only matters to me.

Tangentially related, I saw this thread this morning and went out to a few breweries this afternoon. Saw 2-4 babies <1 year at each. Personally thought it was completely fine for them to be out but there were people around were definitely judging pretty hard.

I am very much not planning on having children in my lifetime because of their immense use of both time and fiscal resources, as well as their tendencies to come between people.

That being said, it would have been better to relay a polite message to the parents of said 9 month old that the party isn't a particularly appropriate setting for a baby, as it's very late and rather noisy, which have a high probability of disturbing the baby's sleep cycle and general mood.

I like hilariously impractical and obnoxiously loud cars, but that doesn't mean I'd show up to a funeral in a rattle canned Fiero GT with a muffler delete. There is a time and a place for everything, and a mature party with alcohol isn't really the place for a baby.

Picking your words carefully is important in life. If someone is about to make a poor decision, two responses saying a similar thing are "you berkeleying idiot!" and "are you really sure you want to carry through with this?" 99.9% of the time, the latter yields much better results.

In reply to G_Body_Man:

I find it interesting how people without children seem to know the most about child care.

I would not be particularly receptive to someone without children providing unsolicited advice about what is appropriate or not appropriate for my child.

It's the automotive equivalent of someone that has never driven a car, giving driving instructions to the guy that just finished his autocross run.

G_Body_Man wrote: I am very much not planning on having children in my lifetime because of their immense use of both time and fiscal resources, as well as their tendencies to come between people. That being said, it would have been better to relay a polite message to the parents of said 9 month old that the party isn't a particularly appropriate setting for a baby, as it's very late and rather noisy, which have a high probability of disturbing the baby's sleep cycle and general mood. I like hilariously impractical and obnoxiously loud cars, but that doesn't mean I'd show up to a funeral in a rattle canned Fiero GT with a muffler delete. There is a time and a place for everything, and a mature party with alcohol isn't really the place for a baby. Picking your words carefully is important in life. If someone is about to make a poor decision, two responses saying a similar thing are "you berkeleying idiot!" and "are you really sure you want to carry through with this?" 99.9% of the time, the latter yields much better results.

I disagree.

It is totally inappropriate to reach out to another invited guest (to somebody else's party) and tell them you think they shouldn't go.

It is, however, another great way to never be invited somewhere.

jstand wrote: In reply to G_Body_Man: I find it interesting how people without children seem to know the most about child care. I would not be particularly receptive to someone without children providing unsolicited advice about what is appropriate or not appropriate for my child. It's the automotive equivalent of someone that has never driven a car, giving driving instructions to the guy that just finished his autocross run.

And the OP never said anything about the other parents and/or how they raise their child. What he said was, if there is a baby there, it's not for me. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you invite me to an all you can eat sushi night, I'll pass, as it's not what I want to do with my time, I don't like sushi. Evan doesn't like kids and no amount of berating him will make him like your kid.

I have 0 interest in owning a Miata. No amount of "but it's a great car because..." will make me want to own one.

In reply to MDJeepGuy:

I'll agree with you, the OP never said anything about how they should raise their child, and I never said that he did.

Hence the reason why the post you quoted started with "In reply to G Body Man"

The post a few above that one was where I stated my opinion about the OPs situation.